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OT: What would you ladies do if your mother was constantly asking your daughter to lie for her?

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And they are just white lies, really. For example, Mom took Missie (10) to Joann's so Missie could buy some yarn. Well, she made a pit stop at a check loan place and got a $100 loan until Friday. Then she tells Missie not to tell me, and if I ask what took so long to lie and say traffic was bad. It's always dumb things like that. Plus, she told her not to mention that she (my mom) spent $25 dollars on yarn. I don't want to forbid them from seeing each other, I don't want to hurt their relationship, but this is getting stupid. PLUS, we are those parents that tell our kids that lying is the worst thing ever and we practice rewarding honesty, even when they are reporting a bad thing they did and HUGELY punishing dishonesty. Missie gets really uncomfortable being put in the middle and tattling so to speak but she feels worse not telling the truth or hearing her grandmother lie.



by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 8:04 PM
Replies (21-23):
KickButtMama
by Shannon on Nov. 21, 2011 at 3:17 PM

 LOL - I know that feeling! I remembewr when I had my oldest and I decided to nurse - you'd think I had decided to become a stripper or something! What an odd-ball I've turned out to be.....And Proud Of It!!

Quoting mem82:

LOL You hit the nail on the head there! I'm glad there are other people who have the same type of family issues.

Quoting Gumberly:

The other ladies have given some excellent advice.I agree that you should be proud of the job you are doing with your kids. I don't know that I can add any helpful advice, but I thought i would share my weird family with you too.

I am the black sheep. My sister told me "it must be nice to be lucky enough to be able to stay home. I wasn't so lucky i had to work." Luck has nothing to do with it! I made mistakes  but I learned from them and I grew up. I have a happy home because I made it my  top priority.  My sister married and divorced the same man twice and complains and blames the world for her issues. My brother is professionally unemployed and my mom who is on disability currently lives with my sister but complains about it constantly. They all think i am their personal bank and have no issues hitting me up constantly for something. They view it as my responsibility to help them because they have it harder then me.

I too have had family distance themselves from me becauseI I married a Cop. I think its funny and their lose. Other family members think my DH is their personal legal advice service, even thought they dont listen to him 99 percent of the time.

 Sometimes I do struggle with being "normal" because doing the right thing with everyone around me doing the wrong thing makes me wonder if I am the crazy one. I have to step back for a minute and look at the wonderful life I have and then carry on.

 


 

mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 21, 2011 at 3:27 PM

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to let go anywhere alone, anymore.8( It's too bad, really. 

Quoting KickButtMama:

 I'd honestly limit their alone time if this kept happening. It's confusing to a child to say "don't lie" but then follow it up with another adult encouraging her to lie. I'd also have a convo w/ my child to explain that some people are so paranoid of what others think of them that they will tell many white lies. It's sad to live your life based on the expectation of what others think, especially when it's no where near  the truth. It's jsut another form of low self-esteem, IMO.

And, honestly, I know of No One who has a 'regular' family. Every family has it's quirks. Mine are a bunch of loonies (with actual diagnosed illnesses!) who often self-medicate w/ illegal substances, my DH's family is average...but they had no compunction of bringing my toddler to the bar w/ then when I was in the hospital.....*shrugs* they just don't babysit very often (like never), as long as I'm there to oversee visits then I'm ok w/ the contact - but I have people in my family (my mother for 1) who I don't allow anywhere near the kids - not because she's done something to them, but because I can't see a benefit to her type of influence.


gingergarcia
by on Nov. 21, 2011 at 8:05 PM

You could just sit your daughter down and explain to her that it is wrong to tell even white lies. Maybe tell her that you know she loves her grandma, but it is still wrong. That way when her grandma asks her to lie next time she will tell her that she is not going to lie to her mom and she should not be asked to!  I am sure her grandma will be understanding about it all, after all she is family.

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