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"My BIL shot himself yesterday" Update (2nd update in Red)

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 Thank you for all the comments on my other post ("OT - I need advice"). 

I have all three kids right now.  My sister called last night and couldn't leave the hospital so she asked if the little one could stay.  They were not there when it happened, but I'm not clear on what happened from there. My 5 yo neice knows that her dad shot himself.  I guess when she came into the house she asked "Who killed my dad?" I have no idea what she actually saw.  Apparently every time my sister comes home with the kids she keeps them in the car and goes in to check and make sure he hasn't done something like this.  I have no idea how long that's been going on.

I doubt very much that my sister will leave him.  My mom told her at the hospital last night that the kids have to stay away from him. I don't want my sister to lose the kids - I think that would devastate her, but I cannot imagine sending them back into that enviornment.   I know that CPS needs to get involved but I'm having to work up the nerve to do it. It's hard to explain. I wish someone outside of the family would do it, so as not to cause more damage.  That sounds so wrong and I know it and I'm ashamed. 

 I really appreciate all the comments and support on both this and the first post.  My kids go to the County School District's homeschool center and I took one of my neices and my nephew with me when I took my kids this afternoon.  I sat down and had a long talk with their teacher, who my husband and I have known for years.  I have an idea she may be filing a report.  My husband and I were talking about it and he believes that we now have 6 kids.  Going through the clothes and the stuff she sent, there is more than enough for several days (especially the toddler who wasn't even supposed to be sending the night).  Some of her comments have led him to believe that this may be the case as well.  We have decided to wait and see what happens over the next couple of days before we make a call.  If that's the case we'll need to have her sign over temporary guardianship.  If she comes to get them then we will sit down with her and have that chat.  But my DH doesn' believe it's going to be necessary.  So, now my question is: how do you homeschool with a rambunctious 2 year old?!? This morning was very intersting to say the least LOL

by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:21 AM
Replies (11-20):
Pukalani79
by Kristin on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:43 PM

 I appreciate your comments. I'm not trying to turn on my sister.  CPS is not my first choice.  But this has been going on for years.  There were issues of neglect with the kids and years of emotional/mental abuse towards my sister, which has now started to turn towards the kids. I just feel so trapped, wanting to protect these kids! From what I'm understanding, she has no intention of leaving.

Quoting snowangel1979:

I would sit down and have a talk with your sister about this. Her husband needs help.

Honestly, if this was happening to me and you called CPS I would probably never talk to you again.
What your sister needs is help and family by her side. Not her family turning on her and calling CPS.
What she doesn't need an over jealous cps worker (I can't think of the right wording) coming in her life right now and making her life even more of a living hell. There is no guarantee that family will get the children or what they will do especially if the worker disagrees with something that family member does (ex: homeschooling)

If a family member wants custody go to the family court or probate court and It's called a limited guardianship. It a form the parents and the guardian fill out and it keeps CPS out of their life.

 

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:45 PM

 I'm completely with you on that! Apparently he texted someone and told them that he was going to shoot himself in each leg, then in the head.  I can't explain it.  He used a .44

Quoting hipmomto3:

Shot himself in the LEG? I don't get that.

 

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:45 PM

 Thank you. 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 {{{HUGS}}}

I'm so sorry!  I'm so glad that you have those kids and they are not in that situation.  It's great that they have you.

 

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:46 PM

 That is exactly my concern.

Quoting debramommyof4:

  I would hate for you to mess up things so you could not keep an eye out for them. 

 

usmom3
by BJ on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:48 PM

 I would think the police would contact CPS knowing there are children that live in the house!

mem82
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry.

I know how you feel about not wanting to damage your relationship. My family has a ...very colorful history and there were times when CPS or the police should have been called and no one ever did. It's very frustrating and makes you feel very helpless.

Since I've already said my piece about this on the other post, I wiant you to know that we are here to listen to you vent or give advice or you know, help you think of creative names to call your BIL when you get tired of the ones you came up with. 8)

mem82
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:48 PM

You could have your mom mention to a nurse that this has been going on for years and that there are children in the house. If the hospital choose to call CPS after hearing that then it's off your shoulders.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 I appreciate your comments. I'm not trying to turn on my sister.  CPS is not my first choice.  But this has been going on for years.  There were issues of neglect with the kids and years of emotional/mental abuse towards my sister, which has now started to turn towards the kids. I just feel so trapped, wanting to protect these kids! From what I'm understanding, she has no intention of leaving.

Quoting snowangel1979:

I would sit down and have a talk with your sister about this. Her husband needs help.

Honestly, if this was happening to me and you called CPS I would probably never talk to you again.
What your sister needs is help and family by her side. Not her family turning on her and calling CPS.
What she doesn't need an over jealous cps worker (I can't think of the right wording) coming in her life right now and making her life even more of a living hell. There is no guarantee that family will get the children or what they will do especially if the worker disagrees with something that family member does (ex: homeschooling)

If a family member wants custody go to the family court or probate court and It's called a limited guardianship. It a form the parents and the guardian fill out and it keeps CPS out of their life.

 


Pukalani79
by Kristin on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:09 PM
1 mom liked this

 LOL!  My husband is a preacher, and I have to admit there has been some pretty colorful language (especiall for us!) the last couple of days!

Quoting mem82:

I wiant you to know that we are here to listen to you vent or give advice or you know, help you think of creative names to call your BIL when you get tired of the ones you came up with. 8)

 

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:10 PM

 That's a good idea

Quoting mem82:

You could have your mom mention to a nurse that this has been going on for years and that there are children in the house. If the hospital choose to call CPS after hearing that then it's off your shoulders.

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:53 PM

I haven't read all the responses.  I am so sorry you all are going through this.  What a difficult situation.

I think if you and your DH can handle it, you should ask your sister to sign over temporary guardianship.  I would have the wording be that you have guardianship until you ALL agree that she (and her DH if applicable) are the best environment for the kids.  Make sure that the guardianship includes educational decisions and homeschooling too so that your not in violation of any 'compulsary attendance' laws or whatever (I am pretty new to all of this but know it depends on your state and everything).

I think it's great if you can provide a stable environment from them and keep them out of foster care.  The good thing about CPS is they will give you a case worker that will hopefully be a good match and help you keep the kids safe and thriving.

As for hsing with a 2 year old...I think maybe you could make her/him some busy boxes or something to help her/him stay busy while you're teaching.  I've also heard that others give the LO snack time during teaching, cheerios can keep them busy for a bit ;)  2 is my favorite age ever, so I would welcome the rambunctious-ness ;)

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