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I will be Failing my son. He will be repeating 4th grade.***UPDATED***

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This year even though his average is 80+ this year in all the things he did do...

KEEP IN MIND THE WORDING HERE.. THAT WHICH HE DID DO.. is 80% 

But 40% of the material that we were supposed to do he litterally had to do over and over and over again..

And we have only finished 50-60% of the materials.

Why you ask..

Litterally he has rebelled at every turn. 

He will sit with his head in his hands twirling his pencil. He will tell me he did the work.. Then when I go to correct it.. I litterally have found doodles on the lines.(More than one time!) I have tried incentives, I have tried downright bribes. (Upto and encluding 2 weeks of camp this summer, a summer pass to theme parks and even The new wiiU) He just refused to co-operate! So I have told him he is going to have summer school. And that we will start next year with a different curriculum but that he will be doing 4th grade work again as I refuse to let him move on to new materials until he shows he is competant and has mastered the stuff from this year. 

Then I also told him that starting today if he starts to act out/ say how much he hates doing school work he will be sat in a corner and left there all day long! When I say all day long.. I mean from the time he wakes up to the time he returns to bed aside from trips to the bathroom or meals. I also told him that work that I know is not up to his abilities will bring about 1 hour of the same sitting.. 

~~Warning~~

I know that some of you ladies won't agree with these measures.. However after an entire school year of him not getting his work done, and not co-operating.. I know it is being a bit harsh.. atleast to some! I am an old fashioned kind of momma.. I don't tolerate disobediance and I have tried everything this year to not have to get to this level.. But when he insists on making litterally the entire home a den of anger, frustration and misery for the past almost 12 months (I started him last year on homeschooling just after he got out of public school.. Hoping we could get him caught up) so we have been homeschooling him every monday-friday since June... with the exception of 3(1week)vacations. So like I said he has made us all miserable trying to fight the homeschooling.. And I have decided he won't be given the liberty of succeeding in his attempts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok well I talked with a local woman who has been homeschooling here in NY for some time! To boot her husband is very up to date on laws.. So they helped me know about the legal requirements of nys! And I have been herassing myself and my son for most of the year for almost no dang reason!

So were gonna do some morning work each day during the summer but aside from some catchup stuff were taking it easy starting monday!

I will be failing him still But I have informed him it is as much my fault as his. 

Thanks to all(well most of you anyhow) you ladies for letting me post this and for giving some great constructive criticizm... 

by on May. 12, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (51-60):
HopeJoyPeace1
by on May. 14, 2013 at 7:11 AM
Kickbutt-thanks for the insight.
Celtic- I think you missed my point that he did the same behavior in school and would not learned there either.. that is why I brought him to home for schooling..


Quoting celticdragon77:

Oh, don't get me wrong, I do NOT tolerate disrespect in my house!

I have excellent relationships with my kids, we joke around a lot and talk openly. I learned a long time ago that a sense of humor goes a long way. I get a lot more out of my kids because of it. 

However, I also can put them in line, immediately!, when I need to. It doesn't happen too often because they usually do what they need to do. But I have definitely had my drastic, I will NOT take this anymore, extreme parenting moments. 

My kids are so different with their personalities and learn extremely different from each other. Even I have things (like OCD) that make parenting three kids a challenge at times. But if I was to parent my kids, or teach them, with just one method, we would have killed each other years ago. If I was "MOM the enforcer" over them - whether at parenting or teaching, they would struggle with resenting me. They wouldn't even want to homeschool. 

Instead, I am there as their guide through this journey of exploring knowledge. I choose to do it in a positive, peaceful, loving manner. I am there to nourish them and their environment.

NOW, if they do not want to cooperate and were disruptive - they would go back to public school. Simple as that!!! I am offering a certain kind of option here at home. If they do not have the maturity or desire to participate in it, then they need to go back to school. For one, they would ruin the homeschool environment for everyone else, and second, my state has strict laws that "I" have to answer for. 

Disrespect towards anyone is not tolerated in my house. Otherwise they get all of me coming down with great authority on their butts. They know it! But they love our relationship so much and they know we can talk and work together on issues that arise... Because of this, behavior issues are really rare.

