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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

S/O why have kids --OT

Posted by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 3:16 AM
  • 44 Replies
2 moms liked this
I was reading through the replies and saw a lot of different views (since the post went "public" so to speak.) One thing I don't get is when people say "You have to have time to be 'you'. You know, the 'you' that you were before you had kids,"

Can someone explain this logic to me? In my mind, those people might as well be saying "After you're married, you have to have girls nights so you can be the 'you' that you were before you were married." Are you not the same 'you'? Why does someone feel the need to relive a past part of their life? When you have kids, you give up the childless part of you. When you get married, you give up the single part of you. When you get a job, you give up the unemployed part of you, etc. It doesn't mean you can't take time to do the things you love doing, it just means that things in your life are now different. Why feel the need to go back and live in the past??

To me, it's like a 30 yr old having to be the person she was in college and start clubbing and drinking and womanizing again (not saying everyone does this... Just throwing out an example) That chapter of your life is closed. Look at what you have know and enjoy your life for what it is!

Idk. I just don't get that logic.
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by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 3:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KickButtMama
by Shannon on Jul. 1, 2012 at 9:23 AM
3 moms liked this
I don't get it either, sorry. I was disgusted by 99.99% of those replies, and hated that it 'went public'. As usual most got personally offended that we choose to 'smother' our kids. Lol.. But I have no desire for a major life away from my family. But then again, I've been on the brink of death. Was told I'd probably never be healthy enough to have kids. And that I could drop at any moment. So I tend to see evy single moment as a blessing and not a 'job' or 'chore'
mynameismuerte
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 10:47 AM
2 moms liked this
It's still on the homepage *sigh*. I find it disturbing how much CM likes to stir the pot.

Anyways, I am with you in not understanding that logic. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by focusing on my family. My children won't be little and dependent on me forever so I expect my life to evolve anyway. I am happy to say that I am not the same person that I was in high school and I have evolved (grown/matured) since marrying 12 years ago and since having our first child 6 years ago, etc.
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tiredmomfor2
by **Lyndsay** on Jul. 1, 2012 at 10:55 AM
I strongly agree with what you are saying. I was dissapointed to see that it had went 'public' on the homepage. It was a very good conversation until everyone came flooding in and being rude. All the ladies in this group are so nice...and the people that came in and commented were not polite at all. I'm looking forward to this dying down soon.
Question...do these peopl have to join to come in and comment?
Moma3boyz
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 10:57 AM
The way I see it is that if they are taking it that personal, they have some guilt going on. While I dont think having time to yourself is bad, I don't see it as requirement to be a mom like some of the ladies imply. I also think that if you feel it is a must to spend a huge amount of time away something is wrong. We have kids at the daycare that is there 12 hrs a day 5 days a week and mom comes in telling us she has to take the kids to grandmas for the weekend so she has some kids free time. Drives me insane.
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tiredmomfor2
by **Lyndsay** on Jul. 1, 2012 at 11:03 AM
Quoting Moma3boyz:

The way I see it is that if they are taking it that personal, they have some guilt going on. While I dont think having time to yourself is bad, I don't see it as requirement to be a mom like some of the ladies imply. I also think that if you feel it is a must to spend a huge amount of time away something is wrong. We have kids at the daycare that is there 12 hrs a day 5 days a week and mom comes in telling us she has to take the kids to grandmas for the weekend so she has some kids free time. Drives me insane.


I used to work in daycare and the scenario you described very frequently happens.
Also..on a side note. By the time it went 'public' they had managed to twist the conversation to something else intirely..making it sound as if we (homeschool moms) only sit and stare at our kids all day long begging for them to give us our identity back. Lol Um I have some friends, and I have hobbies..I just choose to budget my time...so everything gets done. Laundry, baths, school, and meals are a requirement...girls night, hobbies, and etc are not a requirement, they are a privilege. We don't let our kids skimp on their duties and do what every they want, so why would we.
Ok sorry I'm done ranting now. I am praying the post dies down soon. :)
usmom3
by BJ on Jul. 1, 2012 at 11:38 AM

 I agree with all of you! It is sad to see the post get twisted by others being defensive about the way they conduct their business.

usmom3
by BJ on Jul. 1, 2012 at 11:41 AM

 

Quoting tiredmomfor2:


Question...do these peopl have to join to come in and comment?

 NO they don't! This group is owned & run by Cafemom & they have it set up that anyone can come in & read & post in our forums! They do it like that so that Moms have a chance to see what we are about before joining unfortunately it also lets the trolls & trouble makers in as well!

starbeck96
by Bronze Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 11:52 AM

I agree with all of you.

I have been a SAHM for the past 11-12 years.  I worked when my boys were little (up until they were about 3).  I was miserable being away from my babies. Finally, DH and I decided that it wasn't worth me having to leave them all the time for me to bring in about 300.00 per month (if that).  I was working about 40 minutes from our house.  So, I would have to drive there and back.  I would eat out and I was only making 6.00 an hour.  It just wasn't worth it.  I was paying 120.00 per week out in daycare..I wouldn't get home until 5 or 6 everyday.  By the time I got home it was time to fix soemthing to eat, give baths, and put them in the bed.  I nearly cried everyday on my way to work.

Then, they started to PS.  They have been in PS through the 8th grade.  DD will be in Kindergarten and the boys will be in 9th grade.  I am so excited that we are HS all of our children this year.  

Even when the boys were in PS I spent tons of time with them whenever possible.  I volunteered at the school anytime I could and I also subbed. 

I hardly ever go out.  I feel that my place is in the home raising my children.  I do not feel that I am not complete.  My husband and my kids are my life.  Whenever I do go out alone it is usually only to do the grocery shopping.  Many times one of the boys will go with me.  DH usually stays at home with whoever is left at home.

I don't really have anyone to go out with anymore anyway.  DH and I rarely go out alone although we are going to try to change that somewhat.   We are going to try to have a date night at least once a month.  We just feel that it is also important to keep our time together.  We are planning to do tons with our kids now that they are HS and are not tied down to the PS system's schedule..

It is so sad how many parents feel that their children are a burden.  We feel that our children are a gift from God.  We just try to spend as much time with them as possible and teach them the best way we can.. 

Moma3boyz
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 12:02 PM
Lol. Seems to be troll season right now. I do love the moms that are the "regulars" here. Ya'll have helped me become a better mom and homeschooler. I dont know any homeschoolers in our area, so you all are my support system outside my immediate family.

Quoting usmom3:

 


Quoting tiredmomfor2:


Question...do these peopl have to join to come in and comment?

 NO they don't! This group is owned & run by Cafemom & they have it set up that anyone can come in & read & post in our forums! They do it like that so that Moms have a chance to see what we are about before joining unfortunately it also lets the trolls & trouble makers in as well!

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usmom3
by BJ on Jul. 1, 2012 at 12:12 PM
2 moms liked this

 We do have a really great group of Moms in here! So glad that we are here for  you when you need us!

We need some troll repellent!

Quoting Moma3boyz:

Lol. Seems to be troll season right now. I do love the moms that are the "regulars" here. Ya'll have helped me become a better mom and homeschooler. I dont know any homeschoolers in our area, so you all are my support system outside my immediate family.

Quoting usmom3:

 


Quoting tiredmomfor2:


Question...do these peopl have to join to come in and comment?

 NO they don't! This group is owned & run by Cafemom & they have it set up that anyone can come in & read & post in our forums! They do it like that so that Moms have a chance to see what we are about before joining unfortunately it also lets the trolls & trouble makers in as well!

 

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