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I will be Failing my son. He will be repeating 4th grade.***UPDATED***

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This year even though his average is 80+ this year in all the things he did do...

KEEP IN MIND THE WORDING HERE.. THAT WHICH HE DID DO.. is 80% 

But 40% of the material that we were supposed to do he litterally had to do over and over and over again..

And we have only finished 50-60% of the materials.

Why you ask..

Litterally he has rebelled at every turn. 

He will sit with his head in his hands twirling his pencil. He will tell me he did the work.. Then when I go to correct it.. I litterally have found doodles on the lines.(More than one time!) I have tried incentives, I have tried downright bribes. (Upto and encluding 2 weeks of camp this summer, a summer pass to theme parks and even The new wiiU) He just refused to co-operate! So I have told him he is going to have summer school. And that we will start next year with a different curriculum but that he will be doing 4th grade work again as I refuse to let him move on to new materials until he shows he is competant and has mastered the stuff from this year. 

Then I also told him that starting today if he starts to act out/ say how much he hates doing school work he will be sat in a corner and left there all day long! When I say all day long.. I mean from the time he wakes up to the time he returns to bed aside from trips to the bathroom or meals. I also told him that work that I know is not up to his abilities will bring about 1 hour of the same sitting.. 

~~Warning~~

I know that some of you ladies won't agree with these measures.. However after an entire school year of him not getting his work done, and not co-operating.. I know it is being a bit harsh.. atleast to some! I am an old fashioned kind of momma.. I don't tolerate disobediance and I have tried everything this year to not have to get to this level.. But when he insists on making litterally the entire home a den of anger, frustration and misery for the past almost 12 months (I started him last year on homeschooling just after he got out of public school.. Hoping we could get him caught up) so we have been homeschooling him every monday-friday since June... with the exception of 3(1week)vacations. So like I said he has made us all miserable trying to fight the homeschooling.. And I have decided he won't be given the liberty of succeeding in his attempts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok well I talked with a local woman who has been homeschooling here in NY for some time! To boot her husband is very up to date on laws.. So they helped me know about the legal requirements of nys! And I have been herassing myself and my son for most of the year for almost no dang reason!

So were gonna do some morning work each day during the summer but aside from some catchup stuff were taking it easy starting monday!

I will be failing him still But I have informed him it is as much my fault as his. 

Thanks to all(well most of you anyhow) you ladies for letting me post this and for giving some great constructive criticizm... 

by on May. 12, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (71-80):
mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 14, 2013 at 9:43 PM
Hang around. People have been busy with end of year work. 8)

Quoting mem82:

No one wants you to go but you seem upset about minor issues that are common to most Internet groups.



Quoting mem82:

Science curriculum is a subject most of us have an opinion on because it is something most of us use. Your children's reading issues are quite complex and we may not have the answers you seek or even suggestions as to what to do which is why there aren't many answers.





Quoting celticdragon77:

I did not quit this group when I saw this post and disagreed with her methods, I did not quit the group when I came back and complimented the turn of things within this post, I quit when comments were made towards me after that.

I had felt that I had been respectful despite any differences. I didn't necessarily feel that went both ways.

This isn't the first post that I noticed it in. I have seen it in a few posts. Some being much more blatant than this one. When I mentioned I was a Christian seeking secular curriculums - the post had tons of comments - pages worth. Some saying that I should be thankful I could even homeschool because of Christians. Meanwhile, I had also put a post up needing desperate help for two kids that are behind in reading (statistics say that a child not reading on level by 4th grade are at a higher risk of having life long struggles in life - whether financially, socially, prison, etc - my kids are in 4th grade - I am FIGHTING WITH ALL I HAVE for these kids) and that post didn't ever even get one page worth of comments.

I absolutely do not want a group that only has one perspective!

