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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

your best behavior techniques s/o

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:31 AM
  • 9 Replies

 There were many lost, but good ideas in the last post asking for advice. So instead of very specific advice, I am curious of everyones successful behavior techniques. Homeschool puts us with our children almost ALL the time. To me that means we all need a good supply of ideas we can use. And since all children are different you need several things that will work to meet their uniqueness. So please share things you do that work, and maybe a very brief statement of the kind of child it works on.

Mommy to Corbin (8-epilepsy,autism, add) Kayla (6) Collin (1.5), Wife to Ben-OT, and I love teaching- M.Ed Early Childhood. SAHM & Homeschooling. Come watch us at www.youtube.com/user/1212wright

by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:31 AM
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wright1212
by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:44 AM

 I have several ideas from yrs of being a prek teacher. So here are a few of my favorite.

  • 1-2-3. 1st i give a brief warning, then warning with immediate consequence, then explain if i say 3 then consequence "1...2.....3!" the right that second do the consequence. My BIG one is days of helping her clean her room, then a final, then I take her TV. The consequence can not be in the future-must be right there. I started this on her at age 2.
  • csefel.vanderbilt.edu: this site has good info teaching kids emtions, helping with special needs, even data collection to pinpoint issues. alot on how to make a caring environment
  • FOOD: others mentioned how food can cause issues. Sugar, dyes, even basic foods can all cause problems. Maybe if you have tried lots of things keep a chart of bad behavior and food intake. Things like HFCS, red dye. For my son its rice. For a friends its red and corn. And the results vary from cranky, hyper, tired, belly ache. Just something to think of.
  • BUCKET: i was told to imagine everyone has a bucket to fill. easy to do with loving actions, every praise huge kiss fill it up. BUT every bad stabs a hole in it, so every yell, name called, put down, spank. Then its harder and harder to fill up with the good stuff. But the more filled the better off the child is. Every time my toddler come up to me i hug and kiss and think im filling his bucket, then one day i realized he is filling my bucket!! When DD-6 and I are arguing I try to stop and remember, then when I see the slightest good thing I give high 5, praise ect.
  • YOUR CLONE: I think my dd-6 is my little clone. I so see myself in everything she does the silly, the avoidance, the constant WHY. So I try hard to take a min and revert back to little me and what would i wish my mom wouldve done, then go from there. Now when my mom says I am in for it, I laugh-Im excited because I know where she went wrong and how I am doing things SO differently!

Mommy to Corbin (8-epilepsy,autism, add) Kayla (6) Collin (1.5), Wife to Ben-OT, and I love teaching- M.Ed Early Childhood. SAHM & Homeschooling. Come watch us at www.youtube.com/user/1212wright

Boobah
by Nikki :) on Aug. 1, 2011 at 8:27 AM

I love the idea of this post.  I don't have much time right now but I'll come back later.

Right now, for my 2 year old it is redirection.  Giving her something to do.  If I just let her free play all day, she literally (I am not kidding) will do every single thing wrong she can, in a row.  I guess out of boredom.  LOL  

mom2queenie2004
by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 10:20 AM

 Both girls (6 and 7.5) have glass jars we fill with cotton balls. When we see something they do we want to re-enforce they get a cotton ball(or 2). When the jar is full they get the specified privelage. Right now for a full jar they get to go to the local arcade for a few hours. They have been asking to go to ChuckECheese lately. So the next full jar gets a trip to ChuckECheese.

We give cotton balls for random things. And they have to be genuine. They can't do something JUST to get cotton balls.

Examples: The other week we went out to dinner and random strangers gave both girls compliments on their behavior and said how nice it was to sit next to such well mannered children. They both got 10 cotton balls each. 

They used a coupon for free ice cream they had earned from the library, but the ice cream was way too big for them to eat, so DH explained they could use one coupon and share it or only eat half of their own. They ate half of their own and threw the rest away. No drama, no tears. He gave them 2 cotton balls.

mom2queenie2004
by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 10:40 AM

 if you can check out the Love and Logic books from the library, so many good ideas and so easy to impliment....

One I use a lot is to give 2 choices, choices for just about everything, both choices I am ok with, and the child gets to have some control over their own life.

Example: Do you want the red cup or the blue cup? Should we leave the park in 5 minutes or leave the park now? Would you like your sandwhich cut  or not cut? Down the middle or diaganal?

The theory is giving them so many little choices stops the argument just to defy, just to have it their way. I don't care if how the sandwhich is cut, my kid really doesn't either, but I can bet $100 if I cut in diaganal they will tell me they wanted it down the middle.

