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am I doing something wrong?

Posted by on May. 10, 2011 at 3:37 PM
  • 10 Replies

I feel like my kids are naughty.

my dd is 4.5. She loves doing schoolwork. Is learning to write her name, numbers, and the alphabet. I have tried in the past to teach her the abc's. The first time, I got to the letter "e" and she lost interest. now I started back at "a" and we are on "d" but she insists its a "b". we do cut-outs of the letter, think of things that begin with said letter, etc. I am not sure how much she is absorbing.

My youngest is 2.5, and yes, she tries to get all the attention. i occupy her with puzzles, etc.

But, my older dd will do good, then all of a sudden, she is sitting on the table. I am wondering if its too soon to *think* my kids have ADD or ADHD. DH has this, among other stuff and I wonder if theyr are going thru a phase.

IDK, my dd, Vanessa, is highly emotional! I have even thought that maybe she shows signs of ODD...

just for clarification-------I AM NOT ONE TO LABEL, AND LABELS MEAN NOTHING REALLY TO ME...

its just that i have looked up on her emotional outbursts etc. she cries easily, is easily offended, (like if i correct her behavior she will scream, and run to her room saying nobody loves her)


I have 1 boy, who is 10, and he is pretty mellow compared to my girls, a little emotional as well, but not too much.

so, is just a gender difference here or what?


should I lay back on teaching her?

she is the one who will  go get her books and say its  school time

she loves to learn, but Im not sure if she is retaining alot.

she was also "late" to speak, according to the doc, who wanted her to see a speech therapist, but i worked with her at home, and eventually she started to speak.


*I know I'm a princess,for my father is King of Kings* I am a momma to 3 blessed angels on earth, and 1 in heaven, gave my heart to my high school sweetheart,daughter to 2 great parents, sister to 2 wonderful brothers, catholic, pro life,strongwilled,goal driven,advocate for my kids,pet loving woman of God

by on May. 10, 2011 at 3:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
poohbear1183
by on May. 11, 2011 at 12:39 AM

My dr is having my DD who will be 1 on the 21st. they come to my home and basically just play games with her and try to get her to imitate them.  I thinkit is a waste of time. i think it is okay that she is quiet when her sisiter is around. She is quite loud. How old was your child when they had concerns?

EddiesGirl8400
by on May. 11, 2011 at 9:16 AM
She was I *think* closer to 18 months...and she could communicate, just not with words. She understood every thing said to her, she just had a small vocabulary. Then one day...BAM! vanessa was speaking...so I just think sometimes its her personality,because she is the kind of kid who will shut down if not approached a certain way.


Quoting poohbear1183:

My dr is having my DD who will be 1 on the 21st. they come to my home and basically just play games with her and try to get her to imitate them.  I thinkit is a waste of time. i think it is okay that she is quiet when her sisiter is around. She is quite loud. How old was your child when they had concerns?


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MommaChell
by on May. 11, 2011 at 9:31 AM

I don't have any personal experience with any of the conditions you mentioned in your post, but I have experienced some of the situations and behaviors you shared about with my own kids. I don't believe anything you mentioned suggests that you're daughter has anything but the heart and will of a child. Children don't naturally come by self-control or selflessness, they are extremely impressionable, and they are constantly building on their understanding of things and testing their boundaries (especially with adults); everyday is a new learning adventure for them! In my experince with girls specifically, it seems they are naturally inclined to be dramatic and think they know best/want their own way. I believe with any child you will experience times when they will do something unexpected or inappropriate. With my children (my DD specifically), some days structured lessons are fine and other days she wants to do her own thing. I use to think often that my kids weren't focusing enough to soak in what I was trying to cover with them, over time I've learned that they simply process things in their own ways. Look for opportunities to incorporate what you're covering with them outside of school time; bath time, playing, shows, etc. Know that you can not teach ANYONE anything, you can only help them discover things for themselves and keep in mind that you and your children are all learning together, so try not to be to hard on them or yourself. Keep diligent, keep seeking wisdom & understanding, and practice patience in all things. The most important thing you can do is instill in them the love of learning, if they soak in that alone you have done your job well. Proverbs 16:3- Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Your children have their whole lives to learn, focus on enjoying all you do with them.