And as for what it concerns pertaining this particular post - this was more than just a difference of educational styles. This was pushing the boundaries to the point of abuse - in my opinion. Maybe you have never been the child that has had extremely parenting, maybe you are stronger than I am - but a lot of children would not be able to handle her methods of parenting them. It hit a raw nerve for me and I had to excuse myself from it. However, I did so respectfully. I also even left a nugget of feedback - "positive reinforcement". I mentioned that I would respect her wishes to only have feedback related to her style of parenting. I didn't know this person or how they might respond to me offering advice completely contrary to their methods. I figured if she wanted advice from me, then she could respond and say she didn't mind hearing my perspective.  

The friend request is not about popularity. Not to me anyways. I guess it gives a sense of belonging within a group. But that wasn't my concern with leaving the group. 

To belong to a group online, takes time from my everyday life, and there are a lot of groups to choose from.  

To the op, I apologize for this drama unfolding in your post. This is supposed to be about you getting advice to help you and not about me deciding to leave the group. I apologize for that. I wish you and your family the best.

Quoting mem82:

I think you took the tone of my statements wrong. That tends to happen a lot to me, online. 8) You seemed surprised that the post had a more positive tone than it could have had, and I was simply saying that this group was good for that. Why would you want to leave a group that is so non confrontational? If the members chose to fight with each other about their chosen method, it would break apart. The line would start at those who chose a more lax environment and those who don't. Then it would break apart at those who are ecletic and those who unschool. Classical vs Modern. Old World vs Young Earth. We can't go down that road. Stay and offer your views in a positive way. (not saying you haven't been) As your year goes on and you find road blocks, we will be here to help you. 

Offering someone advice, or understanding how worked up a situation can make someone does not equal condoning the way they chose to conduct their own home. I disagree with roughly 65% of what I read in this group, but I'm okay with that. I offer my advice in a positive way and I move on. I have never once seen *attacking* anyone as a way to get them to see your side. Instead of freaking out, (not saying anyone did) many of us offered ways that she could improve her situation and she really took to heart what we said. OP went from no breaks this summer, to seriously contemplating taking a month or more off. She is hearing our advice on how to make this work for her son. Would she have heard us if we said we disagree and then walked away? Sometimes, people just need to vent and then be talked down. CafeMom is a great place to find support.

I don't friend invite, nor do a lot of the ladies in this group. Please don't judge your 'popularity' by who friend requests. It's just not a popular thing in this group. I'm thankful for that because it doesn't seem as odd when I don't want to be "friends". There are stalkers out there. LOL

I'm saying this all in a calm and mildly concerned way. I would hate to see you leave. 8) Stay and add your 2 cents to the bank. 8)

Quoting celticdragon77:




cjsmom1
by on May. 14, 2013 at 9:52 PM
Kidshealth.org has been a great way for ds to learn about health and science while giving him and I a break from textbooks and each other. Ds is going back to public school partially for the reasons you mentioned, he's making us crazy.
Make adjustments as you see fit to make it interesting. One day ds had to ask a question about the wild west and being funny said he wanted to know how they pooped. Well he researched it and found out when toilet paper was invented. Even when they misbehave ut can be a learning experience.
celticdragon77
by on May. 14, 2013 at 10:11 PM

I have been joined to homeschooling groups for 6yrs. I have never quit one until now. This isn't a huge deal, it just isnt the right group for me. I have groups where I am able to get more academic feedback and less of the other issues. That is more along the lines of what I need. 

EDA: I do not want to keep dragging this out. This will be my last response. 

Quoting mem82:

No one wants you to go but you seem upset about minor issues that are common to most Internet groups.

Quoting mem82:

Science curriculum is a subject most of us have an opinion on because it is something most of us use. Your children's reading issues are quite complex and we may not have the answers you seek or even suggestions as to what to do which is why there aren't many answers.



