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I will be Failing my son. He will be repeating 4th grade.***UPDATED***

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This year even though his average is 80+ this year in all the things he did do...

KEEP IN MIND THE WORDING HERE.. THAT WHICH HE DID DO.. is 80% 

But 40% of the material that we were supposed to do he litterally had to do over and over and over again..

And we have only finished 50-60% of the materials.

Why you ask..

Litterally he has rebelled at every turn. 

He will sit with his head in his hands twirling his pencil. He will tell me he did the work.. Then when I go to correct it.. I litterally have found doodles on the lines.(More than one time!) I have tried incentives, I have tried downright bribes. (Upto and encluding 2 weeks of camp this summer, a summer pass to theme parks and even The new wiiU) He just refused to co-operate! So I have told him he is going to have summer school. And that we will start next year with a different curriculum but that he will be doing 4th grade work again as I refuse to let him move on to new materials until he shows he is competant and has mastered the stuff from this year. 

Then I also told him that starting today if he starts to act out/ say how much he hates doing school work he will be sat in a corner and left there all day long! When I say all day long.. I mean from the time he wakes up to the time he returns to bed aside from trips to the bathroom or meals. I also told him that work that I know is not up to his abilities will bring about 1 hour of the same sitting.. 

~~Warning~~

I know that some of you ladies won't agree with these measures.. However after an entire school year of him not getting his work done, and not co-operating.. I know it is being a bit harsh.. atleast to some! I am an old fashioned kind of momma.. I don't tolerate disobediance and I have tried everything this year to not have to get to this level.. But when he insists on making litterally the entire home a den of anger, frustration and misery for the past almost 12 months (I started him last year on homeschooling just after he got out of public school.. Hoping we could get him caught up) so we have been homeschooling him every monday-friday since June... with the exception of 3(1week)vacations. So like I said he has made us all miserable trying to fight the homeschooling.. And I have decided he won't be given the liberty of succeeding in his attempts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok well I talked with a local woman who has been homeschooling here in NY for some time! To boot her husband is very up to date on laws.. So they helped me know about the legal requirements of nys! And I have been herassing myself and my son for most of the year for almost no dang reason!

So were gonna do some morning work each day during the summer but aside from some catchup stuff were taking it easy starting monday!

I will be failing him still But I have informed him it is as much my fault as his. 

Thanks to all(well most of you anyhow) you ladies for letting me post this and for giving some great constructive criticizm... 

by on May. 12, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (61-70):
bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on May. 14, 2013 at 7:51 PM

 For the record, if I friend requested people, I would Friend request you.  You are pretty cool and I like "hearing" what you have to say.  I no longer friend request or accept friend requests.  I was stalked on here and it wasn't cool. I enjoy conversations within the confines of the groups I am in, and that is all.  Just letting you know my perspective.  :-)  I think you bring an excellent perspective to this group.

Quoting celticdragon77:

 

<SNIP>

But, all of this has made me question my place in this group, I don't think that I fit in here very well. Hell, this is one of the few groups that I am in, where no one has even friend requested me. Which is fine, I just don't want to take time out my life to post and comment, in a forum where I don't feel where it best suits me. 

Quoting mem82:

Here in the homeschooling Moms group we use our big girl words. Lol
Please understand that homeschooling does get harder to some extent, as the kids get older. There are times when everyone including you will feel like only a complete overhaul will work, even if it is extreme. Lol We all do it. But, in this group, we try to give constructive advice because we all know how it might be us at the breaking point next. 8)
Finger pointing and name calling aren't really the way we roll here.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I like how this post is shaping up. Good for the op for being brave enough to bare your problems here and keeping an open mind to what others were saying!!! There are so many moms on Cafemom who do not have the maturity to do so. You have a good heart and mind. I wish you and your family the best.


