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desperately lonely child, please help!!

Posted by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:41 PM
  • 14 Replies

I'm new here. I know that socialization is NOT a part of homeschooling for the most part, it's unusual. But, we have an unusual situation.   I have a 13 yr old with serious depression. I'm not sure if I'm on the right board for this. If not, please tell me where to post. My daughter is homeschooled. She was in public school from K-2. Long story, but school would not help her learning problems, so we started homeschool. I did not know at the time that would cause her depression . At that age, learning is more important than friends. She has 2 older sisters that are not at home. No children live near us. Only family with kids her age moved away for 4 yrs but come back, now they are not close. (both of them are boys). There is an empty house beside us, sometimes she looks at it and cries. She is overweight and feels bad about it. I try to help her with that, but she's too depressed about it to try. She is getting so bad that it's hard for her to do homeschool. She is very behind in grade level which makes her feel even worse. We are in 2 homeschool groups, but she is not connecting to anyone. She got some type of 'disorder' from her father (he is with us). It is social, mental, something. She wants desperately to have friends, but when she's with them, she cries and wants to go home. She says they don't want to have anything to do with her. And she is right. Our health insurance is horrible. We live far away from any big city with doctors who can help her with social issues. I was taking her to a psychiatrist/psychologist but it got to be a standstill. He would tell us the same things over and over again. We quit going. Now she's off of her meds which is making her worse. I'm now looking for ANY doctor who would help her. She is more comfortable with a woman doctor, they are impossible to find here. We really don't have enough money for doctors, but we have to do something. I wrote an urgent desperate email to the homeschool groups. Some of them offered to let our children get together. That did'nt work out. She is in girl scouts with public school kids, but I don't know how long she'll want to be with them, they are horrible. We can tell the difference, the behavior is like night and day between homeschool and public school kids. We don't have the money to let her join things like sports, music, band, whatever. She is so so alone. I am with her 24 hrs a day. She is lost in her own world with pokemon. She does ds games, walks around the house talking and laughing to herself. She gets this from her father. She does this around other kids and they tend to stay away. Why are kids so cruel!! She is not as 'worldly' as other kids. She is not around the bad influences at all, thank God. I know she can NOT make it in public school, with her anxiety around other kids, being very behind in school work, feeling bad aobut herself, the horrible bullying that I KNOW will happen if she goes. She does have ONE friend, but she's in public school and they don't see each other much. The girl is not as friendly as my daughter is toward her. THey never call each other unless My daughter calls her to want to see her. THis is just a hopeless situation. She has mentioned suicide in a way,she said she told God to forget this life, take her with him now! I just don't knwo what to do. I spend most of my time doing things with her to try to make her happy. She sees kids with each other in town, and she just starts crying. I am crying now so I'll go.

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:41 PM
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by Jinx on Nov. 27, 2011 at 7:34 PM
(((Hugs))) I don't have many suggestions but will offer some prayers.

Does either homeschool group have a girl scout troop? If not would you be willing to lead one? If she has an interest in scouts that would be a start.

What about finding places for her to volunteer? Hepling others can give a big boost to self esteem. I know we have a community garden and food pantry that are always looking for help. Does she like horses? We have theraputic riding stables always looking for help as well. Check for agencies in your area.

Oh, you said she likes pokemon. Do you have any clubs in your area? The comic book store down the street from us has a league every Friday. It's $2 a night. It's "Drop in" so you playwhoever is there and they have always been very welcoming and ummm..there are a lotof kid there that are...well..geeky or "different" (my ds is one lol) and I've never had a problem with bad lanuage or bullying etc.
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by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 7:35 PM

 why cant she join a sport or some type of youth group. kids can not sit home all day and do nothing. depression sinks in with anyone who is home and alone all the time.

