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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

 I'm sorry...but this ticked me off a good measure and a half. Hubby has the worst work hrs ever and for the most part I don't ask him for any help from him for things around the house or with the kids. I did however ask him to help our daughter with her labs with physics because I'll only serve to confuse her more. He agrees. I have to fight him tooth and nail to get him to do this on his days off and then he never goes over what the lab is about and WHY they're doing it in the first place, but heaven forbid that I'm there and trying to do that either before, during, or after...
I also asked him to help her build a castle out of cardboard. (There are few projects we wer planning on from when we were full on doing history she wanted to do even tho we stopped for the yr). Normally I love doing this type of stuff, but I'll admit, I'm a horrible perfectionist verging on neurotic at times and I wanted to make this FUN for her. I gave him all the information he needed, what I was expecting from it, and that she had to label the parts of the castle that we learned about (I had those written on a piece of paper).  I come up stairs to find that he had her stack cardboard boxes on top of each other and it takes up the ENTIRE living room. I just spent 2 weeks really getting the house clean (long story, but now that it is this clean, I expect a to a certain level it stay clean)...and he is having the kids throwing pillows at this monstrosity to knock it down.
I went back down stairs (to the basement to do laundry) before I had a melt down and wound up falling asleep on top of the poor dog while folding socks. He comes down for w/e reason at some point, sees me alseep, doesn't bother to wake me or save the poor dog...and goes upstairs to go to bed himeslf leaving the house a disaster area and the kids to run around on their own!
Earlier I tried showing him what I was looking into for lit and writing next year and since our daughter is much like him in those departments, he asks, "Does it require reading and writing?" ...well duh?! "Then it's not going to work and isn't worth it." He got up and walked away and didn't look. 
It's days like this I wish he'd just stay at work, or that I could strangle him, bring him back to life, and strangle him again! grr...sorry. I just really needed to vent this out. His parents and my parents are both doubting that I can properly teach her since she's struggling with reading and writing and after talking with them yesterday they're really putting the pressure on putting them back in school which is NOT an option by us. I'm just starting to lose it a little I think.

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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:43 PM
Replies (21-23):
No_Difference
by Silver Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:50 PM
1 mom liked this

 Thank you a million again :) You've been such a major help for me!!! I can't begin to tell you how much I apprecitate it!

Quoting kirbymom:

I know what your talking about. I have several family that do the same thing one of them being my mother.  I have had to "put up" with her personal bents and views like you yours.  I have found that sometimes trying to include the grandparents or other family members just isn't worth  the battle if all they do is try and tear down what my hubby and I have decided is right for our family.  Well sweety, anytime you need some  moral support because you are in "that" mode again, you just come talk to me. I'll set you back on your tracks again.  I promise.   You know, you should just tell your mother in one of "her" modes that she just has stickin' thinkin' and that that is not allowed in your house.  lol  That'll set her back on her haunches for a little bit.  You just have to look at your mom and tell her, " that this is *how you are* and this is *how I are* and that this is *how it shall be in your house*. "  And do it half comically that shows hwer that even though you know this to be the truth, that you still love her anyways.  That will also set her back on her haunches for a bit.  :)  

Quoting No_Difference:

 Again, thank you :)
It might work with hubby's parents and we'll definitely give it a try. My dad could care less and stays out of how we parent the kids, but my mom is the type of person who doesn't think before she speaks and her way is the only right way. I've tried talking nicely, and I've been blunt, and I've been rude and she still isn't getting it. She understands why we are homeschooling under the circumstances of where we are, but she is very "insistant" that when we move she has to at least try going back to public school, even if the schools are obviously not that great. Hubby and I already agreed that the kids will never see hte inside of an inner city school, and there are a few other places we said no to if we were to move to certain places. Because of that, we're "sheltering" them too much and holding them back...*insert exaggerated eye roll*  This is also the same woman who totally ruined my wedding because we weren't doing it how she wanted it done... It doesn't matter what I do in life, she's going to nit pick and tell me I'm doing it wrong because I'm not my brother and living his *perfect* life...

