Pregnant and Pondering adoption with my boyfriend.

Hi Tara,

It sounds like you and your boyfriend have some very difficult decisions to make. I know there are a lot of wonderful families out there looking to adopt if you choose that route. We are a loving family hoping to adopt. Please feel free to visit our webpage at www.georgiadogs.homestead.com

or just email me at georgiadogs8@optonline.net

Best of luck with your difficult choices.

Sincerely,

Rachel

Tara,

I am an adoptive mother so I will give you this advice...

1. Don't make any decisions now.

2. Adoption is forever... you WILL experience loss and grief... as well as the infant

3. You NEED to speak with some first moms so that you have an accurate picture of what adoption is truly like.

4. You also NEED to speak with some adult adoptees and get their perspectives.

5. It is imperative that you know all the laws in your state.

6 Do not allow any adoption attorney or agency coerce you into relinquishing this child.

7. This has to be your decision...not theirs. Many will lay a guilt trip on you so thick that you will not be able to thnk of anything but relinquishing.

8. It is very possible for you to parent this child. Many first moms have relinquished their rights  because they didn't think that they could parent and then realize later that they could have done so.

9. This is not something that you will ever get over. You will remember this baby and think of this baby for the rest of your life.

10. IF you decide to place your child... look into an open adoption plan. Keep in mind that open adoptions are not legally enforceable and they can close at any moment without any advance notice.

 Good luck to you!

Claire... adoptive mommy to Lilly- 3.5 yrs old- home from China 4/14/07 and bio mommy to Karli.. 1 yr old today

There are many different ways to do an adoption- you can call an agency, attorney, when you tell people you are making an adoption plan they may know someone who is looking to adopt, talking to your priest/minister and even family members.  Some people look for families online. 

The family would need to complete a homestudy.  The homestudy looks at finances, health, and parenting styles.  Yes, your baby will be taken care of, but realize that adoptive parents are human also.  They fight, argue, get divorce, and even die unexpectly.

I don't know what type of support you are looking for but you should receive counseling.  You actually can get counseling from a  pregnancy center or rigth to life center before you involve an potential adoptive family.  Through counseling, you should look at parenting and the resources available to you.  You should also talk to other birthmothers who have already placed a child for adoption.  Some expectant parents receive help with living expenses but that depends on where you live and what the state law allows.

Take care,

we spoke with our birthmother and she said she can talk to you if you would like

Hi, Tara.

I agree with the other posters. Adoption is definitely a hard decision. I believe that everyone here would caution you to take your time in making any decision. There are so many people out here to support you no matter your decision. I can second the suggestion for counseling. It can be very helpful to talk to a professional, as well as other mothers and adoptive parents that have gone through this journey.

These days you can choose your baby's adoptive parents. You can choose to develop and continue a relationship with them throughout your child's life. With an open adoption arrangement, with the right adoptive parents - you can have as much or as little interaction throughout your child's life.

I commend you on wanting to continue with your education. That is important and will serve you well throughout the course of your life.

I just wanted to let you know that there's a listening ear here for anything you might want to discuss. Everyone here wants only the best for you, your boyfriend and your baby.

Crystal

Tara,

One of the best books (phamplets) I can direct you to is called "Given In Love".  It addresses many issues you will face as you make one of the most difficult decisions in your life. 

Find out the laws in your state, what is required - Nevada requires a Licensed Child Placing Agency to be involved in all non-relative placements.  They should provide counseling and help you look at all of your options: parenting, placing for adoption, or a family member caring for or adopting your child.

Take your time in making decisions.  You can not sign relinquishment documents prior to the birth of your child.  You can talk to professionals, family members, friends and clergy abiout your options.

I am an adoption professional and know it's a hard road ahead as you make your decisions.

Tracie Brown

Hello,

I agree with the other answers, speak to an adoption lawyer and get all the info you can. Yes, we are an adoptive couple and adopted our daughter earlier this year but without all the info we would have never known how to go about the process.

Take all your options and info and discuss with your boyfriend and having a support system is great as well!

Now that we moved from one state to another, we are also looking for information since we are home certified but the state laws are different from the first time we adopted.

Lisa

Hi,

I am glad you are asking questions so that you can make the best decision for your precious little one! Both Coby's Family Services and Morning Star Pregnancy Services have resources, such as counseling, and assistance with whichever decision you and your boyfriend would choose.

www.cobys.net and www.morningstarpregnancyservices.org

My husband and I are trying to adopt an infant through cobys, and if you and your boyfriend decide on that route, please feel free to contact me further!

I will be praying for all three of you!

Blessings,

Mary