Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Really, REALLY sensitive child...

Posted by on Dec. 13, 2011 at 9:42 PM
  • 17 Replies
My daughter (6) has always been shy. I was (am) shy all my life, so I guess I don't see it as a big deal. My husband however, gets all worried. Normally, she will shy away when someone talks to her and just answer really quietly, or nod her head. I did the same thing.

Well, Sunday she went to my nieces birthday party. I couldn't go because it was during my other daughters nap, so hubby took her. She knew where she was going, had been there before. But when she got there, she got overwhelmed and cried the entire time. They had to leave after an hour because she wouldn't stop. I asked her about it and she says "I just want you to understand. And not be mad, because it is silly". I promised I wouldn't be and she said it was "because there were too many people there" and "she didn't know them and got scared".

As a shy kid myself, I get it. I STILL get anxiety when going somewhere with a lot of people, especially if I don't know them. But hubby was upset, embarrassed, and well... Pissed off. He keeps telling me we have to do something. What do you do?? I can't make her not be shy. Getting mad at her will do nothing. Forcing her will make her more scared and resentful.

The thing is, she goes plenty of places and has no problem. We belong to the YMCA and they have child watch while you exercise. She has gone in twice, no hesitation, and made friends both times. One time was even with a male teacher in a gym. I am just unsure of why it is such a big deal. I kow he was embarrassed, it is embarrassing when she flips out and everyone is looking at you and won't leave her alone, which makes it worse.

The only thing that bothers me is I can GUARANTEE that his family blamed it on homeschooling after he left, which is billsh*t! She was SO much worse in public school! She wouldn't talk to anyone, now at least she will say hello to people and answer them.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at here, I'm just frustrated and don't know what I'm "supposed to do" to help her. I want her to be confident, and outgoing, and all that, but it isn't her. I take that back, she is confident, but not outgoing.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 13, 2011 at 9:42 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Boobah
by Nikki :) on Dec. 13, 2011 at 9:45 PM
The reason I feel I need to try to help is because dh actually cried in bed that night. She told him "I wish god would change you". When she explained she said "I want him to make you nice and understand". So maybe it isn't her that I need to help? I am trying so hard to make him understand that this is who she is, and letting him know I was the same way. He just keeps thinking she is going to be a social reject or something.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mynameismuerte
by on Dec. 13, 2011 at 9:47 PM

I know it's a shot in the dark but is she more scared because of the actual people or the chaos when there are that many people?  

I have a 6 year old son who cries about EVERYTHING.  Today he cried when his favorite blue dry erase marker that he ALWAYS uses for spelling crapped out on him because his little brother hadn't put the cap on tight enough.  Yeah, EVERYTHING makes him "sad." LOL

Boobah
by Nikki :) on Dec. 13, 2011 at 9:58 PM
I could never tell dh this, but it may have something to do with the people. No matter how many times I have told his family she needs time to adjust, she walks in the door and they immediately pounce on her, expecting her to jump up, kiss them and want to sit on their lap.
They are very... Loud boisterous people. She, Kevin and I are all quiet, laid back people. Chelsey is our wild child and it will occasionally drive Julia insane. Lol

But yes, she cries over everything, so she is super sensitive.


Quoting mynameismuerte:

I know it's a shot in the dark but is she more scared because of the actual people or the chaos when there are that many people?  

I have a 6 year old son who cries about EVERYTHING.  Today he cried when his favorite blue dry erase marker that he ALWAYS uses for spelling crapped out on him because his little brother hadn't put the cap on tight enough.  Yeah, EVERYTHING makes him "sad." LOL

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
wowguildmomma
by on Dec. 13, 2011 at 10:01 PM

Hugs momma!!! 

I know how you feel on trying to help DH. I have 3 children on the Autism specturm who when around those they know are anything but shy but in a crowded place even a family reunion they completely flip out and massive meltdowns occur. 

Most of our family understands how they are and don't mine when we show up and have to leave or have to decline a invitation all together. But DH gets really upset and humiliated when the situations occur.