 

amanda.lyn
by Member on May. 14, 2013 at 8:04 PM
Awe, I'm glad I could help. I love home schooling, and I'm happy to pass on any info I can!
KickButtMama
by Shannon on May. 14, 2013 at 8:06 PM

I completely agree. It sounds like we are similar! I'm the weirdly fun strict mom..lol... It sometimes irritates my DH that I have such an open relationship w/ my kids. Where we can communicate w/o threatening or browbeating. (And its possible sarcasm is my middle name..lol). I'm always amazed when people comment on how adult my kids act. I never threatened or punished for behavior, even when they were toddlers. I just made sure the kids had clear understandings of what was elected of them and WHY.i don't believe in saying "because I said so" just as I don't accept the response "I can't" , on my part I will always explain in terms they can understand what is expected and why, and I will Always listen if they have a difference of opinion. For their part I don't accept I can't without a qualifier for how they Can - do they need help, less distraction, whatever. 

I have my expectations based on what I think is appropriate for their ages, with their input. But this means that I can't have unreal expectations - especially for education. I want the kids to love learning. That would never happen if I was forcing it on them. We aren't unschoolers. We are Child-led learners. The kids pick the topics (like my eldest recently decided he wanted to learn German) then ill go and find a variety of resources - DVD's, workbooks, online proms, apps, etc. then the Child can choose which format interests them most. If they are given a choice and the freedom to discover, then learning is not a chore, it's an exploration.

i, personally, never understood the benefits of time-outs, nor spankings. I know corporal punishment did not make my brothers and I behave any differently, except maybe teaching us to be more secretive. My kids have never been to PS, so that wwouldn't be an effective threat here, but they know that if they are disrespecting anyone - including themselves - then their lives will be stripped of all the modern day joys - namely electronics- and they will have to earn them back. But really we focus on positive reinforcement. I keep all electronics in my closet. When the kids do positive behaviors - completing chores, being helpful, completing school work, etc then they earn fictional bucks. These bucks can be used to rent their electronics for 24 hours. Then they need to earn more bucks to keep the electronic. There are 4 items that can cost them bucks - lying, disrespect, fighting, attitude. But 99.99% of what the Bucks program is about is teaching them that by living life a certain way - which includes completing wok that might be hard - then you'll be able to have the time and opportunity to do the fun things as well. Not that they are forced to do the,, but that there are benefits to doing them. KWIM?

Quoting celticdragon77:

Oh, don't get me wrong, I do NOT tolerate disrespect in my house!

I have excellent relationships with my kids, we joke around a lot and talk openly. I learned a long time ago that a sense of humor goes a long way. I get a lot more out of my kids because of it. 

However, I also can put them in line, immediately!, when I need to. It doesn't happen too often because they usually do what they need to do. But I have definitely had my drastic, I will NOT take this anymore, extreme parenting moments. 

My kids are so different with their personalities and learn extremely different from each other. Even I have things (like OCD) that make parenting three kids a challenge at times. But if I was to parent my kids, or teach them, with just one method, we would have killed each other years ago. If I was "MOM the enforcer" over them - whether at parenting or teaching, they would struggle with resenting me. They wouldn't even want to homeschool. 

Instead, I am there as their guide through this journey of exploring knowledge. I choose to do it in a positive, peaceful, loving manner. I am there to nourish them and their environment.

NOW, if they do not want to cooperate and were disruptive - they would go back to public school. Simple as that!!! I am offering a certain kind of option here at home. If they do not have the maturity or desire to participate in it, then they need to go back to school. For one, they would ruin the homeschool environment for everyone else, and second, my state has strict laws that "I" have to answer for. 

Disrespect towards anyone is not tolerated in my house. Otherwise they get all of me coming down with great authority on their butts. They know it! But they love our relationship so much and they know we can talk and work together on issues that arise... Because of this, behavior issues are really rare.

I run my house on the same level that I expect them to go out into society with. I want them to learn those tools at home. I want them thinking similar to how they would need to out in the real world.

