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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Homeschooling has spoiled my DD

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 9:07 AM
  • 20 Replies

 So this past year we did an eclectic approach. Half way in my DD had a meltdown saying how much she hated it. So I went and found more 'textbook' type things and revamped to fit her needs better. She became more whiney, but did find some success with Junie B. Jones. She is now going into second grade. We decided to try K12 seeing she needs even more structure and is failing to compelte any tasks. (there are alot more complicated reasons to that as well).

So I have been showing her pics of the books to come, set up a brand new cute workbox system. Discussed the order of subjects, got cute new supplies. Now for 3 days she will randomly say "I only want to do art and music, no more school work, I hate it".

Of course I do all the regular 'talks' you have to have school to be smart and successful. You are very smart and I know you can do it. You are so great at Math, you will have no problems. If we dont get something in reading we will back up and try again. We still get to go to COOP and field trips, ect ect ect.

b-t-w unschooling doesnot work on her, we tried. She needs structure due to ADHD tendencies. Anyone had this happen to their kiddos?

Mommy to Corbin (9-epilepsy,autism, add) Kayla (7) Collin (2), Wife to Ben-OT, and I love teaching- M.Ed Early Childhood. SAHM & Homeschooling. Come watch us at www.youtube.com/user/1212wright

by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 9:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 9:16 AM

Oy! I can see how that could be a BIG problem. Maybe she needs a more hardline approach? If you've told her how well she is going to do, blah, blah, blah, I would quit feeding the attention monster. Next time she says, "I only want to do x,y,z," say, "Well, too bad because before that comes Math and Phonics."

She might be enjoying the attention she gets when she says that and she also might feel your distress at these words. If you don't nip it, now, she may make it a power struggle.

AllThatBabyJazz
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:22 AM

I agree. Maybe it's time to crack down and take a firmer, more structured approach. 

Quoting mem82:

Oy! I can see how that could be a BIG problem. Maybe she needs a more hardline approach? If you've told her how well she is going to do, blah, blah, blah, I would quit feeding the attention monster. Next time she says, "I only want to do x,y,z," say, "Well, too bad because before that comes Math and Phonics."

She might be enjoying the attention she gets when she says that and she also might feel your distress at these words. If you don't nip it, now, she may make it a power struggle.


oredeb
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:41 AM

 ohh wright maybe you've let her have her way to many times? i agree with the above, your the mom, you say how its gona be now, shes had her chance.

tough love!

irvinehiker
by Andrea on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:24 AM

 I agree with these ladies!  I had a similar situation with my dd when we started 3rd grade.  Everday for the first 3 weeks or so she would try to buck the system.  We are talking MAJOR temper tantrums that I had never seen before.  It took me being consistent and letting  her know that we were going to get our work done.  After she realized I wasn't budging things fell into place.  Good Luck!!!

irvinehiker
by Andrea on Jul. 18, 2012 at 11:27 AM

 And I will add ...don't let her see your emotions or stress.  Just be very matter of fact and consistent!!!  I think mem is right she enjoys the attention she is getting.  Don't feed into it. 

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2012 at 1:27 PM

 Yep, I agree.  Make sure to give lots of praise and attention at the end of the stuff she has been saying that she doesn't like.  Ignore the complaints, firmly move on.  Eventually the attention for good behavior should outweigh what she was getting for her complaints.

pixydustmommy
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 4:01 PM

I would get her least favorite subject done first, so there is no dreading it, then a small break (10 min or so), then do her favorite subject, sort of like a reward for doing the yucky subject. Then from there do them in bad/good/bad alternating subjects. Find what works for her, my oldest (12) gets a 10 minute break after each subject, my 7 year old daughter usually takes one break during the day, and I keep my youngest glued to the table as long as possible so he doens't loose interest (because trains and Harry Potter are more interesting than spelling every time!).

Good luck, she sounds likea very strong young lady!

tiredmomfor2
by **Lyndsay** on Jul. 18, 2012 at 4:11 PM
I agree with Mem and the other gals. Sorry mama..tough love is never easy. :(
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kirbymom
by Sonja on Jul. 18, 2012 at 5:08 PM

 Yep, these ladies are giving you the right advice. Tough love isn't ever easy but it is very much needed.  You might also want to go for a longer period of time of learning. When she asks why its taking longer, tell her its needed to get her work done properly. When she sees that you are going to do this she will probably take a much calmer stance with you. I had to do this with my kids as well. It took awhile to learn, but they finally did and I could get back to a more relaxed approach in their schooling. They have tried testing my mettle once in awhile but I always go back to this and they change their minds and behave themselves for awhile.  There is no perfect solution that lasts forever. Homeschooling is just like raising kids  and teaching them all about life. You want them to behave and the want to misbehave. Its like shampooing ones hair. If you didn't get it all the first wash, then apply said application and repeat the process.  Oh, and go with what irvinehiker says about not showing your emotions or your distress over the situation. Kids feel like they have the upper hand when they have these reactions.  If they feel you aren't like;y to get upset, then they are less like to keep at trying to buck against the rules/situation.   Good luck and lots of ((( HUGS ))) to you and yours.  :)

wright1212
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 6:03 PM

 I guess I didnt put part of the story. We didnt do art for a month since it would take her until 9:30pm to finish reading. She was grounded daily since she would have homework, like all free time taken piddling doing her work. One time I she studied for a spelling test, then we started the test and she threw a tantrum and threw her book down and refused. I just wrote F in big red marker. She has now lost TV in her room indefinately until she shows she can behave nicely, no rude, no argue, and manners. I have had to take an almost military approach to her behavior. To clean her room I have to sit in there and remind her. I am going to do alot more reading on ADHD, its so different than my son with autism and ADHD. We have an extreme structured curriculum that is very detailed. I think a month into that she will be thriving better than before!

Her behavior like that is everywhere though. At dance she will misbehave and be whiney too. I dont know why, she never gets her way. I never give in, I dont argue. Its 1 simple NO. I also dont neglect she gets some good stuff. When I catch her being good especially without being asked she gets compliments or maybe like a pack of gum.

Just a hard time right now..I know we will get past it and move on.

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