Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

passive aggressive grandma *vent on how my family thinks homeschooling is messing up my kids*

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:09 PM
  • 59 Replies

My family has just been on a roll, lately. 8(

My brother and mom seem to really be on the *she's too controlling* bandwagon. Why? I don't know. I'm strict with the kids but honestly, there are way more strict parents out there. They (my family) are always hinting that the homeschooling is just another way I repress them. The funny thing is that when I'm not *repressing* the kids with my silly rules, I'm not being strict enough. My mom and her boyfriend CAN NOT believe that I would ALLOW my son to play a certain video game. It's an old, old game from the 80s that isn't really that PC but it isn't really that bad. It has a provocatively dressed (video game pixel 2d) woman at the start. That's it. It's my hubby's favorite game from childhood and he lets them play it.

Anyway,

My mom is always telling my oldest that she's sexy, or should try to be more sexy. Yes, my 12 year old. She wonders why Missie likes to wear long flowing skirts to church and won't wear anything above the knee. Yes, my husband and I make her dress modestly, but DD takes it farther than we would. She turns her thick strapped tank tops backwards so it's higher in the front, even. All of her homeschooling friends dress just as modestly. It is just the way they prefer to be. I think Mom thinks Missie would be more stylish if she was in public school.

So we were shopping for bathing suits for DD. Mom thought she should get one of the skimpier bikini type things but Missie is much more of the one piece or overlapping tankini type. When she shops, I tend just to point things out that I think she might like, but honestly, I don't care what she wears. She is very into sparkles and flowers and I'm more of a band t shirt type of gal. I'm basically there to help her pick sizes and to pay.

When DD went into the changing room I noticed that 2 packs of bras in her size were on sale. I picked out 2 sets of bright neon colors and pink cheetah prints (most were like that so I assume they are in style) and one pack that just had a white bra and a black bra because Missie doesn't like her bras to show through her t shirts (like I said, she is naturally modest). 

Missie came out and picked the black/white set. My mom snorts in disgust and says, "Alright, now tell me which you would pick if you didn't think your mom would get angry and not let you get it?"

Seriously, I swear I have NEVER yelled at Missie for her clothes or underclothes. We have certain standards but Missie has always stayed easily within those bonds. She doesn't what to look trashy! My mom had me in belly shirts when I was 10 and cleavage baring shirts at 12.  I don't know why Mom even said that! Missie just looked at her blankly, and I asked her why she would say that. She replies, 'Well, I never picked things I wanted because I didn't want my mom to be upset and I was just making sure that Missie has more freedom." Another weird thing my mom does is tell me how like her mother I am. Then she tells stories about how she was always scared of her mother and how her mother always hurt her feelings. That in turn hurts my feelings because I'm not trying to hurt Mom. I just have certain beliefs that she doesn't share.

This was just the cherry on top of this past month of 'MEM is too controlling'. My brother calls me constantly to argue because of homeschooling and my parenting methods and Mom is just so passive aggressive! 

Thank goodness Rob's family supports our choices!

Sorry this was so long. Just getting it off my chest. Do you have people blame homeschooling for your kids not being *stylish* or interested in the right things?

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:09 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Rebecca7708
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:14 PM
2 moms liked this
So stop engaging them. If they continue to undermine you, speak up, change the subject or simply ignore them. You can choose not to answer their calls, or end the conversation when they start their rants.
mem82
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:24 PM

That has been my MO as of late, I'm just getting tired of having to dodge their judgements. 8( I wish they would just be happy that my kids are happy and leave it at that. 

Quoting Rebecca7708:

So stop engaging them. If they continue to undermine you, speak up, change the subject or simply ignore them. You can choose not to answer their calls, or end the conversation when they start their rants.


Joann.HS
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:30 PM
I was just considering posting that I have heard a couple times this week that we look too mainstream to homeschool.
Really? I let it slide because their intentions aren't meant to hurt feelings, but still...

I know you'd love to have your family's full support, but maybe you should create some distance in the meantime.

Knightquester
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:41 PM

Oh' wow, I would probably tell my mom that we just don't need her there when we shop anymore and then I would decrease the amount of time I were around her if she were that dramatic and pushy.  I'm sorry Mem, I wouldn't take too much of what they say to heart, they sound very ignorant.

You're daughter is not alone.  My daughters aren't even much different than their public school friends who wear long shirts (except one of my daughters who prefers her polo's) and regular length shorts/jeans most of the time.  I have three girls, currently 10, 11 and 12 (they will be a year older starting in July).  They don't wear half tops, or short-shorts and they don't understand why anybody their ages would want to.  They would die of embarrassment if somebody could see their bra through their clothes.  As it is they wouldn't get wet the last time I spontaneously went to a park that had a water feature because they didn't want their bra to show through their shirts and we didn't have suits with us.  We go swimming every summer and my girls prefer tankini's or full piece suits.  They all refuse to wear anything that has writing on the bum or says something that could be as they would state embarrassing (which is anything suggestive).  I also don't push anything onto my children, they are who they choose to be and I just support them.  I think that's a much healthier way of raising children, than dressing them in clothes that look too small on them, and pushing them to mature and be "sexy" (which omg she's only 12!).