I would NEVER put a child in a corner from the time they woke up till the time they went to bed!!! NEVER!!! I am the example to my kids of how authority should behave in life. So whether my child becomes authority of another or is under authority of another - my kids need to recognize what is and is not acceptable. My kids are learning how to treat authority. How to question authority. How to work with authority to resolve an issue. I do not want to crush my child under the weight of authority. I want them to flourish and grow. Be inspired and be good leaders. 

Quoting KickButtMama:

I'm named the Kickbuttmama for a reason, I have no problem with turning my home into a boot camp - I do not tolerate disobedience or attitude. BUT, if none of your incentives worked, then it sounds like he has a problem with the style of learning - in which case browbeating, punishments, etc will do nothing but drive a wedge between you. I'd have him do school work this summer but I'd have him give input on the style of learning. I learn best by writing things out, so initially I had heavy writing in our curriculum, and it was a battle to complete even elementary review! Finally I had him do a project on ancient China. And I paid attention to how he processed information, and I was shocked to realize he is an audio/visual learner. Once I changed our curriculum to this style - no more battles!,



mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 14, 2013 at 8:09 PM

I think you took the tone of my statements wrong. That tends to happen a lot to me, online. 8) You seemed surprised that the post had a more positive tone than it could have had, and I was simply saying that this group was good for that. Why would you want to leave a group that is so non confrontational? If the members chose to fight with each other about their chosen method, it would break apart. The line would start at those who chose a more lax environment and those who don't. Then it would break apart at those who are ecletic and those who unschool. Classical vs Modern. Old World vs Young Earth. We can't go down that road. Stay and offer your views in a positive way. (not saying you haven't been) As your year goes on and you find road blocks, we will be here to help you. 

Offering someone advice, or understanding how worked up a situation can make someone does not equal condoning the way they chose to conduct their own home. I disagree with roughly 65% of what I read in this group, but I'm okay with that. I offer my advice in a positive way and I move on. I have never once seen *attacking* anyone as a way to get them to see your side. Instead of freaking out, (not saying anyone did) many of us offered ways that she could improve her situation and she really took to heart what we said. OP went from no breaks this summer, to seriously contemplating taking a month or more off. She is hearing our advice on how to make this work for her son. Would she have heard us if we said we disagree and then walked away? Sometimes, people just need to vent and then be talked down. CafeMom is a great place to find support.

I don't friend invite, nor do a lot of the ladies in this group. Please don't judge your 'popularity' by who friend requests. It's just not a popular thing in this group. I'm thankful for that because it doesn't seem as odd when I don't want to be "friends". There are stalkers out there. LOL

I'm saying this all in a calm and mildly concerned way. I would hate to see you leave. 8) Stay and add your 2 cents to the bank. 8)

Quoting celticdragon77:

I did not agree with what she was doing to her child. My heart broke to even read this post. I had just read another post where I felt like the homeschooling mom was going about things harshly. I have read the stories from kids who were homeschooled and made to stand in corners all day long - and what it did to them emotionally and mentally. How it ended up making the situation worse and not better. I grew up in foster care and I have had all kinds of experiences with different parenting styles. I know what some of them can do to a child - a child lacks the coping and reasoning skills that an adult has. I was a child with a learning disability - they never diagnosised what it was - but I was in a resource room. I struggled to grasp concepts the way they taught them, I would do work over and over. I avoided the work because I got nowhere with it. Nothing ever helped and I ended up quitting school. I went back and got my diploma (not a GED) on my own as an adult - I worked hard and did it MY WAY and it came easily. I now love to learn and devour everything I can.

I decided to only state that I strongly disagreed with the methods and remove myself from the post. I checked back in and liked the direction it had gone since I was last here. I try to help out, but this was one post, I didn't feel it would welcomed in because she made her point so strongly that she knew some wouldn't agree but that she was how she was (to paraphrase). I respected that she wanted to hear from people who could give advice that lined up with her style of doing things. I couldn't offer that.

