Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

am i doing the right thing for my daughter?(kinda long sorry)

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 12:54 AM
  • 5 Replies
  • 343 Total Views
To make a very long story short my daughter's father has never really been in her life. He wasn't there for me throughout the pregnacy and really hasn't been there for her since she was born. I broke things off with him when I was about 4 months along because I got tired of always having to do things his way or it was no way. He's one that has to have control and if he doesn't its no way is it gonna happen. He hasn't even paid his court order child support either and he wants me to hand her over to him when he knows NOTHING about her or her routine.

So about 3 weeks ago I get this email demanding that he gets her from 10:30am on Friday to 6:30pm on Sunday. Ok eventually I'm sure she's gonna go every other weekend but right now I don't see that as resonable. I'm still nursing her and she doesn't take to a bottle very well and won't take to formula. So I told him no and offered other suggestions. Well he doesn't respond until late this afternoon demanding things again. Threating things and saying I'm denying him the time to bond with her alone. I should also mention that I have never denyed him to come over and visit with her whenever he has asked. We have set up days and times that he can come over and visit with her and he can't show up. He comes up with excuse after excuse as to why he can't come see her. He hasn't seen her now since the 14th of january and he expects me to just hand her over to him.

Does he have rights..yes he does but he doesn't have the right to bully me and threaten me to do things. She is reaching that stranger danger stage where if she doesn't know you she will scream espcially if you are a man. It happened with my younger brother who lives out of state. He came home for a visit and all he said was hello and she started to cry cuz she didn't know him. She will do the same thing with her father espcially if he takes her to some place she's not comfortable in and mommys not there.

I don't feel comfortable handing my daughter over to someone who is a stranger. Would u just hand your daughter over to someone who is virtually a stranger? Am I denying her the right to know her father? I don't know but what I do know is that my gut instinct is screaming to not let her go. I don't trust him with her and I don't know if he will take care of her. That's another thing he told me that I don't have the right to know where she will be sleeping or being taken care of just that she is with me is all I need to know. I also have this strong feeling that if I let her go I will not get her back. There is something off with this man and I don't want my daughter to pay the price or become another statstic on the news cuz he couldn't handle her when she crys!

So amy I being paranoid here or just over protective. I don't want to let her go this Saturday. Am I doing this for addisons best intrests or not? I so don't want to lose my happy little baby because of not listening to my gut instinct!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 12:54 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
MOMMY2MADDYNARI
by New Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:21 AM

Yes I think you are. My dd's "dad" has been the same way, and is basically a stranger to her. I would not just hand her over to him ever. He has seen her about 4-5 times since she was born, and she will be 18 months tomorrow. You are playing it safe and doing what is best fr your daughter. If he really wanted to see her and spend time with her then he would come over to your house to be with her. He is just trying to scare you and make you feel guilty. You have nothing to feel bad about though, you have been there from day one providing for her and tending to her every need just as I have been for my daughter. I would say go through the court and get an order in place before you do ever let him take her because if you don't and he does end up taking her, and doesn't bring her back there' s nothing they can do and you might lose her for good. Good luck hun!

jenniferj1978
by New Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:55 AM
Did u take her father to court or did you wait and let him take her and let him pay for all the fees?

I just don't want to let her go with a complete stranger and make her miserable in the process.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MOMMY2MADDYNARI
by New Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:21 PM

The state did a paternity test and named him the father and put an order for cs. Then we had a hearing for the cs and for residential provisions. I have full custody of her and he  has no visitation rights unless he goes back to court and puts a motion in for visitation. I don't blame you one bit I wouldn't let her go either even though he's her father. He's like a complete stranger and he can't just expect you to hand her over when he knows nothing about her or her schedule. Good luck hun

Quoting jenniferj1978:

Did u take her father to court or did you wait and let him take her and let him pay for all the fees?

I just don't want to let her go with a complete stranger and make her miserable in the process.

 

jenniferj1978
by New Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:02 PM
That's kind of what happened with us. There is a cs order in place and he has visitation if we agree upon it and if we don't agree then the disagreeing party can take it back to court. I don't fore see that happening but you never know. He hasn't paid his cs either so he's the one in contempt there.
I've decided that I'm not gonna let her go. He will more than likely get mad but I'm doing it in her best intrest. I'm not handing her over to a stranger even if he is her father. If he really wanted to be a part of her life he would have made a better effort. Imo
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
vboyde
by on Feb. 10, 2011 at 1:38 PM

Good for you momma! stick to your guns, I definately think you are doing the right thing!!!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)