Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

This whole year has been a struggle.

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 5:39 AM
  • 10 Replies

My daughter (kindergarten) has been stubborn since day 1 and I can't teach her. She just shuts off when it comes to anything to do with phonics. I play tons of games with her, online and off but she doesn't learn anything from the games. I have had a horrible time just teaching her her abc's, she still doesn't know all of them. I started her in K12 on Jan. 2nd to see if they could get her caught up but they started her in Phonics where the other kids were which is more advanced than she is. I ttok her out because I didn't see a reason trying to start her in the middle of a subject. I have bought Hooked On Phonics and done lots of lessons with her but she hates it so much so nothing sticks. It is just a battle every day. I got her a Jumpstart version of hooked on phonics but she doesn't like it, which all it is for the most part is games. She just doesn't want to learn from me. I try to make up phonics games while we are out and she won't do them because she knows I am trying to teach her (there is no trying to trick her into playing learning games). If I thought she would be ok I would put her in public school tomorrow but I know she would be way behind. I plan on putting her back in school next year and need to get her caught up with the public school. She plays on Starfall, reading eggs and lots of other online games and nothing is working. I read to her alot which she loves but then I will try to get her to read small words like in or as and I sound them out for her and she just gets mad because I am trying to "make her read". What would you do in my situation.

by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 5:39 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 12:18 PM

 She probably isn't ready to read yet. Just because the PS say that kids should learn to read at 5 or 6 dose not mean that all children are ready to at those ages. Here are some articals to help you understand



by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 12:22 PM

 My apologies to any one trying to read my above post while I fixed the broken links!

by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2012 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this

*hugs* Right now, you need to drop the phonics. It's become a power struggle and you can't win. No matter how much time is passing, give it at least a month or six weeks with no phonics, abc's, anything like that. She may know them and is just refusing to be 'made' to do it.

After a time, begin to reintroduce abc's in a very relaxed way. Just a few times a week for just 10 minutes or so. If she doesn't 'know' a letter, don't push it, just keep going. In this time, if she shows interest in a new game or something, mention that she wouldn't be able to play the game because she doesn't know her letters. Not a big deal, she'll just have to wait until she is older.

She might also respond to a reward chart. Everytime she can say the letter's name and sound, she gets a sticker. Once she has all the letters she can get a prize.

Don't give up! You can do this, it is just a matter of finding the right path!

by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 1:01 PM

There is nothing wrong with your daughter and she does not need to be enrolled in school 

Check and see what the law is in your state about home schooling. If schooling isn't required until age 7 then you can just wait until age 7 to try and do anything that looks like schooling. Many states have this age because that may be the youngest age that people should try and teach school. Over the years people have come to believe that for some reason younger kids need to go to school. Free day care is one of the reasons.

If your state requires school at her age then look to see what they require you to do. Some states have no requirements. It doesn't sound like your state requires you to follow a set program. If the state doesn't require anything you can wait and do nothing formal until she is 7 or older. It will not hurt her.

It is better if kids learn to read on their own, they will have fewer reading problems and enjoy reading more. There is no reason to be concerned if a child isn't reading until age 12 (they will know how to read signs and sight read words way before that). A child that learns to read at age 12 will soon read at an adult level. It is like a light turns on. I had 3 sons and my oldest two have IQs around 130 and my yougest 80. My oldest read (adult level, that is around a 5th grade level) at age 4. The other two read at age 12. How can a child with an IQ of 130 and a child with an IQ of 80 (that doctors said would never read) both start reading at age 12? Children that are not taught to read or who are not told there is something wrong with them will "get" reading by age 12 on their own. If they don't and you haven't noticed something wrong then they can be taught after age 12. My son with the 80 IQ (that the doctors said would never read) homeschooled through high school, went to college, and bought his own home with a pool in Tucson when he was 21. He is a great reader and writes better than I do and I have 2 graduate degrees.

Instead of trying to make her learn, you could take a break. Read some articles or books by John Holt. Read about child development. Read about unschooling (you don't have to do it but you can learn why people do). Read about multiple intelligences and how to use multiple intelligence theory, Howard Gardner has several books about this. 

Learn what your child likes and go with that. I live with my 3 year old grandson and he likes books that I can sing like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little, Star." He sings along and is learning the words by memmory and by sight. From my reading and singing books to him and one of his toys he taught himself his upper and lower case alphabet when he was two. I am amazed. He knew how to use the laptop when he was two and could turn it on and go to his Netflix songs. He is an audio and visual learner. He uses the computer more than I think a 3 year old should but he learns from it so it can't be all bad.

Even if the state says you have to "teach" your child there are ways you can do it without upsetting her. It may involve chaning your paradigm from thinging there is something wrong with your child to thinking there is something wrong with the way people (you) try to teach young children. Meeting other homeschooling families sometimes, sometimes not, helps.

by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 1:17 PM

 Multiple intelligences

A conversation with John Holt from Mothering Magazine



by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 I read suggestion about giving rewards for learning a letter. This is like what schools do. You can make homeschooling look very much like school and rely on worksheets, stickers, and rewards. Your child isn't going to get the full benefits of homeschooling. What you would be doing is taking the child out of the school, isolating her, and making what she does look like what she would be doing in school. This is the kind of situation people think homeschooled kids live in and why well meaning people worry. You don't want to take the kid out of school and turn your home into being just like the school minus the other kids. 

Homeschooling can be so much better. When you use better methods you have happier kids, happier families, and the children are more likely to become lifelong learners (the ideal goal of child education). You want children to want to learn because learning is fun or interesting, not to get a sticker. You want intrinsic motivation. Just like you want kids to behave well because that is the way they should be not because they will get stickers (intrinsic motivation).

by on Feb. 3, 2012 at 3:46 PM

Some States don't require a child in school until they are 7 years old and then in some places it goes to 17 years old.  Some states are now 18, some are still 16.  Give up on the phonics and all that stuff for a while.  How old is your daughter? Right now it's become a power struggle between you both.  If your state says she doesn't need to be in school until 7 then maybe wait a year and try again.

by on Feb. 4, 2012 at 12:13 AM

Thank you everyone for the great advice. As for taking time off, this I can not do with her. I have to have her ready for 1st grade in public school because she will have to go back to public school next year. I am a single mother who is trying  to work from home at the moment so I can keep her with me but working from home is not working out so I have to find an out of home job as soon as school starts next year. I went to the book store today and found a couple of phonics workbooks so I am going to try those with her and see if they help. 

by on Feb. 4, 2012 at 10:19 AM

Learning their alphabet and letter recognition needs to come before ever starting phonics, and no curriculum is needed for this. Make home school unlike the class room.

 Teach the alphabet by singing the alphabet song together as you go for walks.  Once she knows her alphabet, draw the letters in the sand as you go for walks.  As you read to her play game finding the the letters or point out the letters as you go.  Make these things a special time between you and her, a time for being together.

Also learning her learning style will help:  Here is a link to 4 videos to help you with that.

by on Feb. 4, 2012 at 10:59 AM

I am in the SAME position you are in ! Does she like Barbie,Scooby Doo or Clifford ? They make a "hooked on phonics" type program for all of those. I know it is hard to hear "she may not be ready yet" I know it can be frustrating to feel like you should be doing more and she is not getting it. Like I said I am having the exact same problem ( I even have a girl I am doing Kindergarten with ). I have better luck with my 2yo with phonics than I do Jo (K) and I do not even try with her much LOL . She just picks it up. The only thing that has been working for us is phonics songs and dances ( we just do silly dances) and going on "treasure hunts" for letters or sounds that things make. Feel free to pm me if you need to vent or just chat about it.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)