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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Hubby and DD Pulled the Plug on HS

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:38 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hello Ladies!  I'm so disappointed and heart broken right now.  Today, my hubby shared with me that  my dd  expressed an interest in going to B&M middle school next year. As previously mentioned she struggled through 5th grade in the PS system this year. After struggling with ADHD in PS this year, she was excited about beginning HS next year.  After several conversations, we decided as a family (dd included) that HS would be a much better opportunity for her.  This weekend, we spent the weekend with her as she's been away at her grandmother's house for the summer.  We picked her up so that she could go with us to the beach for the weekend.  Well, during this weekend she expressed twice that she decided that she would like to go to PS middle school. 

Based on her enthusiasm, my hubby decided that we should let her attend PS despite the fact that the middle school she is zoned to attend is awful (not meeting standards, gang activity and student pregnancies).  Unfortunately, we can't afford private school and there are not any other school choices in our area. 

As mom, I'm deeply concerned about her safety, exposure/influences, adhd, and quality of education.  However, hubby has the "She will be alright. I didn't go the best schools and I turned out fine." mindset. I reminded him of all the reasons we ended up at the HS decision in the first place. Unfortunately, that didn't work.  He said that it would be a good thing because then it would give me the chance to be "diligent about finding a FT job."  I understand we need the money but I feel that my dd's education should come first, especially after all the challenges she faced this year. Switching classes, staying organized, juggling five classes and homework sent her anxiety through the roof.  Trying to be a good wife, I'm trying to accept my husband's decision with a smile.  However, I have cried several time this afternoon.

Has anyone faced this?  If so, what did you do?

by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
usmom3
by BJ on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:41 PM
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 I would be very suspicious that someone was filling her head with information against homeschooling or for PS.

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Jul. 9, 2012 at 7:13 PM
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Wow, that's a tough situation. I would discuss your concerns with hubby. This is too an important decision to leave up to a middle schooler. It's not uncommon for them to fear change, fear being different, etc. but as the parents it's up to you to be the guiding force. If she struggled in 5th it won't miraculously be better for 6th. I would talk with hubby about doing a trial run for a year. If after this year, you think she'd be better off in a B & M school, then you'll feel much more secure with the decision.
KickButtMama
by Shannon on Jul. 9, 2012 at 7:13 PM
Quoting usmom3:

 I would be very suspicious that someone was filling her head with information against homeschooling or for PS.




I AGREE!! It seems to me that maybe the grandparents made some disparaging remarks.
delightfullymom
by Member on Jul. 9, 2012 at 7:27 PM

Thanks for the support!  I agree that it's too important to leave to an 11 yr old!  I also believe grandmom may have chimed in with some discouraging remarks regarding home-school.  The idea of sending her to PS does not sit well with me AT ALL.  I like the suggestion about asking for a year trial.   Perhaps, that will work.  Hopefully, I will be able to report a favorable update in the near future. 

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Jul. 9, 2012 at 7:32 PM
Quoting delightfullymom:

Thanks for the support!  I agree that it's too important to leave to an 11 yr old!  I also believe grandmom may have chimed in with some discouraging remarks regarding home-school.  The idea of sending her to PS does not sit well with me AT ALL.  I like the suggestion about asking for a year trial.   Perhaps, that will work.  Hopefully, I will be able to report a favorable update in the near future. 




When I first started HS back for pre-k, I wanted to do it forever. My DH had never met a single homeschooled person at that point so he thought it was strange. He also loved the social aspects of PS and I think he worried that we would raise weirdos. So I initially said we would only commit to one year. Then did the same for the next year. By the third year, DH had met many other HS families, and saw how 'normal' they are, and saw how advanced our sons were. Now he brags about HS! So there is hope.. I was a daddy's girl. If I said I wanted to go to school, he'd probably have let me, even if he knew HS would have been better. (though that wasn't the case as he was a single father of 4. Ps was basically free daycare..lol).
Shari55
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 8:10 PM

This is where I am so glad that my husband has left the education of our daughters up to me. My mother use to chime in about how important B&M schools were better than homeschooling, which made poor Michaela (my youngest) bounce from homeschooling to PS and Private schooling (till my mom was visiting and saw an actual gang fight on our way home from the mall. The fight was in front of our local library and in the street that we were on, near the high school that she would have attended.),which paid havoc on her, spirit and self-esteem. 

 I had to set boundaries with my mom that I never thought I would have to do. Yet on the high side my mom, has seen that home schooling works because she has been able to take Michaela on trips to Boston (History), Canada(History) and Maine, among other places.

kirbymom
by Sonja on Jul. 9, 2012 at 8:20 PM

 

 

 This is what I would say as well!  There is still time to have a few more conversations about homeschooling.  Try not to worry.  **Hugs**  : )

Quoting KickButtMama:

Wow, that's a tough situation. I would discuss your concerns with hubby. This is too an important decision to leave up to a middle schooler. It's not uncommon for them to fear change, fear being different, etc. but as the parents it's up to you to be the guiding force. If she struggled in 5th it won't miraculously be better for 6th. I would talk with hubby about doing a trial run for a year. If after this year, you think she'd be better off in a B & M school, then you'll feel much more secure with the decision.

mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 7:38 AM
1 mom liked this

Are you sure your hubby isn't pushing PS because he wants you to find a job? He might have backed out because of money concerns.

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Jul. 10, 2012 at 3:50 PM

 I like the idea of doing a trial run.  When my DS was going into Kindergarden, we knew that we were going to be moving the following summer. I had moved a lot when I was a kid and hated switching schools all the time, so I didnt want that for him.  So DH and I decided that for that year, we would hs and then he would go to ps for 1st grade when we got settled.  We'd never been exposed to hs before, but that year we all saw the benefit of hs.  It's been an interesting series of twists and turns of hs, public and private school, but now we're back to hs and I'm so glad.  My DD has an anxiety disorder and we pulled her at the end of the year with the thought of let's give it a year and see where it goes.  The trial year though is an excellent thing!

 

delightfullymom
by Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 4:59 PM
Thanks for all the replies! I will mention the trial year to see how it goes. I agree that he may be worried about the finances. I contribute by cleaning rental properties, participating in kids consignment sales, couponing, and stretching dollars as much as possible. Honestly, I would sacrifice having more money to spend on luxuries for the sake of giving my dd a great learning environment. Thanks for the support
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