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I just want to start over!

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:16 AM
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when we got our land it was the most miraculous and exciting time in our life. Hope for all our life's wishes. I feel so overwhelmed with failure and unhappiness in our home. I wish we could begin again and do it all right and fight for what we want. I feel like because we were in a jam when we got here that we allowed things that we didn't necessarily want. There's been a snowball effect of things that I feel were sinking in it now. Too hard to shovel out of.  I look at the classifieds all the time and see these beautiful homes, but it would be dumb to move because we have no mortgage here. Just wishful thinking i guess. I know I'm not making sense to anyone unless you remember my backstory! Sorry!  Just a morning vent!

by on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Kjl620
by Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 8:41 AM
Making the best of difficult situations is so hard!
baconbits
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2017 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

You have to start clearing the junk out one step at a time. First off would be to stop looking at all those classifieds. At work someone always brings in these magazines you can buy gorgeous clothes from that cost a fortune. I used to look at them all the time and grew very unhappy with them and in the process didn't do anything about my clothes because I couldn't afford THOSE clothes. In the process my wardrobe went down hill and pretty soon I was wearing clothes to work that were stained, tiny tears, out of fashion, etc. Then one day I said enough. I stopped looking at the magazines, cleared everything out of my closet that was old, torn, didn't fit right, don't like, etc and got rid of them. I then made a list of what I wanted/needed. Then when I went to a yard sale, Goodwill, etc. I started buying nice clothes to wear to work again. Gradually I have built my wardrobe up to what I want and it didn't cost an arm and a leg and I now look nice and professional again.

We're doing this with our home as well. One room at a time. It may be a coat of paint, ceiling fixed, carpet shampooed, etc but if that's all we can do then we're happy. We've went thru rooms one at a time and gotten rid of lots of clutter that we've sold or given away and are much happier. This has even expanded into the animals, gardens, etc. I loved having the bees but the last few years have been hard and we've lost all our bees every year for 3 years during the winter months. We decided we're going to take a break this year, clean things up and decide if we want to try again in another year. We got rid of our English Bulldog because he took up a lot of time that no one wanted to give him (which wasn't fair to him!), chickens are cut down to 24 and this spring it will go down to 18, calves are going from 3 a year down to 2. I'm tearing out all but 2 small flower gardens, etc. We're looking at getting back to a simple life where we can actually spend time having fun with the family while still living "back on the farm".

You can't start from scratch but you can start from where you are. Make a list of what you want changed. What you can eliminate. If I remember right you wanted to be living totally off the grid eventually. Maybe you need to scale this back for awhile. Sure it would be nice to not have an electric bill but I'm also realistic that if I want to spend more time with family when I'm off work then I can't spend several hours doing laundry by hand and hanging it all on the line. Instead I use my washer and line dry the heavier things and dryer for the rest. It's a time saver that I feel is better for the family because we have more time together and I'm not always tired from working 14 - 16 hours a day. At one point I figured out that's what I was doing 6 days a week with Sunday being a lighter day but still doing to much work. Now I put in my 8 - 9 hours at work and go home. We do some work around the house and then around 7 or 8 we stop and have fun together. I know that you also homeschool your children which is something I could never do so you have that additional burden on you. You may enjoy doing it but perhaps you need to take a step back and say is this best for the kids right now?

There are no right or wrong answers but sit down and make a list and then prioritize things. If you have a trash pile outside that has been driving you nuts then take it on with the family. You can do anything. Every woman is strong it's just that sometimes we need to step back and see where we got off track and see how we can get back on. It's not an overnight process but it feels good when you get back on track and start seeing process again.


Roisin07
by Cynthia on Jan. 19, 2017 at 1:58 PM

Yes, I agree with all of this. And gives perspective. I think I get discouraged too because me and DH talk extensively about our goals etc a least once a year and idk, it seems to end with the talk. We want the same things, but how to get there is always the differences. I get real motivated after these discussions but seem to be the only one then give up. My priorities are very different as well so it don't help our end goals. I feel like I end up giving up until I get anxious about it again!

thanks for the advice. I'll be making up some lists that I know I can accomplish. I just can't give up!

