by Jeanne Sager
I have been a parent for almost eight years now, and some days I feel like I know as little as I did way back in 2005 when I was still waiting for my baby to arrive. But there's one thing I know for sure. Kids are WEIRD.
My kid. Your kid. All kids!
There's an equal opportunity state of strangeness that exists for the four-foot-tall and under set.
But you don't have to take my word for it. Just consider some of the things kids can't get enough of ... but we adults just barely tolerate.
Boogers. Rocks. Those rounds blobs of indeterminate flavor otherwise known as gumballs.
All are evidence that kids are some of the oddest creatures on the planet. And yet we love them anyway.
Behold the wild and weird that curries favor with the kids and mystifies adults.
- Gumballs: They're absolutely flavorless. And who knows how many greasy, grimy hands were stuck up in that machine before you stuck your quarter in there?
- Stickers: What is the POINT in walking around with something stuck to your shirt? So that you can forget to take it off and have it rendered permanent when it accidentally makes it through the wash?
- Stuffed Animals: One day you wake up and realize you don't need 50 dust collectors in bed with you; you'd actually much prefer using that space to stretch out and get comfy.
- Rocks: Ever checked your kid's pockets and found half the driveway inside? What is WITH the rock obsession?
- Glue Sticks: They don't make anything actually STICK ... except to your clothes.
- Hot Dogs: There's really only one way to eat these: at a ballgame, washed down by a beer. Considering kids can't actually do that, their obsession is a little suspicious. Even worse: the kids who beg to eat them uncooked.
- Boogers: So let me get this straight. Spinach is gross, but something you just picked out of your nose is delicious?
- Plastic Vampire Teeth: How is it that they have such a problem putting their toothbrush all the way to the back of their mouth, but they easily fit these uncomfortable hunks of plastic in there?
- Juice Boxes/Pouches: What's inside may taste good, but I'm pretty content with my glass. Drinking out of something that I won't accidentally squeeze all over myself never gets old.
- Car Carts: Those rad car carts at the grocery store cease to be cool about the time you no longer fit in them ... and have to try to navigate the aisles with this off-balance behemoth.
- Frozen Waffles: Cooked waffles are all well and good for a mom on the go, but what is the fascination with eating them fresh out of the freezer ... still frozen? It's like eating cold cardboard.
- Baby Bottle Pop: So let me get this straight:
it's a lollipop that you lick ... and then stick in something else ...
and then lick ... and then ... lick ... and then ....Because the one straight shot of sugar to the brain wasn't enough?
What are your kids obsessed with that you just don't get?