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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms
My oldest will be in secons grade next year. DH is against homeschooling still. I really feel like there is no convincing him, no matter how much our kids are learning, and how well behaved they are. We went to my nephews bday party and many of the kids there were just aweful! Two kids started picking on our son, dh didnt interfer and just watched, and our son handled it ok said DH.

Anyways, dh got a settlement from his motorcycle accident, which means we can pay off some debt, hopefully get him a car and possibly move. The deal was that unless we move to a better school district the kids will be homeschooled. So, now he wants to start looking in those areas! I started to.panic, almost started.crying and started to get so angry about it. We need to.move.to a bigger place, but I'd rather stay in our tiny place and homeschool than move and put the kids in.school. Also, i have three.kids and another on the way, i would really like a chance to homeschool each of them! Homeschooling really is where my heart is!!!
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:53 AM
Replies (21-30):
hipmomto3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:10 PM
1 mom liked this

This is just my personal view on this issue of 'what husband wants' vs 'what wife wants,' which ultimately is what this issue is.

Your husband cares for your children.  You care for your children. You want to express that, in regards to their education, in two different ways.

Both ways have negatives, both ways have positives.

It also sounds like you have discussed this in the past, and you did agree to it if you were to choose the school district or area. 

What your husband wants is not going to be inherently harmful to your children (ok, bring on the "public school made my kid want to commit suicide" arguments...); millions of public school-educated children grow up to be perfectly well adjusted, productive adults. I think we can all agree that the main issue with whatever type of schooling you choose, is consistency, quality, and parental involvement. You can volunteer at their school, have frequent communication with their teachers, drop them off and pick them up, be there for special school celebrations, and complement their schooling with tons of fun family activities. 

I was a wife before I was a mother. My loyalty is to my husband and in eternity, I will be held accountable for how I treated that relationship above all. Of course no one would suggest a wife should do something detrimental to her children because it's her husband's wish, but IMO a happy marriage - and a safe, happy home in a nicer area - are more important than homeschooling or not homeschooling.


KickButtMama
by Shannon on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry hon, I know this is something you two have been at odds over for years. The fact is, none of us is in your shoes so can't see all sides of the issue. To someone like myself, it sounds like a controlling factor. I know you have painstakîngly researched and presented evidence on every one of his 'fears'. He then threatened to leave you until he got his way. So to me it sounds like waaay more than an educational issue. Some school districts are amazing. I think, maybe if you move to a better area, you might consider PS, just while you work on your marriage - to make it so that he is willing to give you equal footing. (If that's what you want). But, again I'm not in your marriage, that's just my take from readiñg your various posts over the last few years. 

Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:54 PM
Thanks! Each time this comes up it reminds me on how broken our marriage is. Its so hard when we disagree on all the importanf issues!


Quoting KickButtMama:

I'm sorry hon, I know this is something you two have been at odds over for years. The fact is, none of us is in your shoes so can't see all sides of the issue. To someone like myself, it sounds like a controlling factor. I know you have painstakîngly researched and presented evidence on every one of his 'fears'. He then threatened to leave you until he got his way. So to me it sounds like waaay more than an educational issue. Some school districts are amazing. I think, maybe if you move to a better area, you might consider PS, just while you work on your marriage - to make it so that he is willing to give you equal footing. (If that's what you want). But, again I'm not in your marriage, that's just my take from readiñg your various posts over the last few years. 


celticdragon77
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 6:00 PM

I don't think that it is fair to homeschool and leave one spouse in charge of all the financial responsibility, if both parties are not down with it. But that is JUST my humble two cents.

“Our lives are important — at least to us — and as we see, so we learn… Our destiny is in the stars, so let’s go and search for it.” – First Doctor Who William Hartnell

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 6:16 PM

 When I first started homeschooling, my husband hated it but saw no other option for our oldest dd that we could afford. 

I was open and honest and told him if we tried it and he still felt that way we would try public school again.  I also told him after each child has tried each option, maybe we could talk to them and see what they thought was best.  My children are all very young, but very smart.

Our list of questions are:

What do you want to do for school this year?

Where are you learning more new things?

Why do you think what you chose is better?

Maybe letting the kids choose will be something he could live with, as long as he feels his opinion is heard and matters.

My husband came around and is actually against letting the kids go back to public school, where I still will let them try if they want too, but would rather homeschool.

Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 5, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Maybe when they are older letting the kids decide. I believe they should have a voice, but not be the only voice and choice in the matter.


Quoting debramommyof4:

 When I first started homeschooling, my husband hated it but saw no other option for our oldest dd that we could afford. 


I was open and honest and told him if we tried it and he still felt that way we would try public school again.  I also told him after each child has tried each option, maybe we could talk to them and see what they thought was best.  My children are all very young, but very smart.


Our list of questions are:


What do you want to do for school this year?


Where are you learning more new things?


Why do you think what you chose is better?


Maybe letting the kids choose will be something he could live with, as long as he feels his opinion is heard and matters.


My husband came around and is actually against letting the kids go back to public school, where I still will let them try if they want too, but would rather homeschool.


Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 5, 2013 at 8:09 PM
Hes asked for help with finances, and i have given what i can (considering Im pregnant and have three kids). My financial contribution wouldnt change even if kids were jn school.