All that has helped us is just to keep telling him that there isn't anything we can do but to wait for them to be able to adapt and that the only way we can really help is by not getting upset or irritation because then they feel more anxious due to they don't want to make us upset. Just hang in there and hopefully it will all work itself out.

Boobah
by Nikki :) on Dec. 13, 2011 at 10:04 PM
Exactly. He gets really frustrated and short with her. You know that threatening "stop it" voice. He is not a violent person, I'm not saying threatening in that way. More of the you will be in trouble threat. I'm not a saint, but I do try to comfort her. Maybe I baby her, idk.

Quoting wowguildmomma:

Hugs momma!!! 

I know how you feel on trying to help DH. I have 3 children on the Autism specturm who when around those they know are anything but shy but in a crowded place even a family reunion they completely flip out and massive meltdowns occur. 

Most of our family understands how they are and don't mine when we show up and have to leave or have to decline a invitation all together. But DH gets really upset and humiliated when the situations occur.

All that has helped us is just to keep telling him that there isn't anything we can do but to wait for them to be able to adapt and that the only way we can really help is by not getting upset or irritation because then they feel more anxious due to they don't want to make us upset. Just hang in there and hopefully it will all work itself out.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mynameismuerte
by on Dec. 13, 2011 at 10:10 PM

Are there any other "chaotic" situations that she has meltdowns in? What other triggers does she have besides this particular group of people? If other people she knows were to bombard her upon arrival would she still have a meltdown about it? 

Boobah
by Nikki :) on Dec. 13, 2011 at 10:15 PM
Sheesh, all the situations I can think of involve these people. Lol my side of the family isn't that big. She doesn't melt down, but will stay glued to me in other situations. Like parties, homeschool group, anything. But the meltdowns occur when she is put in situations with really loud, relentless people. My aunt patty makes her this way. She comes straight over and asks a billion questions, wants a hug, and makes stupid comments. She makes ME want to avoid eye contact.

My mom could attack her and she would be fine. Lol. My dad however knows she needs a couple minutes. If he tries to talk to her immediately she just looks down and hugs me.


Quoting mynameismuerte:

Are there any other "chaotic" situations that she has meltdowns in? What other triggers does she have besides this particular group of people? If other people she knows were to bombard her upon arrival would she still have a meltdown about it? 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Boobah
by Nikki :) on Dec. 13, 2011 at 10:17 PM
I also have to say that she seems fine if hubby and I aren't there. Like I said, she went to child watch at the YMCA, she was in public kindergarten last year and only cried when there were big kids around (6th graders) or occasionally when the hallway would get really crowded and she would get pushed.

She has to know what to expect, always. If she expects one thing, and another thing happens... Watch out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mynameismuerte
by on Dec. 13, 2011 at 10:33 PM
The reason I ask is because I know my DS has some sensory issues. Some of her reactions sound that way to me, that it can even happen with familiar people. Your last sentence of if she expects one thing and something else happens is very striking to me because that's also how DS is. One example for him is, if we're going to go someplace I have to prep him. If I just up & say, "we need to go now" he'll flip out on me.

He just seems to process things differently. There is a great book I read once, I think called The Sensory Sensitive Child and I think it had something about out of bounds behavior in the title as well. I'll look it up in the morning when I'm not on mobile. It just sounds to me like there is more to it than just being shy because she does do well in other situations, including some in your absence.

Anyhow, I promise I'm not trying to "diagnose" your child, lol. Just tossing out the only thing that comes to mind for me.

It's who she is and I think you're right that it's DH that needs help understanding it's just who she is and forcing people to respect her boundaries.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mjp2707
by Member on Dec. 13, 2011 at 11:12 PM
My oldest is very shy. To the point of interfering with his capabilities. He will say I don't want friends, no one likes me. It breaks my heart I don't know how he got so shy. I take him to classes he has been in school for two years. I just don't get it. He also has other issues like doing things the exact right way. One night he had to get in and out of the car 4x bc he didn't do it right. Then we has our middle son who seems to be outgoing and is sooooo wild. So I have no advice but since our kids seem to have similar personalities I will tell you the third kiddo is so sweet and loving. He is 14 months old now and will let me hold him all day. So maybe your third will Be like ours.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN