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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Oh My Goodness! (VENT)

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 5:05 PM
  • 7 Replies

So I was working with my two older boys on Math today. My 8 1/2 year old son, who is very bright was throwing a fit saying that he couldn't do it. We started with math that is way easy for him, it's to help my 10 year old who is not to where he should be in math catch up. So after my DH/his dad talked with him we agreed to move him up to a higher math level, after he finished a few harder pages in the math book he was on. Than he was throwing a fit, because he said he couldn't do it. My DH and I decided to let our 10 year old go outside to play, because his work was done. DH had to run some errands so it is just me and the boys. When I told our 8 1/2 year old that he doesn't get to go out right now he started throwing the biggest fit I have ever seen him throw. He even threw something at me. I'm 30 weeks pregnant so there is not much I can do to restrain him, or anything of that nature. We are new to HS, and I very strongly feel it is the right way to go with our family. However today kinda scares me.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 5:05 PM
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Replies (1-7):
mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2012 at 6:22 PM
1 mom liked this

*hugs* My son has thrown some crazy fits. I found the best way to deal with my son is facial non response and punishments that are non attention getting. I don't react to the fit with anything more than 'mild concern'. I tell him, keeping my voice even, that he is obviously too worked up to think and he has to go to his room to calm down. He may scream louder when I do this, but stand firm. He may not come out until he is calm and quiet for 10-15 minutes. He had screamed in his room for 2 hours before, but I just let him do it. It took about 2 weeks, but now, he and I can get stuff done, with much less pain.

If he is so out of control (throwing things at Mom, in my household, is a BIG deal) that you feel that you can't control him, you need to stop all schooling attempts and focus on getting his behavior modified. That is probably going to be a mix between tough love and more bonding. Make a list of the rules, explain the rules and then stick with them.

At the same time, go have park time, special craft time, whatever it is you two can do to bond. Keep applying the rules, no matter what, but it sounds like you need to make you relationship stronger. Sometimes, kids need a reaffirmation of love when large changes are taking place. Have you deschooled him?

omiestutz29
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 6:26 PM

I've always felt like I have a good relationship with him. However I don't feel I am strict enough, and always turn to DH for discpline. Which I know I need to fix that.

What do you mean by deschooling?

Quoting mem82:

*hugs* My son has thrown some crazy fits. I found the best way to deal with my son is facial non response and punishments that are non attention getting. I don't react to the fit with anything more than 'mild concern'. I tell him, keeping my voice even, that he is obviously too worked up to think and he has to go to his room to calm down. He may scream louder when I do this, but stand firm. He may not come out until he is calm and quiet for 10-15 minutes. He had screamed in his room for 2 hours before, but I just let him do it. It took about 2 weeks, but now, he and I can get stuff done, with much less pain.

If he is so out of control (throwing things at Mom, in my household, is a BIG deal) that you feel that you can't control him, you need to stop all schooling attempts and focus on getting his behavior modified. That is probably going to be a mix between tough love and more bonding. Make a list of the rules, explain the rules and then stick with them.

At the same time, go have park time, special craft time, whatever it is you two can do to bond. Keep applying the rules, no matter what, but it sounds like you need to make you relationship stronger. Sometimes, kids need a reaffirmation of love when large changes are taking place. Have you deschooled him?


mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2012 at 6:36 PM

I am leaving to go to a Cub Scout meeting so this will be quick, but I'm sure the others can chime in.

After a child go to public school, even public preschool, they (and you) need to 'deschool'. The freedom, different learning format, responsibility, different relationships aspect of homeschooling is hard to take in, even in young children. They need to just be let loose to learn how they want to, while they adjust. This will help them 'rewire' their brain to learn in the natural and normal way, not in the way B & M schools (brick and  mortar) teach them. He may not even understand why he isn't in school. If he thought you took him out to punish him or because you thought he was stupid, he might act out even more. Kids think differently than adults.

