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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

I feel like such a failure...

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I homeschooled my dd for preschool, sent her to public school for K and did virtual school last year for first grade. Last year was a total disaster. My dd has a problem with being quiet after being told repeatedly to be quiet, I can stick her in corners, take things away...she will keep on talking & interrupting during teaching time, she otherwise is a well behaved near perfect acting child. I have a four year old that can be a monster tyrant. If I stick her in a corner she won't stand in it, she will drop & flailing, I take her things away she will just scream, if she doesn't want to do something she just won't do it she just screams, she screams if I try & put her down for a nap or make her pick up her toys. I don't want to send them to public school, for religious, moral, everything reasons...but its just a nightmare. I also have an anxiety disorder I'm on edge & get panic attacks. I have to be able to teach my daughters but not only will they not listen long enough for me to teach them something they fight with each other CONSTANTLY. I can't get my youngest to nap or to do any activity by herself for even a five minute period to do any lessons with my oldest. Then she doesn't listen I end up getting agrivated & yelling & then she ends up crying. I feel so terrible, I feel like a terrible teacher & a horrible mother. Not to mention the only supportive person about me homeschooling is my dh we have the same values but our families have to put their two cents in about us homeschooling, the kids socializing. I'm so discouraged & feeling terrible.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 5:08 PM
Replies (11-17):
kirbymom
by Sonja on Jul. 13, 2012 at 6:20 PM
2 moms liked this

 Awww sweetpea!  You are not a bad mother or teacher. You are just frazzled. We all get like this at one time or other.  (((HUGS)))

 You are not alone.  And don't worry. You CAN do this. You need to focus on changing one thing at a time.  First of all, when one of them starts with their attitude, have them sit in a chair or on the couch.  when they start to throw a temper, tell them they will stay there as long as they keep throwing a temper. When they say they want to get up, you inform them ..not until you are done with your temper.  When they say they are done, let them up. Repeat said actions as soon as they start a temper again. They will eventually get the idea and give an inch or two when they realize they are not going to budge you on it.  You may have to take some time out of schooling to get them on the road to a better frame of mind with regards to their behavior. For the home and for the homeschool.  You might want to try reading to them at a set time every day. Make that "their" time. When they see that they have some "special" time with you, they should start to settle down some.  Once you have them having a better frame of mind, you should see it in your schooling as well.  This will of course, take some time before you will see the benefits of your actions. But it will come. They didn't get this way overnight.  ~~ I used to have the same problems. And I would react the same way as yourself.  When I finally became frustrated enough that I couldn't go another day like this, I started doing everything with them differently.  I would just focus on one of their little attitudes and work on it till I saw the amount of improvement I was looking for.  Then I would focus on another particular issue and do the same thing. Pretty soon, things were slowly becoming different.  When things got to this point, I started having a few minutes set aside for myself, just so I could sit there and do nothing but watch. Not saying anything. A few minutes here and there. The kids started to notice and would ask me what I was doing. I told them I was trying to get myself in a better frame of mind. They wanted to know why. So I told them that by having a better frame of mind, I could do things better that I couldn't do before. I was able to come up with solutions to other things I was satisfied with and wanted changed. Well, suffice it to say, my kids thought that was something they wanted to try out after awhile.  Some found they could see what I was trying to accomplish and therefore do the same and did. Some of the others just learned that this was mommy's thinking moment and decided to find something quiet to do until I was done. Now, its not quite pefect but at least we are a far cry from those days where nothing but frustrations ruled every waking moment.  And you will get there too. Just have faith in yourself. You should also tell yourself at different times throughout the day that......."This is just a phase. This is just a phase. They will not be like this forever."  And you will find that for yourself, you will have different reactions to their behavior. Better reactions. Less frustrations.  You Can Do This Momma!  We all have the faith that you will succeed.  If you find yourself at an impasse, just take some time and come in here for some moral support. We would be glad to help bolster you up.  We've all been there.  :) 

 Do you have any alphabet magnets?

gratefulgal
by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

You are speaking my words right now... we've been going through a major struggle with our two as well (they are younger than yours). OMG. Sometimes I'm at the end of my rope and there's just so much NOISE and I just --plain and simple---don't know what to do. Especially out in public. There is no place for time out except the car and that means I have to go out with him, and my husband has to finish the shopping and, well, you know how that it. You can warn my oldest that this behavior means you're going to the car, hime, whatever, and he says that's what he wants. So no matter what he gets his way.grrr.

