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OT: 20 Confessions That Show the Dark Side of Motherhood

Posted by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:45 PM
  • 13 Replies

20 Confessions That Show the Dark Side of Motherhood

by Jill Smokler 

Last night, as I often do when I should be doing something else, I got sucked into my Scary Mommy Confessional. It's been a while since I've shared confessions, so here are some of my favorite recent ones. Can you relate to any? I certainly can ...

1. My kids are getting on my nerves so badly that I wish I could open my closet and escape to Narnia.

2. Some days, the greatest sign of my love for my family is that I refrain from strangling them.

3. I bought my 9-month-old a pair of yoga pants. Apparently neither one of us plans on ever joining polite society again.

4. I eat ice cream out of coffee mugs so that the kids won't notice and I won't have to share.

5. Saw a loaf of bread sold at nearly $6 today, and I suddenly felt really really inspired to learn how to bake my own bread at home. And then I laughed and laughed and laughed like a crazy woman, right there in the bread aisle.

6. My 1-year-old was licking something sticky off the floor. Instead of stopping her, I let her continue because lunch wasn't quite finished and it was keeping her occupied.

7. Why, yes, I did just cuss at my 6-month-old, but he started it by getting up at 4 a.m. for the morning.

8. My son likes to show his toys to his penis. I think it's his best friend. I found myself thinking this morning, "I wish I had that kind of relationship with my vagina." I think I need a hobby.

9. I think I got carpal tunnel from Candy Crush.

10. I pretend to feel bad when my toddler prefers daddy. But secretly, I'm relieved. I like the break.

11. Currently covered in pee. About to give myself a baby wipe bath. Oh the joys of motherhood.

12. My kids all sleep in their underwear because no pajamas means that much less laundry for me to wash and fold.

13. I knew I needed a break when my 2-year-old son threw an empty 5-gallon water jug at me and I could so easily envision myself picking up the jug and chucking it back at him as hard as I could!

14. Inspector Gadget would be super impressed with how far my boobs stretch. If only I could use them to fight crime.

15. I mentally tell my 13-year-old to go fuck herself at least 20 times a day.

16. To hell with tea or coffee, I can't start the day without my vibrator.

17. I can ruin an entire week of exercising and eating well with one day of PMS and access to chocolate.

18. Nothing makes me happier than a $4 bottle of Pinot Grigio.

19. I sucked breast milk from my own nipple. Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

20. The dog pees to mark and claim his territory. I use Cajun spices and hot sauce to mark and claim mine.

Got a confession of your own?

by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bookoholic
by Member on May. 21, 2013 at 5:51 PM
I have only thought or did 6 of the 20
usmom3
by BJ on May. 21, 2013 at 6:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 #1 would be awesome because no matter how long you where gone no one would ever know it sense time dose not pass on earth when one is in Narnia!

FootballFan12
by on May. 21, 2013 at 6:38 PM

I totally eat ice cream from a mug for just that reason!

I confess, I play Candy Crush


Boobah
by Nikki :) on May. 21, 2013 at 8:58 PM
I have to say, #12 is genius and I think I may adopt it. My kids want new pjs every night and I'm like "can't you just wear them all week or something?" Lol!
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kmath
by Silver Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:04 PM

#5 is so me. 

mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:13 PM

I admit I have cussed into my pillow at 3am.lol

mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:14 PM

Oh, and yes, I can ruin an entire week of good health habits in one day.

Cafe MichelleP
by Head Admin on May. 21, 2013 at 9:49 PM

I am guilty of about 10 of these but no way am I telling which ones..lol

MrsSamMerlotte
by on May. 21, 2013 at 9:57 PM
Licking stuff off the floor made me cringe. im guilty of some of those though.

One that isn't up there.... I'm guilty of dropping my cell on my 2 year olds head while she was nursing and I was on cafemom... Twice.
Maridel
by on May. 21, 2013 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this


Yep i've done that. I felt awful


Quoting MrsSamMerlotte:

Licking stuff off the floor made me cringe. im guilty of some of those though.

One that isn't up there.... I'm guilty of dropping my cell on my 2 year olds head while she was nursing and I was on cafemom... Twice.



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