Quoting celticdragon77:






Precious333
by Julia on May. 14, 2013 at 10:38 PM
I hope you both get a fresh start next year!
KrissyKC
by Silver Member on May. 14, 2013 at 11:12 PM

I don't do friend requests either.   Not because I don't like anyone, but because (truthfully).. I'm a terrible friend because I'm horrible at paying attention to anyone else's needs right now.   Sometimes, I barely pay attention to the needs of my kids.   So, it's just nicer for me to NOT friend anyone new that I would just end up dropping the ball on being a good friend.  

I only come on here to post in the forums from time to time to learn and offer what little advice I've been learning.   It isn't something I do faithfully or regularly.   Just some time for me to have ME time.



Quoting bluerooffarm:

 For the record, if I friend requested people, I would Friend request you.  You are pretty cool and I like "hearing" what you have to say.  I no longer friend request or accept friend requests.  I was stalked on here and it wasn't cool. I enjoy conversations within the confines of the groups I am in, and that is all.  Just letting you know my perspective.  :-)  I think you bring an excellent perspective to this group.

Quoting celticdragon77:

 

But, all of this has made me question my place in this group, I don't think that I fit in here very well. Hell, this is one of the few groups that I am in, where no one has even friend requested me. Which is fine, I just don't want to take time out my life to post and comment, in a forum where I don't feel where it best suits me. 

Quoting mem82:

Here in the homeschooling Moms group we use our big girl words. Lol
Please understand that homeschooling does get harder to some extent, as the kids get older. There are times when everyone including you will feel like only a complete overhaul will work, even if it is extreme. Lol We all do it. But, in this group, we try to give constructive advice because we all know how it might be us at the breaking point next. 8)
Finger pointing and name calling aren't really the way we roll here.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I like how this post is shaping up. Good for the op for being brave enough to bare your problems here and keeping an open mind to what others were saying!!! There are so many moms on Cafemom who do not have the maturity to do so. You have a good heart and mind. I wish you and your family the best.


 



didavis
by on May. 15, 2013 at 8:13 AM

Why don't you try a different enviroment. It seems that what you are doing isn't working. That seems to be the problem here, is you. Kids will be who they are with or without your approval. Maybe you need to step back and re-look at the situation. Some kids just don't do well in school and shouldn't be forced to do the same thing over and over again. There are other ways of learning besides books and maybe you should check them out. We spend our time at the zoo, museum and amusement parks. Do then learn what they do in school? Nope, they don't, they learn so much more. They learn by watching the TV, communicating with others through game play, through facebook (even though your son is too young for this),  by going on visits, by playing online games. I hate to say it, but, they are way happier and most, not all, but, most of the fighting has vanished.

NYCitymomx3
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2013 at 8:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm new to this conversation, so forgive me if this has been said.

In my opinion your schedule is way too long and harsh and is set up to fail.  I have a 2 hour daily schedule with my 12 y/o ds.  We get everything in and he's above grade level.  He has his complainy, dawdly moments, but we work through it together.  We sit on the couch, he does math and spelling on a big white-board using colored markers.  I still read some things to him and we discuss using narrations.  He has several workbooks that he helped pick out for things like vocabulary, writing, and grammar.  We go on lots of field trips, group classes with other homeschoolers, and watch documentaries.  His whole afternoon is free to pursue his interests - and I facilitate those interests the best way I can.  

Homeschooling should not look like school (unless your kid wants it to).  Don't just change your curriculum, change your mindset.  Relax a little.  Oh, and I've been homeschooling in New York for 8 years.  You are totally overthinking the regulations.  

Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

J IS 10

9=MATH

10=Language Arts

11=Social Studies

12 Lunch

1=Science

2= Reading

3=Health

And like I said in my post I will be changing the curriculum very soon. However I do truely beleive that children need to learn how to do as they are told. I have tried many hand's on lessons and I have even tried to do feild trips.. None of that seems to motivate him. For history one week we took him to a local place which has houses from each time period in american history. And in each of the homes there are people telling about that time period.. He sat down on one of the steps and told us all how boring history was and how he didn't want to go to any more of the homes.. After we had payed for a weekend pass to take him all through it.. so 2 days of our pass were wasted because mister cranky pants wanted to gripe and whine.


