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I will be Failing my son. He will be repeating 4th grade.***UPDATED***

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This year even though his average is 80+ this year in all the things he did do...

KEEP IN MIND THE WORDING HERE.. THAT WHICH HE DID DO.. is 80% 

But 40% of the material that we were supposed to do he litterally had to do over and over and over again..

And we have only finished 50-60% of the materials.

Why you ask..

Litterally he has rebelled at every turn. 

He will sit with his head in his hands twirling his pencil. He will tell me he did the work.. Then when I go to correct it.. I litterally have found doodles on the lines.(More than one time!) I have tried incentives, I have tried downright bribes. (Upto and encluding 2 weeks of camp this summer, a summer pass to theme parks and even The new wiiU) He just refused to co-operate! So I have told him he is going to have summer school. And that we will start next year with a different curriculum but that he will be doing 4th grade work again as I refuse to let him move on to new materials until he shows he is competant and has mastered the stuff from this year. 

Then I also told him that starting today if he starts to act out/ say how much he hates doing school work he will be sat in a corner and left there all day long! When I say all day long.. I mean from the time he wakes up to the time he returns to bed aside from trips to the bathroom or meals. I also told him that work that I know is not up to his abilities will bring about 1 hour of the same sitting.. 

~~Warning~~

I know that some of you ladies won't agree with these measures.. However after an entire school year of him not getting his work done, and not co-operating.. I know it is being a bit harsh.. atleast to some! I am an old fashioned kind of momma.. I don't tolerate disobediance and I have tried everything this year to not have to get to this level.. But when he insists on making litterally the entire home a den of anger, frustration and misery for the past almost 12 months (I started him last year on homeschooling just after he got out of public school.. Hoping we could get him caught up) so we have been homeschooling him every monday-friday since June... with the exception of 3(1week)vacations. So like I said he has made us all miserable trying to fight the homeschooling.. And I have decided he won't be given the liberty of succeeding in his attempts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok well I talked with a local woman who has been homeschooling here in NY for some time! To boot her husband is very up to date on laws.. So they helped me know about the legal requirements of nys! And I have been herassing myself and my son for most of the year for almost no dang reason!

So were gonna do some morning work each day during the summer but aside from some catchup stuff were taking it easy starting monday!

I will be failing him still But I have informed him it is as much my fault as his. 

Thanks to all(well most of you anyhow) you ladies for letting me post this and for giving some great constructive criticizm... 

by on May. 12, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (31-40):
Lynette
by Member on May. 13, 2013 at 1:29 PM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like you have the wrong approach. Start with some deschooling. Ease up and then start researching a new approach. Read up on homeschool methods and learning styles. after you have better tools come back to school and help him love to learn again. Failing a homeschooled child falls on the parents methods, not the child. Especially one this young.
Mommy2Phenley
by Member on May. 13, 2013 at 1:38 PM
3 moms liked this
It sounds like maybe he's really burnt out. You started in June you say, so that means he was just gearing up and probably getting excited for summer break, and then he had to jump straight back into school instead. I'm thinking maybe you guys just got started on the wrong foot and he's dug in his heels. Especially if anything with ps wasn't sitting well with him. Most kids need a deschooling period anyway, but definitely when it's supposed to be the start of summer break. He's been at it with very few small breaks for almost 21 months! He needs a break!

He's not doing the work, you already have decided he'll do 4th grade again next year, so why not just stop? Right now? What's the point in continuing to fight with him every day when even if you do accomplish anything, it will be done over next year anyway. I fear it may be damaging to your relationship with him to keep pounding down this road that is obviously not leading in the right direction.
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celticdragon77
by on May. 13, 2013 at 1:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Corinthians 13

If I have the gift of prophecy, can Fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, if I have faith enough to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give my body over to hardship, but do not have love, then I gain nothing. 

Love is... 

Patient, kind, not easily angered, does not dishonor others, it keeps no record of wrongs, protects, trusts, hopes...

And now these three remain; Faith, Hope, Love. But the greatest of these, is love. 



Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air... - Emerson  

Warning: This iPad enjoys auto correcting into jibberish. I have three kids 17, 10.5 and 9 yrs old. This mama works, homeschools, and explores life + varied interests. 

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on May. 13, 2013 at 1:51 PM
2 moms liked this


Since you said you're all for constructive criticism (lol!)...

Look at this schedule you posted. It is every bit as heavy and long as a public school schedule. Keep in mind that ps schedules look this way to account for many interruptions: walking to specials, recess, lunch, raised hands from 30 kids asking questions, taking time to account for children who need differentiated instruction, bathroom breaks, random misbehaviour, etc. There is NO reason for a homeschool day, for a 4th grader, to be this long.

