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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

I feel that this needs said and I do not mean any hard feelings as I write this.

Homeschooling is a way of life and it can make it where even close family and friends can no longer relate to you. I have a small fraction of the population where I can come to ask questions or discuss a topic related to homeschooling.

I get enough grief for my decision to homeschool outside this circle. When I come here and want to be a part of a discussion, or ask a question, I should feel free to do so without the judgments and criticism. 

I get that a lot of homeschoolers think that it shouldn't "look like school". However, how much more or less a person models it after public school, is up to each parent. What materials they choose, how long they want to do school, the activities they choose to do to count as school... it is all up to each parent to choose. I do not answer to the school, my family, or even to other homeschoolers concerning these decisions. 

I have never come here asking how long I should homeschool for, what kind of homeschool method I should use, how much I should model my homeschool day after the public school system.

Not everyone is against the public school system. Not everyone is paranoid of the government. I live in a state with strict laws and it doesn't even personally bother me any. It is all stuff I do anyways, and yes it is time consuming and inconvenient to put all that information together and pay to have someone to check over it all.

Then again, I live right in between big cities (Baltimore, Philly, DC..) and there are medium and small cities scattered about. A large population of people live close together. I see how parents fail their children, and how communities fail their children - on almost a daily basis. So I am a bit more patient and understanding with certain laws.

We each have our own circumstances and backgrounds that color in our pictures as homeschoolers - despite what we have in common.

If a unschooler can come in here and expect to ask for specific advice or join in a discussion, and reasonably ask not to have their "method" criticized. Then, also, a homeschooler that wants to do it to the polar opposite, should also be able to come in here and ask of the same exact thing.

It distracts from the conversation if people get too focused on "advising" on the area that they think is the problem, the method. Unless it is that they specifically want advice on. Unless what I am doing is emotional, mental, or physically crossing some line of abuse in your mind, then there is no reason to criticise how I choose to homeschool my kids.

Some think that because what is their experience is what will apply to others. They say well, I have been doing this awhile and this is what I experienced and learned... 

I have homeschooled before. I used a relaxed eclectic method. I was a married SAHM at the time. We had both the money and time to comfortablly homeschool any way we saw fit. I had grand ideals and plenty of confidence. 

I homeschooled my oldest child through part of 5th grade, and up to 9th grade. She has since attended public school for the past two years of high school.

She struggles in certain areas. To the point that she can not effectively learn at public school. She takes all of her work home and learns it all there.

A teacher told my daughter that she is not prepared for college at all. Some of it being because she can not learn in a school environment. We recently sat in on some college classes. A family member that lives a few hours away and who we do not see often, is a college professor, and we talked to him a bit. He agreed that my daughter would struggle with college if some habits were not developed soon. My daughter in the past two years has acquired enough credits to graduate a year early (next year). She scores fine on all of her tests, she makes straight A's, is an intelligent and hard working girl. Yet she is NOT ready for college.

My daughter and I have had talks and I know where I went wrong with homeschooling. Some of the issues she has is because of public school and some because she was homeschooled. I would let her make decisions and she admits now that she had no idea of what she was doing. She also now says that she just followed me - she was easily wanting to make me happy, agree with me, etc. It hasn't hurt our relationship. She doesn't feel like I steered her too far off course, and she says that she still feels better off from the homeschooling than had she attended public school all those years. She has a love for learning and she learned a good bit. However, there were lessons learned from the experience. Most teachers never have to be accountable on this level. They do not have to bear the weight of accountability solely on themselves for a single child (because that child passes through so many handlers). They do not have to live with and so closely experience the consquences... for good and for bad. 

I make my choices to homeschool the way that I do, based on MY set of circumstances. Based on MY lessons learned - which is basically based on just MY perceived thoughts of various experiences. You might read this and walk away with a completely different outlook.

I do not write this to advise you to steer clear of certain ways of homeschooling, or from educating your child at home. I do not respond to unschoolers posts saying they are doing it wrong, that their children will hate them, or that they should listen to me because I have XYZ experience (all things I have heard in the past few days). I don't do it because I respect that they have a right to do it their way, learn their own lessons, and recognize/respect that what works for one doesnt work for everyone. I appreciate and respect those differences - and the freedom to have them. 

Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air... Emerson *FIRE DRILL*

by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:36 PM
Replies (11-20):
loveplexus
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 9:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I sent my son off to a Community College knowing that he was not ready for it, but held my breath! He excelled!! He loved it! Your daughter can teach herself because you said she would come home to learn. Can you really have a better student? No! The fact that she will learn and can learn and has the disciine to do it is a huge plus to her circumstances.

