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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

I may have broken my kid

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 8:38 AM
  • 17 Replies
1 mom liked this

*sigh* She was a little cracked around the edges anyway.

We pulled DD out of 9th grade at Easter last year after a critical downturn in her depression. We deschooled some, casually went through an American Poetry study, took it easy.She sees a therapist, but had been doing so well, we took her off her meds a couple of months ago. She was still dealing with some anxiety and not handling those episodes in the healthiest way, but it was a much smaller mountain to climb.

She said she only wanted to hs this year and go back to ps for her jr and sr years, so I took my plan from that. My plan is a thing of beauty. It's academically rigorous and covers a lot of ground, but it's not overly demanding or harsh.

We started back up full-time last week. Well, kind of. I gave her a brief list of assignments on Monday and told her she had all week to get them done. Come Friday, she hadn't done anything, so I went ballistic. As I said elsewhere, I went all shock-and-awe on her and our schedule went from "get it done however you like" to "sit your butt in the chair across from me every day until the work is finished." Not fun for anyone, but we were almost entirely caught up with last weeks work and well on our way to finishing this week's assignments.

Until yesterday when she dragged upstairs and asked if she could go back on her anti-depressants. One freaked out visit to our behavioural health center later, she'll be doing intensive out-patient therapy every day for the next couple of weeks.

After talking with her about school, she said the pressure started building the very first day when she got the list, then proceeded to talk herself into being too overwhelmed to even start it.

I'm going to have to talk with DH and let him know that if this child is going to cave under the slightest academic pressure, I'm going to need the next 3 yrs to get her through everything she needs to know, but I can't do it at the school's pace. We may need to be year-round relaxed schoolers to get it all done by summer of 2015. We can do it, but not with 'gotta get back to school' hanging over our heads.

*deeeeeeep breath* Ok. This is me, being flexible like the mom on The Incredibles.

SusanTheWriter ~ Wife, Mom, Author

by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 8:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
coala
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 8:43 AM

I'm sorry that she is struggling.  It seems that she can make a mountain out of a mole hill.  I think you are going to need to re-write your plan.  She may need a few assignments and a few days to get them done.  Or just a few assignments a day.  I know you can do it!!!!

romacox
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:33 AM

You might also discuss possible solutions with her.  Studies show that when we create a plan, we are emotionally invested in its success.  Show her that dual enrollment is also an option. 

oredeb
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:06 AM

 awwwwww thoughts and prayers are with you susan, let us know what dh says

have you asked her what she wants to learn? does she plan on going to college? does she like to write like you?

SusanTheWriter
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:25 PM

Thanks, ladies. It's tough, but not as tough as when she was hospitalized.

As for school, we'll figure it out. Really, once I realized things needed to change, that's almost the easy part.

Claire is a funny kid. She says she wants to be a librarian who dabbles in astro-physics. *gg* She's wicked smart, too, so she could do it. "Through the Wormhole" and "How the Universe Works" are her favorite shows. She reads Stephen Hawking for fun.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:39 PM

(((hugs))) We don't have that level of concern in our house but I have one DS that gets overwhelmed easily. I always tell the kids, "Ttake small bites so you don't choke" just like at the dinner table..LOL

I found with DS2 that I need to break things up into daily assignments of each subject.  He can get that done. However, if I present the whole week at once he shuts down.

Then there is Ds1 who prefers the whole weekandwors morein "blocks" where he will do all his math on one day, all history the next, and so on.

Then there is DD, who is somewhere between the two - she likes to do a lot ofher fave subject, and mix in the blah ones for variety. I think she will eventually get her weekly assignements and do the more the way DS2 does his but not shut down with thewhole week ahead...kwim?

It sounds like you have your heart in the right place, and DD is willing to give it a try, so keep experimenting with what works best :)

You might also consider a charter scool that has prom, winter formals, yearbook etc so she can have some of those "high school expeiences" without the pressure of traditional school. I just pulled my DS out of public school after homeschooling the previous 5 years. You may have seen the post... LOL What we are calling the "High school experiment" lasted all of 4 days!

Our homeschool group also does different teen activities adn in the past hve had a prom and graduation though I don't recall seeinganything on those this past spring. Maybe we just didn't have enough "graduates" this year...hmmm

kirbymom
by Sonja on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:02 PM

Aww sweetpea. HUGS!  Gotta tell ya', I love the wicked smart comment!  I have a few of those myself. My oldest is similar to your daughter. She even has gone so far as to have a meltdown if she even thought she had done something a little off for her schoolwork.  But, with extra conversations and a re-arranging of her schooling schedule and how she had to have it done, she started to improve and have less meltdowns about it.  It sounds like she does what mine did and that is thinking us parents are putting this high pressure to "be"... perform and it really was herself putting that  kind of pressure on herself.  Could that be what is happening in your case?  This also sounds like you just needed to find a vent some so that you could proceed with your changed plans already.  :)    You shall figure the route through this maze. I have faith in you. :)  We all do.  :)   

 Oh btw,  I love Stephen Hawking myself. She has great tastes!  :)

Quoting SusanTheWriter:

Thanks, ladies. It's tough, but not as tough as when she was hospitalized.

As for school, we'll figure it out. Really, once I realized things needed to change, that's almost the easy part.

Claire is a funny kid. She says she wants to be a librarian who dabbles in astro-physics. *gg* She's wicked smart, too, so she could do it. "Through the Wormhole" and "How the Universe Works" are her favorite shows. She reads Stephen Hawking for fun.

  

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mem82
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:41 PM

**hugs* I have no good advice except to say I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

usmom3
by BJ on Aug. 30, 2012 at 2:48 PM

 I have ones that get over whelmed very easy. So because of that I always try to give small list of things & as the things got done give them more to do!

sls417
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 4:22 PM

hugs

lucsch
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 4:49 PM

Maybe you could ease into schoolwork--kind of like an outline, just do a little bit of each subject. Each week, give her a little more work. I can understand how she can be overwhelmed--I get overwhelmed by big projects. I much prefer bite-sized projects.

The wonderful thing about homeschool is, even in high school, it can be customized to fit the student. With her special needs, emotionally, you can accommodate that.


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