Quoting baconbits:

You have to start clearing the junk out one step at a time. First off would be to stop looking at all those classifieds. At work someone always brings in these magazines you can buy gorgeous clothes from that cost a fortune. I used to look at them all the time and grew very unhappy with them and in the process didn't do anything about my clothes because I couldn't afford THOSE clothes. In the process my wardrobe went down hill and pretty soon I was wearing clothes to work that were stained, tiny tears, out of fashion, etc. Then one day I said enough. I stopped looking at the magazines, cleared everything out of my closet that was old, torn, didn't fit right, don't like, etc and got rid of them. I then made a list of what I wanted/needed. Then when I went to a yard sale, Goodwill, etc. I started buying nice clothes to wear to work again. Gradually I have built my wardrobe up to what I want and it didn't cost an arm and a leg and I now look nice and professional again.

We're doing this with our home as well. One room at a time. It may be a coat of paint, ceiling fixed, carpet shampooed, etc but if that's all we can do then we're happy. We've went thru rooms one at a time and gotten rid of lots of clutter that we've sold or given away and are much happier. This has even expanded into the animals, gardens, etc. I loved having the bees but the last few years have been hard and we've lost all our bees every year for 3 years during the winter months. We decided we're going to take a break this year, clean things up and decide if we want to try again in another year. We got rid of our English Bulldog because he took up a lot of time that no one wanted to give him (which wasn't fair to him!), chickens are cut down to 24 and this spring it will go down to 18, calves are going from 3 a year down to 2. I'm tearing out all but 2 small flower gardens, etc. We're looking at getting back to a simple life where we can actually spend time having fun with the family while still living "back on the farm".

You can't start from scratch but you can start from where you are. Make a list of what you want changed. What you can eliminate. If I remember right you wanted to be living totally off the grid eventually. Maybe you need to scale this back for awhile. Sure it would be nice to not have an electric bill but I'm also realistic that if I want to spend more time with family when I'm off work then I can't spend several hours doing laundry by hand and hanging it all on the line. Instead I use my washer and line dry the heavier things and dryer for the rest. It's a time saver that I feel is better for the family because we have more time together and I'm not always tired from working 14 - 16 hours a day. At one point I figured out that's what I was doing 6 days a week with Sunday being a lighter day but still doing to much work. Now I put in my 8 - 9 hours at work and go home. We do some work around the house and then around 7 or 8 we stop and have fun together. I know that you also homeschool your children which is something I could never do so you have that additional burden on you. You may enjoy doing it but perhaps you need to take a step back and say is this best for the kids right now?

There are no right or wrong answers but sit down and make a list and then prioritize things. If you have a trash pile outside that has been driving you nuts then take it on with the family. You can do anything. Every woman is strong it's just that sometimes we need to step back and see where we got off track and see how we can get back on. It's not an overnight process but it feels good when you get back on track and start seeing process again.


baconbits
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2017 at 3:57 PM

Take just one small thing off your list and get it done. Then hit up the next and so on. If you ever feel like sharing what all is getting you down we might be able to help more.

Quoting Roisin07:

Yes, I agree with all of this. And gives perspective. I think I get discouraged too because me and DH talk extensively about our goals etc a least once a year and idk, it seems to end with the talk. We want the same things, but how to get there is always the differences. I get real motivated after these discussions but seem to be the only one then give up. My priorities are very different as well so it don't help our end goals. I feel like I end up giving up until I get anxious about it again!

thanks for the advice. I'll be making up some lists that I know I can accomplish. I just can't give up!

Quoting baconbits:

You have to start clearing the junk out one step at a time. First off would be to stop looking at all those classifieds. At work someone always brings in these magazines you can buy gorgeous clothes from that cost a fortune. I used to look at them all the time and grew very unhappy with them and in the process didn't do anything about my clothes because I couldn't afford THOSE clothes. In the process my wardrobe went down hill and pretty soon I was wearing clothes to work that were stained, tiny tears, out of fashion, etc. Then one day I said enough. I stopped looking at the magazines, cleared everything out of my closet that was old, torn, didn't fit right, don't like, etc and got rid of them. I then made a list of what I wanted/needed. Then when I went to a yard sale, Goodwill, etc. I started buying nice clothes to wear to work again. Gradually I have built my wardrobe up to what I want and it didn't cost an arm and a leg and I now look nice and professional again.

