How we Gave up Most all Rules! (Spin Off of the Radical Unschooling Post)
So a few Moms wanted me to elaborate more on how my family has done away with most all rules. I will start by adding the link to that conversation for any one that reads this & wants to know the origins of it (LINK HERE) .
I stated in the post that I have found inspiration, support & guidance from Facebook groups as well as a parenting website I will list all of the ones that have helped me the most here.
The parenting site is called Aha! Parenting
The Facebook groups are
MotherWise (they cover many different topics outside of the ones this post is about)
There are more & ironically if you go to any of the ones I posted & look in their likes you will find the others I have not posted (they all support & help each other out)
I also want to note here that I have been using a parenting book that has helped my hubby get on board it is called Positive Discipline A-Z
The rules we started dropping where the arbitrary rules that turned moll hills in to mountains. Those kind of rules are different for each family. For us one of those rules was eating in the living room, it was hypocritical of us to tell them they could not eat in there yet we did it & we would spill & have messes just the same as they would so it seemed wrong to tell them no & yet do it ourselves.
Another thing we stopped enforcing was sharing (making kids share actually makes them more selfish). We now encourage negotiations. Just last night my 7y/o DS & 9y/o DD had to negotiate over toys. She wanted to play with his pirate ship & he wanted to play with her Monster High dolls, so I helped mediate the terms of the negotiation & I had both party's agree on the terms before leaving the room. The end result was an evening of playing with no fighting at all & by the end they where playing together with the pirate ship & Littlest Pet Shops.
Even when we have a "rule" that has to stay in place I do try to be flexible with it. The biggest one is bedtime, we have to have this one in place because my husband has to get a good nights sleep for work (he has a job that can be dangerous & lack of sleep makes it more so). Our house is small, the bedrooms are all on the same end & all sounds carry through the walls & floors no matter how quit you try to be. So the way we handle bedtime is they can stay up playing quietly with puzzles or coloring/drawing while I read out loud as long as they can stay quieter then me reading. If they get to loud they get a gentle reminder to turn down their volume & that if they get loud again I will invoke the agreement clause & of coarse if it happens again I then invoke the agreement clause (They agreed to get in to bed when this happens & lay down to sleep with out a protest).
We are still very much learning how to do this as we go along. One of the biggest steps for us has been getting past our own childhoods & leaning to parent in a completely different way then we where. What we are doing is essentially trying to rewire our brains, so for those of you interested in doing something similar the younger your children are the easier it will be for you, compared to us who are also having to rewire our children brains from the way we used to do things.
You are all more then welcomed to ask me questions & I will do my best to answer them to the best of my ability.