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desperately lonely child, please help!!

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I'm new here. I know that socialization is NOT a part of homeschooling for the most part, it's unusual. But, we have an unusual situation.   I have a 13 yr old with serious depression. I'm not sure if I'm on the right board for this. If not, please tell me where to post. My daughter is homeschooled. She was in public school from K-2. Long story, but school would not help her learning problems, so we started homeschool. I did not know at the time that would cause her depression . At that age, learning is more important than friends. She has 2 older sisters that are not at home. No children live near us. Only family with kids her age moved away for 4 yrs but come back, now they are not close. (both of them are boys). There is an empty house beside us, sometimes she looks at it and cries. She is overweight and feels bad about it. I try to help her with that, but she's too depressed about it to try. She is getting so bad that it's hard for her to do homeschool. She is very behind in grade level which makes her feel even worse. We are in 2 homeschool groups, but she is not connecting to anyone. She got some type of 'disorder' from her father (he is with us). It is social, mental, something. She wants desperately to have friends, but when she's with them, she cries and wants to go home. She says they don't want to have anything to do with her. And she is right. Our health insurance is horrible. We live far away from any big city with doctors who can help her with social issues. I was taking her to a psychiatrist/psychologist but it got to be a standstill. He would tell us the same things over and over again. We quit going. Now she's off of her meds which is making her worse. I'm now looking for ANY doctor who would help her. She is more comfortable with a woman doctor, they are impossible to find here. We really don't have enough money for doctors, but we have to do something. I wrote an urgent desperate email to the homeschool groups. Some of them offered to let our children get together. That did'nt work out. She is in girl scouts with public school kids, but I don't know how long she'll want to be with them, they are horrible. We can tell the difference, the behavior is like night and day between homeschool and public school kids. We don't have the money to let her join things like sports, music, band, whatever. She is so so alone. I am with her 24 hrs a day. She is lost in her own world with pokemon. She does ds games, walks around the house talking and laughing to herself. She gets this from her father. She does this around other kids and they tend to stay away. Why are kids so cruel!! She is not as 'worldly' as other kids. She is not around the bad influences at all, thank God. I know she can NOT make it in public school, with her anxiety around other kids, being very behind in school work, feeling bad aobut herself, the horrible bullying that I KNOW will happen if she goes. She does have ONE friend, but she's in public school and they don't see each other much. The girl is not as friendly as my daughter is toward her. THey never call each other unless My daughter calls her to want to see her. THis is just a hopeless situation. She has mentioned suicide in a way,she said she told God to forget this life, take her with him now! I just don't knwo what to do. I spend most of my time doing things with her to try to make her happy. She sees kids with each other in town, and she just starts crying. I am crying now so I'll go.

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:41 PM
Replies (11-14):
by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Take her to a doctor. Any dorctor and tell them she's been talking about suicide! ASAP! SHe needs to be back on her meds,. I don't what I'm talking about . I have de[ression and have been in the hosptial 3 times from it. Don't wait

Betty in KY

by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 11:23 AM

 I was thinking this too! My oldest son has High Functioning Autism & he dose some of the things the OP said about her DD.

Quoting carolkey74:

I am in no way qualified to give medical advice, but according to your post, your daughter sounds like she could have Aspergers. My son was diagnosed two years ago, and he exhibits some of the same traits. He wants to fit in with his peers, but he doesn't know how. He talks to himself constantly, and is obsessed with old cartoons. When you said your daughter is lost in her own world, you described Aspergers perfectly. Since my son was diagnosed at a young age, we have learned several coping mechanisms. If you aren't familiar with Aspergers, it is located in the high end of the autism spectrum. Aspergers individuals tend to have social difficulties, show obsession toward one or more subjects, have poor motor skills, and have trouble reading facial cues. Teenagers with Aspergers have a higher tendency to suffer from depression. Please research this and see if it fits your daughter. Make an appointment with your dr and request a referral to an autism specialist to have her evaluated. There is hope and help. My son is eleven, and is doing remarkably well. He even went on a couple of sleepovers this summer! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.


by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 1:18 PM

As others have said 'Many, many hugs to you''s a hardplace to be to see your child struggling so much and being so sad that they want to give up on life. Having been ( and continuing to go through ) similar situations, I think a key thing is finding a great therapist for her. I know how hard that can be - you would think with the internet it would be so much easier...but it's not. It sounds like you need to find a different/better clinical psychologist who can give you a clear diagnosis. That will help the dr as well as therapist know how to help her.  I know you said she is behind and has some learning challenges but a good place to start finding a good therapist might be SENG ( Supporting the Emotional Needs of Gifted). They have parent support groups in different areas of the country who most likely can recommend - through experience and word of mouth -- a good therapist. Through the therapist, you can probably find a good clinical psychologist to diagnose her. I know it's hard navigating the insurance, financial end of all this too. 

While you are working on finding this support for her & you, I would make school stuff that reduces her stress, music, creating her own imaginary pokemon - writing a paper to describe it- all it's powers, strengths, weaknesses, who it morphs into, and then if she can draw it , paint it, whether by hand, on the computer, etc. 

This is a hard age at which to bond & break into daughter has had same issues connecting when we have tried visiting homeshool groups - because a lot of them have been together since they were in kindergarten/preschool. 

One critical thing, that is so hard for us as moms. is to take care of yourself. When your daughter is struggling, you need to make sure you have friends & great support for you so you can help her. Meaning e-mail, phone calls, girls night out, pedicure, coffee with a friend, for me..morning time with God & my cup of coffee. It also helps our daughters when we model hope, confidence, taking care of ourselves..( trust me I speak from working on this myself right now.) Feel free to send me an email offline. Lots of love, Tanza

by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 3:15 PM

I have a daughter who is overly social. I have to go out of my way everyday to make sure she gets enough time with friends and other kids. Idk how to do that in your situation, but you have to try I guess. Ditto on what was mentioned about the meds. I've never met a parent that was like "HECK YEAH, let's get this kid on medication and LOTS of it!" That just doesn't happen. Everyone hates it when kids have to have behavioral medication (no one likes it when adults need it, either). But if it is blocking her from building a life she WANTS, you have to keep her on her medications or risk the life altering consequences of an untreated mental illness. Does she qualify for special needs classes in school? I really don't think full-time homeschooling is for everyone. If she can get into a class with other kids who understand or who have social/behavioral ticks, then it might help her feel better. Pokemon leagues are also a good idea. Start with something she is interested in. Even if she doesn't find "friends", it might still make her happy.

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