I might suggest working in the order listed, without timing the subjects; in other words:

Math

Language Arts

Social Studies

*Lunch*

Science

Reading

Health

Also, keep in mind that health IS science (or could be integrated into science) and reading IS language arts - there is no need to have separate blocks for those subjects.

If I might propose a different schedule, it would look like this:

Mon/Wed/Friday

Math

Reading

Writing

Science/Health

Tues/Thursday

Math

Reading

Grammar

History

He doesn't need science and history every day of the week. My husband was very well educated in a private Catholic school, and recalls a similar structure - history and science alternating days.

On that note, about the defiance. Have you tried just ignoring it? I mean, don't put time slots on everything - but let him know (once) that it isn't over until it's finished.

Also, take into account that something may sincerely be too hard for him. Take a step back and evaluate before blowing up - is he slacking because he's afraid to fail... or afraid to disappoint by admitting he doesn't understand it?

Next year, when you use a different curriculum, I would suggest going completely off the cuff FUN with the curricula. Some of my favorites for this age group:

(whatever math works best for your son's learning style)

History - story of the world with activity book

Science - Ellen McHenry units and Intellego units

Language Arts - Royal Fireworks Press (one of their packages would cover grammar, writing, poetry, and vocabulary)

Reading - interest led

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

J IS 10

9=MATH

10=Language Arts

11=Social Studies

12 Lunch

1=Science

2= Reading

3=Health

And like I said in my post I will be changing the curriculum very soon. However I do truely beleive that children need to learn how to do as they are told. I have tried many hand's on lessons and I have even tried to do feild trips.. None of that seems to motivate him. For history one week we took him to a local place which has houses from each time period in american history. And in each of the homes there are people telling about that time period.. He sat down on one of the steps and told us all how boring history was and how he didn't want to go to any more of the homes.. After we had payed for a weekend pass to take him all through it.. so 2 days of our pass were wasted because mister cranky pants wanted to gripe and whine.



Quoting 101stwife:

How old is he? It honestly sounds like maybe you need a different approach. How do you run your home school day? I know that for one of my sons he does really well first thing in the morning and likes to get his work done right away. Then my other son is not a morning person and does much better at around 10am. He also does better with doing a lesson or 2 and then having a break and then doing another lesson or 2. Maybe he would do better with a more hands on curriculum rather than seat work?





I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














Jlee4249
by Member on May. 13, 2013 at 2:18 PM
3 moms liked this
Lapbooks, notebooking, crafts to integrate science and/or history to include lab experiments in the kitchen and even cooking things from cultures or history lessons... Break things up.

One of my hyper kids gets to sit on an exercise ball while working at the table, instead of a chair. The movement helps him concentrate. We find ways to bring math (counting by 5s, 10s, etc) outside w/sidewalk chalk & jumping.
History & geography, we create collage pages (for their notebooks) complete w/flaps and pop-ups of information. We cuddle up and read diaries/journals of frontiersmen or ("the Royal Diaries") princesses that became Queen(s) of England/France/etc.

For every topic that your curriculum touches, find something fun to correspond with it: a few books from the library, magic school bus books/movies, hands-on crafts, etc to drive the lessons home.
We made salt crystals to show evaporation, created our own clouds, our plants are in glass containers too see the whole plant down to the roots. We had a snail "cage" for a few months to learn about them. Right now we have earthworms in a jar of clay... Go outside the boxed curriculum!!!!
MAKE it interesting for your kid.

Public school just doesn't work for some people b/c they expect everyone to learn the same way: sit still, don't speak, your feelings don't matter, do this worksheet, readthis book, now remember everything.
Some kids need to move. Some need to see it, say it, and even do it. Watching a film to coincide (or even replace a text) helps bring concepts to life, making it easier to retain.

After studying the English settlements, we started a garden and started trying a lot of tea!
Find out what a rabbit trail is, in regards to homeschool and allow one every week or so. Rip up your schedule, just set your goals and work towards completing the goals, not a to-do list.
something tells me that would be difficult for you. In this situation, adaptability should be a two-way street.
Ease up on the kid. Find a way to discover fun, for his sake and yours.
We all decided to homeschool b/c public school doesn't work... So why mimic at home what already doesn't work?
Besides, he sounds like he takes after you. All that stubbornness is going to ruin your relationship. Find your flexibility. Sit with him & talk to your son. Explain why you're pushing him, or do you even know? Is it b/c you're claiming your dominance or is it to check off a to-do list? Show him the curriculum & what needs to be done. They're not stupid at that age, he'll
get it. Work with him, would he prefer to do it on a clipboard, sitting upside down on the couch or laying on the floor....?
Make your to-do list & hand it to him. If he gets it done before noon, he's done for the day. If not, he'll have "homework" while everyone else is having fun. But back off!
Your mighty I-am-the-ruler-of-this-domain attitude would make any normal person rebel...and he's just a kid. Keep it up and you'll ruin any chance of having a good relationship w/your future teenager.
HopeJoyPeace1
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:32 PM

The reason I do it this way is because of my state guidelines.

