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Jokes!

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2011 at 11:43 AM
  • 17 Replies

Mom Writes To Son Away At College

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home ... so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they wouldn't have to change their address. Wish I would have thought of that.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with those heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some of the men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for about 3 days.

Three of your friends drove into Coyote Creek in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down in time.

Not much more news this time, nothing much happened.

Love, Mom

P.S. I was going to send you money, but the email was already sent

from homeschooling a to z.com

by on Nov. 15, 2011 at 11:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
usmom3
by BJ on Nov. 15, 2011 at 12:33 PM

 Hahaha

Diggems0312
by on Nov. 15, 2011 at 5:30 PM
Nice lol
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
oredeb
by debbie on Nov. 15, 2011 at 6:02 PM

 hahahah more jokes!

usmom3
by BJ on Nov. 15, 2011 at 6:31 PM

 

Bedside Manners

See our joke gallery.  We've got free, funny, good, clean jokes.  We'll even say they are the best, funniest, hilarious jokes.

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

usmom3
by BJ on Nov. 15, 2011 at 6:31 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Amish Humor

Sign behind an Amish carriage:

"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats.

CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!"

usmom3
by BJ on Nov. 15, 2011 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Doggone Brilliant Joke

Smart enough to be a real salesman
Hilarious Jokes

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................

"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

usmom3
by BJ on Nov. 15, 2011 at 6:39 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Smart Mom

A mother was walking with her four year old daughter one day when the daughter picked up something off the ground and started to put it into her mouth. The mother stopped her and said she shouldn't do that.

"Why," asked the little girl.

"Because it’s dirty. It's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been. It probably has germs."

The little girl looked up at her mom with admiration and asked, "How do you know so much?"

Thinking quickly, the mother said, "All moms know so much. We have to. It's on the Mommy Test. If you don't know it, you don't get to be a mommy."

The little girl pondered this for a few minutes, then her face brightened. "I get it!" she said. "If you don't pass the test, you get to be a daddy!"

"Yup," said the mom.

 

Boobah
by Nikki :) on Nov. 16, 2011 at 8:49 AM
Hahahahahha I love these!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 16, 2011 at 2:47 PM


oredeb
by debbie on Nov. 16, 2011 at 2:50 PM

 hahahahahahahahahhaha

Quoting usmom3:

 

Bedside Manners

See our joke gallery.  We've got free, funny, good, clean jokes.  We'll even say they are the best, funniest, hilarious jokes.

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

 

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