Quoting kirbymom:

Sweety! You need to stop in your tracks and just stand there and laugh a big hearty laugh! Right now. Then when you have done that, go and find your favorite list of songs and play them. Then, when you fell yourself in that better mindset, you need to have a talk with bot sets of parents. You need to set them down either all at once or seperately and just tell them that a much as you love them and as much as they love you, they are voicing their opinions much too vocally and that it is not them that is responsible for the upbringing of your children that that is both yours and your hubby's job and you would thank them to stop trying to force their views and opinions as your views and opinions.  You tell them that they need to learn how to "suggest" a bit more suggestively and not as much as a do it or you'll fail the kids type of suggestions. you should then remind them how it was when *they* were raising you/hubby and siblings and that they wouldn't tolerate someone else telling them that what they were doing was absolutely wrong and neither do you appreciate their type of loving interference.  And then calmly either walk away or change the subject to more pleasant conversation.  All the while reminding yourself that you and hubby are the ones who are raising your children and that that is all that counts when making decisions for you and your family.  If it is any help, I have been in a similar situation myself.  

Quoting No_Difference:

 Trying to find time to relax is my top priority this week with how horrible this weekend went! I'm already to the point I can't sleep at night and the day seems waaaaay too long. I had to force myself to go to my neighbor's for our normal Sunday get together yesterday, but after I got there I was SO glad I did and felt like my normal self for the two hrs I was there. 

The biggest problem lately is the fighting with reading and writing with school stuff, so I've been on overdrive trying to find something for next yr that'll work. I'm still trying a new approach with reading that is more laid back for the rest of the yr, and that is still a struggle. I'm starting to wonder if my daughter is either dyslexic or dysgraphic, so I'm looking into getting her tested. It would make sense with how hard hubby struggles to read and write, and there is a slew of learning disorders on his side of the family.  Next up on the biggie list is hubby has horrible PTSD from when he was deployed and I don't think his meds are the right dose and it doesn't help that he's not remembering to take them everyday lately for some reason. Just missing one day makes for a disasterous week, and the brunt of it hit yesterday, so hopefully he won't forget another day this week or I will total lose all sanity. He is also going through a medical board right now and will be most likely discharged and the uncertainty of how everything is going is adding to stress on everyone in the house. We will move? Are we staying? Mixed in with both parents asking, If you move will the kids be going back to school because the really need to....

If just ONE of those biggies could go away, all the other little things wouldn't get to me as much. And I will admit that my perectionism (which I unfortunatly know exactly where it stems from) comes out more when I'm stressed which is why I was trying to get help with the projects this week... Fortunatly I have wonderful neighbors who have offered to help and have even offered to take me in when I need a break from the craziness at home. I've figure out a way for us to get through the projects this week with hopefully little stress on me, and where the perfectionist in me can take a break...we're working on things together....but on our own. I'll make one while she makes her own instead of working on one together. This week castles and next week fake stained glass for the whole main floor (6 windows)!

Quoting tuffymama:

That castle looks great! I would LOVE to have the space to save enough boxes to let LO go wild with building something like that. He would be in heaven.

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at falling asleep on the dog. It sounds like you were just so tired on top of the regular household stress. I know you know this, but you need to relax! I am living proof that stress and absolute perfectionism (or utter disappointment when perfection cannot be achieved or maintained) can really harm your health. Constant, high levels of stress, whether real or self-induced, can wreck your adrenals. You can have heart palpitations and feel wide awake at bedtime, and drag all day long, as if you are drugged. If it goes on, it can overtax your thyroid and your heart, your skin will weaken (stretch marks are actually not natural, but a symptom of hormonal imbalance), and your brain will get foggy, and you can even suffer symptoms of dementia. Joint pain, plantar fasciitis, grey hair, anemia, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, IBS, mental illness, food allergy, sudden flashes of unreasonable anger, and a host of other problems can result from adrenal fatigue. I've had all of these and more. Don't put more stress on yourself!

I am healing my body and mind with diet, supplements, and hormone replacement (thyroid, pregnenolone, hydrocortisone, and progesterone). All of this keeps me calm, balanced, and healthy. Don't get to this point! Putting a stop to the unnecessary stress now will save you from years of life lost and tremendous pain. You may want to check out clean or paleo diet to help you cope with stress, and adaptogenic herbs like ashwagandha to help your body keep your natural hormones regulated when the SHTF. ;0)

I learned in therapy that personalities like ours CAN be a result of childhood abuse, or from living with a parent with a personality disorder or who was a strict perfectionist. That means we can turn out stressed-out perfectionists just like us. Be careful! It may not seem like such a big deal now, but when you get a little older, you may discover that you are worn slap out, and for all your worrying, your house is no cleaner, your husband is no more perfect, and your kids are no happier. BTDT, and it is not pretty.

