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Homeschooling a defiant child. help!

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 8:05 AM
  • 16 Replies
I have two kids. One is in 2nd grade and one in 3rd. My third grader is great about getting her work done. My second grader on the other hand is not! We go through at least one temper tantrum a day just because she doesnt want to work. She will literally throw her work and her books on the ground and just start having a hissy fit. I have had many ways of dealing with it but my most recent way is to ignore it. I tell her to go into living room so me and her sister can work and just ignore all comments and attitude. After about 45 min she will usually just come back over and start working. Oh and i take away her electronics for the day. It is so frusterating because our day lasts soooooooooo much longer than it should and I am irritated with her the rest of the school day. Any advice would be awesome!! Thanks!!! ~ Crystal ~
by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 8:05 AM
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by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:26 AM

My son is 6 and the exact same way! I hate it because beyond taking so much time, it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Argh!

Does she have any particular triggers? My son gets frustrated quickly and that's when everything goes downhill. Also if he hasn't had enough sleep he'll blow up, too.

I punished him for a while but that didn't work. Now, I remind him to stay calm because he doesn't want to have a bad day. Then I remind him that he won't have time to do whatever craft/fun thing if he keeps it up. Sometimes, TV privileges get taken away if he is particularly bad tempered. I make sure he isn't overwhelmed by whatever it is we are doing, though, most if the time it's not too hard.

I also try to pick my battles. Certain things just aten't worth the fight as long as I'm not losing my parental authority by sidestepping certain things.

Maybe she wants all your attention? Try starting her at a different time than her sister. Also, maybe try carrot in stick approach. After every boring lesson do something she'll enjoy. Then use it as bait. "We can't go look for leaves until we get this math done. Let's try to concentrate so we can get through this quickly!"

Are you pushing her to do all the busy work when she already understands the material. Cole cannot stand doing a bunch of Math problems when he understands how to do it. I make him do five problems and if he does them correctly, I end the lesson for the day.
This is just my non caffeinated ramblings, hope something in there helps!

Welcome to the group!!

by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:30 AM

just some ideas cbbixby,

 apparently the works not to hard for her? since she comes back and does it?

what about changing what she starts out with? shorter lesson time?

more hands on stuff? spend some time with her when your not doing school work, just you 2 together

maybe keeping to a certain time you do schoolwork, maybe she needs to know what is to be done that day, schedule for her

maybe theres some thing that sets her off, if so avoid that and start school before or after it

does she have any medical problems?



by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:34 AM

 Oh Crystal,

I so remember those days of rebellion. I have one child and it wasn't pretty while that was going on. There were many of days with tears from both of us as a result of total frustration. Just know it doesn't last forever. I know it may seem like it does, but I can tell you our schooling is so much more pleasent now.

Just a thought of encouragement, have you ever heard of the workbox method? This is a method you might try with your 2nd grader. Actually both might like it, but a suggestion for getting through this trying time. It made a huge difference in my child and although she is in the 8th grade now, we are still doing it. It has been our lifesaver. The other lifesaver for me has been a network of other homeschooling moms to spring frustrations, joys and encouragement off on. Keep your network in place and you will be a fine mom/teacher. Hang in there, Girl!!!  You can do it!!!!

by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:46 AM
Yes she does get frusterated very easily. She gets mad because she doesnt want t do the work. She just wants to know it but I explain to her that is why you have school so you will learn. I even started letting her choose the subjects she wants to work on first. And I sit with her for every subject so that I can easily help her when she gets frusterated. Sometimes when I help her she even tells me I am wrong, especially with math. I have even showed her the answers on a calculator to prove to her I know that I am doing and she has said to me that the calc is broke. To say the least she goes many days without tv and electronics because of her bad attitude.
by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:50 AM

Hmm, it sounds like you have a real problem. I'm sorry. How do you react when she says things like that to you? I know that would tick me off! She might be pushing your buttons on purpose.

by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:57 AM
Oredeb....I dont think she is bored because she us frusterated because she doesnt know the work or want to learn it. As for medical conditions, sh just started seeing a phsyciatrist because we think she may be bipolor because she has a couple aunts that have it. Sometimes she gets so mad if she doesnt know something that she starts raging out. But two min. earlier she was laughing. I give them lots of incentives fir being good but when she is mad she just doesnt care.
by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:59 AM
Have never heard if he workbox method but I am going to google it! Thanks!
by on Oct. 4, 2011 at 11:52 PM
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Poor mama! I think ignoring undesired behavior is almost always the best thing. Also maybe you can try to head the tantrums off by teaching her to take deep breaths and count to ten when she feels deteriorated. And of course lots of positive attention when she is acting how you desire :-)
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by on Oct. 5, 2011 at 9:28 AM

Does she throw fits othewr times too? If not she might have a LD. I would get her tested. 

If she throws fits all the time... well I',m old school. I would spank that little butt.

Betty in Ky

by on Oct. 5, 2011 at 9:42 AM
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hmmm....maybe give her more "control"??? (I'm grasping at straws here)

but when you get up, and begin...say "these are the things we have to do today.....what order would YOU like to do them in?" Maybe?

It seems from what's written, she likes thinking she's in maybe let her feel that way more? Then explain she only gets this perk if she isn't ugly to you?

I don't know! Good luck!

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