I don't know if I'm any help, but you're post has been such a blessing to me because I feel like I am not so alone now. I have been feeling like such a failure of a mom for yelling, am I'm trying to be better. That's not who I am. I look at my kids sometimes and I think "who ARE you???"

Anyway, hang in there. I'll pray for you,too. :)

mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 11:03 AM

I agree with all of this. We all have been in this spot, we all have spent time yelling more than teaching, and we all had to buckle down and correct it. **hugs**

Quoting kirbymom:

 Awww sweetpea!  You are not a bad mother or teacher. You are just frazzled. We all get like this at one time or other.  (((HUGS)))

 You are not alone.  And don't worry. You CAN do this. You need to focus on changing one thing at a time.  First of all, when one of them starts with their attitude, have them sit in a chair or on the couch.  when they start to throw a temper, tell them they will stay there as long as they keep throwing a temper. When they say they want to get up, you inform them ..not until you are done with your temper.  When they say they are done, let them up. Repeat said actions as soon as they start a temper again. They will eventually get the idea and give an inch or two when they realize they are not going to budge you on it.  You may have to take some time out of schooling to get them on the road to a better frame of mind with regards to their behavior. For the home and for the homeschool.  You might want to try reading to them at a set time every day. Make that "their" time. When they see that they have some "special" time with you, they should start to settle down some.  Once you have them having a better frame of mind, you should see it in your schooling as well.  This will of course, take some time before you will see the benefits of your actions. But it will come. They didn't get this way overnight.  ~~ I used to have the same problems. And I would react the same way as yourself.  When I finally became frustrated enough that I couldn't go another day like this, I started doing everything with them differently.  I would just focus on one of their little attitudes and work on it till I saw the amount of improvement I was looking for.  Then I would focus on another particular issue and do the same thing. Pretty soon, things were slowly becoming different.  When things got to this point, I started having a few minutes set aside for myself, just so I could sit there and do nothing but watch. Not saying anything. A few minutes here and there. The kids started to notice and would ask me what I was doing. I told them I was trying to get myself in a better frame of mind. They wanted to know why. So I told them that by having a better frame of mind, I could do things better that I couldn't do before. I was able to come up with solutions to other things I was satisfied with and wanted changed. Well, suffice it to say, my kids thought that was something they wanted to try out after awhile.  Some found they could see what I was trying to accomplish and therefore do the same and did. Some of the others just learned that this was mommy's thinking moment and decided to find something quiet to do until I was done. Now, its not quite pefect but at least we are a far cry from those days where nothing but frustrations ruled every waking moment.  And you will get there too. Just have faith in yourself. You should also tell yourself at different times throughout the day that......."This is just a phase. This is just a phase. They will not be like this forever."  And you will find that for yourself, you will have different reactions to their behavior. Better reactions. Less frustrations.  You Can Do This Momma!  We all have the faith that you will succeed.  If you find yourself at an impasse, just take some time and come in here for some moral support. We would be glad to help bolster you up.  We've all been there.  :) 

 Do you have any alphabet magnets?




mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

My son sounds a lot like your oldest. Teaching him to read has been extremely difficult. He rushes through letter sounds, and then gets upset that he doesn't get the word right. He can't take any criticism, no matter how gentle I am. I've shortened the lessons and worked on finding more games on letter sounds. It was hard. We are finally over a hump, but we still have bad days, honestly.

sourflower
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 9:42 PM

 Thank you! Your dd is very pretty. :)

Quoting jgattis:

Hi dear!

My first advice is to check out the laws in GA.  Make sure you are in compliance with all those for your state first and foremost! wink mini

My next piece of advice....at this age, is there a reason why you feel the need for them to be quiet to learn?  I don't mean to sound rude and I hope that I'm not coming across that way....I only mean to be supportive and full of hope and advice. smile mini

There are so many activities you can do where the kids can be loud and active and still learn.  Check out your local parks and see if they have nature trails.  Take the kids on walks there and see how many of the local wildlife species you can identify (loudly! haha!!).  Make it a game.  If you see a lizard....shout it out!  If it's a bird...whisper....  If it's a squirrel...SHOUT!!!  If it's a chipmunk....whisper....  You get the idea.  If someone makes the wrong sound, that person has to make a monkey noise or a cow noise or something of the sort.

