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The fighting in my house between 2 of my boys is SO bad today, I can't stand it anymore!!!  They are 8 and 5, and today I have to keep them completely separated because every time they get near each other my 5 year old starts being a pest trying to aggravate him, and my 8 year old screams at the top of his lungs.  Then once the 5 year old decides to go over and attempt to play nicely, my 8 year old STILL screams at the top of his lungs for NO reason!!!!  I have never seen kids fight as badly as these 2 are today.  I never did this with my brother (but we were 10 years a part so maybe that's why).  Please tell me I'm not the only 1 that has days like this!

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:26 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:55 PM

My boys (8 and 31/2) do that some days. OY!

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:18 PM

We occasionally have 'separate days' especially around the age 5 does get better!

by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:36 PM

My kids argue a lot also. They are both going through puberty, my son  is 11 and my daughter is 10. My daughter is having a crush and every time she sees a picture of him on the computer, she screams and jumps around and gets all excited. That totally aggravates my son. Sometimes, when my son gets back from school he'll be in a mood, then acts rude to her for no good reason. It's annoying but when Thailee (my son) gets something, like from my parents or his psychiatrist, he'll always say, don't forget Destinay. So I don't get too concerned about it. One thing that I do when it gets too heated is give a group time out. Or if one is aggravating the other one, then I redirect whichever one to go take a break in their bedroom.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:37 PM

My kids are around 11 months apart also.

Quoting BramblePatch:

My kids are 11 months apart. Thats pretty common behavior here, lol...

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:49 PM

The shirt IS a punishment, lol. It's ok to have negative feelings, but there are acceptable ways to let them out. Screaming and throwing things at their sibling is not ok. We encourage them to work things out themselves, but if the sibling continues to bother them or keeps doing what the other asked them (nicely) to not do, then they need to come to us so we can take care of it.

We did a shirt like that for a while, and it was good (and funny, and silly...they usually ended up laughing) for my older 2, but the size difference in the 10 year old and 5 year old made it too hard to work.

Quoting usmom3:

Not to offend but how do you think forcing them to share the same space is going to make them feel anything but negative feelings for you or each other? If my parents had made me use something like that with my siblings I would have harbored resentment for all of them. To me all that will do is encourage them to pretend to get along, lie & hide their negative feelings because they get punished (they will see the shirt as a punishment) for having those feelings & for expressing them. Just my 2 cents.

Quoting Annastacialynn: 

You need one of these. :) I am going to try it when my kids are a bit older. :)

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:54 PM

OMG-this sounds like my house exactly! Except add a 3 y/o who likes to help his 5 y/o brother gang up on their big brother.  We have a lot of days like this and my 8 y/o is particularly immature and sometimes I wonder if his younger brothers aren't more mature, it's frustrating for sure.

by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 8:19 PM

my 8 and 3 yr olds act like that....everyday....all day no matter what I try to do to stop it. I have honestly had to keep them on separate floors for a week and one day I walked out for a half hr (just outside the house) and told them if I couldn't hear them screaming at each other the whole time they would have to do it again tomorrow. so far it's the only thing that has worked....but it works everyone's nerves and I don't like doing it.... it worked for hitting to. that stopped finally at least

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:17 PM

Sorry for you!  Maybe try some things like: I  will punish you both every time I see or hear______.This way they may team up.  Be sure to show/tell them what you want to see (not just stop fighting) Tell and show them what you want from them. Have them tell and show you back what you want (like a play or a practice) Now, every time I see you doing what I want, you get (reward) and every time you are not, (punishment.)

Let them know your expectations. Reward what you want. Punish what you do not want..                                         "If you boys can be well behaved(and they know what that looks like) After lunch you get(reward) the reward" can be small, it can be immediate or a bit delayed. The trick to reward and punishment is that  they see it as a reward/punishment.


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by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:37 PM

We have days like this too.  I usually have them play in their room and if they have been told to quit the fighting and we get to the 3rd time that Momy or Daddy has to go in....they are separated.  They don't like being plays in the living room and the other in their room.  They share a room and they are 4 1/2 and almost 7.  We have a LOT of days like this.  I mostly blame the fact that they were both only children that were thrown together.  My 7 yo was adopted this last fall and she was an only child where she came from.  It is tough and I don't know how we survive it some days, but I think eventually this will pass.

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:17 PM

They all need breaks once in a while, and that's good...

But if the fighting is preventable (by them) or you think they could control it...

Try this form of time out::::   put them on the couch holding hands until they can be kind and work things out.

Eventually, they will get the clue that if they want off the couch, they have to stop squeezing one another's hands and making them cry...

Eventually, they will have to start thinking before they speak or act...  

After it starts working some, maybe you could start saying... "Do I hear arguing?  Do we need time to work it out on the couch?"

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