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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

How did you break the news?

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You all have been so great with answering all my questions and indulging me as I research and try to come to a decision, that I thought I would call on you once again.

When you made the decision to homeschool, how did you break it to your friends and family? What did you say? How did they take it?

I know other peoples opinions shouldnt matter, but I just want to be prepared for any eventuality.

by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 3:17 PM
Replies (11-20):
bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 6:23 PM

 We made an announcement at Christmas dinner.  We pulled my oldest at the break and started homeschooling in January, so it was the right time.  We knew people would ask what he was doing in school and that he would tell them that he wasn't going back.  So we just jumped in and told them all while they were gathered together.  The 1st grade teacher in the group already knew because I called her to ask about how to talk to the teacher at the conference in November and then I called her to tell her about what happened at and after the conference.  Then I called her again when more bad crap happened.  So she said "it's about time."  That pretty much put an end to the discussion.

I think she expected me to finish up the year at home and send him back to school the next year, but we told her we had seen the village and didn't want it anywhere near our kids.  LOL

My MIL has been a PITA about it, but if it weren't homeschooling she would find something else to complain about.  The boys have learned how to navigate the questions and reactions.  They think it is hilarious!

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jun. 14, 2013 at 6:44 PM

That is awesome.  I am going to say that to everyone, lol. I have been the village for years working in public school and really thought I wanted to teach my own classroom in public school.  Seeing the issues and dealing with what I deal with as a para, and as a parent, I am done.  Get my kids the heck out of that village!

We have not announced it to everyone, really not anyone lol.  I told my mom and thought she would freak, but she was totally good with it.  It just came up when we went out to dinner, she asked if I would have the same job (as a para) next year...when I fiddled with my food and said "actually I think we are homeschooling...so I think I need a different job."  Her reaction was just "what do the kids think?" and we talked a little about why, but she knows a lot of what we've dealt with over the years, and she started listing benefits of homeschooling to me, lol.

We live with my mil and we haven't told her.  DH says we don't have to, but I feel like we do since it's a big decision.  A good friend who I work with and has been by my side through this whole thing, her DD homeschools and they all (DD, husband,and 8 children) live with my friend and her husband-they are close to retirement age....anyway, she told me I don't have to tell mil as long as we still live up to our responsibilities (financial and household).  She says since we pay mil rent and pay some of the bills, we have to not let that slide-obviously we wouldn't, but other than that it's not up to mil and she can't say much if we aren't slacking on our household stuff.  I think she will have something to say because it will set us back in buying out own house.  But when I think about my priorities, yeah I'd love to buy our own house, but really my kids' education is more important to me.


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 We made an announcement at Christmas dinner.  We pulled my oldest at the break and started homeschooling in January, so it was the right time.  We knew people would ask what he was doing in school and that he would tell them that he wasn't going back.  So we just jumped in and told them all while they were gathered together.  The 1st grade teacher in the group already knew because I called her to ask about how to talk to the teacher at the conference in November and then I called her to tell her about what happened at and after the conference.  Then I called her again when more bad crap happened.  So she said "it's about time."  That pretty much put an end to the discussion.

I think she expected me to finish up the year at home and send him back to school the next year, but we told her we had seen the village and didn't want it anywhere near our kids.  LOL

My MIL has been a PITA about it, but if it weren't homeschooling she would find something else to complain about.  The boys have learned how to navigate the questions and reactions.  They think it is hilarious!



bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 6:55 PM

 I would only tell the MIL if you felt that you could listen to the complaints.  I knew I had a very thick skin (and it still gets to me every once in a while).  We have done almost everything in raiseing our children the opposite of what she had done, so she feels like it is a criticism on her parenting.  We get into a lot of fights over it (along with having kids close together, me not working, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, not baptizing, and on and on and on! LOL)  She talks about us behind our backs to the ladies in her church and other family members.  She tries to get the kids aside and ask them a million questions to see if they are learning (at this point my oldest says some pretty snappy comebacks about how she's keeping them from the opportunity to "socialize.")  It can be a never ending parade of stupid, unfortunately.  So if I could go back, I might choose not to tell her for a while.  Give myself some breathing room to learn what works for us and make some of my mistakes and learn through them on my own.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

That is awesome.  I am going to say that to everyone, lol. I have been the village for years working in public school and really thought I wanted to teach my own classroom in public school.  Seeing the issues and dealing with what I deal with as a para, and as a parent, I am done.  Get my kids the heck out of that village!

