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Need advice. Home school, 50/50 custody, and angry ex-husband

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I told my ex husband my plans to home school our 11 yr old. He agreed so I took Noah out of school. Then as I actually began schooling my ex freaked out. He claims he thought I would "change my mind" and "come to my senses". He is ranting and raving about how our son needs socialization. How he needs bullying. How he needs the structure of classes and lunch breaks etc.

I am in tears over this. Our son does not do well in traditional school! He was simply passed along with a joke of an IEP. He still does not have the basic foundation of math, he cannot write a decent paragraph, he cannot do many things. He is so happy at home going at our own pace and going back to basics.

My ex is only concerned that I took away his chance to see our son graduate 5th grade and graduate high school. He is being insane!

I don't know what to do if he forces me to put poor Noah back in public school. I'm scared how far he will push it. We have 50/50 custody so his say does count legally.




by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 8:08 PM
Replies (11-19):
Tesserae
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 10:53 PM

I think compromise is very important too. It's taken several years to get to a happy place with the ex and I really want both of us to be happy with what is going on with our son. My ex just has different ideas & values but I'm glad we have come to this compromise for now.

Quoting cjsmom1:

It's great that you got him to agree. I had to agree with my ex that homeschooling is temporary right now and next year we will sit down and figure out if we want to do this again. I think it's really important for parents to be able to compromise and do what's best for their child.

I agree with the pp. I am new to homeschooling but I have heard many moms talk about proms and graduation for kids that are homeschooled.





Tesserae
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 10:58 PM

I'm so sorry. Just the idea that my ability to homeschool my child could be taken away was horrifying. I can only imagine how powerless you feel.

Quoting Kenre:

I am glad it worked for you. I had no advice. I lost mine and they are entering school as mandated by the court order. I will be doing additional knowledge at home to make sure they are getting what they need.





cjsmom1
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 10:59 PM

Same here, 3 years later and we finally get along pretty well. Our values are different also, luckily he was just as disappointed with public school as I was.

Quoting Tesserae:

I think compromise is very important too. It's taken several years to get to a happy place with the ex and I really want both of us to be happy with what is going on with our son. My ex just has different ideas & values but I'm glad we have come to this compromise for now.

Kenre
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 11:13 PM
Yeah. We tour the class on Wed and I cried filling out the papers. At least I got to choose the school. He couldnt force me to send them to the public crap school, but he tried!

Quoting Tesserae:

I'm so sorry. Just the idea that my ability to homeschool my child could be taken away was horrifying. I can only imagine how powerless you feel.


Quoting Kenre:

I am glad it worked for you. I had no advice. I lost mine and they are entering school as mandated by the court order. I will be doing additional knowledge at home to make sure they are getting what they need.


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oredeb
by on Sep. 8, 2012 at 11:58 AM

 yea!!!

Quoting Tesserae:

My son was telling my ex that he is actually learning at home and that he does not want to go back to public... ugh. My ex is hard-headed.

Anyways, a bit of an update. I asked my ex to give me these few years before high school to get Noah up to speed on the necessary basics. Then we can see if Noah would like to go to regular high school so he can play sports & graduate (like my ex wants). I asked him to work with me not against me. He actually agreed, yay, and this weekend he's taking Noah to the Chumash Indian res for some fun & learning.

Quoting usmom3:

 I agree with talking to a lawyer & would like to add that your son should have a say in all this too it is his education after all!

 

 

Lynette
by Member on Sep. 8, 2012 at 12:07 PM

I know he's not listening now but the bullying.  My homeschool children have faced bullying at parks, homeschool group, neighbors, and even at church.  The neat thing is that my kids get to handle those situations the right way.  They try to handle the attack and if the bully keeps it up they are able to walk away!  They have the self esteem and the tools to stand up for themselves because they don't have to face all the bad stuff day in and day out.  Instead to be honest it's more like the things adults have to face when we go about our days.

Christie1952
by on Sep. 8, 2012 at 1:18 PM

Wow! I spent several years as a Domestic Violence Advocate and he sounds like he fits the bill!  I would suggest that you talk to a lawyer. However, if your son is showing better progress then I think you have a good chance of winning any court battles. Do you have the capability of joining an online homeschool in your area? How about getting your son into some "social activities" such as 4-H or a good martial arts school that teaches responsible behavior? Your son's welfare should be your first concern and I applaud that you are doing what is best for him!

Tesserae
by on Sep. 8, 2012 at 2:11 PM

We actually went to our first 4H meeting last Wednesday and we have also put him in a fun "hands-on" science class that meets once a week. Additionally my ex has him in football (which our son hates but that a whole other topic). So he has quite a bit going on.

My ex has calmed down for now and agreed we could try it my way for awhile, thank God.

Quoting Christie1952:

Wow! I spent several years as a Domestic Violence Advocate and he sounds like he fits the bill!  I would suggest that you talk to a lawyer. However, if your son is showing better progress then I think you have a good chance of winning any court battles. Do you have the capability of joining an online homeschool in your area? How about getting your son into some "social activities" such as 4-H or a good martial arts school that teaches responsible behavior? Your son's welfare should be your first concern and I applaud that you are doing what is best for him!





Redwall
by on Sep. 8, 2012 at 7:36 PM

I homeschooled both my boys and it was hugely successful!  I loved every minute and I'd argue with anyone that said they weren't getting a good education.

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