I believe people do what they can with the skills they have. I really believe she needs to search outside of her own skills, for new ones, but she made it seem with her warning and her strict methods, that she was not looking for that. So I can't help her. I will NOT sit and pretend that what she is doing to her child is okay!! IT IS NOT!!! You can take a child that is struggling and make him work 12mths straight with hardly any breaks, make him finish something only to say that when he is done, he will have to repeat it all over again. Then on top of that say if you express your struggle, dislike, don't do things at the level I expect of you... I will put you in a corner to stand for 16hrs a day. I am sure he already feels bad within himself for how hard this is coming to him, and now he is made to feel worse. Not just emotionally and mentally - but now physically too. 

But, all of this has made me question my place in this group, I don't think that I fit in here very well. Hell, this is one of the few groups that I am in, where no one has even friend requested me. Which is fine, I just don't want to take time out my life to post and comment, in a forum where I don't feel where it best suits me. 

Quoting mem82:

Here in the homeschooling Moms group we use our big girl words. Lol
Please understand that homeschooling does get harder to some extent, as the kids get older. There are times when everyone including you will feel like only a complete overhaul will work, even if it is extreme. Lol We all do it. But, in this group, we try to give constructive advice because we all know how it might be us at the breaking point next. 8)
Finger pointing and name calling aren't really the way we roll here.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I like how this post is shaping up. Good for the op for being brave enough to bare your problems here and keeping an open mind to what others were saying!!! There are so many moms on Cafemom who do not have the maturity to do so. You have a good heart and mind. I wish you and your family the best.



amanda.lyn
by Member on May. 14, 2013 at 8:21 PM
Quoting mem82:



Thanks. We're gearing up to do 9th grade and pre school this coming year!
hipmomto3
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2013 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to put your child into school. And I have never said that to anyone, ever. But seriously, you do. What you describe is borderline child abuse. If I knew you IRL, I'd call CPS.

JumpStartToyMom
by on May. 14, 2013 at 9:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi there,

First, I'd like to tell you that you are not failing your child.  Kids can be very challenging, and fourth grade was a horrible year for my child.  You sound to me like a mom who loves her kid, and is torn between trying to support him and trying not to be governed by him.  Been there, done that over many years.  So, it is with compassion and a great deal of understanding and past experience that I offer some suggestions.

Kids are generally good kids and want to please, so most of the time when they are in a downward spiral, it becomes overwhelming to them and bad behaviors can be reinforced.  We found that we usually had to change the scene pretty dramatically to get a fresh start.  We switched schools one year, and the new teacher met my sone prior to school and was very positive - told him she was looking forward to a great year with him and just talked to him for an hour or so until he warmed up to her.  That, and summer really helped to put some space between the bad and good year.

The second thing we did was another round of testing and some physical examinations.  One year, it turned out that his slowness in learning to read and hating it, along with all the bad behavior, was because he needed glasses.  He'd never seemed like he had an eye problem, but it turns out that the snellen eye chart looks at distance eyesight, and he had blurry vision in the 12-18 inch zone, which is where you read.  Glasses really lessened the frustrtion, and my husband and I felt like fools for having missed it.  Another year, we took him for an occupational therapy examination, and it turned out he had delayed fine motor skills, among a long list of other things, which made it difficult for him to write neatly and at the speed expected of him.  And, of course, we and the teachers were always on top of him for sloppy handwriting, not trying, or using avoidance behaviors.  Several months of occupational therapy, hand strengthening exercises, and working on his hand grip improved his ability to do schoolwork and really lessened the battles.

I guess my point is that your child probably wants to please you, but he feels so negative about himself and is probably so overwhelmed that he feels he can't so he makes it worse.  When I did things like you plan, it worsened the situation.  So, for everyone's sake, I suggest getting outside help to look for the underlying issues.  And, I also suggest that you find some things he really likes to do with you and bond with him over the summer - really positive things so he begins to feel like success is possible.  It's tough to do, believe me, but it was the only way we could ever dig out of the hole we were in, which was very similar to what you describe.