EddiesGirl8400
by on May. 11, 2011 at 11:33 AM
Thank you for this uplifting response. She is very bright, I am just being a parent, and being afraid of all the "what-ifs"


Quoting MommaChell:

I don't have any personal experience with any of the conditions you mentioned in your post, but I have experienced some of the situations and behaviors you shared about with my own kids. I don't believe anything you mentioned suggests that you're daughter has anything but the heart and will of a child. Children don't naturally come by self-control or selflessness, they are extremely impressionable, and they are constantly building on their understanding of things and testing their boundaries (especially with adults); everyday is a new learning adventure for them! In my experince with girls specifically, it seems they are naturally inclined to be dramatic and think they know best/want their own way. I believe with any child you will experience times when they will do something unexpected or inappropriate. With my children (my DD specifically), some days structured lessons are fine and other days she wants to do her own thing. I use to think often that my kids weren't focusing enough to soak in what I was trying to cover with them, over time I've learned that they simply process things in their own ways. Look for opportunities to incorporate what you're covering with them outside of school time; bath time, playing, shows, etc. Know that you can not teach ANYONE anything, you can only help them discover things for themselves and keep in mind that you and your children are all learning together, so try not to be to hard on them or yourself. Keep diligent, keep seeking wisdom & understanding, and practice patience in all things. The most important thing you can do is instill in them the love of learning, if they soak in that alone you have done your job well. Proverbs 16:3- Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Your children have their whole lives to learn, focus on enjoying all you do with them.


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SimplySonita
by on May. 11, 2011 at 3:02 PM

As far as the interest in letters, reading, writing at 4.5 I think she sounds normal.

Our government schools are failling miserablly on international test scores so to try and get them up they think we must start the kids in school younger and younger. And, when you're teaching the masses you have to test them and to teacha nd test 30 kids per one teacher they need to be able to read and write, but, developmentally, a child of 4, 5, or 6 or even older isn't always ready to read and write. I'd relax a bit with the 4.5 year old.

You can still teach her letters if she's interested, and phonics, and writing, but I wouldn't push at such a young age. It can easily frustrate a child when you ask them to do something (or they want to do it) and they can't. They don't understand that they can't just because they aren't developmentally ready, all they see is they tried and failed at something.

Sonita - Homeschooling Mom to Ephram (7) and Malachi (4) 
     

Mod for CafeMom-run Homeschooling Moms Group

 



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KickButtMama
by Shannon on May. 11, 2011 at 7:32 PM

Honestly it sounds like perfectly average behavior for a 4.5 y/o. Girls do tend to be a bit more emotional, but I've always maintained that until about second grade (minimum of 7 y/o) it's impossible to determine a child's learning style...why? Because attention spans are very short at the younger ages. Many through pre-k and K and even grade 1, learn really well with kinestetic lessons (ones where the child is encouraged to move).

I started HS'ing when my kids were pratically in the cradle, so I firmly believe you can never start too young...but Homeschooling is not the same thing as Public School in the home. You can't expect kids to sit silently in their chairs for extended periods of time and still expect them to keep their focus and attention.

Furthermore, b/d letter confusion is very common. Until kids start to learn spelling and understand language a bit more then the differences are a bit too nebulous.

EddiesGirl8400
by on May. 11, 2011 at 11:54 PM
Thanks for the responses ladies. I am excited about this journey, but so so nervous. My ds is resistant to staying home next school year.
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Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on May. 12, 2011 at 1:01 AM

Sean has ADD. I knew it from preschoolage. I just didn't realise what it was until he was in public school I have never medicated and that is one of the MANY reasons we homeschool.  Not because I refuse meds, but because I believe boys are DESIGNED to learn by moving, experimenting and exploring. The school's answer to his activity level was to punish him by making him skip recess which made it worse. LMAO - I had NO sympathy for his teacher when she would call me frustrated and tell em he missed recess AGAIN and was unavle to sit still. DUR!