We have not announced it to everyone, really not anyone lol.  I told my mom and thought she would freak, but she was totally good with it.  It just came up when we went out to dinner, she asked if I would have the same job (as a para) next year...when I fiddled with my food and said "actually I think we are homeschooling...so I think I need a different job."  Her reaction was just "what do the kids think?" and we talked a little about why, but she knows a lot of what we've dealt with over the years, and she started listing benefits of homeschooling to me, lol.

We live with my mil and we haven't told her.  DH says we don't have to, but I feel like we do since it's a big decision.  A good friend who I work with and has been by my side through this whole thing, her DD homeschools and they all (DD, husband,and 8 children) live with my friend and her husband-they are close to retirement age....anyway, she told me I don't have to tell mil as long as we still live up to our responsibilities (financial and household).  She says since we pay mil rent and pay some of the bills, we have to not let that slide-obviously we wouldn't, but other than that it's not up to mil and she can't say much if we aren't slacking on our household stuff.  I think she will have something to say because it will set us back in buying out own house.  But when I think about my priorities, yeah I'd love to buy our own house, but really my kids' education is more important to me.

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 We made an announcement at Christmas dinner.  We pulled my oldest at the break and started homeschooling in January, so it was the right time.  We knew people would ask what he was doing in school and that he would tell them that he wasn't going back.  So we just jumped in and told them all while they were gathered together.  The 1st grade teacher in the group already knew because I called her to ask about how to talk to the teacher at the conference in November and then I called her to tell her about what happened at and after the conference.  Then I called her again when more bad crap happened.  So she said "it's about time."  That pretty much put an end to the discussion.

I think she expected me to finish up the year at home and send him back to school the next year, but we told her we had seen the village and didn't want it anywhere near our kids.  LOL

My MIL has been a PITA about it, but if it weren't homeschooling she would find something else to complain about.  The boys have learned how to navigate the questions and reactions.  They think it is hilarious!

 

 

 

sdgd21
by Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:02 PM
That's kind of how it happen with us. My mom knew. But as it came up, we told them. I owe my kids the best that I have, that's the only explanation people need to understand.

Quoting SusanTheWriter:

For one thing, I didn't make a big announcement. We just did it. We don't live near family and we were new to the neighborhood, so it was just part of the transition. No big deal.

When it was brought up, I just said, "It's the best thing for her and for all of us right now." I said it with a big smile, then asked them about something totally different.

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:02 PM

I figure it will come up soon enough.  We live with her afterall and see her every day.  So I'm sure a few weeks into summer she'll say "when's the first day of school?"  I suppose we still won't have to say anything about hsing, we plan to start the same week as "regular" school. lol.  I'm sure she overhears the kids..."next year, dad can go on any field trip any time!"  "next year we won't have to get up this early"  "next year I want to build a solar panel"  lol, she's a smart woman, she can put it together.  She hasn't said anything yet though. 

I can see her taking it as criticism though, we do raise our kids much differently than she raised her younger two (DH is the oldest and about 10 years old than the two younger ones), and she questions that sometimes.  I think in 6 years though she has gotten used to it.  I get so annoyed when she (or DHs grandmother) say in one breath how we are too hard on the kids and too strict, then the next breath they tell us how good the kids are!  Why do you think they are so good?!?!  Because we let them do whatever they want and we are more interested in our 'relationship' with them?  Or because we have rules and expectations and are more interested in raising productive members of society that are good people??