I am a New York state resident..

These are my REQUIREMENTS

I am required to teach all of these  arithmetic, reading, spelling, writing, the English language, geography, United States history, science, health education, music, visual arts, physical education, bilingual education

Each of these is to be taugh as a unit which means 6,480 minutes of instruction per school year.

Which is to be taught in 180 calendar days.. meaning 36 hours a week... 

And in addition we are to be able to pass each of his yearly tests... AS NYS requires a Yearly Assesment test!



Quoting AutymsMommy:


Since you said you're all for constructive criticism (lol!)...

Look at this schedule you posted. It is every bit as heavy and long as a public school schedule. Keep in mind that ps schedules look this way to account for many interruptions: walking to specials, recess, lunch, raised hands from 30 kids asking questions, taking time to account for children who need differentiated instruction, bathroom breaks, random misbehaviour, etc. There is NO reason for a homeschool day, for a 4th grader, to be this long.

I might suggest working in the order listed, without timing the subjects; in other words:

Math

Language Arts

Social Studies

*Lunch*

Science

Reading

Health

Also, keep in mind that health IS science (or could be integrated into science) and reading IS language arts - there is no need to have separate blocks for those subjects.

If I might propose a different schedule, it would look like this:

Mon/Wed/Friday

Math

Reading

Writing

Science/Health

Tues/Thursday

Math

Reading

Grammar

History

He doesn't need science and history every day of the week. My husband was very well educated in a private Catholic school, and recalls a similar structure - history and science alternating days.

On that note, about the defiance. Have you tried just ignoring it? I mean, don't put time slots on everything - but let him know (once) that it isn't over until it's finished.

Also, take into account that something may sincerely be too hard for him. Take a step back and evaluate before blowing up - is he slacking because he's afraid to fail... or afraid to disappoint by admitting he doesn't understand it?

Next year, when you use a different curriculum, I would suggest going completely off the cuff FUN with the curricula. Some of my favorites for this age group:

(whatever math works best for your son's learning style)

History - story of the world with activity book

Science - Ellen McHenry units and Intellego units

Language Arts - Royal Fireworks Press (one of their packages would cover grammar, writing, poetry, and vocabulary)

Reading - interest led

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

J IS 10

9=MATH

10=Language Arts

11=Social Studies

12 Lunch

1=Science

2= Reading

3=Health

And like I said in my post I will be changing the curriculum very soon. However I do truely beleive that children need to learn how to do as they are told. I have tried many hand's on lessons and I have even tried to do feild trips.. None of that seems to motivate him. For history one week we took him to a local place which has houses from each time period in american history. And in each of the homes there are people telling about that time period.. He sat down on one of the steps and told us all how boring history was and how he didn't want to go to any more of the homes.. After we had payed for a weekend pass to take him all through it.. so 2 days of our pass were wasted because mister cranky pants wanted to gripe and whine.



Quoting 101stwife:

How old is he? It honestly sounds like maybe you need a different approach. How do you run your home school day? I know that for one of my sons he does really well first thing in the morning and likes to get his work done right away. Then my other son is not a morning person and does much better at around 10am. He also does better with doing a lesson or 2 and then having a break and then doing another lesson or 2. Maybe he would do better with a more hands on curriculum rather than seat work?





Yes we've been trying to stay on top of the requirements... BECAUSE we do have alot of them to keep up with!

HopeJoyPeace1
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting Mommy2Phenley:

It sounds like maybe he's really burnt out. You started in June you say, so that means he was just gearing up and probably getting excited for summer break, and then he had to jump straight back into school instead. I'm thinking maybe you guys just got started on the wrong foot and he's dug in his heels. Especially if anything with ps wasn't sitting well with him. Most kids need a deschooling period anyway, but definitely when it's supposed to be the start of summer break. He's been at it with very few small breaks for almost 21 months! He needs a break!

He's not doing the work, you already have decided he'll do 4th grade again next year, so why not just stop? Right now? What's the point in continuing to fight with him every day when even if you do accomplish anything, it will be done over next year anyway. I fear it may be damaging to your relationship with him to keep pounding down this road that is obviously not leading in the right direction.

OH HUN.. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.. I am sure he is.. I sure as heck am!


