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Picking

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2017 at 8:06 AM
  • 6 Replies

My 14 year old is driving me crazy! He has a problem with picking on clothes, shoes, sofas, curtains etc. I  just bought him two new pairs of shoes on Sunday and he already ripped one of the shoes because he was picking. He has a real problem with this. We have tried to get help many times and they say give him  something else to do with his hands or something it is okay to pick on which hasn't helped much.

This is a real problem for him and not something he wants to do. How would you react to this? Should he be in trouble? Should he have to pay for getting another pair of shoes?

I let him pick out the shoes and he said he wanted both pairs I bought him. I am so tired of this and I feel bad for him.

Any advice would be appreciated.

by on Aug. 17, 2017 at 8:06 AM
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Replies (1-6):
Givemefive
by Member on Aug. 17, 2017 at 8:07 AM

bump

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Aug. 17, 2017 at 8:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Its a self stim to manage his anxiety which feels relaxing to him. He must feel very anxious right now (school, transition).
I agree with finding something else to do with his hands that fills that selfstim behavior.
Could you look on line for selfstim hand ideas (ooooh lol, that may get you porn! Lol) anyway, just other ideas may help him find a replacement behavior.

Since its about managing anxiety I dont thonk a punishment will work.
ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Aug. 17, 2017 at 8:30 AM

Can you keep his nails cut extremely short so that it takes longer for the picking to cause damage? I'd follow him around all day and see if there's anything specific happening right before he picks. Is it anxiety? Is it boredom? And try to come up with a solution based on the reason. Is he only doing this to new things? Did he have an old pair of shoes that were already torn up he could keep just to pick at when he needs to? I'm wondering how zoned out he is when he does it. My dad actually scratches the furniture sometimes and is unaware of it. Drives my mom crazy. It doesn't destroy anything but he stops when she points it out so he's not even realizing he does it :/      If your son is really completely unaware when he does it, I'm not sure what the solution is other than having a designated "zone out" area. A chair you may tack fabric swatches on and whenever he sits there he can just be and if he picks, that's fine. But if he sits anywhere else he knows he can't completely zone out, he needs to pay attention to what he's doing. 

sunshinepraying
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2017 at 1:51 PM

My son has that problem as well, except he also picks his skin whenever he has a cut or anything like that..to the point it bleeds and ends up scaring. I've been told the same as you - find soemthing to keep his hands busy... it hasn't helped. We have tried rewarding when he can go a time without picking..that has helped temporarily at least. Although he does eventually go back to the picking. We have also taken things away. Again, it might stop him temporarily, but not for very long. I would try having him pay whenver he does it.. or doing a reward system that he can get the shoes or clothes he wants when he can stop picking what he currently has. I don't know if it would work, but it's worth a try.

mamamedic69
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2017 at 10:34 PM

My dd has an issue like that but she picks her lips. I was told to find her something else to do and it hasn't worked much. 

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