I run my house on the same level that I expect them to go out into society with. I want them to learn those tools at home. I want them thinking similar to how they would need to out in the real world.

I would NEVER put a child in a corner from the time they woke up till the time they went to bed!!! NEVER!!! I am the example to my kids of how authority should behave in life. So whether my child becomes authority of another or is under authority of another - my kids need to recognize what is and is not acceptable. My kids are learning how to treat authority. How to question authority. How to work with authority to resolve an issue. I do not want to crush my child under the weight of authority. I want them to flourish and grow. Be inspired and be good leaders. 

Quoting KickButtMama:

I'm named the Kickbuttmama for a reason, I have no problem with turning my home into a boot camp - I do not tolerate disobedience or attitude. BUT, if none of your incentives worked, then it sounds like he has a problem with the style of learning - in which case browbeating, punishments, etc will do nothing but drive a wedge between you. I'd have him do school work this summer but I'd have him give input on the style of learning. I learn best by writing things out, so initially I had heavy writing in our curriculum, and it was a battle to complete even elementary review! Finally I had him do a project on ancient China. And I paid attention to how he processed information, and I was shocked to realize he is an audio/visual learner. Once I changed our curriculum to this style - no more battles!,



mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 14, 2013 at 10:16 AM
2 moms liked this
Here in the homeschooling Moms group we use our big girl words. Lol
Please understand that homeschooling does get harder to some extent, as the kids get older. There are times when everyone including you will feel like only a complete overhaul will work, even if it is extreme. Lol We all do it. But, in this group, we try to give constructive advice because we all know how it might be us at the breaking point next. 8)
Finger pointing and name calling aren't really the way we roll here.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I like how this post is shaping up. Good for the op for being brave enough to bare your problems here and keeping an open mind to what others were saying!!! There are so many moms on Cafemom who do not have the maturity to do so. You have a good heart and mind. I wish you and your family the best.

amanda.lyn
by Member on May. 14, 2013 at 5:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi, I'm sorry this year has been so hard! I'm from NYs, I know exactly what "Regulations" you mean. But honestly I think you have misinterpreted it. The unit requirement is for grade 7-12. For 4th grade they need 25 hours a week, and many subjects are simply to be done regularly; like P.E., art, and health - so if you do it once weekly you're in compliance. You can ask your school district for a breakdown of the requirements by level (it's usually mailed to you with the IHIP form.)  Also reading, spelling, and writing can all fall under Language arts - and are not each required their own time; same with History/Geography.  Additionally, for many of these subjects there are easier options (that still fill the requirements.) For example, we tried A Beka health in 5th grade and it was too much! We switched to Horizons and it was so fun!!! As long as you're counting hours - and meeting that requirement, fill the rest of your time with fun things. Like cooking for math, or play Pictionary for art.

Honestly, I know the school personal can be intimidating- but they have to stick to the rules too. If they are pushing you around, look into HSLDA and get some help! Home school should be rewarding for both of you - not punishment. Feel free to message me! I love meeting new home school Moms, we all need to stick together! Hugs ~Amanda

PS, my oldest was a bit of a pill at times - so I understand there too!

mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 14, 2013 at 5:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Great reply! It helps to hear from someone in your state. What grade are you homeschooling?

Quoting amanda.lyn:

Hi, I'm sorry this year has been so hard! I'm from NYs, I know exactly what "Regulations" you mean. But honestly I think you have misinterpreted it. The unit requirement is for grade 7-12. For 4th grade they need 25 hours a week, and many subjects are simply to be done regularly; like P.E., art, and health - so if you do it once weekly you're in compliance. You can ask your school district for a breakdown of the requirements by level (it's usually mailed to you with the IHIP form.)  Also reading, spelling, and writing can all fall under Language arts - and are not each required their own time; same with History/Geography.  Additionally, for many of these subjects there are easier options (that still fill the requirements.) For example, we tried A Beka health in 5th grade and it was too much! We switched to Horizons and it was so fun!!! As long as you're counting hours - and meeting that requirement, fill the rest of your time with fun things. Like cooking for math, or play Pictionary for art.