Quoting celticdragon77:

I don't think that it is fair to homeschool and leave one spouse in charge of all the financial responsibility, if both parties are not down with it. But that is JUST my humble two cents.


Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 5, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Yes :( thats true. Still my heart strings are pulling with just the thought of our homeschoolinf journey ending and being away from my kiddos! :(


Quoting AutymsMommy:


*gently*

It sounds like he's holding up his end of the bargain - moving to a better area, one of your choosing.


Quoting Precious333:

Actually dh has said before that this would be an subject he would.divorce me over. We almost got divorced 4 yrs ago, and one of areas he decided to come back was because i willing to.allow him to decide within reason (for instance i pick the school district)





Quoting Precious333:

I totally understand both sides of the argument. I am not one to.give up on what i believe is best.....I dont think anyone should, at the same time, I cant just demand my way either. The issue is that homeschooling really is where i feel led, I do believe irs best for everyone, dh however feels the opposite. I wish there were a simple answer. If i had to.put the kids in school I could work on not holding on to.resentment towards him, that doesnt do anyone any good, but it will be a difficult journey for me honestly.







Quoting SusanTheWriter:

You may be right. I'm just saying that there's a very big scope to education, to marriage and to life. Balance is tricky to find, but choosing one thing over everything else often doesn't make anyone happy.

Quoting JadeTigr7:

Sometimes homeschooling is the better option.

If someone is called by God to homeschool, but doesn't follow that, then they won't be very happy.

Just trying to point out that sometimes, just giving in and being involved in public school doesn't always make people happy either. The way you worded your response was that the only way to keep her marriage happy was by giving up what she feels called to do.  I don't see how exactly that solves anything.  If she didn't care about her kids being in school she wouldn't have panicked about it.  Maybe its not a big deal to YOU, but to some people, it is and that doesn't make it any less valid. 





Quoting SusanTheWriter:

You can look at it as giving in. I look at it as picking a better time or finding a way that makes both parties happy.

I also don't look at homeschooling as the only possibility in a world filled with options.

Quoting JadeTigr7:


I hate this argument.  This says that only giving in to her husband creates a good marriage.

If my husband was to push me to give up homeschooling when it was something that weighed on my heart, and I felt called to do by God (which I do) then that would make for a bad marriage also.  The street runs both ways.



OP, I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this.  My husband is completely on board with homeschooling, so I've never been through this, but I'll keep you in my prayers. 




Quoting SusanTheWriter:

If you had to pick a hill to die on, would you choose homeschooling (which in your case may mean a very angry and divisive environment for your children) or your marriage and a safe and comfortable home for your family?

There's no rule that says just because your children attend a public/private school, you can't be involved in their education, active in the school as a volunteer, and still do fun learning enrichment activities at home. Call it part-time homeschooling if you like, but there are a thousand shades of education between public and homeschool.





















debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 9:35 PM

 My kids dont get the final say yet either since they are 7,6,4, and 3.  But they do get a big say.  If I dont agree that they are learning or can not find a school that I think is a good fit then they do not get what they decide.

But I thought it might help your husband to feel better about homeschooling.

Quoting Precious333:

Maybe when they are older letting the kids decide. I believe they should have a voice, but not be the only voice and choice in the matter.


Quoting debramommyof4:

 When I first started homeschooling, my husband hated it but saw no other option for our oldest dd that we could afford. 


I was open and honest and told him if we tried it and he still felt that way we would try public school again.  I also told him after each child has tried each option, maybe we could talk to them and see what they thought was best.  My children are all very young, but very smart.


Our list of questions are:


What do you want to do for school this year?


Where are you learning more new things?


Why do you think what you chose is better?


Maybe letting the kids choose will be something he could live with, as long as he feels his opinion is heard and matters.


My husband came around and is actually against letting the kids go back to public school, where I still will let them try if they want too, but would rather homeschool.


 

SarahNElijah
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:29 PM
These were my thoughts too remembering past posts.. Even from way back in AP Christians, when your now HSed LOs were breast feeding LOs!! :-b

Anyway.. I don't know if your relationship has changed since then, but he seems to have a "my way or the highway" kind of attitude.. :-( I would have a really hard time always bending to please a partner who would never bend for me, kwim? :-(

I am sorry you are going through this!! :-( My DH was also against me homeschooling when we first started talking about it, so I just kept pumping him full of facts, research, etc... :-b Now he wouldn't have it any other way! Maybe you could ask to just keep them at home for the next couple of years? Hope you guys can find a middle ground that works for both of you!


Quoting KickButtMama:

I'm sorry hon, I know this is something you two have been at odds over for years. The fact is, none of us is in your shoes so can't see all sides of the issue. To someone like myself, it sounds like a controlling factor. I know you have painstakîngly researched and presented evidence on every one of his 'fears'. He then threatened to leave you until he got his way. So to me it sounds like waaay more than an educational issue. Some school districts are amazing. I think, maybe if you move to a better area, you might consider PS, just while you work on your marriage - to make it so that he is willing to give you equal footing. (If that's what you want). But, again I'm not in your marriage, that's just my take from readiñg your various posts over the last few years. 

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