Your family sounds too dramatic and tiring to waste too much time or worry on.  I just feel for your daughter having to be around that while shopping, talk about an embarrassing grandma moment.  I hope you guys were able to recoup afterwards.  As for the brother.... I'd probably not waste much time on him either.  If they want to know why you're not coming around, calling or answering their calls very much anymore, maybe then you can reply that you're being kind to them and showing self-control in not arguing or getting upset over their ignorant viewpoints on homeschooling.

MedicMommy2
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:48 PM
We no longer homeschool but when we did we got a lot of the you don't look like homeschooler comments. Or people would find out we homeschooled and automatically ask what church we went to and then looked shocked when I said none. Now my kids are in a fine arts based private school where they embrace the strange that is my children....and I still get back handed comments.....you can win for nothin sometimes.
Pukalani79
by Kristin on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:14 PM

 I'm sorry, that's got to be so aggravating. 

mem82
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:15 PM
I do need the distance but I can't figure out how to get it. I have the only kids in the family. 8(
Most homeschoolers I know dress normally. Lol Not a prairie skirt among them. The girls all have this sparkle hippie hipster thing going on. Think headbands and flip flops with skinny jeans, bedazzled belts and glitter. Lololol


Quoting Joann.HS:

I was just considering posting that I have heard a couple times this week that we look too mainstream to homeschool.

Really? I let it slide because their intentions aren't meant to hurt feelings, but still...



I know you'd love to have your family's full support, but maybe you should create some distance in the meantime.



mem82
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:22 PM
Girls are so sensitive about their bodies at this age. Every thing is *mortifying *. Lol Missie sounds a lot like your daughters which just reaffirms she is normal.
Yeah, my mom has always had this weird relationship with men. As an adult i can look back and see how she was always pushing the *sexy* on me. She thinks that I am not teaching Missie how to be womanly. Smh
My family is just suffocating. They go through these phases. I did tell my brother that when he had a kid, he could raise it any way he wanted. Lol


Quoting Knightquester:

Oh' wow, I would probably tell my mom that we just don't need her there when we shop anymore and then I would decrease the amount of time I were around her if she were that dramatic and pushy.  I'm sorry Mem, I wouldn't take too much of what they say to heart, they sound very ignorant.

You're daughter is not alone.  My daughters aren't even much different than their public school friends who wear long shirts (except one of my daughters who prefers her polo's) and regular length shorts/jeans most of the time.  I have three girls, currently 10, 11 and 12 (they will be a year older starting in July).  They don't wear half tops, or short-shorts and they don't understand why anybody their ages would want to.  They would die of embarrassment if somebody could see their bra through their clothes.  As it is they wouldn't get wet the last time I spontaneously went to a park that had a water feature because they didn't want their bra to show through their shirts and we didn't have suits with us.  We go swimming every summer and my girls prefer tankini's or full piece suits.  They all refuse to wear anything that has writing on the bum or says something that could be as they would state embarrassing (which is anything suggestive).  I also don't push anything onto my children, they are who they choose to be and I just support them.  I think that's a much healthier way of raising children, than dressing them in clothes that look too small on them, and pushing them to mature and be "sexy" (which omg she's only 12!).

Your family sounds too dramatic and tiring to waste too much time or worry on.  I just feel for your daughter having to be around that while shopping, talk about an embarrassing grandma moment.  I hope you guys were able to recoup afterwards.  As for the brother.... I'd probably not waste much time on him either.  If they want to know why you're not coming around, calling or answering their calls very much anymore, maybe then you can reply that you're being kind to them and showing self-control in not arguing or getting upset over their ignorant viewpoints on homeschooling.

mem82
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:23 PM
Exactly. I swear if they were public schooled I would be told I should home school. Lol

Quoting MedicMommy2:

We no longer homeschool but when we did we got a lot of the you don't look like homeschooler comments. Or people would find out we homeschooled and automatically ask what church we went to and then looked shocked when I said none. Now my kids are in a fine arts based private school where they embrace the strange that is my children....and I still get back handed comments.....you can win for nothin sometimes.
mem82
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:25 PM
Thanks, it is. What makes it worse is if I try to defend myself my mom says I'm hurting her. I know I am being manipulated but can't seem to get free of it.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 I'm sorry, that's got to be so aggravating. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN