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Homeschooling has spoiled my DD

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 So this past year we did an eclectic approach. Half way in my DD had a meltdown saying how much she hated it. So I went and found more 'textbook' type things and revamped to fit her needs better. She became more whiney, but did find some success with Junie B. Jones. She is now going into second grade. We decided to try K12 seeing she needs even more structure and is failing to compelte any tasks. (there are alot more complicated reasons to that as well).

So I have been showing her pics of the books to come, set up a brand new cute workbox system. Discussed the order of subjects, got cute new supplies. Now for 3 days she will randomly say "I only want to do art and music, no more school work, I hate it".

Of course I do all the regular 'talks' you have to have school to be smart and successful. You are very smart and I know you can do it. You are so great at Math, you will have no problems. If we dont get something in reading we will back up and try again. We still get to go to COOP and field trips, ect ect ect.

b-t-w unschooling doesnot work on her, we tried. She needs structure due to ADHD tendencies. Anyone had this happen to their kiddos?

Mommy to Corbin (9-epilepsy,autism, add) Kayla (7) Collin (2), Wife to Ben-OT, and I love teaching- M.Ed Early Childhood. SAHM & Homeschooling. Come watch us at

by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Replies (11-20):
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 7:11 PM

 Prayers and Hugs mama!!

Quoting wright1212:

 I guess I didnt put part of the story. We didnt do art for a month since it would take her until 9:30pm to finish reading. She was grounded daily since she would have homework, like all free time taken piddling doing her work. One time I she studied for a spelling test, then we started the test and she threw a tantrum and threw her book down and refused. I just wrote F in big red marker. She has now lost TV in her room indefinately until she shows she can behave nicely, no rude, no argue, and manners. I have had to take an almost military approach to her behavior. To clean her room I have to sit in there and remind her. I am going to do alot more reading on ADHD, its so different than my son with autism and ADHD. We have an extreme structured curriculum that is very detailed. I think a month into that she will be thriving better than before!

Her behavior like that is everywhere though. At dance she will misbehave and be whiney too. I dont know why, she never gets her way. I never give in, I dont argue. Its 1 simple NO. I also dont neglect she gets some good stuff. When I catch her being good especially without being asked she gets compliments or maybe like a pack of gum.

Just a hard time right now..I know we will get past it and move on.


by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 11:19 AM

I really have no advice.  I send hugs and prayers your way.  I do agree that it sounds like she's craving attention.  Kinda like "middle child syndrome" (think I've heard that term before).  Good luck.  Hang in there, she'll overcome it.

by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 12:42 PM

That's when you say, "Too bad, you have to do what I tell you to do."

Every kid tests the limits and pushes at them. Don't let her get the upper hand.

Now, you do have to know what her limitations are, and you do have to let her readiness guide you through her schooling; but being lazy isn't a good reason for not doing her schoolwork. We can't make everything fun and easy for them. They do have to work at their schoolwork. You can't reason this out with a 1st/2nd grader. They are too immature to understand the reasons behind school.

by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 12:49 PM
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Oh, as for the habit of whining....try this approach. Tell her she can only complain and whine at 4pm (or whatever time) for ten minutes. For that ten minutes, you will sit there and listen to her and be empathetic. Say, "I understand you feel this way, and I wish we could all have our way, but this is the reason why it won't work....blah, blah."

Any other time in the day, cut her off with a "It is not time to whine." Don't allow it for 1 second.

It takes 21 days of consistency to break a bad habit.

Also, tell her that in order to have any chance at a happy life, she has to get over the idea that life is fair. It isn't. Have her make a gratitude journal, where each day she writes (or you write it for her, if her writing skills are not to that point yet) something for which she is grateful or thankful.

by Member on Jul. 19, 2012 at 12:55 PM
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have you tried a more Charolette Mason style?

by Jinx on Jul. 19, 2012 at 1:52 PM
That is the same age I started homeschooling my DS2 who has ADHD. He was finishing 1st grade when I pulled him from public school.

Once school started, I had to take baby steps to get him relaxed and into our routine. He definitely needed structure and to know what was coming so we posted a schedule of school time with set breaks but if he finished early, he got breaks early.

Then I made a sticker chart. Some subjects we could do with one sticker, other not so fun things we broke into as many as four stickers. He had some "gimmes" easy win ones like ...get up with a good attitude, get yourself dresssed on your own, get breakfast and brush your teeth. Those 4 were a positive start to the day. Then if he earned 8 stickers he got 30 minutes on the computer, if he got 10 he got 45 minutes, if he got all 12 he got that plus a choice... to pick what is for dinner, to watch a movie before bed, to play a board game with mom and or dad and we can't be "too busy" or say no, etc. Let you child choose the rewards.

Then we also tracked when he got all 12 and after 3 days he picked something bigger like dessert for family movie night or a trip to the park.As he got better at it we made it harder. He had to go 5 days before he got the BIG prize, we made it so eventually each subject was 1 star. After a while we didn't need the chart and he got to do more fun stuff becaause he wasn't wasting his time screwing around or fighting me.

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by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 2:26 PM

I just won't let my kids do anything fun until their works done for the day.  At first when they started homeschooling they would try to drag their feet, and I have one of my four that tried to not do anything which meant she stayed at her desk the entire day, evening until bed and had double work the next day.... needless to say she got the point eventually I wasn't budging.

If they don't do their work, then I told them they can go back to public school, homeschooling was their choice I require them to meet or exceed their standards or they're wasting my time.  I also let them know that it's illegal to skip school regardless of what type of schooling they do.  I want them to know that in the real world you will get up and be expected to do something productive if you're a parent then it's parenting, if you're working then it's a job and if you're going to school it's school.  So they get up, get ready and do what needs to be done so they can enjoy their day.

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 3:25 AM

Quoting mem82:

Oy! I can see how that could be a BIG problem. Maybe she needs a more hardline approach? If you've told her how well she is going to do, blah, blah, blah, I would quit feeding the attention monster. Next time she says, "I only want to do x,y,z," say, "Well, too bad because before that comes Math and Phonics."

She might be enjoying the attention she gets when she says that and she also might feel your distress at these words. If you don't nip it, now, she may make it a power struggle.


You are Mom, you set the rules. It may be a tough transition but
well worth the effort.

My son is not quite three but he is strong willed and we go through this type of scenario every day with one thing or another. We just have to set the rules.

You could try the "either/or" approach. Pick two subjects that YOU want to teach her and ask her which one  would she like to start with. Say, "okay, today we have an exciting book to read or some fun math problems to do. Which would you like to do/start with today?" (Just as an idea) This "either/or" gets them to thinking in the directions that you want and does not make the word "no" an option. It does not always work but for my strong willed son who loves to feel in control, it works great. It can still give him a sense of control but within MY parameters.

"Children are a gift from God."


by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 7:46 AM
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Thats why I like "lacks" or unschooling as some like to call it, because they do the reading math, and other subjects when they are ready to do them. Don't be afraid to let her do just art & music, so what if thats all she does this year ? If shes as good in math as you say, then she can catch up easly when SHES READY! Your homeschool sounds very formal, and that maybe to much for your daughter, for her age. Adhd children are delayed in most areas, especially socially. Do you have to report to the state each yr. ? I know some parents worry about that, so they force learning on their kids, :- ( .
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 9:05 AM

I agree with the sticker chart idea. My children are not ADHD but I think I am going to do this strategy as well. Seems like it could help with any melt downs or tantrums through our school year. 

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