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cats911
by on May. 15, 2013 at 10:10 AM

That is the reason I could not home school.  Maybe he is not of the aptitude to be able to do it.

Uniquecoolio
by on May. 15, 2013 at 11:24 AM
That is the most boring schedule I have even seen. Just like ps. If we don't/can't think outside the box, homeschooling is useless. Hope you get some good ideas here. My kids are both special needs and even with me being a single parent working full time, I keep my kids more engaged and excited than that. And yes, learning too.


Quoting HopeJoyPeace1:

J IS 10

9=MATH

10=Language Arts

11=Social Studies

12 Lunch

1=Science

2= Reading

3=Health

And like I said in my post I will be changing the curriculum very soon. However I do truely beleive that children need to learn how to do as they are told. I have tried many hand's on lessons and I have even tried to do feild trips.. None of that seems to motivate him. For history one week we took him to a local place which has houses from each time period in american history. And in each of the homes there are people telling about that time period.. He sat down on one of the steps and told us all how boring history was and how he didn't want to go to any more of the homes.. After we had payed for a weekend pass to take him all through it.. so 2 days of our pass were wasted because mister cranky pants wanted to gripe and whine.




Quoting 101stwife:

How old is he? It honestly sounds like maybe you need a different approach. How do you run your home school day? I know that for one of my sons he does really well first thing in the morning and likes to get his work done right away. Then my other son is not a morning person and does much better at around 10am. He also does better with doing a lesson or 2 and then having a break and then doing another lesson or 2. Maybe he would do better with a more hands on curriculum rather than seat work?





bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2013 at 12:15 PM

 I think that is very common in this group.  My day is long and child-centered.  We have so much on us, it's like having a full-time teaching job plus being mom.  Especially for those of us with multiple kids at multiple levels, not to say we have it more difficult, just a bit more prep time etc.  I do come here regularly, but I like the fact that I can take a weeek or two off and not have a pile of messages when I come back.

Quoting KrissyKC:

I don't do friend requests either.   Not because I don't like anyone, but because (truthfully).. I'm a terrible friend because I'm horrible at paying attention to anyone else's needs right now.   Sometimes, I barely pay attention to the needs of my kids.   So, it's just nicer for me to NOT friend anyone new that I would just end up dropping the ball on being a good friend.  

I only come on here to post in the forums from time to time to learn and offer what little advice I've been learning.   It isn't something I do faithfully or regularly.   Just some time for me to have ME time.

 

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 For the record, if I friend requested people, I would Friend request you.  You are pretty cool and I like "hearing" what you have to say.  I no longer friend request or accept friend requests.  I was stalked on here and it wasn't cool. I enjoy conversations within the confines of the groups I am in, and that is all.  Just letting you know my perspective.  :-)  I think you bring an excellent perspective to this group.

Quoting celticdragon77:

 

But, all of this has made me question my place in this group, I don't think that I fit in here very well. Hell, this is one of the few groups that I am in, where no one has even friend requested me. Which is fine, I just don't want to take time out my life to post and comment, in a forum where I don't feel where it best suits me. 

Quoting mem82:

Here in the homeschooling Moms group we use our big girl words. Lol
Please understand that homeschooling does get harder to some extent, as the kids get older. There are times when everyone including you will feel like only a complete overhaul will work, even if it is extreme. Lol We all do it. But, in this group, we try to give constructive advice because we all know how it might be us at the breaking point next. 8)
Finger pointing and name calling aren't really the way we roll here.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I like how this post is shaping up. Good for the op for being brave enough to bare your problems here and keeping an open mind to what others were saying!!! There are so many moms on Cafemom who do not have the maturity to do so. You have a good heart and mind. I wish you and your family the best.


 

 

 

 

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