We're doing this with our home as well. One room at a time. It may be a coat of paint, ceiling fixed, carpet shampooed, etc but if that's all we can do then we're happy. We've went thru rooms one at a time and gotten rid of lots of clutter that we've sold or given away and are much happier. This has even expanded into the animals, gardens, etc. I loved having the bees but the last few years have been hard and we've lost all our bees every year for 3 years during the winter months. We decided we're going to take a break this year, clean things up and decide if we want to try again in another year. We got rid of our English Bulldog because he took up a lot of time that no one wanted to give him (which wasn't fair to him!), chickens are cut down to 24 and this spring it will go down to 18, calves are going from 3 a year down to 2. I'm tearing out all but 2 small flower gardens, etc. We're looking at getting back to a simple life where we can actually spend time having fun with the family while still living "back on the farm".

You can't start from scratch but you can start from where you are. Make a list of what you want changed. What you can eliminate. If I remember right you wanted to be living totally off the grid eventually. Maybe you need to scale this back for awhile. Sure it would be nice to not have an electric bill but I'm also realistic that if I want to spend more time with family when I'm off work then I can't spend several hours doing laundry by hand and hanging it all on the line. Instead I use my washer and line dry the heavier things and dryer for the rest. It's a time saver that I feel is better for the family because we have more time together and I'm not always tired from working 14 - 16 hours a day. At one point I figured out that's what I was doing 6 days a week with Sunday being a lighter day but still doing to much work. Now I put in my 8 - 9 hours at work and go home. We do some work around the house and then around 7 or 8 we stop and have fun together. I know that you also homeschool your children which is something I could never do so you have that additional burden on you. You may enjoy doing it but perhaps you need to take a step back and say is this best for the kids right now?

There are no right or wrong answers but sit down and make a list and then prioritize things. If you have a trash pile outside that has been driving you nuts then take it on with the family. You can do anything. Every woman is strong it's just that sometimes we need to step back and see where we got off track and see how we can get back on. It's not an overnight process but it feels good when you get back on track and start seeing process again.


Roisin07
by Cynthia on Jan. 20, 2017 at 7:09 AM

Me and DH actually had another discussion last night about all this. We have a friend DH works with that has offered his help in building. So hoping he'll truly take him up on his offer. This guy is a tiny house kind of guy. He built his own. So he's right up our ally. I told DH about some of my ideas that we need to get in place and I'm just going to stay on top of him to work on them. I think if we begin building as soon as the weather breaks and start gettin some plans in order I'll feel better. I just want to see what we are wanting to begin happening. We have to work towards our goals instead of talking about them.

jody230
by Member on Jan. 20, 2017 at 8:36 AM

Great advice Baconbits. 

I know with me I can easily over do it on the goals. I'll make a list of 15 things I know I can't possible get done in a summer, then I'll freeze on doig any of them. I'm trying to prioritize my list and break it down into small doable parts.

This year my goal was to take 1 room at a time, purge the things we don't need, do any fixing touches to the room (touch up paint, pull up carpet, install the trim that has been in the basement for 2 years), anything that costs real money. (new windows, etc) gets added to the 'when we have extra money' list. I have been waiting to fix the big things before tackling the little, this year I realized I'd probably be happier and feel like things are getting done if I concentrate on what I can do/afford now.

I'm also keeping a list of what we'v accomplished, so when I get discouraged that things are not getting done, I can look back and see how much we have accomplished.

baconbits
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2017 at 10:47 AM

One way that I was able to get some of the bigger things to fix up the house was to ask for help with them as Christmas/Birthday presents. One year different family members gave me money toward my carpet in the family room as a Christmas present that I was in the process of remodeling. I checked lots of different places and ended up at a place that had enough left from another job that I was able to get it a lot cheaper if I went with it. It was actually from a church job so it was made to withstand lots of traffic/stains which is great with living on a farm.