Also, when I can't give them a choice, I tend to meet less oposition becuase they usually feel like they have control over their life and I can remind them of all the things they did get to choose. That helps.

We also only give 2 choices, they have 10 seconds and then I choose. If they ask for something other than the 2 choices, I remind them of the 2, if they ask again, I choose or they get nothing.

mom2queenie2004
by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 10:45 AM

Here is another we use. It works for us because we have 2 kids and on was born on an even day and the other born on an odd day. If it is an even day J gets to make choices for the two of them. If it is TV time, she gets to choose what to watch. If DH goes to run errands she is the one to sit in the front. If we need to use an elevator she gets to touch the buttons...etc

On odd days R gets to do all that stuff. The 31st of the month is Mom's day.

oredeb
by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 11:07 AM

 this worked for us!

pulling weeds worked very well on my kids for having a smart mouth, being rude to others, not finishing work responsible,

spanking(i have a paddle)- for repeated misbehaviors

when i take something away from the kids that they arent suppose to be playing with or doing i try to replace it with something else thats more beneficial to them or others- this worked well with younger kids, and kids who were repeating what they heard other kids say or parents say!

not making a big thing about something they were repeating, just changing it

swift punishment worked great- not dragging it out,

always giving them a hug afterwards and not punishing in anger helped alot

having them tell people they are sorry for what they did

being consistant in whatever behavior method i was applying! being on the same page with dh!

 

having a discussion about behavior first, for all of the misbehaviors

 

borgen0128
by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 11:37 AM

Giving my child respect

Validating their feelings works wonders because many times children feel isolated and misunderstood in an adult world

I let my children's natural development to be their guide as well as mine

I let my children be the guide for their learning and facilitate this by having a prepared environment

We use natural consequences rather then bribes or punishment

Teach before I have to correct. We will often role play different scenarios and what our behavior should be or what our manners should be. (what to do for example when someone comes over for a visit)

I try and show my children how to do things, so I can foster independence and self confidence. If a child has never held a cat before then they need to be shown how to hold a cat. I cannot expect my child to come into this world all knowing. Children enjoy being shown how to do things, so they can carry out things themselves.

We encourage practical life activities such as sweeping, dressing oneself, arranging flowers, setting the table, chopping up food, etc. These activities help a child feel like they are contributing to the family, and gives them a feeling of being part of a community. We have child like size materials so these things are attainable. Our house is just as much their house.

Sleep!

Giving the same amount of love at all times. I do not want my child feeling like I only get happy when they please me. 

Apologizing when I am wrong. This really touches a child's heart. 

Setting clear guidelines for my children.

Using these basic things as a guide as totally changed my view on parenting.  I have a two girls. Ages 2 and 4 1/2. I am sure I have more things, but these are what I can think of off the top of my head. :)

SimplySonita
by on Aug. 1, 2011 at 1:38 PM

I think a big thing for me is treating your children with respect. So many people treatt heir children so badly and show them no respect because they are 'just kids' and 'I'm the parent, I'm the adult' well yeah, but how will they understand how to showYOU respect if you don't show THEM respect?

Kids are people too :)



 

LindaClement
by on Aug. 2, 2011 at 1:04 AM

Feed them very high quality actual food very frequently... much, much more frequently than you think is reasonable. Even if they don't 'want' anything, or eat much of any of it... keeping kids fed stops nearly 100% of the 'gone nuts' behaviour that comes from depletion. Offer water frequently, for the same reason.

After a period of high activity, plan something quiet. After something quiet, plan something active. Alternate activity levels throughout the day, so things don't get out of hand, and so energy levels can rebuild.

Say yes way more often than 'no.' Don't unnecessarily build resistance and frustration in kids --most of what they think of to do is probably safe and sane, even if you don't think you'd like it, or it might make a mess --55 minutes of 'happily occupied kids' is worth 15 minutes of cleanup, even if they go outside and play in the sandbox while you do it.

And, never ever do anything you don't want someone in power 'above' you doing to you: if you don't want to bribed or threatened or criticised or nagged do not do it. Don't do it. Not ever. Just don't. Not even if the jerk who lives down the street thinks it's the right way to treat kids. They're people. Either it is okay to treat people (of all ages that there are) this way or it is not okay to treat people this way. Include yourself, just to check how you really feel about it.

Understandably, treating children that way makes them very angry, and angry children act out their fury... they have no way of helping it. What they do to act it out is, well... variable. Everything from self-injury, sibling violence and bowel resistance to lighting the house on fire and 'accidentally' killing themselves in single-vehicle accidents.

We had 3 rules in our house, and they applied to everyone in the building. That helped a lot.

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