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Need Advice (long)

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:53 PM
  • 12 Replies

Here is my situation:

I have 3 children. My DS is 9 and in 3rd grade in public school. He has been in the same school since pre-k and has always been at the very top of his class. He is my child from a previous marriage. His father and I have joint custody and I have physical custody. Per our divorce agreement, we have to agree on educational decisions.

My 2 DDs are 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. They are from my current marriage. Our 4 1/2 y/o DD was in a small nursery school 2 mornings a week last year and 3 mornings a week until Christmas break. DH and I agreed that she wasn't getting much out of it academically or socially, and it was rather expensive and 40 minutes from our home in good weather (we are very rural) so we decided to pull her out.

Originally we thought we were going to send DD to our local public school with DS for this school year but we rapidly changed our mind after I attended the pre-k orientation with her in August. The pre-k program had been fabulous when DS was in it- and the teacher at that time was wonderful. Unfortunately, they moved that teacher to kindergarten this year (with little notice to the parents) and replaced her with a woman who was absolutely atrocious (for a variety of reasons). In fact, my instincts were proven correct because that woman was removed from the classroom in the beginning of November and replaced by someone who isn't even a certified teacher. 

There has been a lot of change at the public school and none of it has been positive. For that reason, DH and I have agreed that we want to homeschool our children. We are totally on the same page.

DS wants to homeschool. He has asked about it repeatedly. He is extremely intelligent and quite articulate. He does not feel challenged at all. He does not feel he is progressing enough. He is tired of having to suffer the consequences of ill-behaved classmates (such as the whole class losing privelages because of certain students' behavior). He is tired of having to repeatedly take practice state tests instead of being taught new things. Since the horrific CT shooting, he is very uncomfortable and upset about the school's multiple new 'safety' procedures (such as getting these 3rd graders involved in devising a 'safety plan' that includes hiding behind their teachers desk should an armed person come into the school and try to shoot them- and yes that is what they were told in his class).

Unfortunately, he is very reluctant to talk to his father about it. He has tried and felt that, due to his father's attitude, he really doesn't want DS to homeschool so DS doesn't want to approach the subject again. He said his father just put his head in his hands, looked down, sighed, and said "Why?".  DS is correct. His father does not want him to homeschool.

What is bizarre is that prior to our divorce being finalized years ago, his father had been quite open to the idea of homeschooling. That is why I never insisted on any provisions being written into our agreement. Now he seems to be staunchly anti-homeschooling.

I have a few questions regarding my situation. Is anyone else in my situation? Has anyone else had any luck getting around this problem? I am a certified teacher in our state (and I'm generally considered to be well educated, having a Master's degree). Do you think that might help my case? Does anyone else here homeschool some of their children but not others and how does that affect your family life?

Any advice, information, or insight would truly be appreciated.

"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." (Lin Yutang)

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by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kirbymom
by Sonja on Jan. 15, 2013 at 5:08 PM

First of all, Welcome.  :)   

First things first. Make sure you know what your states laws are regarding homeschooling. (what state are you in?)

MamaDearie
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 5:19 PM

Thanks for the welcome! And I am in NY which I know is one of the more rigorous and difficult states to homeschool in. That's part of why I am worried about it becoming litigious as I would guess that the courts here would be more likely to side with public education.

Quoting kirbymom:

First of all, Welcome.  :)   

First things first. Make sure you know what your states laws are regarding homeschooling. (what state are you in?)


"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." (Lin Yutang)

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath Valentines tickers

Daisypath Easter gifts tickers

kirbymom
by Sonja on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:02 PM

Oh wow. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond back. My husband and I have been in an Historical and Numerical discussion. :) 

 As long as you know your laws and you follow the basic rules, you shouldn't have too much of a problem.  What I do is keep a hard copy of all websites and lessons that have been downloaded from the internet, I keep their paper work. This way, if I were ever to be asked to show my "proof" that I am doing my job, I have something to show them.  Some people keep a journal, some keep a log.  It all depends on how you want to do it.  

Do you have any ideas how you want your curriculum to go? Buy, pieced together or write your own curriculum? 

Quoting MamaDearie:

Thanks for the welcome! And I am in NY which I know is one of the more rigorous and difficult states to homeschool in. That's part of why I am worried about it becoming litigious as I would guess that the courts here would be more likely to side with public education.

Quoting kirbymom:

First of all, Welcome.  :)   

First things first. Make sure you know what your states laws are regarding homeschooling. (what state are you in?)