I got my ceiling fans at a store that had them on clearance 1/2 off. I've looked for paint in the mistinted section and have gotten excellent paint that way. Actualy bought a 5 gallon bucket of green paint for my outside trim for $20! Since my roof is a green metal roof it looked great! Bathroom sink was a yard sale bargin for $5. Back bathroom was a matter of reusing the 2 x 4's from tearing out another area and cleaning and reusing the old sinks that were there. It's all about getting creative, using what you have, what others give you, etc. It has also involved a lot of hard work on my part as I ripped down plaster, put in the insulation (part from a tear down of another house I got for free!), etc. The few jobs I had to hire others to do were cheaper because I was willing to do sanding on the new walls, paint the primer & paint and reput up my trim. All they had to do was put up the new plaster board.

If you're looking for new windows consider keeping an eye out for auctions and house tear downs. I've seen brand new windows go for as little as $5 because no one wanted them. You just need to keep a list of sizes as well as other things you want with you at all times. Great auction site to check out is www.auctionzip.com. Type in your zip code and it will show you auctions in your area. Then you click on it and it will list what they have for sale as well as photos. It's not a complete list by any means but it's a great way to get some great deals. Just be aware and set a limit on each item you want or you could end up paying more then it costs brand new.

Quoting jody230:

Great advice Baconbits. 

I know with me I can easily over do it on the goals. I'll make a list of 15 things I know I can't possible get done in a summer, then I'll freeze on doig any of them. I'm trying to prioritize my list and break it down into small doable parts.

This year my goal was to take 1 room at a time, purge the things we don't need, do any fixing touches to the room (touch up paint, pull up carpet, install the trim that has been in the basement for 2 years), anything that costs real money. (new windows, etc) gets added to the 'when we have extra money' list. I have been waiting to fix the big things before tackling the little, this year I realized I'd probably be happier and feel like things are getting done if I concentrate on what I can do/afford now.

I'm also keeping a list of what we'v accomplished, so when I get discouraged that things are not getting done, I can look back and see how much we have accomplished.


jody230
by Member on Jan. 23, 2017 at 4:52 PM

I never heard of auctionzip, thanks! I looked them up, and there is a lot in my area. 

I do get a lot of things through yard sales, dumpster diving, resale shops, and of course stalking the clearance items at the box stores. 

I've also asked my mom for a day of help instead of birthday presents. (It ended up being a lot of fun for both of us). As far as other family members, my family is super small, and the only other handy person is my sister, but she lives 4 hours away. 

I know I can get a lot done if I just focus on the items I currently have, and stop waiting until I get everything I need fto start a room. (It might clear up some room in the basement too.)

Quoting baconbits:

One way that I was able to get some of the bigger things to fix up the house was to ask for help with them as Christmas/Birthday presents. One year different family members gave me money toward my carpet in the family room as a Christmas present that I was in the process of remodeling. I checked lots of different places and ended up at a place that had enough left from another job that I was able to get it a lot cheaper if I went with it. It was actually from a church job so it was made to withstand lots of traffic/stains which is great with living on a farm.

I got my ceiling fans at a store that had them on clearance 1/2 off. I've looked for paint in the mistinted section and have gotten excellent paint that way. Actualy bought a 5 gallon bucket of green paint for my outside trim for $20! Since my roof is a green metal roof it looked great! Bathroom sink was a yard sale bargin for $5. Back bathroom was a matter of reusing the 2 x 4's from tearing out another area and cleaning and reusing the old sinks that were there. It's all about getting creative, using what you have, what others give you, etc. It has also involved a lot of hard work on my part as I ripped down plaster, put in the insulation (part from a tear down of another house I got for free!), etc. The few jobs I had to hire others to do were cheaper because I was willing to do sanding on the new walls, paint the primer & paint and reput up my trim. All they had to do was put up the new plaster board.

If you're looking for new windows consider keeping an eye out for auctions and house tear downs. I've seen brand new windows go for as little as $5 because no one wanted them. You just need to keep a list of sizes as well as other things you want with you at all times. Great auction site to check out is www.auctionzip.com. Type in your zip code and it will show you auctions in your area. Then you click on it and it will list what they have for sale as well as photos. It's not a complete list by any means but it's a great way to get some great deals. Just be aware and set a limit on each item you want or you could end up paying more then it costs brand new.

