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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

I will be Failing my son. He will be repeating 4th grade.***UPDATED***

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This year even though his average is 80+ this year in all the things he did do...

KEEP IN MIND THE WORDING HERE.. THAT WHICH HE DID DO.. is 80% 

But 40% of the material that we were supposed to do he litterally had to do over and over and over again..

And we have only finished 50-60% of the materials.

Why you ask..

Litterally he has rebelled at every turn. 

He will sit with his head in his hands twirling his pencil. He will tell me he did the work.. Then when I go to correct it.. I litterally have found doodles on the lines.(More than one time!) I have tried incentives, I have tried downright bribes. (Upto and encluding 2 weeks of camp this summer, a summer pass to theme parks and even The new wiiU) He just refused to co-operate! So I have told him he is going to have summer school. And that we will start next year with a different curriculum but that he will be doing 4th grade work again as I refuse to let him move on to new materials until he shows he is competant and has mastered the stuff from this year. 

Then I also told him that starting today if he starts to act out/ say how much he hates doing school work he will be sat in a corner and left there all day long! When I say all day long.. I mean from the time he wakes up to the time he returns to bed aside from trips to the bathroom or meals. I also told him that work that I know is not up to his abilities will bring about 1 hour of the same sitting.. 

~~Warning~~

I know that some of you ladies won't agree with these measures.. However after an entire school year of him not getting his work done, and not co-operating.. I know it is being a bit harsh.. atleast to some! I am an old fashioned kind of momma.. I don't tolerate disobediance and I have tried everything this year to not have to get to this level.. But when he insists on making litterally the entire home a den of anger, frustration and misery for the past almost 12 months (I started him last year on homeschooling just after he got out of public school.. Hoping we could get him caught up) so we have been homeschooling him every monday-friday since June... with the exception of 3(1week)vacations. So like I said he has made us all miserable trying to fight the homeschooling.. And I have decided he won't be given the liberty of succeeding in his attempts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok well I talked with a local woman who has been homeschooling here in NY for some time! To boot her husband is very up to date on laws.. So they helped me know about the legal requirements of nys! And I have been herassing myself and my son for most of the year for almost no dang reason!

So were gonna do some morning work each day during the summer but aside from some catchup stuff were taking it easy starting monday!

I will be failing him still But I have informed him it is as much my fault as his. 

Thanks to all(well most of you anyhow) you ladies for letting me post this and for giving some great constructive criticizm... 

by on May. 12, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (21-30):
HopeJoyPeace1
by on May. 13, 2013 at 10:13 AM
well I understand that some people treat homeschooling as if its some magical entity that is majically different than schooling a child at home.. I don't I treated as if I was teaching a class at home... I still expect my son to learn and no not always in the same way or the same fashion as they do in the public school but that doesn't mean I don't ever think from the public school out.. and frankly you disagree with me I understand that but there is no reason to cuss at me that is not classy that is not ladylike and frankly we ARE supposed to be mature adults act like it


Quoting tuffymama:

You seriously need to consider why the hell you are even bothering to HOME. SCHOOL. Home is first in the term for more than one reason.

mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 10:14 AM
2 moms liked this
I have been there, mama. My two sons could give lessons on being stubborn to mules. Lol

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

well you are right we can't "not" learn anything lower that is absolutely true!



I like the idea of a month month break I will definitely consider that... although it's more likely to be July or August then June.. thank you for the productive and constructive criticism. ;-)




Quoting mem82:

*hugs*

I know the kind of frustration you are going through. My son, Cole 8, gave me fits. He cried, I cried, we fought. It was bad. Luckily, things are much better now. I've changed things up a bit, and I also cam down hard on some of his bad habits. After a heart to heart discussion, and me holding my temper better, things have truly improved. Cole is almost caught up with everything and is actually ahead in Math. 8)

May I suggest taking the month of June completely off. You both have been going so hard for months and months. He hasn't really had a break since the August before last. You have probably been spending every available emotional currency you have on him and his schooling. Take a break and regroup. This isn't a race. He is keyed up and completely in defiant mode.

Take a month off, let him sleep in, play outside, do chores. 8)

You do the same. Come back to this fight refreshed and energized!

After you start again, do it slow. Start with just one subject or two. It won't look as *hard* to him. Every week add another subject. Slowly, slowly, slowly. A horse can be led to water but that doesn't mean he will drink it. Before you know it, after you are both relaxed from your break and your fighting, he will fly through those books. 8) What do you have to lose? He can't NOT learn any slower, right. lol

You aren't giving up. He isn't winning. You are regrouping and attacking the problem from another angle. Give him a clean slate. You can always deal with his defiance if it keeps up, but maybe trying it this way first will ease the tension between the two of you?


tuffymama
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 10:21 AM
3 moms liked this
Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:



Don't get on your high horse with me. You are the one brashly and boldly stating on a public forum that you are intentionally breaking your son's will. You act like the word HELL is offensive to you while you abuse your son and confess to it. THAT is offensive to me, and it sure as hell is no way to raise a WHOLE person with a heart and mind unbroken and free.
HopeJoyPeace1
by on May. 13, 2013 at 10:22 AM
I accept all constructive criticism.. I also know that there are many on CafeMom who just like to criticize there is no constructive portion of it..

