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OT - I need advice!! Long, sorry

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:30 PM
  • 13 Replies

 I need some advice or maybe just to vent and I know that this group is where I'll find the least amount of drama.

My BIL is a piece of work.  He suffers from chronic pain because of Raynaud's, depression and is also bipolar.  He does not work, nor does he take care of his three kids.  The oldest is homeschooled by his mother, the middle one comes home after a morning at Headstart then is promptly sent off for a 3-4 hour nap, and the toddler spends his day at a babysitters.   He is verbally and emotionally abusive towards my sister - everything under the sun is wrong and it's all her fault.  He will do nothing unless it is to his benefit.  For example, he recently decided that he wanted to start riding bulls.  Nevermind that he hurts too much to help around the house or to watch the kids, but bullriding is a great idea. *eyeroll* Also forget the fact that she struggles to pay the rent and put food on the table but he will demand the money for his gear, entry fees, etc.  I try to find ways to feel bad for him or see it from his side, but the bullriding I can't get past.

Apparently once a month he runs out of his pain meds.  I guess he did it again and cannot get more until Tuesday morning.  Friday and yesterday was the worst and he crossed some lines.  He told his kids that he was leaving and that he would not come back. He told them that he would not be their daddy anymore.  The kids watched him give my sister his wedding band back and turned and walked out.  He did come back because he didn't have any money or anywhere to go. My neice was on the couch sobbing and he was sitting there "comforting" her saying it's would be okay but that he was still leaving. He has threatened suicide many times and he was doing it again yesterday.  When my sister decided to take the kids and go for a couple of days he told her if she did, my niece's dog would be gone when they got back. His brother was threatening to call the cops for his safety and she just wanted to be gone when they got there.  I asked her to bring the girls over just to get them out of the house. She agreed, but when she got here she just had the oldest one (7).  I talked to her today about bringing over clothes and leaving her with me until he's back on his meds.  Bottom line, she does not need to be there.  She's so upset, it's heartbreaking.  My sister agreed and went to go get some clothes.  About 15-30 min later we get a call saying we need to come get my other neice.  My BIL had shot himself in the leg in their bedroom. 

Right now I have all three of their kids. She'll come back for the little one (2) because he's never slept over before.  So I'll have the older two (5 and 7).  I can't imagine sending those girls back there.  So my question is this - in your opinion, does my sister (at this point) have anything to worry about from CPS? My husband is a mandatory reporter and is really struggling trying to decide if he needs to report this.  Today we agreed we'd find a way to keep them rather than see them go to foster care, but I don't know if it's even a possibility.

by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tiredmomfor2
by **Lyndsay** on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:40 PM
Oh My. :( I'm sorry, I do not have advice. My heart is breaking for those kids..they are the same age as mine.
It sounds like they could use some stability. I will be keeping them in my thoughts and prayers.
Here is a bump for you.
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mem82
by Platinum Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:43 PM

Yes, I think CPS would need to be called. The dude is shooting off guns in the house with the kids. They don't need to see or hear that. How horrible to hear your daddy say he is going to kill himself and then hear a gun shot.

Plus, with all the murder suicides in the news, HEAVEN FORBID, can you take that chance?

I'm so sorry that your family is going through this.

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:49 PM

 She does need to worry.  If they can take kids for a dirty house, which I know they can and do, then having a man threatening suicide infront of the children and shooting himself in the leg, if the kids are there then yes.  I  would try not to have your hubby report it would hurt the family and make it less likely that your sister will let you help.  But if he cant do anything else then it is what has to happen.  I would be worried because he is so unstable that he might hurt someone or himself.  I hope he gets help and will straighten out.   

Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this
(((Hugs)))

I agree with getting CPS involved. Gunshot wounds must be reported to the police anyway so someone will be involved.

I would get him put on a psych hold (min 3days) with a full eval and work on a restraining order and getting him out of the house.

DCFS/CPS will do anything in their power to keep the kids with family. Being your DH in the profession he is in, you shouldnt have any issue getting custody. That said, i cant see them taki g custody from Mom as long as you get DH out of the picture.

I will keep you all in my prayers.
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Joann.HS
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:33 PM
If this were me, I would care for the kids and give my sister an ultimatum...you leave him or CPS will be called. Everyone in that house is in danger. Who knows maybe he can check himself into an inpatient therapy of some sort and get help, but those kids and my sister would be my first priority.
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billiejo79
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:40 PM

 I agree with Joann.Hs. Also CPS would rather put the kids will family if possible than in foster care. My mom and stepdad where foster parents for 20yrs. There was time where they had kids for just a few days so they could family to take the kids.


Quoting Joann.HS:

If this were me, I would care for the kids and give my sister an ultimatum...you leave him or CPS will be called. Everyone in that house is in danger. Who knows maybe he can check himself into an inpatient therapy of some sort and get help, but those kids and my sister would be my first priority.


 

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Don't give sis ultimatums... just turn them in.   Sis is a grown woman, and I feel for her, but the kids are priority.  No grown woman should think it's excusable to let a child's father threaten suicide and be emotionally abusive ot the kids (and maybe physically?)

Then to have him shoot a gun in the house?  What if a child had been on the other side of the door and got shot from a ricochet or something?

If your DH doesn't report, and it comes out... he could lose his job and any job in the future that requires him to be a reporter.   Plus, what else happens to mandated reporters if they don't report???  Is that something you can afford to face just because it's your sister?   If it were any other woman, you wouldn't hesitate.




Quoting Joann.HS:

If this were me, I would care for the kids and give my sister an ultimatum...you leave him or CPS will be called. Everyone in that house is in danger. Who knows maybe he can check himself into an inpatient therapy of some sort and get help, but those kids and my sister would be my first priority.



Joann.HS
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:57 PM
Does she want to leave him? She could get an order of protection or maybe take the children and go to a women's shelter. Having those children taken from their mom would be traumatizing. If she makes no bones about it and gets the kids and herself away from him, I wouldn't call CPS.

However, if she doesn't protect those kids and get them away from him, I would call authorities.
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AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:40 AM



I don't think your sister has anything to worry about - she got the kids out of the situation. That could only cast her in a good light.

And if your husband does need to report it, I don't think you would have an issue keeping the children - it isn't like there is an abundance of good foster homes and they usually try to first place with family.

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














lifesadream83
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:48 AM

If I were you the first chance you get I would have your sister file an affadavit giving you guardian ship abilities in her absence.  Notarized and all.  THEN I would call CYS.  Because they are likely not to take the kids from you with that paper in hand.  

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