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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

I will be honest, I first started homeschooling because my dd had some medical issues that made it  hard for her to go to public school.  My dh and my parents were against it, but they said to do it for the semester until we could figure out what to do with dd.  I took dd to the doctors and found out she had Selective Mutism and Social Phobia.  They suggested to homeschool her and gradually introduce her back into the school environment over a period of years (probably more than 2 or 3 years). So at the beginning this was what I planned to do.   Now we are going into our second year of homeschooling and It's funny my mom asked me at the beginning of this year "your not going to put her back into school again are you?" That made me feel great!!  And because I didn't have any complaints from my dh, I thought he was finally on board with it.  Well this morning the truth came out.  We were talking about something someone posted on here and he told me he didn't want our dd to be homeschooled.  That she needed to learn to adapt to her surroundings and that being at home doesn't do that for her.  He says he suffered from the same things she did as a child (though he was never diagnosed, though he had friends outside of school - all things my dd does not have - she has a couple of friends and when I say a couple I truly mean 2!) It's not because she is kept inside all the time, it's because of her Selective Mutism!!  How can she have friends and survive on the outside if she can't bring herself to talk? She can't join any clubs because she get anxious around a group of people, so a lot of what we do is her and I and we do have a homeschool group that we go and interact with, but to be honest if it were up to her, she would probably stay home and do work.


So now I am sitting her almost in tears because my dh doesn't want her to be homeschooled even though I have proven myself to him that I am a good teacher (she was just evaluated and is an 11 year old testing on a 10th to 11th grade level and the evaluator actually has on paper that these test scores could be a lot higher but because of her SM, he could not get a accurate score, but these were her min. scores). Sure sometimes we slack off and not do school, but then other days we do lots of stuff.  I figured we deserve it.  She has so many dr and therapy visits that she deserves to have a little time to herself.

How do you do something when you know your dh is against it?  I refuse to put her back into the public school system.  I know I want to shelter her and protect her and I know that the kids at the public school will just eat her up and spit her out and it will cause more damage than good. How can I ever talk to him about what we do in school or the things she is learning when I know he is just thinking of how she should be back in public school?  We actually got into an argument of the "socialization" thing!!!  He still believe she needs to socialize, yet doesn't understand that with her condition, right now, socialization is not the best thing for her.  We gradually have to introduce her into those situations.  The doctor said she will NEVER be a social butterfly and she will NEVER put herself out there.  She just can't.  We do the therapy and stuff to teach her how to deal with certain situations and how to one day be able to get a job and earn a living. 

I am sorry this is so long and I still haven't said all that I wanted.  I am so depressed right now.  I really thought when dh saw how smart she was, he would finally agree with what I was doing.  I truly believe he would be happier if she was just in the public school doing work that is on her grade level.  So sad.


by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 7:02 AM
Replies (21-26):
Dewinter
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree

 My DH does not like that I home school both kids (thru a private school home program). Our DS graduates this year and our DD reads at college level (she is 13).

Our DD has aspergers that makes her have extreme social anxieties that she will not "get over" just by being forced in a social setting. Making kids "deal" with facing their anxieties will not make it go away. What it can do is make the condition worse and cause lack of sleep, over eating, starving themselves, constant meltdowns, and vomiting from the stress daily.( My dd did this in the third grade, that's when we caught on that something was wrong). It can and will cause  many more issues than what she is dealing with now.

Stay strong and listen to your momma instincts.

GL

Quoting BramblePatch:

Men can be pretty narrow minded....but in this case, I think its more that deep down DH probably does not want to admit that there is something "wrong" with DD. Fathers, in my experience, are far more prone to denial than Moms are.

Has DH talked to the Doctors and therapists himself or is it all relayed from you?

The bottom line is that there is no way I would sacrafice the best interests of my children for my husband or anyone else. Period. I will never understand women who put dh first. Find a compromise but if you are sure HS is best for DD then stand your ground.

 

JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:42 PM

Our doctor will call and talk to parents -- is it possible that you could ask your doctor to call your DH and talk to him about DD condition and what would be best for her?  I think it really will help if he hears it from someone outside the family.


Quoting leighp1:

He does not attend the dr appts because he can't get off of work.  He would if he could.  And I might ask him to come if I can get a late appt. (those are few and far between at the dr. office)

Quoting Leissaintexas:

Does he attend any of the dr appt or therapy sessions with you? If he had more hands on involvment in her care, would he see how detrimental it would be to send her to school? My dh was the same way when my oldest was diagnosed with autism. He thought that it was just a crutch, just an excuse to get ds off the hook, so to speak. It took him years of seeing ds struggle in the real world to realize ds's problems were real and that it took an insane amount of work for him to just function. Dads frequently take this stance, because they aren't on scene 24 hours a day interacting like we are. Plus, like someone else mentioned, they don't like admitting their child has a problem. Also, think like a man for minute. How many men admit when they need help? Its not how they are wired. So they have a very hard time understanding when anyone else needs and  gets help.