Quoting jody230:

Great advice Baconbits. 

I know with me I can easily over do it on the goals. I'll make a list of 15 things I know I can't possible get done in a summer, then I'll freeze on doig any of them. I'm trying to prioritize my list and break it down into small doable parts.

This year my goal was to take 1 room at a time, purge the things we don't need, do any fixing touches to the room (touch up paint, pull up carpet, install the trim that has been in the basement for 2 years), anything that costs real money. (new windows, etc) gets added to the 'when we have extra money' list. I have been waiting to fix the big things before tackling the little, this year I realized I'd probably be happier and feel like things are getting done if I concentrate on what I can do/afford now.

I'm also keeping a list of what we'v accomplished, so when I get discouraged that things are not getting done, I can look back and see how much we have accomplished.


baconbits
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2017 at 10:13 AM

Remember that family isn't just the one you were born into. Even though I have a very large family I also have a church family, 4-H family and a family of friends. We have gotten together to help each other out and had bon fires, pizza party's, etc. after we were done and had a blast being together.

Just take it one thing at a time and you'd be amazed at how quickly things can get done. If you buy a new light fixture and don't plan on redoing the ceiling in the room then put it up! You'll be surprised at how quickly little things can change a room plus it helps to get the storage clutter out of the way.

Quoting jody230:

I never heard of auctionzip, thanks! I looked them up, and there is a lot in my area. 

I do get a lot of things through yard sales, dumpster diving, resale shops, and of course stalking the clearance items at the box stores. 

I've also asked my mom for a day of help instead of birthday presents. (It ended up being a lot of fun for both of us). As far as other family members, my family is super small, and the only other handy person is my sister, but she lives 4 hours away. 

I know I can get a lot done if I just focus on the items I currently have, and stop waiting until I get everything I need fto start a room. (It might clear up some room in the basement too.)

Quoting baconbits:

One way that I was able to get some of the bigger things to fix up the house was to ask for help with them as Christmas/Birthday presents. One year different family members gave me money toward my carpet in the family room as a Christmas present that I was in the process of remodeling. I checked lots of different places and ended up at a place that had enough left from another job that I was able to get it a lot cheaper if I went with it. It was actually from a church job so it was made to withstand lots of traffic/stains which is great with living on a farm.

I got my ceiling fans at a store that had them on clearance 1/2 off. I've looked for paint in the mistinted section and have gotten excellent paint that way. Actualy bought a 5 gallon bucket of green paint for my outside trim for $20! Since my roof is a green metal roof it looked great! Bathroom sink was a yard sale bargin for $5. Back bathroom was a matter of reusing the 2 x 4's from tearing out another area and cleaning and reusing the old sinks that were there. It's all about getting creative, using what you have, what others give you, etc. It has also involved a lot of hard work on my part as I ripped down plaster, put in the insulation (part from a tear down of another house I got for free!), etc. The few jobs I had to hire others to do were cheaper because I was willing to do sanding on the new walls, paint the primer & paint and reput up my trim. All they had to do was put up the new plaster board.

If you're looking for new windows consider keeping an eye out for auctions and house tear downs. I've seen brand new windows go for as little as $5 because no one wanted them. You just need to keep a list of sizes as well as other things you want with you at all times. Great auction site to check out is www.auctionzip.com. Type in your zip code and it will show you auctions in your area. Then you click on it and it will list what they have for sale as well as photos. It's not a complete list by any means but it's a great way to get some great deals. Just be aware and set a limit on each item you want or you could end up paying more then it costs brand new.

Quoting jody230:

Great advice Baconbits. 

I know with me I can easily over do it on the goals. I'll make a list of 15 things I know I can't possible get done in a summer, then I'll freeze on doig any of them. I'm trying to prioritize my list and break it down into small doable parts.