Don't be so quick to believe what others say about her readiness for college. We don't arrive knowing what we need to know, we go to learn what we need to know. This whole "ready for college" notion is just silly when you think about it. I was a horrible student in school! Everything I ever learned I learned in college, or on google or by reading books. Your daughter will be fine.
AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:26 AM

I feel ya.

*hugs*


I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














101stwife
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:09 PM

 As parents we all do the best we can with the knowledge and experiences we have at the time. No one way of parenting/educating/disciplining or anything else is right or wrong. There is no one size fits all in life. As long as you are doing the best that you can and have your child/family's best interest at heart then you are on the right track. We all will do things that work out wonderfully, and also fail at somethings miserably. But, that is ok. That is what life is about.

One thing that I can say is that the mommy war doesn't disappear just because you are a home school family. It is sad when we have to tear apart others and their choices to prove that our way is the better way. However, I do think that there is something to be said for constructive critiscism. There are some that truly feel giving advice could be a benefit but giving advice over the internet could be misunderstood since you can't hear how the person is saying it. 

I guess what I am saying is that if you feel comfortable with the way that you are doing things and people are giving advice or criticising (depending on how you take it) take what you feel might be useful and ignore the rest. Because at the end of the day only you know what is best for your children and your family :) 

Rust.n.Gears
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:20 PM
I am so sorry this has been your experiences.

My world got bigger with homeschooling. When we began unschooling it expanded even more. I now get tons of support.

I wish others could have as positive of an experience as we have had.
romacox
by Silver Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:20 PM

My experience has been more positive as well.  I have found those in this group especially supportive, and really appreciate each one everyone of you.  


Quoting Rust.n.Gears:

I am so sorry this has been your experiences.

My world got bigger with homeschooling. When we began unschooling it expanded even more. I now get tons of support.

I wish others could have as positive of an experience as we have had.



celticdragon77
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I didn't ask a question related to what was being criticised on.

They assumed HOW I homeschooled, how I was feeling, what my concerns were, and more. Much of it was inaccurate, some of it was hurtful, and all of it was off topic.   

I tried to put it back on track and even edit the post to better clarify myself.

When I tried to put the post on track - I was told that the two things were "intertwined". 

The post remained off topic.

I deleted the post and started a new one. I got more specific and used direct questions. I got more of the kinds of answers I was looking for.

I have repeatedly accepted that I must not have been clear enough about what I meant in the original post. 


I am a single mom, I work full time, have three kids, and a large house to take care of. Plus, I homeschool. That IS a LOT to have on my plate.

I have to run my house in a way that suits myself - and my kids, to keep things running smoothly. It can and has easily toppled into chaos. 


It is VERY time consuming and frustrating if the people ignore or misunderstand the question - and THEN do not try to keep a post on topic after someone points out repeatedly that they are busy, have tried to clarify the post, and ask that it be put back on topic.  


There were a few things that concerned me with watching how that post turned out. I don't want to spend time trying to have discussions in a group that thinks that it is okay for what happened within that post. I don't have time for that stuff. So I ended up deciding to make this post to kind of hit it head on.

I should be able to ask a question and get answers. Yes, posts get off topic and yes people are going to give me critical feedback. No problem there.

EXCEPT that if you are ASSUMING how school happens in my house and THEN ignore me when I try to correct your assumptions - and/or just see that is defensiveness. I am not getting useful advice if people are making lots of assumptions (especially if they are off the mark). 

Also, and maybe it is just me, but if I say, I am busy, can we please keep this on topic... and it remains off topic... that isn't helpful to me either. 

There is a difference between giving advice and just criticising and making (incorrect) assumptions.


Interestingly, my post started with: "if you create your own lesson plans or supplement them..." and ended with "can I see how you do it, it would be helpful to see examples." Yet, no responded "I create my lesson plans" or showed examples. Which was the main point. I wanted to find people who did what I am doing, to seek advice from. Most of the people who responded couldn't help because they don't homeschool like I do. 

It would be like if someone who uses a method that is identical to public school goes into a unschoolers post ... and then giving advice based on how they do it vs how the other person is choosing to do it. It was just all off topic and derailed my post from its point, which not only made it not useful to me, but made me feel bad because people were making a lot of incorrect assumptions about me. I tried to handle it gracefully, but I was becoming so frustrated. 


I return back to work tonight and I can't keep on this topic. Thank you for everyone that responded. Sorry about the drama for the weekend. I will be a lot more careful how I post in the future - make sure I am being clear. 



 As parents we all do the best we can with the knowledge and experiences we have at the time. No one way of parenting/educating/disciplining or anything else is right or wrong. There is no one size fits all in life. As long as you are doing the best that you can and have your child/family's best interest at heart then you are on the right track. We all will do things that work out wonderfully, and also fail at somethings miserably. But, that is ok. That is what life is about.

