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A bit OT (I think) but I need HELP!.. long

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:21 PM
  • 14 Replies

This may get kind of convoluted because everything just wants to rush out but I am going to do my best to keep it cohesive.. So I have a 4.5 year old DS.  He is really very smart but needs his brain kept busy CONSTANTLY.  If I don't have him busy doing something and he is expected to play independently he is in trouble.  A lot of things I let go but when it comes to him tackling his sister (she is 16 months younger), stepping on the dog's tail on purpose, and back talking I just can't let it go.  It feels like I am onto him All. The. Time! I hate that!  All of this is made worse by the fact that my husband has been working out of town since mid-may and I don't know when he will be back for good.  He is 4.5 hours away and comes home on the weekend.  Wyatt is one of those kids that needs my full, undivided attention 24/7 or he isn't happy.  He has been that way from my recall since he was 6 months old.  He will do anything to get the attention he wants.  I distinctly remember him jumping as hard as he could in his exersaucer at 5-6 months old because it made my grandma laugh.  The thing is, I now have all of this responsibility: his sister, dogs, house, chickens, etc. and it's not possible.  And most likely not the most healthy for him.  He is very overactive and wherever we go he will run and slide on the floor like he is sliding into base, jump, grab ahold of other kids roughly if they are trying to play with him (just because he gets excited and doesn't realize every kids plays that rough, not maliciously).  I have tried EVERYTHING.  Charts, spankings, time outs, cool down times of alone play in his room, etc.  I need some advise on what to do with him.  Behavior systems, something.. I am at my wits end and on the edge of a breakdown with him =(

Also, he is actually very good and focused during school time... because his brain is busy so I am 99% sure this isn't an issue we need to see the dr about.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
usmom3
by BJ on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:25 PM

 I would love to help but you have nothing in your post for me to read!

Channell07
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:33 PM

sorry.  I accidentally hit enter instead of tab and it posted.. It's edited now =) lol

coala
by Silver Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:35 AM
2 moms liked this

I would like to suggest a book for you.  Please read the "Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson.  This book is really good and it talks about taking care of and punishing willfull defiance which is what you seem to be dealing with.  If you son knows that these things are wrong, and continues to do them, it is willfull difiance.  This book has been super helpful in our house.  We have different issues b/c our family dynamic changed.  WE had to get things under control before we lost our minds.  Good luck!!!

mem82
by Platinum Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Will he do his school work without you right there on him?

If he will, I would set up a series of boxes, each with something for him to do or complete. Start off with two and work your way up to maybe five. It would give you a break, and hopefully give you some space.

Do you keep a routine? Many kids HAVE to have a routine.

oredeb
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 12:13 PM

 maybe some kind of schedule? where you have him doing something all the time? would that help? does he like to be on the computer?  also i hear that dobson book coala suggested is very good

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 12:23 PM

My son was a little like that at four.   He's not QUITE as hyper, but he did and does still have problems with impulse control.  

All I did was start being strict on every tiny offense.   I put him in the corner for EVERYTHING that consisted of impulse issues.   I would tell him, "Since you won't control yourself, then I have to."  .. later I started the phrase and he finished it with, "you have to control me."

It helped a lot, but he's still very impulsive. (He is 8 now)   The other day he was doing dishes and just up and decided he would squash some of my hard boiled eggs I was leaving out to cool.  Urgh!!

With him, it takes A LOT of both discipline and praise.





KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 12:31 PM

If he persists, you could always make him do excercises in your sight somewhere instead of getting independent time...

I.E.   "Since you choose not to control yourself when I'm busy, then you will have to go out with me while I tend to the chickens.   While I'm busy, I want you to stand here and do jumping jax until I'm done."   Do this consistantly for a week or two, then sit him down and discuss the choices he makes when you aren't around.  

Don't reward the behavior that week, don't say, "You did a really good job with those jumping jax."   Don't respond if he says, "look at me mom, I did a ton of jumping jax!"   Just nod and keep doing what you need to get done.


tiredmomfor2
by **Lyndsay** on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:21 PM
Quoting coala:

I would like to suggest a book for you.  Please read the "Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson.  This book is really good and it talks about taking care of and punishing willfull defiance which is what you seem to be dealing with.  If you son knows that these things are wrong, and continues to do them, it is willfull difiance.  This book has been super helpful in our house.  We have different issues b/c our family dynamic changed.  WE had to get things under control before we lost our minds.  Good luck!!!



This book is amazing! I have most of his books. If you want to borrow it you are welcome to it Channell07. :)
cjsmom1
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:38 PM

That sounds just like my ds, he's 7. I have found when he's being challenged he is the most behaved, so come up with things that challenge him. Also, finding ways for him to burn his energy is super important. Sometimes we'll make a game out of going up and down the stairs so he can burn energy. Encouraging him to challenge himself both academically and physically has helped also.

kirbymom
by Sonja on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:05 PM

I think Krissy and mem both have hit this one dead on! I have had this same exact issue with mine.  It takes a lot of patience and a lot of will power to get through this type of behavior. This is also just a phase. I have found with my kids that every time they are at their worst, its because they are fighting a mental maturity and sometimes a physical maturity as well. Its because they can feel the changes coming and feel like they are losing their little child-ness and doon't want to grow/mature just yet.  Its a process that their brains and their perceptions are going to have to have the time to sort out themselves but, with just a little guidance from us. :)  

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