I just keep putting off telling her, she'll figure it out or it will come out.  No need to get shoved down some more right now, lol


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 I would only tell the MIL if you felt that you could listen to the complaints.  I knew I had a very thick skin (and it still gets to me every once in a while).  We have done almost everything in raiseing our children the opposite of what she had done, so she feels like it is a criticism on her parenting.  We get into a lot of fights over it (along with having kids close together, me not working, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, not baptizing, and on and on and on! LOL)  She talks about us behind our backs to the ladies in her church and other family members.  She tries to get the kids aside and ask them a million questions to see if they are learning (at this point my oldest says some pretty snappy comebacks about how she's keeping them from the opportunity to "socialize.")  It can be a never ending parade of stupid, unfortunately.  So if I could go back, I might choose not to tell her for a while.  Give myself some breathing room to learn what works for us and make some of my mistakes and learn through them on my own.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

That is awesome.  I am going to say that to everyone, lol. I have been the village for years working in public school and really thought I wanted to teach my own classroom in public school.  Seeing the issues and dealing with what I deal with as a para, and as a parent, I am done.  Get my kids the heck out of that village!

We have not announced it to everyone, really not anyone lol.  I told my mom and thought she would freak, but she was totally good with it.  It just came up when we went out to dinner, she asked if I would have the same job (as a para) next year...when I fiddled with my food and said "actually I think we are homeschooling...so I think I need a different job."  Her reaction was just "what do the kids think?" and we talked a little about why, but she knows a lot of what we've dealt with over the years, and she started listing benefits of homeschooling to me, lol.

We live with my mil and we haven't told her.  DH says we don't have to, but I feel like we do since it's a big decision.  A good friend who I work with and has been by my side through this whole thing, her DD homeschools and they all (DD, husband,and 8 children) live with my friend and her husband-they are close to retirement age....anyway, she told me I don't have to tell mil as long as we still live up to our responsibilities (financial and household).  She says since we pay mil rent and pay some of the bills, we have to not let that slide-obviously we wouldn't, but other than that it's not up to mil and she can't say much if we aren't slacking on our household stuff.  I think she will have something to say because it will set us back in buying out own house.  But when I think about my priorities, yeah I'd love to buy our own house, but really my kids' education is more important to me.


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 We made an announcement at Christmas dinner.  We pulled my oldest at the break and started homeschooling in January, so it was the right time.  We knew people would ask what he was doing in school and that he would tell them that he wasn't going back.  So we just jumped in and told them all while they were gathered together.  The 1st grade teacher in the group already knew because I called her to ask about how to talk to the teacher at the conference in November and then I called her to tell her about what happened at and after the conference.  Then I called her again when more bad crap happened.  So she said "it's about time."  That pretty much put an end to the discussion.

I think she expected me to finish up the year at home and send him back to school the next year, but we told her we had seen the village and didn't want it anywhere near our kids.  LOL

My MIL has been a PITA about it, but if it weren't homeschooling she would find something else to complain about.  The boys have learned how to navigate the questions and reactions.  They think it is hilarious!



 



bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:08 PM

 LOL!!  Yeah my MIL does the same thing.  "You guys are so strict, why can't they eat all these cookies, why do they have a bedtime?"  Then "Wow!  Your kids put the toys away.  and Your kids are so polite!"  SMH!

Yeah, let her figure it out.  It may give her some time to really think about it before she opens her mouth.  That helps me a lot.  I like being able to really think about something on my own before I feel that I have to respond to it.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I figure it will come up soon enough.  We live with her afterall and see her every day.  So I'm sure a few weeks into summer she'll say "when's the first day of school?"  I suppose we still won't have to say anything about hsing, we plan to start the same week as "regular" school. lol.  I'm sure she overhears the kids..."next year, dad can go on any field trip any time!"  "next year we won't have to get up this early"  "next year I want to build a solar panel"  lol, she's a smart woman, she can put it together.  She hasn't said anything yet though. 