Hope it helps.  For what it's worth, my very high maintenance child managed to graduate from high school and is now in college - and he had alot of issues like you describe - still does.  Sometimes, it just feels so hopeless.  But, you just keep at it and if you can, get some experts to help you.  We couldn't have made it without them.  It's worth it, though.  Take a deep breathe because you CAN do this.

celticdragon77
by on May. 14, 2013 at 9:30 PM

I did not quit this group when I saw this post and disagreed with her methods, I did not quit the group when I came back and complimented the turn of things within this post, I quit when comments were made towards me after that.

I had felt that I had been respectful despite any differences. I didn't necessarily feel that went both ways.

This isn't the first post that I noticed it in. I have seen it in a few posts. Some being much more blatant than this one. When I mentioned I was a Christian seeking secular curriculums - the post had tons of comments - pages worth. Some saying that I should be thankful I could even homeschool because of Christians. Meanwhile, I had also put a post up needing desperate help for two kids that are behind in reading (statistics say that a child not reading on level by 4th grade are at a higher risk of having life long struggles in life - whether financially, socially, prison, etc - my kids are in 4th grade - I am FIGHTING WITH ALL I HAVE for these kids) and that post didn't ever even get one page worth of comments.

I absolutely do not want a group that only has one perspective!

And as for what it concerns pertaining this particular post - this was more than just a difference of educational styles. This was pushing the boundaries to the point of abuse - in my opinion. Maybe you have never been the child that has had extremely parenting, maybe you are stronger than I am - but a lot of children would not be able to handle her methods of parenting them. It hit a raw nerve for me and I had to excuse myself from it. However, I did so respectfully. I also even left a nugget of feedback - "positive reinforcement". I mentioned that I would respect her wishes to only have feedback related to her style of parenting. I didn't know this person or how they might respond to me offering advice completely contrary to their methods. I figured if she wanted advice from me, then she could respond and say she didn't mind hearing my perspective.  

The friend request is not about popularity. Not to me anyways. I guess it gives a sense of belonging within a group. But that wasn't my concern with leaving the group. 

To belong to a group online, takes time from my everyday life, and there are a lot of groups to choose from.  

To the op, I apologize for this drama unfolding in your post. This is supposed to be about you getting advice to help you and not about me deciding to leave the group. I apologize for that. I wish you and your family the best.

Quoting mem82:

I think you took the tone of my statements wrong. That tends to happen a lot to me, online. 8) You seemed surprised that the post had a more positive tone than it could have had, and I was simply saying that this group was good for that. Why would you want to leave a group that is so non confrontational? If the members chose to fight with each other about their chosen method, it would break apart. The line would start at those who chose a more lax environment and those who don't. Then it would break apart at those who are ecletic and those who unschool. Classical vs Modern. Old World vs Young Earth. We can't go down that road. Stay and offer your views in a positive way. (not saying you haven't been) As your year goes on and you find road blocks, we will be here to help you. 

Offering someone advice, or understanding how worked up a situation can make someone does not equal condoning the way they chose to conduct their own home. I disagree with roughly 65% of what I read in this group, but I'm okay with that. I offer my advice in a positive way and I move on. I have never once seen *attacking* anyone as a way to get them to see your side. Instead of freaking out, (not saying anyone did) many of us offered ways that she could improve her situation and she really took to heart what we said. OP went from no breaks this summer, to seriously contemplating taking a month or more off. She is hearing our advice on how to make this work for her son. Would she have heard us if we said we disagree and then walked away? Sometimes, people just need to vent and then be talked down. CafeMom is a great place to find support.

I don't friend invite, nor do a lot of the ladies in this group. Please don't judge your 'popularity' by who friend requests. It's just not a popular thing in this group. I'm thankful for that because it doesn't seem as odd when I don't want to be "friends". There are stalkers out there. LOL

I'm saying this all in a calm and mildly concerned way. I would hate to see you leave. 8) Stay and add your 2 cents to the bank. 8)

Quoting celticdragon77:




mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 14, 2013 at 9:40 PM
Science curriculum is a subject most of us have an opinion on because it is something most of us use. Your children's reading issues are quite complex and we may not have the answers you seek or even suggestions as to what to do which is why there aren't many answers.