I have heard from you on a couple things in different places and I do respect what you have to say so please do speak


Quoting AutymsMommy:

I disagree with the way you are going about this, but I know you added a caveat about that, so I'll bug off, but to say that I sincerely hope things get better for you both this upcoming year! Good luck!


chotovec82
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this
You might consider some kind of block scheduling where you aren't doing as many studies a day also. He could be feeling overwhelmed. Maybe give him some time to play in the morning and then get to schooling later on in the day. I definitely think trying to work with him and finding an equal median is better than forcefully trying to teach him.


Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

well you are right we can't "not" learn anything lower that is absolutely true!



I like the idea of a month month break I will definitely consider that... although it's more likely to be July or August then June.. thank you for the productive and constructive criticism. ;-)




Quoting mem82:

*hugs*

I know the kind of frustration you are going through. My son, Cole 8, gave me fits. He cried, I cried, we fought. It was bad. Luckily, things are much better now. I've changed things up a bit, and I also cam down hard on some of his bad habits. After a heart to heart discussion, and me holding my temper better, things have truly improved. Cole is almost caught up with everything and is actually ahead in Math. 8)

May I suggest taking the month of June completely off. You both have been going so hard for months and months. He hasn't really had a break since the August before last. You have probably been spending every available emotional currency you have on him and his schooling. Take a break and regroup. This isn't a race. He is keyed up and completely in defiant mode.

Take a month off, let him sleep in, play outside, do chores. 8)

You do the same. Come back to this fight refreshed and energized!

After you start again, do it slow. Start with just one subject or two. It won't look as *hard* to him. Every week add another subject. Slowly, slowly, slowly. A horse can be led to water but that doesn't mean he will drink it. Before you know it, after you are both relaxed from your break and your fighting, he will fly through those books. 8) What do you have to lose? He can't NOT learn any slower, right. lol

You aren't giving up. He isn't winning. You are regrouping and attacking the problem from another angle. Give him a clean slate. You can always deal with his defiance if it keeps up, but maybe trying it this way first will ease the tension between the two of you?



debramommyof4
by Silver Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:49 AM

 When my children start like your son at the start of it I send them off for a break in thier room.  They know they have to finish thier work by noon on Friday they do not get to so to the movies, park, or what ever fun activity we have planned for that weekend.  They have to finish thier work and work on more while the kids that finish get to have fun.

lil_mama06
by on May. 13, 2013 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this

HUGS HUGS HUGS...My Valerie (10) was like that..We started lapbooking what she wanted to learn..Throw in some math workbooks and language arts and science and we're both happy..We're also going to do year round school..With 3 week breaks every 4 months..Cause I know I get burned out and so do the kids, I couldn't imagine schooling for a year with 3 1 week breaks..Plus we decided to take December off school so we can spend more time getting ready for the holidays..Good luck...PS..I'm a mom to 6 daughters and have homeschooled all of them at one point of time in their lives..2 have chosen to go to public school and my youngest lasted 1 week in public kinder..   

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on May. 13, 2013 at 12:48 PM
3 moms liked this

I didn't read all the replies...but I think you are being too harsh...I know you don't really want to hear that, but it sounds like you are putting a lot on him.

I am planning to pull my kids from ps at the end of this school year and hs starting in the fall.  I will give them the summer off (with the exception of reading, we always read pretty much every day) they will turn 10 and 11 this summer, so close in age to your DS.  They won't have really any expectations over the summer, I think they will really need that break from school.

They won't school year round unless they ask to.  We will kind of unschool but with some structure, I guess classical at the same time.  But I am willing to be flexible.

The biggest thing for me to get them to want to hs is that the school days will be shorter, you aren't doing that with your DS, he is still schooling almost all day.  I will give my kids assignments and lessons, but the plan will be to be done in around 3 hours and then have just natural learning the rest of the day. 

I think if you shorten his days, and even learn 6 or 7 days a week maybe with long weekends now and then, maybe that could be a better schedule for him.  Maybe lower expectations for a little bit to get him to want to learn, give him different ways to learn.

I agree 100% that kids need to do what they're told by their parents, but if we control their every moment, they will rebel.  I am seeing it with my kids and have made a conscious decision to try to let go a little.  It's not easy, but the battles have already started to be less common since I have tried to let go some.

Good luck though, maybe he does need to repeat, but I think this year could be a learning experience for both of you.  Maybe let him be involved in what he should learn on some topics while you control others that are necessary.  Just look at your teaching methods and expectations as well as his refusal to do work.

MrsImperfect
by on May. 13, 2013 at 1:14 PM
2 moms liked this
But its obviously not working your way if hes upset doing his work over and over miserable and failing....

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

well I understand that some people treat homeschooling as if its some magical entity that is majically different than schooling a child at home.. I don't I treated as if I was teaching a class at home... I still expect my son to learn and no not always in the same way or the same fashion as they do in the public school but that doesn't mean I don't ever think from the public school out.. and frankly you disagree with me I understand that but there is no reason to cuss at me that is not classy that is not ladylike and frankly we ARE supposed to be mature adults act like it




Quoting tuffymama:

You seriously need to consider why the hell you are even bothering to HOME. SCHOOL. Home is first in the term for more than one reason.

Boobah
by Nikki :) on May. 13, 2013 at 1:22 PM
2 moms liked this
Good luck! It saddens me to see a child dislike homeschool so much, and I also agree wi the ladies that a different approach is necessary, but like you said, this is how you roll and we may do things differently. I hope you are able to rekindle a love of learning so you two aren't fighting each other for the next (how many?) years or until you put him back in school.
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