I know someone else will be able to describe this better, but it can take several months. While deschooling, you don't put learning on hold, but you focus it on more activities and field trips. Look it up on Google for ideas, even. I'll be back later. lol

Quoting omiestutz29:

I've always felt like I have a good relationship with him. However I don't feel I am strict enough, and always turn to DH for discpline. Which I know I need to fix that.

What do you mean by deschooling?

Quoting mem82:

*hugs* My son has thrown some crazy fits. I found the best way to deal with my son is facial non response and punishments that are non attention getting. I don't react to the fit with anything more than 'mild concern'. I tell him, keeping my voice even, that he is obviously too worked up to think and he has to go to his room to calm down. He may scream louder when I do this, but stand firm. He may not come out until he is calm and quiet for 10-15 minutes. He had screamed in his room for 2 hours before, but I just let him do it. It took about 2 weeks, but now, he and I can get stuff done, with much less pain.

If he is so out of control (throwing things at Mom, in my household, is a BIG deal) that you feel that you can't control him, you need to stop all schooling attempts and focus on getting his behavior modified. That is probably going to be a mix between tough love and more bonding. Make a list of the rules, explain the rules and then stick with them.

At the same time, go have park time, special craft time, whatever it is you two can do to bond. Keep applying the rules, no matter what, but it sounds like you need to make you relationship stronger. Sometimes, kids need a reaffirmation of love when large changes are taking place. Have you deschooled him?





oredeb
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 8:27 PM
KickButtMama
by Shannon on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:54 AM
1 mom liked this
First let me welcome you to the fun, sometimes challenging, ride that is HS!

Yes, deschooling is an important aspect of the transition from public school to homeschool. Let's face it, homeschool is VASTLY different from PS. The are different expectations, different interaction between the 'teacher' and students, and there is a difference in how mom is as 'mom' or 'teacher'. You see, when he was in a. Rick and mortar school he couldn't just look outside and know the option of playing was really open to him. But he might feel that if he gets to drive you crazy enough you'll just say - "go!"

Secondly. Some of the hardest things to feel out in the beginning are starting level, learning style, and continuity & consequences (ie, expectations). My kids have always HS so we don't have a lot of the same challenges, as we've been on the HS roller coaster for nearly a decade. But my youngest is strong willed. So he likes to test bounderies and see what he can get away with.

So, here's my advice. You need to sit down with your DH and figure out exactly what consequences are for infractions. Then you need to sit the kids down (w/DH) and be explicit in your expectations. This way you, as a family, are all on the same page. During this convo, discuss with your children what excites them, what they WANT to learn. And see if you can work out what type of learners they are. Then you need to be consistent! One of the hardest things I know, is consistancy, but it is very important.

I use Behavior Bucks in my home. You can read about them here - http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/16866109/Behavior_Bucks

 Home Educators Toolbox  / Articles / Kicbuttmama's Crazy Lapbooks / Kickbuttmama's Home Education
Albert Einstein -- 
   "Everybody is a Genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid." 

kirbymom
by Sonja on Jul. 3, 2012 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this

  Hello and much Welcome.  : )

 What has been said is right on. I would like to add that it sounds like he might be upset with someone or something.  I also know that children, when having just gone through a phase or is about to go through one, will act out behaviorallywise. That is one of the biggest signs of a child getting older and really doesn't want to just yet.  They see that they are not going to get the same treatment when they get older and that can sometimes scare them or even make them mad. What kids tend to forget about growing up is, they may leave behind the cool treatment smaller children get, but get much older responsibilities and young adult treatment to go along with getting older and growing up.  We adults forget what its like being a kid growing up.  We forget to empathise with our kids and how they think and feel.  Kids are constantly growing and changing physically and mentally.  It is also not always easy being the parent of our ever growing and ever changing children.  Be tough, be firm and most of all, be understanding.  You can and will get through this. You will see.  Have faith. 

Boobah
by Nikki :) on Jul. 4, 2012 at 6:52 PM
(((hugs)))
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