Honestly, I know the school personal can be intimidating- but they have to stick to the rules too. If they are pushing you around, look into HSLDA and get some help! Home school should be rewarding for both of you - not punishment. Feel free to message me! I love meeting new home school Moms, we all need to stick together! Hugs ~Amanda

PS, my oldest was a bit of a pill at times - so I understand there too!


HopeJoyPeace1
by on May. 14, 2013 at 6:25 PM

i could hug you!

That news about the unit requirements is A GOD SEND!

Send me a friend request please.. Thanks! 

This might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.. Thanks again!

Quoting amanda.lyn:

Hi, I'm sorry this year has been so hard! I'm from NYs, I know exactly what "Regulations" you mean. But honestly I think you have misinterpreted it. The unit requirement is for grade 7-12. For 4th grade they need 25 hours a week, and many subjects are simply to be done regularly; like P.E., art, and health - so if you do it once weekly you're in compliance. You can ask your school district for a breakdown of the requirements by level (it's usually mailed to you with the IHIP form.)  Also reading, spelling, and writing can all fall under Language arts - and are not each required their own time; same with History/Geography.  Additionally, for many of these subjects there are easier options (that still fill the requirements.) For example, we tried A Beka health in 5th grade and it was too much! We switched to Horizons and it was so fun!!! As long as you're counting hours - and meeting that requirement, fill the rest of your time with fun things. Like cooking for math, or play Pictionary for art.

Honestly, I know the school personal can be intimidating- but they have to stick to the rules too. If they are pushing you around, look into HSLDA and get some help! Home school should be rewarding for both of you - not punishment. Feel free to message me! I love meeting new home school Moms, we all need to stick together! Hugs ~Amanda

PS, my oldest was a bit of a pill at times - so I understand there too!



oredeb
by debbie on May. 14, 2013 at 6:52 PM

 i know you have lots of replies hope! and i dont want to go through them now, but (this is probably a repeat so forgive me!!) did you deschool him?nothing medically wrong(eyes, hears, etc)? was he into hsing when you started? how old is he? i see your doin the best you can, (there'd be a few spankings here if one of mine tried that!hahah)what about joining a co op and schooling with other kids? is your dh helping any? what kind of things does he like to do? how come you are hsing him? what is your schedule, and what are you using to teach with?

debbie

celticdragon77
by on May. 14, 2013 at 6:54 PM

I was discussing my experience at home to Kickbuttmama. Just to reiterate that though I take a more relaxed approach, doesn't mean that I tolerate disrespect.  

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

Kickbutt-thanks for the insight.
Celtic- I think you missed my point that he did the same behavior in school and would not learned there either.. that is why I brought him to home for schooling..


Quoting celticdragon77:

Oh, don't get me wrong, I do NOT tolerate disrespect in my house!

I have excellent relationships with my kids, we joke around a lot and talk openly. I learned a long time ago that a sense of humor goes a long way. I get a lot more out of my kids because of it. 

However, I also can put them in line, immediately!, when I need to. It doesn't happen too often because they usually do what they need to do. But I have definitely had my drastic, I will NOT take this anymore, extreme parenting moments. 

My kids are so different with their personalities and learn extremely different from each other. Even I have things (like OCD) that make parenting three kids a challenge at times. But if I was to parent my kids, or teach them, with just one method, we would have killed each other years ago. If I was "MOM the enforcer" over them - whether at parenting or teaching, they would struggle with resenting me. They wouldn't even want to homeschool. 

Instead, I am there as their guide through this journey of exploring knowledge. I choose to do it in a positive, peaceful, loving manner. I am there to nourish them and their environment.

NOW, if they do not want to cooperate and were disruptive - they would go back to public school. Simple as that!!! I am offering a certain kind of option here at home. If they do not have the maturity or desire to participate in it, then they need to go back to school. For one, they would ruin the homeschool environment for everyone else, and second, my state has strict laws that "I" have to answer for. 

