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A little OT.... Is/Was your tween clingy?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:08 AM
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1 mom liked this

DD is 11 going to be 12 at the end of the summer.  She has been so clingy lately.  Out of my 2 kids she usually is the independant one but lately I find her sitting next to me all the time.  Sometimes she has something to say and I'm all ears.  Other times she has nothing to say she just wants to sit there.  Doesn't matter what I'm doing computer, cooking, laundry, whatever lol.  I guess I don't mind, just wondering if there's something she needs that I'm not giving her.  

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:08 AM
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tuffymama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:18 AM
Seems normal for the age, actually. Just don't make a big thing out of it. If she seems to be cutting friends and all outside socializing down drastically, you might want to see what you can do about getting her involved in a social or volunteer group.

ODS went through a "phase" from about eleven or twelve to EIGHTEEN( long phase!) where he was really more of a homebody than most kids, and I confess that I bribed him on occasion to go do something with his friends. In retrospect, I should have left him alone because it wasn't a problem. He is very social and comfortable in public at nineteen. He still doesn't want to work with the public, and that is fine. There are plenty of good and honorable careers that don't require that.
romacox
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:18 AM

Have you told her about this observation, and asked her what has happened, and what she might need from you?

irvinehiker
by Andrea on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:25 AM

I'm not worried about the social aspect at all.  She has plenty of social activities a week and she truly enjoys them.  She loves spending time with peers and makes friends easily.  

Quoting tuffymama:

Seems normal for the age, actually. Just don't make a big thing out of it. If she seems to be cutting friends and all outside socializing down drastically, you might want to see what you can do about getting her involved in a social or volunteer group.

ODS went through a "phase" from about eleven or twelve to EIGHTEEN( long phase!) where he was really more of a homebody than most kids, and I confess that I bribed him on occasion to go do something with his friends. In retrospect, I should have left him alone because it wasn't a problem. He is very social and comfortable in public at nineteen. He still doesn't want to work with the public, and that is fine. There are plenty of good and honorable careers that don't require that.


mem82
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:29 AM
Hm, not really. I admit, though, that I am not a restful person to hang around. Also, I don't like being touched and neither does Missie.
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irvinehiker
by Andrea on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:29 AM

This has been going on for about 2 months.  I pointed it out to her right away and she seemed really touchy about it.  Kind of deffensive.  (something to do with all those hormones I'm sure.)  I don't know how to ask her without making her feel like what she is doing is wrong.  I don't have a problem with her needing my attention.  It's just so different and out of character for her.  If she has an unmet need I want to be sure to meet that.  Make sense??

Quoting romacox:

Have you told her about this observation, and asked her what has happened, and what she might need from you?


tuffymama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:36 AM
How is her diet? A grain-based diet can make kids fearful, or depressed, or sleepy, or even a lot worse things. Does she eat mostly grains (like most American kids)? Does she drink sodas and juice, or filtered water? Is she getting enough sleep?

I don't think you have much to worry about ordinarily, but the fact that it is a complete character change would concern me. Perhaps her friends are participating in more "adult" behaviors and it is worrying her or even causing her to regress a bit in regards of her mother-daughter connection?
romacox
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:49 AM
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Yes, that makes sense, and mothers have a natural instinct about their children. So listen to it.

  However she is the only one who knows what she needs from you right now.  Can you let her know that she is more than welcome to spend time with you, you enjoy her time, but want to make sure she is alright? You might even set up a private time for you and her...perhaps a mother daughter tea party. 

My youngest daughter went through something similar.  Once she verbalized what was troubling her, things went back to normal for her. It turned out to be something a friend was doing.  She needed to talk to me about it, but did not want to tattle on the friend.   But each child is different.....trust your instincts. You know your daughter better than any of us do, and you know just how to communicate this with her.  We are more than glad to help though in any way we can.

Quoting irvinehiker:

This has been going on for about 2 months.  I pointed it out to her right away and she seemed really touchy about it.  Kind of deffensive.  (something to do with all those hormones I'm sure.)  I don't know how to ask her without making her feel like what she is doing is wrong.  I don't have a problem with her needing my attention.  It's just so different and out of character for her.  If she has an unmet need I want to be sure to meet that.  Make sense??

Quoting romacox:

Have you told her about this observation, and asked her what has happened, and what she might need from you?




oredeb
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this

 i had a couple of my tweens do that(at different times), they  were just feeling unsure of themselves, afraid, with growing older, more responsiblity, becoming young women, i just kept talking to them, eventually they were more relaxed, i'd ask them about their friends, what they were doing, for one of them it was what her friend was getting into and she didnt know how to deal with it, and the other dd she just wanted mom close for a while

somuchlove4U
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:55 AM
My daughter didn't really get clingy until I became pregnant. I have 3 months to go and we've experienced jealousy and clinginess.
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usmom3
by BJ on Apr. 1, 2013 at 1:33 PM

 My 9 almost 10 y/o DD has become clingy like that, I figured it was her age & that she is starting to go through puberty.

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