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:31 PM

Thanks for your replies. We are out in the country, about an hour away from any city that offers lots of things for kids. Like I said in my post, she is in a girl scout troop, but they are public school and pretty bad. She wants to try to hang in there, though. I just couldn't devote the time needed to lead a troop myself.  One of the homeschool groups does have a girl scout troop, but too far for us to go to on a regular basis. I'll look into it, maybe we can do some things with them. I know that finding things for her to do and going all the time will get her even further behind with school, but for now this is more important.  I haven't thought about checking into volunteering. I need to find something like that with other kids that volunteer. Thanks for suggesting that!  No clubs in our area.

I know that hailnbray, that is what we are going thru and why I am here trying to find help.

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:34 PM

All sports that I know of cost money we don't have. Our homeschool groups don't offer sports. I have asked them. She has recently started going to church youth group on Wednesday.  She needs to connect to at least one girl, that's all she is asking for.

by Jinx on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:41 PM
How is she with adults and younger kids? Could she find a "job" as a mother's helper? She may make some extra $ and maybe find a Mom that could be a mentor and friend. If she found a paying job, she could pay for a sport/activity she enjoys. (I would strongly suggest karate/martial arts. For confidence, physical health and selfawareness)

What, besides Pokemon does she like? Is there something she could teach to the homeschool group?

I know I never got along well with kids but did well helping out in working with little kids or helping adults.
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by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:45 PM

This kind of an out there suggestion, but if you guys are really so fa out of the way, how about an online social network? Cyber friends can be a big plus.

Do you have a library that has a teen time?

Please, you need to get her back on her meds. I'm not usually a big fan of them, but your daughter sounds like she has a true need. Also, don't give her a choice on improving her lifestyle. Don't mention anything, but start to phase out the bad foods in the house. Then declare a family walk after dinner every night. On weekends, go hiking. If she lost a few pounds and with a good diet, she might feel strong enough to keep the momentum going. Maybe once the ball gets rolling she'll start to come out of her shell a bit.

*hugs* I'm sorry she's having a tough time. I wouldn't relive my teens for anything.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 28, 2011 at 12:33 AM

I know you don't have a lot of money, but my kids do live online classes with other kids.  It's not quite the same as being with someone live, but it might allow her to feel more comfortable to begin with (?)   We're doing Bandalusia (?) literature class right now, but it's a full year class, so that likely won't work (it's 350 for the full year, BTW).  However, there are other online classes out there.  Might that help? You might even try an online tutor -- just having someone outside the family to interact with once in a while might be a help.

by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 1:19 AM

I agree with the online groups.  My kids are in a group and they have some nice friendships there.  Also, things like tennis at a park, walking or hiking are free.  Going for a few days away might also help.  I know while we stay someplace else the kids are different and it sort of resets their mood a bit.

Here are some homeschooling groups and activities within 50 miles of you.

Good luck getting through this!

by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 7:44 AM

It sounds like many things going on that I am not qualified to answer.  However depression can be a very serious thing.

Most cities have provide counselors based on what you can pay.  I recommend you check into that, and find one that helps her.

by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 9:10 AM
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I am in no way qualified to give medical advice, but according to your post, your daughter sounds like she could have Aspergers. My son was diagnosed two years ago, and he exhibits some of the same traits. He wants to fit in with his peers, but he doesn't know how. He talks to himself constantly, and is obsessed with old cartoons. When you said your daughter is lost in her own world, you described Aspergers perfectly. Since my son was diagnosed at a young age, we have learned several coping mechanisms. If you aren't familiar with Aspergers, it is located in the high end of the autism spectrum. Aspergers individuals tend to have social difficulties, show obsession toward one or more subjects, have poor motor skills, and have trouble reading facial cues. Teenagers with Aspergers have a higher tendency to suffer from depression. Please research this and see if it fits your daughter. Make an appointment with your dr and request a referral to an autism specialist to have her evaluated. There is hope and help. My son is eleven, and is doing remarkably well. He even went on a couple of sleepovers this summer! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

Mom of Laura-my 13 going on 30 angel, and 10 year old Nathan, the happiest kid in the world who happens to have Asperger's.

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