Disrespect towards anyone is not tolerated in my house. Otherwise they get all of me coming down with great authority on their butts. They know it! But they love our relationship so much and they know we can talk and work together on issues that arise... Because of this, behavior issues are really rare.

I run my house on the same level that I expect them to go out into society with. I want them to learn those tools at home. I want them thinking similar to how they would need to out in the real world.

I would NEVER put a child in a corner from the time they woke up till the time they went to bed!!! NEVER!!! I am the example to my kids of how authority should behave in life. So whether my child becomes authority of another or is under authority of another - my kids need to recognize what is and is not acceptable. My kids are learning how to treat authority. How to question authority. How to work with authority to resolve an issue. I do not want to crush my child under the weight of authority. I want them to flourish and grow. Be inspired and be good leaders. 

Quoting KickButtMama:

I'm named the Kickbuttmama for a reason, I have no problem with turning my home into a boot camp - I do not tolerate disobedience or attitude. BUT, if none of your incentives worked, then it sounds like he has a problem with the style of learning - in which case browbeating, punishments, etc will do nothing but drive a wedge between you. I'd have him do school work this summer but I'd have him give input on the style of learning. I learn best by writing things out, so initially I had heavy writing in our curriculum, and it was a battle to complete even elementary review! Finally I had him do a project on ancient China. And I paid attention to how he processed information, and I was shocked to realize he is an audio/visual learner. Once I changed our curriculum to this style - no more battles!,




celticdragon77
by on May. 14, 2013 at 7:11 PM

I did not agree with what she was doing to her child. My heart broke to even read this post. I had just read another post where I felt like the homeschooling mom was going about things harshly. I have read the stories from kids who were homeschooled and made to stand in corners all day long - and what it did to them emotionally and mentally. How it ended up making the situation worse and not better. I grew up in foster care and I have had all kinds of experiences with different parenting styles. I know what some of them can do to a child - a child lacks the coping and reasoning skills that an adult has. I was a child with a learning disability - they never diagnosised what it was - but I was in a resource room. I struggled to grasp concepts the way they taught them, I would do work over and over. I avoided the work because I got nowhere with it. Nothing ever helped and I ended up quitting school. I went back and got my diploma (not a GED) on my own as an adult - I worked hard and did it MY WAY and it came easily. I now love to learn and devour everything I can.

I decided to only state that I strongly disagreed with the methods and remove myself from the post. I checked back in and liked the direction it had gone since I was last here. I try to help out, but this was one post, I didn't feel it would welcomed in because she made her point so strongly that she knew some wouldn't agree but that she was how she was (to paraphrase). I respected that she wanted to hear from people who could give advice that lined up with her style of doing things. I couldn't offer that.

I believe people do what they can with the skills they have. I really believe she needs to search outside of her own skills, for new ones, but she made it seem with her warning and her strict methods, that she was not looking for that. So I can't help her. I will NOT sit and pretend that what she is doing to her child is okay!! IT IS NOT!!! You can take a child that is struggling and make him work 12mths straight with hardly any breaks, make him finish something only to say that when he is done, he will have to repeat it all over again. Then on top of that say if you express your struggle, dislike, don't do things at the level I expect of you... I will put you in a corner to stand for 16hrs a day. I am sure he already feels bad within himself for how hard this is coming to him, and now he is made to feel worse. Not just emotionally and mentally - but now physically too. 

But, all of this has made me question my place in this group, I don't think that I fit in here very well. Hell, this is one of the few groups that I am in, where no one has even friend requested me. Which is fine, I just don't want to take time out my life to post and comment, in a forum where I don't feel where it best suits me. 

Quoting mem82:

Here in the homeschooling Moms group we use our big girl words. Lol
Please understand that homeschooling does get harder to some extent, as the kids get older. There are times when everyone including you will feel like only a complete overhaul will work, even if it is extreme. Lol We all do it. But, in this group, we try to give constructive advice because we all know how it might be us at the breaking point next. 8)
Finger pointing and name calling aren't really the way we roll here.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I like how this post is shaping up. Good for the op for being brave enough to bare your problems here and keeping an open mind to what others were saying!!! There are so many moms on Cafemom who do not have the maturity to do so. You have a good heart and mind. I wish you and your family the best.


Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air... - Emerson  

Warning: This iPad enjoys auto correcting into jibberish. I have three kids 17, 10.5 and 9 yrs old. This mama works, homeschools, and explores life + varied interests. 

celticdragon77
by on May. 14, 2013 at 7:28 PM

This is what I wrote, btw. 

Quoting celticdragon77:

I STRONGLY disagree with how you are handling this situation. I believe in positive reinforcement. However, I also know that you have made it clear that you are not flexible on your views on this - and I do not want to disrespect that. Please just remember that the relationship is sooooo precious! If he needs to go back to public school, please allow him. 


Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air... - Emerson  

Warning: This iPad enjoys auto correcting into jibberish. I have three kids 17, 10.5 and 9 yrs old. This mama works, homeschools, and explores life + varied interests. 

KickButtMama
by Shannon on May. 14, 2013 at 7:44 PM

Please don't leave! I actually liked what you wrote and didn't take it as sarcasm, though after mem replied I could see how she thought so. The one thing I love about this group is that it is accepting of the different parenting styles w/o alienating members for choosing a different path. I, personally, don't friend request only because I don't usually communicate through PM as I spend all my time in the forums. So, don't feel that we don't like you! I do!

I grew up in a very harsh environment as my mother was a low-functioning bipolar. So punishments were often extreme, because of that - and the resulting destruction of our relationship - I'm super conscious of the bond between my kids and myself. But, I even went through a couple of years where I felt like I was spending all my time scolding them - then I sat back and realized I was placing stupid expectations on myself and on them. I took a few months off of school entirely and completely revamped our approach. It has worked beautifully For Us. But every family dynamic is different. I realized my kids were not distracted as just a battle of wills - but because of underlying issues - my youngest is a perfectionist afraid of failure, my eldest needed a visual learning style. 

One of my favorite things about HS is the accepted variety of approaches. I always suggest trying something for a couple of months, if it doesn't work then move on. But including the whole family - including kids - in the decision making processes generally makes for smoother transitions.

Quoting celticdragon77:

I did not agree with what she was doing to her child. My heart broke to even read this post. I had just read another post where I felt like the homeschooling mom was going about things harshly. I have read the stories from kids who were homeschooled and made to stand in corners all day long - and what it did to them emotionally and mentally. How it ended up making the situation worse and not better. I grew up in foster care and I have had all kinds of experiences with different parenting styles. I know what some of them can do to a child - a child lacks the coping and reasoning skills that an adult has. I decided to only state that I strongly disagreed with the methods and remove myself from the post. I checked back in and liked the direction it had gone since I was last here. I try to help out, but this was one post, I didn't feel it would welcomed in because she made her point so strongly that she knew some wouldn't agree but that she was how she was (to paraphrase). I respected that she wanted to hear from people who could give advice that lined up with her style of doing things. I couldn't offer that. But, all of this made me question my place in this group, I don't think that I fit in her well. Hell, this is one of the few groups that I am in, where no one has even friend requested me. Which is fine, I just don't want to take time out my life to post and comment, in a forum where I don't feel where it best suits me. 

Quoting mem82:

Here in the homeschooling Moms group we use our big girl words. Lol
Please understand that homeschooling does get harder to some extent, as the kids get older. There are times when everyone including you will feel like only a complete overhaul will work, even if it is extreme. Lol We all do it. But, in this group, we try to give constructive advice because we all know how it might be us at the breaking point next. 8)
Finger pointing and name calling aren't really the way we roll here.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I like how this post is shaping up. Good for the op for being brave enough to bare your problems here and keeping an open mind to what others were saying!!! There are so many moms on Cafemom who do not have the maturity to do so. You have a good heart and mind. I wish you and your family the best.



 Home Educators Toolbox  / Articles / Kicbuttmama's Crazy Lapbooks / Kickbuttmama's Home Education
Albert Einstein -- 
   "Everybody is a Genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid." 

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