This year my goal was to take 1 room at a time, purge the things we don't need, do any fixing touches to the room (touch up paint, pull up carpet, install the trim that has been in the basement for 2 years), anything that costs real money. (new windows, etc) gets added to the 'when we have extra money' list. I have been waiting to fix the big things before tackling the little, this year I realized I'd probably be happier and feel like things are getting done if I concentrate on what I can do/afford now.

I'm also keeping a list of what we'v accomplished, so when I get discouraged that things are not getting done, I can look back and see how much we have accomplished.



oldfashionSAHM
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2017 at 1:05 PM

your so right don't window shop!!! window shopping is horrible. I stopped window shopping and my WANT for things i don't need has went down. If i say i would like something now a days hubs usually get it for me because i never get anything for myself. I usually only get needs. He got me a clearance sweater and cross stitch the other day. the sweater was because i only have one that my kids ha started wearing as well and instead of cranking up the heat i wear a sweater. and the cross stitch is so i can start making stuff again. I'm planning a pillow for one of the kids beds as a christmas present and the cross stitch is the main part of it.

most stuff i look at online now a days is homeschooling( which may start next week), recipes and DIY projects i want to work on. I have a high chair we got from a thrift store i still need to get cusions and vinyl for and i can redo it. i also need a stinsle of the batman sign for the vinyl (this will probably be a print off picture) the high chair only cost us $20, so much better than the ones today that are over $100.

Quoting baconbits:

You have to start clearing the junk out one step at a time. First off would be to stop looking at all those classifieds. At work someone always brings in these magazines you can buy gorgeous clothes from that cost a fortune. I used to look at them all the time and grew very unhappy with them and in the process didn't do anything about my clothes because I couldn't afford THOSE clothes. In the process my wardrobe went down hill and pretty soon I was wearing clothes to work that were stained, tiny tears, out of fashion, etc. Then one day I said enough. I stopped looking at the magazines, cleared everything out of my closet that was old, torn, didn't fit right, don't like, etc and got rid of them. I then made a list of what I wanted/needed. Then when I went to a yard sale, Goodwill, etc. I started buying nice clothes to wear to work again. Gradually I have built my wardrobe up to what I want and it didn't cost an arm and a leg and I now look nice and professional again.

We're doing this with our home as well. One room at a time. It may be a coat of paint, ceiling fixed, carpet shampooed, etc but if that's all we can do then we're happy. We've went thru rooms one at a time and gotten rid of lots of clutter that we've sold or given away and are much happier. This has even expanded into the animals, gardens, etc. I loved having the bees but the last few years have been hard and we've lost all our bees every year for 3 years during the winter months. We decided we're going to take a break this year, clean things up and decide if we want to try again in another year. We got rid of our English Bulldog because he took up a lot of time that no one wanted to give him (which wasn't fair to him!), chickens are cut down to 24 and this spring it will go down to 18, calves are going from 3 a year down to 2. I'm tearing out all but 2 small flower gardens, etc. We're looking at getting back to a simple life where we can actually spend time having fun with the family while still living "back on the farm".

You can't start from scratch but you can start from where you are. Make a list of what you want changed. What you can eliminate. If I remember right you wanted to be living totally off the grid eventually. Maybe you need to scale this back for awhile. Sure it would be nice to not have an electric bill but I'm also realistic that if I want to spend more time with family when I'm off work then I can't spend several hours doing laundry by hand and hanging it all on the line. Instead I use my washer and line dry the heavier things and dryer for the rest. It's a time saver that I feel is better for the family because we have more time together and I'm not always tired from working 14 - 16 hours a day. At one point I figured out that's what I was doing 6 days a week with Sunday being a lighter day but still doing to much work. Now I put in my 8 - 9 hours at work and go home. We do some work around the house and then around 7 or 8 we stop and have fun together. I know that you also homeschool your children which is something I could never do so you have that additional burden on you. You may enjoy doing it but perhaps you need to take a step back and say is this best for the kids right now?

There are no right or wrong answers but sit down and make a list and then prioritize things. If you have a trash pile outside that has been driving you nuts then take it on with the family. You can do anything. Every woman is strong it's just that sometimes we need to step back and see where we got off track and see how we can get back on. It's not an overnight process but it feels good when you get back on track and start seeing process again.


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