You can take them outside...or even set it up in a playroom or living room...and learn letters (or words for your older child).  They have their back to the room while you scatter papers with the words (or letters) on them around the room.  Then, you step back and call out a word.  The children turn around quickly and race to find the word.  You can give prizes for the child who finds the most words.

There are SO many activities you can do with the children that facilitate learning but don't require them to be quiet.  Perhaps you just have active learners.  There's nothing in the world wrong with that! smile miniMy son loves to lie on the couch with his feet/legs where your back should be and his back/head where your legs/bottom should be during reading time (I have a pic of that somewhere but can't put my hands on it right now.)  My oldest daughter....well....this pic speaks for itself.....

She doesn't do all her reading while hula-hooping but, she was tired of sitting still and needed some movement.

Good luck in finding a method that works for your little ones!!  And....have fun in the process!!! big smile mini

 

sourflower
by on Jul. 15, 2012 at 9:59 PM

 I like homeschool better because with virtual school, at least to me it seemed like this meticulous checklist of stuff I had to force upon my dd each day & we were both tired & cranky by the end of the day. I decided to do virtual school because I didn't want to have to do the record keeping aspect along with schooling her but in the long run it would have been way less stress on the both of us to do homeschooling & I think she would have learned more because she could've learned her own way & at her own pace instead of having to conform to some weird standard. I dislike how they try to put every kid in this box, this is what they have to learn, this is when they have to learn it by, this is the way they have to learn it...

Quoting FLORIDAmom850:

 HOW WAS vIRTUAL SCHOOL?WHAT DO YOU PERFER VIRTUAL OR HOMESCHOOL???  YOU ARE NOT TERRIBLE. REMEMBER U ARE THE MOM.DICIPLINE THEM.YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO LOUISE HAYHOUSE!! i ,<3 HER  GO TO HER WEBSITE.  PRAYING FOR U AND WISH YOU LUCK!!

 

smalltownmom03
by Member on Jul. 16, 2012 at 3:16 AM


Quoting KickButtMama:

HUGS! As the other have touched on, you are NOT a failure. They are still very young. It sounds to me to be a combination of lack of maturity (normal for those ages) and, well, working you for lack of a better term.

Sometimes I think of kids like sharks. They can sent blood and fear from a mile away. If you give up, or scream, or give in to their screaming, then they see screaming as an effective tool for getting your compliance. It's like Pavlovs dog, if you ring a bell everytime you feed a dog, then eventually if you just ring the bell the dog will salivate. If they scream, and get their way, then they will always scream in order to get their way.

I couldn't care. Less if my youngest flailed while in time out, as long as he didn't leave his thinking corne. If he left it, then he would be put back and the timer would be restarted. I think the longest he ever spent in time out was 2 hours, he was testing my mettle to see if I would follow through.. I don't spank, and I don't scream, though I have my drill sargents voice that is very firm.

But here's the thing. I've learned so much from my special needs child, about how to effectively communicate with my boys and good expectations. I can not expect a 5 y/o to act 25 and sit quietly for a lecture. No matter how interesting the material, it is just against their nature to do that. So I can't then be frustrated that they don't meet that unrealistic expectation.

Now, I have an anxiety issue as well. So I know how it can mess with your mind. But sit quietly and really analyze what you hope your kids get out of schooling. NOT what you hope the world outside your family thinks (like meeting state standards or whatever), just really think it. On the day after the kids graduation, what are your top things you hope they have taken away from the experience?

Here are my things, ese work FOR US.

Behavior Bucks - http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/16866109/Behavior_Bucks
This post defines exactly what our HS is like - http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/16483391/Defining_Our_Homeschool_piog

Hang in there!

I agree with everything KickButtMamma has said here. The only thing is that I wanted to add to the highlighted part I dont start the time until the fit throwing has stopped. 

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