  

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AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:04 PM

I could be wrong, but I think she is talking about litigation should her ex husband oppose homeschooling. Valid concern - here both parents have to be in agreement, otherwise it defaults to public school (or court). I know nothing about how to proceed with it though, should it get to that point for her :)

Quoting kirbymom:

Oh wow. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond back. My husband and I have been in an Historical and Numerical discussion. :) 

 As long as you know your laws and you follow the basic rules, you shouldn't have too much of a problem.  What I do is keep a hard copy of all websites and lessons that have been downloaded from the internet, I keep their paper work. This way, if I were ever to be asked to show my "proof" that I am doing my job, I have something to show them.  Some people keep a journal, some keep a log.  It all depends on how you want to do it.  

Do you have any ideas how you want your curriculum to go? Buy, pieced together or write your own curriculum? 

Quoting MamaDearie:

Thanks for the welcome! And I am in NY which I know is one of the more rigorous and difficult states to homeschool in. That's part of why I am worried about it becoming litigious as I would guess that the courts here would be more likely to side with public education.

Quoting kirbymom:

First of all, Welcome.  :)   

First things first. Make sure you know what your states laws are regarding homeschooling. (what state are you in?)




I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














kirbymom
by Sonja on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:11 PM

OOPS! Yes, you are so right.  I must have still been in my discussion mode and did not pay any attention. Thank You so much for pointing that out to me. :)   

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I could be wrong, but I think she is talking about litigation should her ex husband oppose homeschooling. Valid concern - here both parents have to be in agreement, otherwise it defaults to public school (or court). I know nothing about how to proceed with it though, should it get to that point for her :)

Quoting kirbymom:

Oh wow. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond back. My husband and I have been in an Historical and Numerical discussion. :) 

 As long as you know your laws and you follow the basic rules, you shouldn't have too much of a problem.  What I do is keep a hard copy of all websites and lessons that have been downloaded from the internet, I keep their paper work. This way, if I were ever to be asked to show my "proof" that I am doing my job, I have something to show them.  Some people keep a journal, some keep a log.  It all depends on how you want to do it.  

Do you have any ideas how you want your curriculum to go? Buy, pieced together or write your own curriculum? 

Quoting MamaDearie:

Thanks for the welcome! And I am in NY which I know is one of the more rigorous and difficult states to homeschool in. That's part of why I am worried about it becoming litigious as I would guess that the courts here would be more likely to side with public education.

Quoting kirbymom:

First of all, Welcome.  :)   

First things first. Make sure you know what your states laws are regarding homeschooling. (what state are you in?)





kirbymom
by Sonja on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:12 PM

Have you yourself had any discussions with your x about what you would like to do and maybe even how you would go about doing it? 

Quoting MamaDearie:

Thanks for the welcome! And I am in NY which I know is one of the more rigorous and difficult states to homeschool in. That's part of why I am worried about it becoming litigious as I would guess that the courts here would be more likely to side with public education.

Quoting kirbymom:

First of all, Welcome.  :)   

First things first. Make sure you know what your states laws are regarding homeschooling. (what state are you in?)



collinsmommy0
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Just my opinion - I would have a meeting with your son & your ex, and make sure you talk to both before the meeting about being open to listening to each other (so your DH doesn't sigh, etc, & your son can feel like he won't get into trouble by talking to his dad about it). Then have your son tell your ex why he wants to be homeschooled - maybe have him write his reasons down on index cards so he remembers the ideas when you meet. My guess is the one person who will be able to convince your x husband will be your son.

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KickButtMama
by Shannon on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:38 PM

I agree. It would be best if you all met to discuss this option. I would probably have DS do some kind of project - one he could enthusiastically show his dad. Also, come prepared with plenty of data on HS. Most dads are concerned primarily w/ social activities (they worry HS will make their kids weird) and sports. So I would also look into local town sports &/or co-ops. 

Another avenue that might get it to where you can bypass ex-hubby is through an online school - those like k12. Since it is still technically public school I don't see why you'd have to seek permission. 

And, even more regulated states, tend to side w/ the custodial parent if they present a well thought out argument.

Quoting collinsmommy0:

Just my opinion - I would have a meeting with your son & your ex, and make sure you talk to both before the meeting about being open to listening to each other (so your DH doesn't sigh, etc, & your son can feel like he won't get into trouble by talking to his dad about it). Then have your son tell your ex why he wants to be homeschooled - maybe have him write his reasons down on index cards so he remembers the ideas when you meet. My guess is the one person who will be able to convince your x husband will be your son.


 Home Educators Toolbox  / Articles / Kicbuttmama's Crazy Lapbooks / Kickbuttmama's Home Education
Albert Einstein -- 
   "Everybody is a Genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid." 

mem82
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:42 PM
Maybe you could ask exdh for a trial year doing it?
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irvinehiker
by Andrea on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:51 PM

 I agree with these ladies.  Have a meeting with you, ex dh and ds.  You and ds make a list of reasons why you want to make this decision.  Maybe even find a local coop so ex dh will see what kind of positive activities there are for homeschoolers.  Many people are skeptical b/c they don't fully understand what homeschooling is.  Good luck!!! 

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