The b- d- q- p thing.. was nother "lightbulb" moment for me. I asked the pediatrician about it.  He said... look at a stapler... turn it sideways, it's till a stapler... turn it on end, it's still a stapler, flip it upside down..still a stapler. So you have a shape... the stick with a bubble on one end "d" and you rotate it and you expect them to recognise it as something TOTALLY differentthan what it is. It's STILL a stapler to the child. It takes time, practice and maturity to make the distinction.

she was also "late" to speak, according to the doc, who wanted her to see a speech therapist, but i worked with her at home, and eventually she started to speak.

LOL - I had to giggle here. That was my Momwas like that. She sopke at home, she just didn't have anything to say to the teacher or the kids in her kindergarten class. They tested her, vajoled her, NOTHING. The school swore she was mute. her parents swore otherwise and they didnt' believe her and she had to repeat Kinder. She though they did it because she was stupid and had issues until very late in life because of the way thingswere handled. Give her time, keep working with her in new situations and with different people nad seewhat happens.

Jinx - Homeschooling Scout & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Star Scout Ian 1/98, Scout Sean 9/00, Brownie Heidi 4/03. Police wife to Joe and Alpha to my fur baby German Shepherd Spazz.

SimplySonita
by on May. 12, 2011 at 9:16 AM

OGOSH YES!!!!!

For people who hold a college degree and had to take classes on child development to get said degree teachers sure come up with some dumb ideas!!! My so also lost recess for not sitting still in class!!! The MOST riduclous thing I have ever heard of!

I love the stapler anology! That is awesome! Thanks for sharing it!

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

Sean has ADD. I knew it from preschoolage. I just didn't realise what it was until he was in public school I have never medicated and that is one of the MANY reasons we homeschool.  Not because I refuse meds, but because I believe boys are DESIGNED to learn by moving, experimenting and exploring. The school's answer to his activity level was to punish him by making him skip recess which made it worse. LMAO - I had NO sympathy for his teacher when she would call me frustrated and tell em he missed recess AGAIN and was unavle to sit still. DUR!

The b- d- q- p thing.. was nother "lightbulb" moment for me. I asked the pediatrician about it.  He said... look at a stapler... turn it sideways, it's till a stapler... turn it on end, it's still a stapler, flip it upside down..still a stapler. So you have a shape... the stick with a bubble on one end "d" and you rotate it and you expect them to recognise it as something TOTALLY differentthan what it is. It's STILL a stapler to the child. It takes time, practice and maturity to make the distinction.

she was also "late" to speak, according to the doc, who wanted her to see a speech therapist, but i worked with her at home, and eventually she started to speak.

LOL - I had to giggle here. That was my Momwas like that. She sopke at home, she just didn't have anything to say to the teacher or the kids in her kindergarten class. They tested her, vajoled her, NOTHING. The school swore she was mute. her parents swore otherwise and they didnt' believe her and she had to repeat Kinder. She though they did it because she was stupid and had issues until very late in life because of the way thingswere handled. Give her time, keep working with her in new situations and with different people nad seewhat happens.


Sonita - Homeschooling Mom to Ephram (7) and Malachi (4)
     

Mod for CafeMom-run Homeschooling Moms Group

Win a SmartKlean Laundry Ball-a $45 value!

MommaChell
by on May. 12, 2011 at 12:42 PM

Lots of good info given Ladies! I believe it's perfectly natural for you to be concerned. I can remember when my daughter went through a particularly trying phase of naughtiness and I kept beating myself up wondering what I was doing wrong. I believe you're being wise in your efforts to seek wisdom from other mother's and share your concerns. Remain diligent and keep praying; before you know it you'll be looking back on it reaping experience and know-how. Prayers from me to you~

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