Quoting celticdragon77:

I did not quit this group when I saw this post and disagreed with her methods, I did not quit the group when I came back and complimented the turn of things within this post, I quit when comments were made towards me after that.

I had felt that I had been respectful despite any differences. I didn't necessarily feel that went both ways.

This isn't the first post that I noticed it in. I have seen it in a few posts. Some being much more blatant than this one. When I mentioned I was a Christian seeking secular curriculums - the post had tons of comments - pages worth. Some saying that I should be thankful I could even homeschool because of Christians. Meanwhile, I had also put a post up needing desperate help for two kids that are behind in reading (statistics say that a child not reading on level by 4th grade are at a higher risk of having life long struggles in life - whether financially, socially, prison, etc - my kids are in 4th grade - I am FIGHTING WITH ALL I HAVE for these kids) and that post didn't ever even get one page worth of comments.

I absolutely do not want a group that only has one perspective!

And as for what it concerns pertaining this particular post - this was more than just a difference of educational styles. This was pushing the boundaries to the point of abuse - in my opinion. Maybe you have never been the child that has had extremely parenting, maybe you are stronger than I am - but a lot of children would not be able to handle her methods of parenting them. It hit a raw nerve for me and I had to excuse myself from it. However, I did so respectfully. I also even left a nugget of feedback - "positive reinforcement". I mentioned that I would respect her wishes to only have feedback related to her style of parenting. I didn't know this person or how they might respond to me offering advice completely contrary to their methods. I figured if she wanted advice from me, then she could respond and say she didn't mind hearing my perspective.  

The friend request is not about popularity. Not to me anyways. I guess it gives a sense of belonging within a group. But that wasn't my concern with leaving the group. 

To belong to a group online, takes time from my everyday life, and there are a lot of groups to choose from.  

To the op, I apologize for this drama unfolding in your post. This is supposed to be about you getting advice to help you and not about me deciding to leave the group. I apologize for that. I wish you and your family the best.

Quoting mem82:

I think you took the tone of my statements wrong. That tends to happen a lot to me, online. 8) You seemed surprised that the post had a more positive tone than it could have had, and I was simply saying that this group was good for that. Why would you want to leave a group that is so non confrontational? If the members chose to fight with each other about their chosen method, it would break apart. The line would start at those who chose a more lax environment and those who don't. Then it would break apart at those who are ecletic and those who unschool. Classical vs Modern. Old World vs Young Earth. We can't go down that road. Stay and offer your views in a positive way. (not saying you haven't been) As your year goes on and you find road blocks, we will be here to help you. 

Offering someone advice, or understanding how worked up a situation can make someone does not equal condoning the way they chose to conduct their own home. I disagree with roughly 65% of what I read in this group, but I'm okay with that. I offer my advice in a positive way and I move on. I have never once seen *attacking* anyone as a way to get them to see your side. Instead of freaking out, (not saying anyone did) many of us offered ways that she could improve her situation and she really took to heart what we said. OP went from no breaks this summer, to seriously contemplating taking a month or more off. She is hearing our advice on how to make this work for her son. Would she have heard us if we said we disagree and then walked away? Sometimes, people just need to vent and then be talked down. CafeMom is a great place to find support.

I don't friend invite, nor do a lot of the ladies in this group. Please don't judge your 'popularity' by who friend requests. It's just not a popular thing in this group. I'm thankful for that because it doesn't seem as odd when I don't want to be "friends". There are stalkers out there. LOL

I'm saying this all in a calm and mildly concerned way. I would hate to see you leave. 8) Stay and add your 2 cents to the bank. 8)

Quoting celticdragon77:




mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 14, 2013 at 9:42 PM
No one wants you to go but you seem upset about minor issues that are common to most Internet groups.

