We're new to homeschooling. My son is a 6th grader who I've recently taken out of his public middle school due to his overwhelming anxiety over school - the overcrowded classrooms, bullying, difficulty in communicating with teachers (me and him) all contributed. He doesn't have any anxiety issues related to anything else but school. His older brother and younger sister are both doing well in their public schools but I am homeschooling him for the time being. He's seeing a therapist and we're trying to decide what the next best step to take.
It has been suggested to us that we need to get him back in school, little by little, using exposure therapy. The sheer *thought* of school terrifies him. I do not want to see him going back to this school considering the bad experience he had but am considering the possibility of a small charter or private school for him. I'm really torn between feeling like I'm "sheltering" him from his fears and simply wanting to protect my child and give him what he, as an individual child, needs. He's very different from his brother & sister and clearly was not thriving in a public school environment. Any feedback or moms who have homeschooled kids with anxiety? Or those who have homeschooled only one child in the family when all others go to ps? I definitely need guidance. Thank you!
Michelle
Well I think using exposure therapy is akin to torture in such a situation. There is such a vast difference between keeping a kid out of school because of lazyness and preventing them from experiencing trauma.
My oldest has Aspergers and as a side affect he has high levels of anxiety - he will throw-up like a bulemic to relieve stress (he's 10). The way I always describe it to people is like this - I'm offering the best education for my son simply because he is learning in the environment he is most comfortable with. We do coop once a week so he does dip his toe in the pool of groups, teachers, strangers, etc. But for him to be able to focus on his EDUCATION. I want him to get the best education he can - I don't want his education hindered by things outside of his control, nor do I want to scar him for life. So we HS and he is doing great! He LOVES doing group activities because he knows it is for a short duration and he knows I'm with him throughout the day - there to take him out if he begins to feel overwhelmed.
Good for you in following your heart!!
I haven't read that book . . . but looking at everything I can about the book, it completely describes my son! He is very sensitive and we've always said that he feels things very deeply. Your description of sensing emotions from others is spot on. He internalizes it all and is very thin-skinned. I will definitely read this book and anything else I can find on the subject. Thank you!
KickButtMama, I was thinking the same thing about exposure therapy - TORTURE! With our school system, there is no way to do it little by little - it's all or nothing here because of their attendance system. I was just talking with my son last night about a co-op and he was really open to that idea. It would offer him the ability to be in a group setting little bits at a time, which would be perfect for him. That's the kind of exposure therapy I'm thinking of - not just throwing him back to the wolves. I feel like you do about having your child get the best education she or he can have in a way that they are the most comfortable. When he started school this year (before I took him out), I was having to reteach him everything anyway because his anxiety was so out of control at school that he was getting nothing out of it. Then, it got to the point that I wasn't even able to do that because of his stress level being so high every night that he couldn't focus on what I was trying to help him with. I think we are doing the right thing right now. Thank you for the support!
What a relief it must be for a child with anxiety to know that he will never have to go to public school - and to be freed from the apprehension of fearing that someday he will have to go back there! He has a Mommie who will provide a safe haven for a wonderful education. It's true that the college environment and the work environment are nothing like the school environment!
Dekklan, our oldest (8) used to barf everytime we went somewhere new. We used to travel with a "Barf Bucket" for him. Thank goodness he's over that - tells me he "has it under control." <S> Two years ago, as we stood in line on the parking lot of the polling place waiting to vote, he barfed. No one was really looking at him, so I just scooped up the barf and dumped it in my purse to save him from further humiliation! The lengths to which we go to take care of our sensitive children!!! LOL
Thinking back to my own schooling experience, 6th through 8th grade was a hell-hole no matter where you were (and I was in public school a very, very upscale area). Bullying is common, as are more subtile forms of cruelty. So, some of your son's anxiety may just be a product of age -- both his own age and the age of the other children. It may smooth out once he gets a year or two older. If homeschool works for him, why not just homeschool for now, and see what happens in a few months? Take the pressure off of both himself and you. School will still be there for him to be "exposed" to in March or April, if that is what makes sense at that time or next year, or even the year after. Not everything has to be "fixed" right now, and high school will be a completely different experience in any event.
Hi, there. I am combing the internet for resources on this exact situation for my daughter. I am wondering if you have an insight since your post. Are you still homeschooling? Do you feel this was the right choice? I am trying to decide if homeschooling is the right solution for us. Your son's sensitivity and the difficulty in communicating with teachers are a mirror to our current struggle. Any thoughts, advice and insights would be appreciated!
First of all, my heart goes out to you and your son. I think you are doing the best thing for him and you. My son was developing anxiety this year. That's part of the reason we removed him. His anxiety level has dropped completely by allowing him to learn at home. I feel like I have my old son back. The one who was happy, funny and carefree. I've read books about Highly Sensitive Children. I would recommend this book. I don't think you are sheltering him. Different children need different things. The school systems of today do not work for many children, but far too often we as adults fail them by forcing them into a situation that doesn't suit them. I won't force myself to go to a job I hate for 8 hrs so I won't force my son to go to a school environment he hates either. It's only fair. I think you will see as time goes on he will be less anxious in a relaxed homeschool environment. Best of luck!
I pulled my daughter in May because of her anxiety. Her doctor was absolutely against it, although her therapist agreed it would be a good idea. I am not going to push to get her back into a traditional school setting. I make sure she's active. She's pretty involved with a homeschool group as well as other activities. They are smaller groups, but she's able to use the coping skills she's learned in those groups and situations. She's much healthier emotionally since we pulled her.
I've also homeschooled one while the other two were in public school. It was nice to have that one-on-one time with my youngest. The other two were fine with it until they started having trouble and now we homeschool all 3.
carries2girls, I wrote this back in October of 2011 and I'm so glad that you found it so I can share the outcome. I'm still homeschooling my son and his younger sister as well. We took her out about 2 months after I posted this because of some issues she was having at her public school as well as seeing how well her brother was doing with homeschool. His anxiety is MUCH improved and almost non-existent now, but we did work with a therapist to deal with some of those issues. I know he would not have been able to get relief from the anxiety nor an education if we had decided to keep him in school as the doctor suggested. You do have to go with your gut, and after a year and a half, I'm certain my gut was right. Good luck to you!
Decision Made...I will be full time homeschooling this year!
- msmed
on Oct. 27, 2011 at 1:29 PM