I definately will take this into consideration..


Pukalani79
by Kristin on May. 13, 2013 at 2:36 PM

 I'm sorry you're both having such a difficult time.  I hope that you're able to find something that is effective and enjoyable for both of you. 

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on May. 13, 2013 at 2:37 PM



Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

The reason I do it this way is because of my state guidelines.

I am a New York state resident..

These are my REQUIREMENTS

I am required to teach all of these  arithmetic, reading, spelling, writing, the English language, geography, United States history, science, health education, music, visual arts, physical education, bilingual education

Each of these is to be taugh as a unit which means 6,480 minutes of instruction per school year.

Which is to be taught in 180 calendar days.. meaning 36 hours a week... 

And in addition we are to be able to pass each of his yearly tests... AS NYS requires a Yearly Assesment test!



Quoting AutymsMommy:


Since you said you're all for constructive criticism (lol!)...

Look at this schedule you posted. It is every bit as heavy and long as a public school schedule. Keep in mind that ps schedules look this way to account for many interruptions: walking to specials, recess, lunch, raised hands from 30 kids asking questions, taking time to account for children who need differentiated instruction, bathroom breaks, random misbehaviour, etc. There is NO reason for a homeschool day, for a 4th grader, to be this long.

I might suggest working in the order listed, without timing the subjects; in other words:

Math

Language Arts

Social Studies

*Lunch*

Science

Reading

Health

Also, keep in mind that health IS science (or could be integrated into science) and reading IS language arts - there is no need to have separate blocks for those subjects.

If I might propose a different schedule, it would look like this:

Mon/Wed/Friday

Math

Reading

Writing

Science/Health

Tues/Thursday

Math

Reading

Grammar

History

He doesn't need science and history every day of the week. My husband was very well educated in a private Catholic school, and recalls a similar structure - history and science alternating days.

On that note, about the defiance. Have you tried just ignoring it? I mean, don't put time slots on everything - but let him know (once) that it isn't over until it's finished.

Also, take into account that something may sincerely be too hard for him. Take a step back and evaluate before blowing up - is he slacking because he's afraid to fail... or afraid to disappoint by admitting he doesn't understand it?

Next year, when you use a different curriculum, I would suggest going completely off the cuff FUN with the curricula. Some of my favorites for this age group:

(whatever math works best for your son's learning style)

History - story of the world with activity book

Science - Ellen McHenry units and Intellego units

Language Arts - Royal Fireworks Press (one of their packages would cover grammar, writing, poetry, and vocabulary)

Reading - interest led

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

J IS 10

9=MATH

10=Language Arts

11=Social Studies

12 Lunch

1=Science

2= Reading

3=Health

And like I said in my post I will be changing the curriculum very soon. However I do truely beleive that children need to learn how to do as they are told. I have tried many hand's on lessons and I have even tried to do feild trips.. None of that seems to motivate him. For history one week we took him to a local place which has houses from each time period in american history. And in each of the homes there are people telling about that time period.. He sat down on one of the steps and told us all how boring history was and how he didn't want to go to any more of the homes.. After we had payed for a weekend pass to take him all through it.. so 2 days of our pass were wasted because mister cranky pants wanted to gripe and whine.



Quoting 101stwife:

How old is he? It honestly sounds like maybe you need a different approach. How do you run your home school day? I know that for one of my sons he does really well first thing in the morning and likes to get his work done right away. Then my other son is not a morning person and does much better at around 10am. He also does better with doing a lesson or 2 and then having a break and then doing another lesson or 2. Maybe he would do better with a more hands on curriculum rather than seat work?





Yes we've been trying to stay on top of the requirements... BECAUSE we do have alot of them to keep up with!


Holy Carp! Harsh state requirements!

Maybe someone who lives in NY (a veteren homeschooler there) can give better advice. I do think he sounds burnt out though. Apparently those who made the guidelines aren't aware that homechoolers do not have the hundreds of daily distractions public school teachers have...

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














HopeJoyPeace1
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:39 PM


Good point!

Quoting MrsImperfect:

But its obviously not working your way if hes upset doing his work over and over miserable and failing....

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

well I understand that some people treat homeschooling as if its some magical entity that is majically different than schooling a child at home.. I don't I treated as if I was teaching a class at home... I still expect my son to learn and no not always in the same way or the same fashion as they do in the public school but that doesn't mean I don't ever think from the public school out.. and frankly you disagree with me I understand that but there is no reason to cuss at me that is not classy that is not ladylike and frankly we ARE supposed to be mature adults act like it




Quoting tuffymama:

You seriously need to consider why the hell you are even bothering to HOME. SCHOOL. Home is first in the term for more than one reason.



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