Quoting mem82:

Science curriculum is a subject most of us have an opinion on because it is something most of us use. Your children's reading issues are quite complex and we may not have the answers you seek or even suggestions as to what to do which is why there aren't many answers.



Quoting celticdragon77:

I did not quit this group when I saw this post and disagreed with her methods, I did not quit the group when I came back and complimented the turn of things within this post, I quit when comments were made towards me after that.

I had felt that I had been respectful despite any differences. I didn't necessarily feel that went both ways.

This isn't the first post that I noticed it in. I have seen it in a few posts. Some being much more blatant than this one. When I mentioned I was a Christian seeking secular curriculums - the post had tons of comments - pages worth. Some saying that I should be thankful I could even homeschool because of Christians. Meanwhile, I had also put a post up needing desperate help for two kids that are behind in reading (statistics say that a child not reading on level by 4th grade are at a higher risk of having life long struggles in life - whether financially, socially, prison, etc - my kids are in 4th grade - I am FIGHTING WITH ALL I HAVE for these kids) and that post didn't ever even get one page worth of comments.

I absolutely do not want a group that only has one perspective!

And as for what it concerns pertaining this particular post - this was more than just a difference of educational styles. This was pushing the boundaries to the point of abuse - in my opinion. Maybe you have never been the child that has had extremely parenting, maybe you are stronger than I am - but a lot of children would not be able to handle her methods of parenting them. It hit a raw nerve for me and I had to excuse myself from it. However, I did so respectfully. I also even left a nugget of feedback - "positive reinforcement". I mentioned that I would respect her wishes to only have feedback related to her style of parenting. I didn't know this person or how they might respond to me offering advice completely contrary to their methods. I figured if she wanted advice from me, then she could respond and say she didn't mind hearing my perspective.  

The friend request is not about popularity. Not to me anyways. I guess it gives a sense of belonging within a group. But that wasn't my concern with leaving the group. 

To belong to a group online, takes time from my everyday life, and there are a lot of groups to choose from.  

To the op, I apologize for this drama unfolding in your post. This is supposed to be about you getting advice to help you and not about me deciding to leave the group. I apologize for that. I wish you and your family the best.

Quoting mem82:

I think you took the tone of my statements wrong. That tends to happen a lot to me, online. 8) You seemed surprised that the post had a more positive tone than it could have had, and I was simply saying that this group was good for that. Why would you want to leave a group that is so non confrontational? If the members chose to fight with each other about their chosen method, it would break apart. The line would start at those who chose a more lax environment and those who don't. Then it would break apart at those who are ecletic and those who unschool. Classical vs Modern. Old World vs Young Earth. We can't go down that road. Stay and offer your views in a positive way. (not saying you haven't been) As your year goes on and you find road blocks, we will be here to help you. 

Offering someone advice, or understanding how worked up a situation can make someone does not equal condoning the way they chose to conduct their own home. I disagree with roughly 65% of what I read in this group, but I'm okay with that. I offer my advice in a positive way and I move on. I have never once seen *attacking* anyone as a way to get them to see your side. Instead of freaking out, (not saying anyone did) many of us offered ways that she could improve her situation and she really took to heart what we said. OP went from no breaks this summer, to seriously contemplating taking a month or more off. She is hearing our advice on how to make this work for her son. Would she have heard us if we said we disagree and then walked away? Sometimes, people just need to vent and then be talked down. CafeMom is a great place to find support.

I don't friend invite, nor do a lot of the ladies in this group. Please don't judge your 'popularity' by who friend requests. It's just not a popular thing in this group. I'm thankful for that because it doesn't seem as odd when I don't want to be "friends". There are stalkers out there. LOL

I'm saying this all in a calm and mildly concerned way. I would hate to see you leave. 8) Stay and add your 2 cents to the bank. 8)

Quoting celticdragon77:




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