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Mom Writes To Son Away At College

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home ... so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they wouldn't have to change their address. Wish I would have thought of that.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with those heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some of the men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for about 3 days.

Three of your friends drove into Coyote Creek in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down in time.

Not much more news this time, nothing much happened.

Love, Mom

P.S. I was going to send you money, but the email was already sent

from homeschooling a to

by on Nov. 15, 2011 at 11:43 AM
Replies (11-17):
by on Nov. 16, 2011 at 2:51 PM

 all of them are funny!

by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 10:38 AM

Not really a joke but funny none the less. 

by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 10:45 AM

 Not really a joke but I would love to say some of them to some people.

Extremely Annoying Questions about Homeschooling

Have you ever noticed that even the most intelligent seeming humans are capable of asking extremely annoying questions about homeschooling? Although I am always too polite to be snide, the following answers always run through my mind when I hear the following questions:

Do your parents make you homeschool?
*Yes, they do. In my heart of hearts, I really *want* to spend 6 hours a day in a stuffy classroom filled with stupid people, listening to a rude and irrational teacher rant incessantly.

Do you have any friends?
*No, I'm a misanthrope sociopath who would rather die a thousand deaths than be socialized normally.

How do you meet people?
*I have found that painting myself blue and running through the streets screaming is a very effective way to meet people.

Do you get graded?
*Grades are determined each semester by a coin toss.

How do you know what to do without a teacher telling you?
*I visit the library and pick books at random. Those books then become my curriculum for that semester. Last semester, I studied alternative physics, macamre, tomato growing, and plot flaws in Star Trek the Next Generation episodes.

How do you remember to work without a teacher nagging you?
*I bribe myself. Whenever I finish a homework assignment, I give myself a gold star or a cookie.

Is homeschooling legal?
*No. In fact, you could even be arrested for aiding and abbeting a criminal just by talking to me! Or .......
*Yes. The government wants as many of us smartaleck, self motivating brats out of their high schools as possible.

Do you like homeschooling?
*Not particularly. I tolerate homeschooling only because the alternative is so horrendous.

Are you going to homeschool your kids?
*Certainly! In fact, my children will undergo an accelerated education, so that they are ready for college classes by the age of 10.

You must be pretty smart to homeschool, huh?
*Actually, my intelligence level is below normal. I have simply aquired an immense vocabulary through memorization, which often fools humans into believing that I am more intelligent than I actually am.

by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 10:51 AM


"How many home educators does it take to change a light bulb?"

Answer: "Estimates really knows......"

by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 10:51 AM

 How does a homeschooler change a lightbulb?

First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life.

Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles.

Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill.

On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill.

Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed.

And there is light.

by on Nov. 17, 2011 at 10:53 AM

 "How many home educators does it take to change a light bulb?"

No less than 5.

1 person to contact HSDLA to see if there is a legal loop hole to change a lightbulb without first asking the local department of education.

1 person to contact the co-op to see if there is enough interest to have a field day to watch the changing of the lightbulb.

1 person to form a committee to determine whether this is a homeschooling or unschooling type activity.

2 people to actually go out to the store and purchase the lightbulb (this should ideally be a 2nd grader and their parent so that the parent can explain about the price per unit item as well as point out the differences in wattage).

by Platinum Member on Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:31 PM


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