One thing that I can say is that the mommy war doesn't disappear just because you are a home school family. It is sad when we have to tear apart others and their choices to prove that our way is the better way. However, I do think that there is something to be said for constructive critiscism. There are some that truly feel giving advice could be a benefit but giving advice over the internet could be misunderstood since you can't hear how the person is saying it. 

I guess what I am saying is that if you feel comfortable with the way that you are doing things and people are giving advice or criticising (depending on how you take it) take what you feel might be useful and ignore the rest. Because at the end of the day only you know what is best for your children and your family :) 


Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air... Emerson *FIRE DRILL*

mem82
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 6:04 PM
I know a lot of this was directed at me and I am only going to say this one comment, and won't respond again even if quoted.
Your original question was vague and when several people responded to what we thought you were asking, you weren't very nice. No one was trying to give you a hard time. The more defensive you got the more people were trying to help and also clarify their first remarks so you might understand that at no time was anyone trying to be anything less than helpful. When you completely redid your questions into something closer to what you originally wanted to know, you got answers closer to what you were seeking.
I feel like you are constantly misinterpreting what people are saying. You get angry or defensive and then the people get defensive, too. Sometimes it takes writing out a question or editing a post 3 or 4 times to get everyone on the same page. Please try to see where people AREN'T trying to fight with you instead of feeling like you are being attacked. 8) this is a drama free group and we really all do try to help each other even when someone does it differently.
I feel like this post is just a call out post because it seems like you are still upset that people didn't understand where you were heading with your questions. Once you rewrote your questions more clearly, you got plenty of helpful answers so why make a post like this except to stir those feelings back up. I'm glad you found some answers and helpful advice in your second, more clearly stated post. 8) good luck!
celticdragon77
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 9:04 PM

Oh my gosh, mem, sincerely, this wasn't aimed at you. 

There were 6 pages of comments. None of it was on topic. I don't remember who said what. But I do know that most of those 6pages of comments weren't by you.   

I didn't say anything mean to anyone. I got frustrated, yes. I tried to clarify my post, tried to ask for the post to be on topic, and tried to clear up some assumptions that were being made. I think you are confusing these things as being mean and defensive.    

I don't know what a "call out post" is exactly. If it is trying to bring to light an issue I have and trying to resolve it, respectively, then okay, that is what I am doing. But please do not miscontrue that as being hostile in any sort of way. I don't think people are trying to fight with me - or attack me. I hope they aren't anyways.

I have repeatedly accepted that part of the problem was that the post was not specific enough. HOWEVER, the problem was NOT JUST because of that. I think it is unfair to blame my post as being too general, as the excuse for some of the off topic discussions and hurtful comments left behind. Because the post WAS about creating lesson plans (and I know that some of you do NOT create your own lesson plans) and I was very direct in asking to see examples did it. If you don't lesson plan, then reading how do I fit this in... might be more easily misunderstood. 

 

Quoting mem82:

I know a lot of this was directed at me and I am only going to say this one comment, and won't respond again even if quoted.
Your original question was vague and when several people responded to what we thought you were asking, you weren't very nice. No one was trying to give you a hard time. The more defensive you got the more people were trying to help and also clarify their first remarks so you might understand that at no time was anyone trying to be anything less than helpful. When you completely redid your questions into something closer to what you originally wanted to know, you got answers closer to what you were seeking.
I feel like you are constantly misinterpreting what people are saying. You get angry or defensive and then the people get defensive, too. Sometimes it takes writing out a question or editing a post 3 or 4 times to get everyone on the same page. Please try to see where people AREN'T trying to fight with you instead of feeling like you are being attacked. 8) this is a drama free group and we really all do try to help each other even when someone does it differently.
I feel like this post is just a call out post because it seems like you are still upset that people didn't understand where you were heading with your questions. Once you rewrote your questions more clearly, you got plenty of helpful answers so why make a post like this except to stir those feelings back up. I'm glad you found some answers and helpful advice in your second, more clearly stated post. 8) good luck!


Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air... Emerson *FIRE DRILL*

ablessedlife
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:12 PM
I'm sorry this happened. I'm sure the entire thing is based on misunderstandings. This is a very supportive group.
I entirely missed your original posts. I'd like to know more about the concerns regarding you daughter's "college unpreparedness." It concerns me because my sons are doing excellent academically and might graduate a year early, but we want to be sure the are well-prepared, not just academically. I'd like to know what specifically the teachers and college professors say you daughter is lacking. If you did indeed make a mistake, I would like to learn from your mistake. If not, hopefully we can encourage you and assure you.
romacox
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 11:49 AM

There seems to be some misunderstanding resulting in unnecessary sensitivity...not just on this post, but on a few others as well.  Perhaps this will clear some things up.  Public School Method Or Home School Methods.   

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