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Feeling so overwhelmed

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 1:39 PM
  • 8 Replies

I've never been good at housecleaning but I'm making an effort...I care for a 14 month old...I still have 4 Christmas orders left to fill (involves painting etc)...looking for job not only for my self but having to do jobsearch for MY HUSBAND b/c I get blamed for a job he resigned from over a year ago before taking on a maintainance job b'c we were newlywed i had anxiety issues etc.  Which feeling anxiety right now to be honest...He and I have communication break downs all the time that generally involve he raises his voice which is an emotional trigger for me.  I have asked him to lower his voice to which he replies that I'm being immature lol don't get that one...I'm overseeing Children's ministries plus helping a family in need while watching our finances being in really bad shape in that our bills exceed his income...We do not do a phone plan we do a monthly thing now which is cheaper, we do not have cable, we haven't been buying clothing or anything.  I'm not using the car more than is necessary.  We need the computer b/c I have to be able to watch my daughter and do the job searches all at the same time...We've eliminated every extra expense are still coming up short which is why I must look for myself a job.  He blames me for the financial situation even though I've never been a big spender but he says b/c he had to quit the offshore job due to my anxiety and insecurities that it's my job to find him a better paying job.  So yes alot of weight on my shoulders.  Oh about the other situation--the family that I'm helping involves a Mother that is disabled and cannot drive who cannot assist her daughter (ADHD diagnosed) with her homework in that she didn't complete school past the 6th grade...so she has a hard time helping daughter with 5th grade homework...the mother cannot drive daughter to her dr's appts, to an afterschool program, or to counseling sessions which I've arranged...it's a very difficult situation and so I'm now calling around to see what helps are available to them cause I just have more than I can handle right now...oh the other thing--when the cold front comes in I get terrible back spasms.  I was in bed all day for an entire day this week having to just enclose my daughter in the room with me...it can be quite difficult. 

by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-8):
mem82
by Platinum Member on Dec. 7, 2011 at 2:42 PM

I'm sorry. 8( Do you have a pastor that you and your Hubby can speak to, maybe seeking some counseling from him?

vas101010
by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 3:59 PM


We do...We've met with them before and another time he had elders counsel us but the elders were not at all prepared to deal with out situation lol...Our Pastors drive from Tx to La every weekend (they started ministry here...been knowing them for years) and they're currently working on moving down here...they found a house they're just in process and all...so yeah that's in the works

 

 

Quoting mem82:

I'm sorry. 8( Do you have a pastor that you and your Hubby can speak to, maybe seeking some counseling from him?


oredeb
by on Dec. 7, 2011 at 6:54 PM

 your husband can get a second job to help ends meet and get you out of debt, probably the best thing to do would be to be praying about your situation, (which im sure you are), asking the lord to change you, stop blaming each other and get on with life!!! be sure to pray with your husband if hes saved! do what you need to do there's a season for everything even through what we think are difficult times the lord is working in our lives, praise Him for these times!! Hes there through thick and thin!

vas101010
by on Dec. 11, 2011 at 12:29 AM


a second job would be out of the question he's already overwhelmed but I'm hoping that something comes up that is less strenuous for him...I hate fighting...He helps out alot...we just have communication breakdowns and I'm just not "cutting the mustard" here lately on my part not that I don't want to my back has just been bothering me and other health stuff...I appreciate your response...thanks for responding to my post! and for the encouraging word...

 

Quoting oredeb:

 your husband can get a second job to help ends meet and get you out of debt, probably the best thing to do would be to be praying about your situation, (which im sure you are), asking the lord to change you, stop blaming each other and get on with life!!! be sure to pray with your husband if hes saved! do what you need to do there's a season for everything even through what we think are difficult times the lord is working in our lives, praise Him for these times!! Hes there through thick and thin!


vas101010
by on Dec. 11, 2011 at 12:31 AM

Our Pastor has been doing so much to get church up and running...once they're down here it'll be a huge help (once they move down, get situated,etc...)

mem82
by Platinum Member on Dec. 11, 2011 at 10:19 AM

Is there one particular thing that reaaly sets him off? Like the dishes piling up or toys on the living room floor when he gets hime? Maybe try to make sure, no matter what, that you get that pet peeve done? Sometimes, if you avoid a trigger, you can avoid the fight.

sew4fun
by on Dec. 11, 2011 at 11:59 AM

This is good ! I like this alot. Yall are all better than I am ! I would be livid at some of what was posted that he does. That being said I would also try to avoid triggers and try to keep him stress free around the house ( Yes I know Im wierd! LOL ) I understand that he blames you for him quiting the job. I have two thoughts on this. One anxiety can be overcome. My husband is a police man , he was NOT police when we met and at first I was not sure how I felt about that . He works for a very large city with a very high crime rate. I have had to learn to just deal with certin things and get over the fear and anxiety related to his job. Now all of that was prior to me working for the same department (before I had an inside view of how things work) The second thought is unless you held a gun to his head, you did not MAKE him quit the job. Part of that was him to so he should just quit blaming you . I think that men in general have a hard time dealing with "not bringing home the bacon" especially when things are very rough. I hope I did not offend you in any way and I wish you the best of luck :)

Quoting mem82:

Is there one particular thing that reaaly sets him off? Like the dishes piling up or toys on the living room floor when he gets hime? Maybe try to make sure, no matter what, that you get that pet peeve done? Sometimes, if you avoid a trigger, you can avoid the fight.






sew4fun
by on Dec. 11, 2011 at 12:04 PM

Oh I thought of something else. I would sit down with him ( if he will not do this then do it in a letter but tell him you NEED him to do this) and both you you make a list on the top 5 things you would like to change or would like done. Then both you of you should try your hardest to do those things for the other. For example.. ( just making this up as I go ) If a clean house is important to him , he needs to pick a few things that he would like done MOST and put them on the list. So like a pp said if the dishes cause him stress that should be on his list and you should make time to do the dishes. For you the tone of voice he uses with you causes stress so that would be on your list and should make effort not to  yell at you . hope that makes sense. I forget what book it is from but it is like the "Love Bank" thing. You both need to "deposite" into one anothers love bank. The whole idea with the love bank think ( to the best of my memory) is that everyone needs a full love bank( they need to feel loved) but you sometimes have to deposite in his love bank before  you see anything in your love bank.

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