I can see her taking it as criticism though, we do raise our kids much differently than she raised her younger two (DH is the oldest and about 10 years old than the two younger ones), and she questions that sometimes.  I think in 6 years though she has gotten used to it.  I get so annoyed when she (or DHs grandmother) say in one breath how we are too hard on the kids and too strict, then the next breath they tell us how good the kids are!  Why do you think they are so good?!?!  Because we let them do whatever they want and we are more interested in our 'relationship' with them?  Or because we have rules and expectations and are more interested in raising productive members of society that are good people??

I just keep putting off telling her, she'll figure it out or it will come out.  No need to get shoved down some more right now, lol

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 

 

 

 

 

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:32 PM

The time is exactly what I was thinking too.  Like maybe it just crosses her mind "are they talking about homeschooling?  that's crazy! what are they thinking?? she yells too much already, she thinks she can handle being home with them all day??" lol..but then over time she starts thinking about WHY we might be doing it "oh I remember when Kara's teacher didn't know who she was this year.  And when I went to a PT conference with them for TJ in second grade, they really knew their stuff compared to that classroom teacher"  then she thinks about me handling it "she yells too much already....but she does have an education in education, she can help with their homework, she knows what they need to learn, she knows how to teach, she wants what's best for them"....I really think her thinking about it in passing then just over time with get her acclimated to the idea, so when it actually comes out she may just be a little more accepting of it.  And I am not putting her on the spot by expecting some predetermined response from her, if I went up to her and said "we are homeschooling next year" it might make her feel like she has to respond, and her first reaction probably won't be positive.  So we'll just let her stew on her own for a while and hopefully she comes to the conclusion that this will be fabulous for her grandchildren.

Thank you for confirming that is an ok way to do it!  I always feel like since we live with her and she "allows" us to live here (though her lifestyle would change a lot if we didn't help with the bills!) we have to run everything by her.


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 LOL!!  Yeah my MIL does the same thing.  "You guys are so strict, why can't they eat all these cookies, why do they have a bedtime?"  Then "Wow!  Your kids put the toys away.  and Your kids are so polite!"  SMH!

Yeah, let her figure it out.  It may give her some time to really think about it before she opens her mouth.  That helps me a lot.  I like being able to really think about something on my own before I feel that I have to respond to it.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I figure it will come up soon enough.  We live with her afterall and see her every day.  So I'm sure a few weeks into summer she'll say "when's the first day of school?"  I suppose we still won't have to say anything about hsing, we plan to start the same week as "regular" school. lol.  I'm sure she overhears the kids..."next year, dad can go on any field trip any time!"  "next year we won't have to get up this early"  "next year I want to build a solar panel"  lol, she's a smart woman, she can put it together.  She hasn't said anything yet though. 

I can see her taking it as criticism though, we do raise our kids much differently than she raised her younger two (DH is the oldest and about 10 years old than the two younger ones), and she questions that sometimes.  I think in 6 years though she has gotten used to it.  I get so annoyed when she (or DHs grandmother) say in one breath how we are too hard on the kids and too strict, then the next breath they tell us how good the kids are!  Why do you think they are so good?!?!  Because we let them do whatever they want and we are more interested in our 'relationship' with them?  Or because we have rules and expectations and are more interested in raising productive members of society that are good people??

I just keep putting off telling her, she'll figure it out or it will come out.  No need to get shoved down some more right now, lol


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 

 



 



katinahat
by Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:33 PM

I waited until the subject of my daughter's schooling plans came up (my family is extremely education-focused, so it comes up often, even though she's a toddler lol), then simply said, "Oh by the way! We've decided to homeschool her. We're going to do an online accredited private school and supplement with "unschooling" methods so that she also has experiential learning." Then I just let the discussion go from there. Sometimes it has gone well, other times it hasn't, but either way, I just stay positive, polite, and firm.