 


 


 

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tuffymama
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:05 PM
Quoting No_Difference:



"Next up on the biggie list is hubby has horrible PTSD from when he was deployed "
This shed a lot of light on your predicament. DH has PTSD and we struggled for years with some mismatched reactions to our shared issues as a couple. Since cleaning up our diet and taking supplements, he has improved so greatly. I can tell when he has sneaked a burger with a bun, or croutons on a salad at work, because he gets irritable, and every normal but annoying thing, like a too-long red light, seems to really bother him. He sleeps so much better now. That makes a huge difference. He's a lot farther out from his service than your DH, though; he was Bosnia and Africa, mostly, in the Clinton era. He has seen a lot of death and mutilation. Parenting and building a lasting relationship with someone who has seen what he has seen is not always easy. It gets better every day, though.

Remember to be gentle with yourself, and give yourself a minute to react to situations at home. That is advice my BFF gave me, and it has saved us so much strife and heartache in the household. You're gonna freak out and maybe even show your behind sometimes, because you put more pressure on yourself than anyone else. Apologize when you need to, and ask for patience and understanding. What can make life kind of hard to live in your skin sometimes (because NOTHING is ever going to be perfect, though we can see EXACTLY how simple it would be to make it that way, with some cooperation...), can actually work to your advantage when channeled creatively. Take that breathing space when you need it, not when you're desperate. Save your pennies and go get a massage ALONE (my LMT has really helped me so much). Make ONE space in your home the no-mess zone, whether that is a room, a tabletop, or a corner. Focus on that spot when the rest of the house goes to hell and the kids are not making it easier. That spot for me right now is the reading corner of my living room, so I sit on a beanbag chair (since we rearranged the room to be more conducive to LO's therapy, I have even less space for my furniture), and I look at the pretty pictures on the wall, my orderly bookcases, and whatever book it is taking me weeks to get through at the time. It is NOT a vacation, but this all helps me.
No_Difference
by Silver Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:46 PM

 Thank you. We'll have to wait on changing diets until after he's offically out since he has to follow w/e diet they're giving him to follow for now. In the mean time, I'll definitely look into it more :).  He also needs to get his C-pap working again so he can actually get a full nights sleep for once too, which that alone I'm sure will help ten fold! I really need to remember to take more time to myself (and by more time I guess that means, going to the bathroom doesn't count as "me" time lol). I've been using doing laundry as my excuse to get "me time" and I whole myself up in the basement. In between loads I watch something on TV, or read a book...the only problem, the basement is freezing, and the kids are starting to catch on lol. I would love to make myself a little spot outside to retreat to, but I don't want to put in the effort and money into it if we're going to end up moving this yr. Until we either move or decidedly stay, I guess we'll have some really clean laundry in the mean time lol.

Quoting tuffymama:

Quoting No_Difference:



"Next up on the biggie list is hubby has horrible PTSD from when he was deployed "
This shed a lot of light on your predicament. DH has PTSD and we struggled for years with some mismatched reactions to our shared issues as a couple. Since cleaning up our diet and taking supplements, he has improved so greatly. I can tell when he has sneaked a burger with a bun, or croutons on a salad at work, because he gets irritable, and every normal but annoying thing, like a too-long red light, seems to really bother him. He sleeps so much better now. That makes a huge difference. He's a lot farther out from his service than your DH, though; he was Bosnia and Africa, mostly, in the Clinton era. He has seen a lot of death and mutilation. Parenting and building a lasting relationship with someone who has seen what he has seen is not always easy. It gets better every day, though.

Remember to be gentle with yourself, and give yourself a minute to react to situations at home. That is advice my BFF gave me, and it has saved us so much strife and heartache in the household. You're gonna freak out and maybe even show your behind sometimes, because you put more pressure on yourself than anyone else. Apologize when you need to, and ask for patience and understanding. What can make life kind of hard to live in your skin sometimes (because NOTHING is ever going to be perfect, though we can see EXACTLY how simple it would be to make it that way, with some cooperation...), can actually work to your advantage when channeled creatively. Take that breathing space when you need it, not when you're desperate. Save your pennies and go get a massage ALONE (my LMT has really helped me so much). Make ONE space in your home the no-mess zone, whether that is a room, a tabletop, or a corner. Focus on that spot when the rest of the house goes to hell and the kids are not making it easier. That spot for me right now is the reading corner of my living room, so I sit on a beanbag chair (since we rearranged the room to be more conducive to LO's therapy, I have even less space for my furniture), and I look at the pretty pictures on the wall, my orderly bookcases, and whatever book it is taking me weeks to get through at the time. It is NOT a vacation, but this all helps me.

 

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