 

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:40 PM
1 mom liked this

See I would tell DH to "suck it up buttercup"  I refuse to let my kid be abused and potentially scared for life because he is living under a delusion. No public school, in this nation, is equipped to help our individualized children become a success. They are designed to make them glaringly aware of their differences as shortcomings!

my DH's biggest issues were with my eldests Dx, that if we just forced him into more 'normal' settings then he would no longer be different, but he would instead conform to that normality.....instead of the reality which would be his alienation and abuse from his so-called peers. (My eldest has ASD-SPD-PDD) 

i told my DH that I'd homeschool until middle school, then we would re-evaluate, and would make sure todo plenty of activities w/other kids. It took a couple of years but now he's our biggest advocate. 

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:41 PM

I agree it might help. It didn't for my DH, who just sat there rolling his eyes...grrr..

Quoting JKronrod:

Our doctor will call and talk to parents -- is it possible that you could ask your doctor to call your DH and talk to him about DD condition and what would be best for her?  I think it really will help if he hears it from someone outside the family.


Quoting leighp1:

He does not attend the dr appts because he can't get off of work.  He would if he could.  And I might ask him to come if I can get a late appt. (those are few and far between at the dr. office)

Quoting Leissaintexas:

Does he attend any of the dr appt or therapy sessions with you? If he had more hands on involvment in her care, would he see how detrimental it would be to send her to school? My dh was the same way when my oldest was diagnosed with autism. He thought that it was just a crutch, just an excuse to get ds off the hook, so to speak. It took him years of seeing ds struggle in the real world to realize ds's problems were real and that it took an insane amount of work for him to just function. Dads frequently take this stance, because they aren't on scene 24 hours a day interacting like we are. Plus, like someone else mentioned, they don't like admitting their child has a problem. Also, think like a man for minute. How many men admit when they need help? Its not how they are wired. So they have a very hard time understanding when anyone else needs and  gets help.





JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:16 AM

Well, I was sort of addressing the "lead the horse to water" part of the equation (i.e., he is working and can't go to the sessions).  I can't do anything about the "make him drink."  LOL. 


Quoting KickButtMama:

I agree it might help. It didn't for my DH, who just sat there rolling his eyes...grrr..

Quoting JKronrod:

Our doctor will call and talk to parents -- is it possible that you could ask your doctor to call your DH and talk to him about DD condition and what would be best for her?  I think it really will help if he hears it from someone outside the family.

 

Quoting leighp1:

He does not attend the dr appts because he can't get off of work.  He would if he could.  And I might ask him to come if I can get a late appt. (those are few and far between at the dr. office)

Quoting Leissaintexas:

Does he attend any of the dr appt or therapy sessions with you? If he had more hands on involvment in her care, would he see how detrimental it would be to send her to school? My dh was the same way when my oldest was diagnosed with autism. He thought that it was just a crutch, just an excuse to get ds off the hook, so to speak. It took him years of seeing ds struggle in the real world to realize ds's problems were real and that it took an insane amount of work for him to just function. Dads frequently take this stance, because they aren't on scene 24 hours a day interacting like we are. Plus, like someone else mentioned, they don't like admitting their child has a problem. Also, think like a man for minute. How many men admit when they need help? Its not how they are wired. So they have a very hard time understanding when anyone else needs and  gets help.


 

 



 

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 25, 2013 at 12:37 PM

Lol

Quoting JKronrod:

Well, I was sort of addressing the "lead the horse to water" part of the equation (i.e., he is working and can't go to the sessions).  I can't do anything about the "make him drink."  LOL. 


Quoting KickButtMama:

I agree it might help. It didn't for my DH, who just sat there rolling his eyes...grrr..

Quoting JKronrod:

Our doctor will call and talk to parents -- is it possible that you could ask your doctor to call your DH and talk to him about DD condition and what would be best for her?  I think it really will help if he hears it from someone outside the family.


Quoting leighp1:

He does not attend the dr appts because he can't get off of work.  He would if he could.  And I might ask him to come if I can get a late appt. (those are few and far between at the dr. office)

Quoting Leissaintexas:

Does he attend any of the dr appt or therapy sessions with you? If he had more hands on involvment in her care, would he see how detrimental it would be to send her to school? My dh was the same way when my oldest was diagnosed with autism. He thought that it was just a crutch, just an excuse to get ds off the hook, so to speak. It took him years of seeing ds struggle in the real world to realize ds's problems were real and that it took an insane amount of work for him to just function. Dads frequently take this stance, because they aren't on scene 24 hours a day interacting like we are. Plus, like someone else mentioned, they don't like admitting their child has a problem. Also, think like a man for minute. How many men admit when they need help? Its not how they are wired. So they have a very hard time understanding when anyone else needs and  gets help.








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