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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Anyone dealt with this scenario?

Has anyone been in a situation that you want to homeschool (for whatever reason) but your ex husband (or child's dad) is against it? How have you dealt with it?

My girls dad is against me homeschooling them. He said that he's fine with it if that's what they want to do but he's so hard to read. His main concern was their socialization and extracurricular activities (band) that they "won't have access to" with homeschooling. I admit, at first I was against it for those same reasons too. But I mean, isn't anybody remotely interested in a child's education anymore?! I did try to explain to him the benefits of homeschooling and how they will have as many if not more opportunities for socialization. But that's talking to someone who hardly has anything to do with their kids and who thinks they know everything and doesn't give anyone else an opportunity to speak. (that was a lot of the problem with our marriage and why it failed, he was controlling... But that's for another forum)

Please excuse that, I know it sounded more like a rant and that's not what I'm here to do. I would appreciate anyone's opinion or insight on a situation like this.
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by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:32 PM
Replies (11-18):
amandae21
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:23 PM

He is your ex husband. You are the custodial parent. He isn't an active part of their life. IMO his opinion is irrelevant.

LadeeBellaDonna
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:41 PM
Thank you ladies for all your opinions and helping me get a better outlook about this! I feel like they will really enjoy homeschooling and I only want to do whats best for them. And this is what my heart's telling me. I broke down last night with DH just worrying about everything. It got to me pretty bad. I do have to say though. Y'all are great and really do feel like a family (I know I haven't been here long enough to make that judgement but it is what I've been observing) and I hope to fit into it one of these days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
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kquad
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 7:16 AM
Show him a plan for socialization and EC act. Library HOmeschool Days, Coops, soccer, and so on
LadeeBellaDonna
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:33 AM

I thought about if the question comes up again, I would print out a big list of links of all the online resources and articles about HSing and let him do a little research himself. He has internet just as well and he's perfectly capable of researching this... he acts stupid but he's not! I even did a google search on "Homeschool VS Public School" and "Benefits of Homeschooling" and stuff like that before I even made the decision, because honestly I was against it at first... for alot of similar reasons... so was DH. But after very very long thought and discussion about it, we both decided it was a good idea. The only person that doesn't like the idea is my ex (everyone else are all for it and encouraging) and I think that's just out of spite. They're a spiteful bunch anyway and it's really sad for the girls. I'm thinking of joining the HSLDA or at least being in contact with them just in case I run into questions. I also have a lawyer who can be available anytime just in case this becomes a legal dispute. I just don't know how strong I can be in a situation like that... it's the anxiety I think.

LadeeBellaDonna
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:49 AM

They are already in twirling, my older two want to start tumbling, there's also a CheerU in town that my oldest can try out for. I met a couple young ladies at the local Mardel store that were both HSed and they have TONS of resources. One girl that graduated said she made more friends as a HSer than when she was in PS, she also went to 15 senion banquets! :O

I'm willing to print out report cards so he can see how well they're doing... and maybe brag a little (he certainly doesn't have any problem bragging about his other kids to me!). I'm proud of my girls and I will be proud to show off how well they do with HS too! :D

The thing that bothers me the most though is... When is anyone even remotely worried about a child's grades anymore?! It's more than cheerleading and band and extracurricular activities... GRADES is what's gonna get you in college, yes you can get a scholarship with the activities, but that's only financial... if you don't make the grades you're not gonna do well in college. I mean, that's logical right? I just don't see how kids are learning anything anymore with everyone's focus on everything else. (I could be completely wrong on my thoughts on this... so please forgive me if I am)

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Apr. 19, 2013 at 7:56 PM

Just so you know, from what I understand the HSLDA won't get involved in custody disputes involving hsing.  I did contact them to confirm DH and I are within our rights to hs, they basically said if we think we are and we understand our court orders, then we should be, but we should have a lawyer if we think it could be an issue.  My state coalition was so much more helpful.  My area representative talked with others, including a couple lawyers, to confirm (with the info I gave her) that we can hs. 

Do you communicate with him through email?  I just like to have everything in writing which is usually email between me and my ex.  And it is only email between DH and his ex, although there is absolutely no contact between them at this point, but when she was contacting him, he was immediately directing her to email.  If you email, you could just email him some links if it comes up again.  What is your court order like?  Do you have physical or legal custody or do you share both?  How much does he see them/exercise his visitation?


Quoting LadeeBellaDonna:

I thought about if the question comes up again, I would print out a big list of links of all the online resources and articles about HSing and let him do a little research himself. He has internet just as well and he's perfectly capable of researching this... he acts stupid but he's not! I even did a google search on "Homeschool VS Public School" and "Benefits of Homeschooling" and stuff like that before I even made the decision, because honestly I was against it at first... for alot of similar reasons... so was DH. But after very very long thought and discussion about it, we both decided it was a good idea. The only person that doesn't like the idea is my ex (everyone else are all for it and encouraging) and I think that's just out of spite. They're a spiteful bunch anyway and it's really sad for the girls. I'm thinking of joining the HSLDA or at least being in contact with them just in case I run into questions. I also have a lawyer who can be available anytime just in case this becomes a legal dispute. I just don't know how strong I can be in a situation like that... it's the anxiety I think.



LadeeBellaDonna
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:32 PM
He has visitations but doesn't exercise them regularly. He won't contact me in writing... Only by phone... And that's hardly even then. He mostly talks to me in person and that's mostly talking about his stuff that doesn't have anything to do with the girls and none of my business. When he does take them, if they get sick, he brings them to me or takes them to my mom. We have joint conservatorship with me having physical custody. But he hardly has anything to do with them unless its like a birthday or Christmas or an excuse to party. Then there are things he's still doing that's against court order and he'll tell the girls not to say anything to me or what happens over there stays over there.

I didn't think about the HSLDA not getting into custody issues. Which would understandably make sense. But I'm still gonna be in contact with them just in case anything else comes up. I'm glad we do have a lawyer though.
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LadeeBellaDonna
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:44 PM
After reading my decree... From my understanding, I could be wrong... I have exclusive right to make decisions concerning their education. He has a right to receive information regarding their education. Logically thinking, I have to provide him things like report cards and stuff and let him know how they're doing... Basically. I think I'm understanding that right.
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