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I guess I am venting...and telling my situation (all at once)

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 10:36 AM
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As you all know from the introduction, my mom passed away from lung cancer October 12, 2010.  It was a rough time for me, sometimes I am ready to face the situation, sometimes it is better I bury it.  But the wound is still fresh.  I never considered joining a group for mother's without mom's, but yesterday while looking at new groups, this one showed up, and I thought, maybe it would be good for me, to be in a group, where people understand the pain.  So I will tell you my situation now, and the stress it causes me.

My family was pretty close.  We all have our issues ofcourse.  My son had surgery a few weeks after he was born, and my husband and I decided to sell our house in KY and move back to NYC (so we could pay our bills).  My auntie bought a larger house so we could all have an apartment.  But living with family is not always the best option in the world.  I felt indebted to my aunt, and she had a way of reminding me about the house (whether she realized it or not).  My mom always told me to ignore her (they had a rough life, they lost their mother at around 4 and then their dad at around 14.  There was my mom, and 2 aunties (mom was like 19 months older, and the 2 aunties were twins).  My aunties are very opinionated, and I guess are the matriarchs of the family.  Anyway, my aunties don't like my dad (and trust me, there are reasons from the past, but he has tried to change).  And my aunt doesn't like my husband, for actually no real reason accept she says he is a bad father, and lazy etc.  He isn't a bad father, he just didn't have a clue what to do with a baby.  but my mom always told me to ignore them, she would stand up to her sisters ofcourse (mom and I know that the aunts mean well a lot of times but just don't get it).  After mom got sick, things got rough, my husband had already signed a contract for the army and I knew he was going to leave soon (it was necessary for our family).  My brother (who is 28 and in the FDNY) had a rough time too when mom got sick, but he did try.  Everyone did what they could, mom was the glue of the family.  My brother and I knew that when we lost our mom, we would lose our dad as well.

I will fast forward to October, my husband left for the army 2 days before my mom passed away.  It was a hard time for me.  All my aunt has done since then is complain from sun up to sun down about my father.  The conversation usually starts with "your father is so stupid".  It is very hard and my brother and I have confronted the situation and talked to our other aunt.  But she doesn't stop.  It gets to the point my brother and I run in the other direction when we see her.  We know our father's down falls, we know he isn't perfect (hell far from it) but let's not throw it in our face every day of our lives.  To top off that issue, my dad seems to "have a crush on" my other aunt.  He has a drinking problem, though he tries to control it (yes, he is an alcoholic).  Most times he hasn't drank since my mom passed, but we know he sometimes does.  One time he was so drunk he was saying "I love katie" (my aunt), this was maybe a month after my mom died.  The pain of that moment, I felt my heart being ripped out.  I haven't mentioned this to anyone but my husband.  My dad took off his wedding ring also maybe a month after my mom passed (he wears it around his neck, and mom picked that out when she was sick).  He just cleaned out all of her items, and that was a hard thing too becuase he didn't ask if we wanted anything he threw it into a box.  I don't worry about him and my auntie getting together becuase she can't stand him.  My aunties help me because they promised my mom they would.  It is just a rough time.  And it sits in the pit of my stomach.  I would talk to my dad, but that isn't an option.   Dad and I have a very rocky relationship, he gets defensive if I speak, and I have learned it better not to speak too much to him about things that will irritate him.

There are other issues, but these are the ones that are the hardest to deal with.  I walked out of a family dinner yesterday because my auntie (the one that always says my dad is stupid) and my dad were arguing over something stupid, and I couldn't take it anymore.  I don't want my son seeing this.  I will move in a few months, and I am ready to be free.  I worry what will eventually happen when I move out, what will happen to my dad, but I can't worry about him anymore, he has to learn to help himself. 

Sorry so so long, I just needed a place to vent, and maybe letting it out will help me get passed it.  Thanks :)

by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 10:36 AM
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Replies (1-4):
mamadismay
by Group Owner on Mar. 28, 2011 at 2:29 PM

You're right when you say that you need to stop worrying about your dad. Because in the long run all it's going to do is hinder your ability to move forward with your life. I am sorry your aunt is so mean. I hope things get better for you and maybe one day you might have a better relationship with your dad and aunts.

Tam_and_Fam
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 4:32 PM


Quoting mamadismay:

You're right when you say that you need to stop worrying about your dad. Because in the long run all it's going to do is hinder your ability to move forward with your life. I am sorry your aunt is so mean. I hope things get better for you and maybe one day you might have a better relationship with your dad and aunts.


thank you.  I am doing my best to learn to move forward and not get "stuck" by other people.  I also think venting does help too :).

Serenity_Angel
by New Member on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:55 PM

 I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with gnat clouds in my family.  I'm sorry your aunt is acting like that. :( I know how bad that is.

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Tam_and_Fam
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 8:41 AM


Quoting Serenity_Angel:

 I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with gnat clouds in my family.  I'm sorry your aunt is acting like that. :( I know how bad that is.

sometimes it does help knowing that there are other disfunctions out there.  I think it helps us to feel less isolated sometimes and that the world really isn't against us, just feels like it sometimes.  And I am sorry also for your "gnat cloud".

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