____________________________________________________________

Christian, vaccinating, fun-loving, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, positive disciplining, nerdy, extended rear-facing, bookworm, creative, homeschooling, outdoorsy, autodidactic, friendly family.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -- Mother Teresa

http://merrrfamily.blogspot.com/

Knightquester
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:00 PM

I don't recall breaking anything to anybody.  It was just not something I announced or told, rather it was a personal decision concerning our family.  I doubt most people call up their friends and family to inform them their kid is going to public school, or to a certain camp, church, or activity, but if by chance that pertains to the conversation at hand and it comes up, then it's something I would never hide.

So, I just homeschooled and everybody found out naturally.  It often was when they called in the middle of a school day and I had to let them know I couldn't talk because I was working on math with so and so, or I needed to call them back because we're working on such and such experiment.  After awhile it became common knowledge I homeschooled, and nobody had issues or gave me flack for choosing to.

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 I know how hard it is to live with someone, even if you pay bills and rent, it still feels like they should have a say in certain areas.  But any way you handle it will be okay (IMO) because they are your children and you do know what is best for your family.  I'm glad I could help.  :-)

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

The time is exactly what I was thinking too.  Like maybe it just crosses her mind "are they talking about homeschooling?  that's crazy! what are they thinking?? she yells too much already, she thinks she can handle being home with them all day??" lol..but then over time she starts thinking about WHY we might be doing it "oh I remember when Kara's teacher didn't know who she was this year.  And when I went to a PT conference with them for TJ in second grade, they really knew their stuff compared to that classroom teacher"  then she thinks about me handling it "she yells too much already....but she does have an education in education, she can help with their homework, she knows what they need to learn, she knows how to teach, she wants what's best for them"....I really think her thinking about it in passing then just over time with get her acclimated to the idea, so when it actually comes out she may just be a little more accepting of it.  And I am not putting her on the spot by expecting some predetermined response from her, if I went up to her and said "we are homeschooling next year" it might make her feel like she has to respond, and her first reaction probably won't be positive.  So we'll just let her stew on her own for a while and hopefully she comes to the conclusion that this will be fabulous for her grandchildren.

Thank you for confirming that is an ok way to do it!  I always feel like since we live with her and she "allows" us to live here (though her lifestyle would change a lot if we didn't help with the bills!) we have to run everything by her.

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 LOL!!  Yeah my MIL does the same thing.  "You guys are so strict, why can't they eat all these cookies, why do they have a bedtime?"  Then "Wow!  Your kids put the toys away.  and Your kids are so polite!"  SMH!

Yeah, let her figure it out.  It may give her some time to really think about it before she opens her mouth.  That helps me a lot.  I like being able to really think about something on my own before I feel that I have to respond to it.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I figure it will come up soon enough.  We live with her afterall and see her every day.  So I'm sure a few weeks into summer she'll say "when's the first day of school?"  I suppose we still won't have to say anything about hsing, we plan to start the same week as "regular" school. lol.  I'm sure she overhears the kids..."next year, dad can go on any field trip any time!"  "next year we won't have to get up this early"  "next year I want to build a solar panel"  lol, she's a smart woman, she can put it together.  She hasn't said anything yet though. 

I can see her taking it as criticism though, we do raise our kids much differently than she raised her younger two (DH is the oldest and about 10 years old than the two younger ones), and she questions that sometimes.  I think in 6 years though she has gotten used to it.  I get so annoyed when she (or DHs grandmother) say in one breath how we are too hard on the kids and too strict, then the next breath they tell us how good the kids are!  Why do you think they are so good?!?!  Because we let them do whatever they want and we are more interested in our 'relationship' with them?  Or because we have rules and expectations and are more interested in raising productive members of society that are good people??

I just keep putting off telling her, she'll figure it out or it will come out.  No need to get shoved down some more right now, lol

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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