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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

I have no idea how to handle this anymore...

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(sorry this is a lot longer than I meant it to be) 

My neighbor was previously putting her daughter in private school, but her ex's mom was paying, and now no longer is. She has known this since LAST YEAR, and never looked into where she was going to send her daughter or if she was going to homeschool. During the school year she asked a bunch of questions about how we do all our schooling, and I answered, showed her our stuff...and more questions started popping up that she asks now on a weekly basis...

We don't use a set "program", I pick and choose what is going to work best for us. She asks questions like, is this accredited, will colleges even accept this, what do you mean you can make your own diploma, how will colleges look at that, no one wants a GED"... looking waaay into high school even though she knows she wouldn't be homeschooling that long...

Then she goes back to the option of putting her in public school since she'll be working. The schools around here, K-3 is elementary, 4-5 is intermediary, 6-8 is middle school (give or take a year out of each depending on the school). Her daughter will be in 4th. She's freaking out because she is under the firm belief that her daughter will be going to the horrible school mine went to for a semester of 1st grade and is insistant on figuring out how to transfer her to the only good elementary school around her. I've told her a half a million times how...daily... along with the bit of information that she needs to be looking at the intermediary schools now anyway so worrying about a transfer is the least of her problems. Finally, I got so annoyed, I just looked up which intermediary school her daughter should be going to, ratings, and local opinion on it. It's not that bad. I won't send my daughter there, but it still doesn't sound that bad. (She's trying very hard to convince me to let my daughter go to school with hers....)

Then she flips back to homeschooling again. Again with the questions... She asks how much I'm paying for everything, I tell her, and she freaks out (it's close to $1,000 for both kids this year). I also explain that I pick and choose my own curriculum (for the bagillionth time) and she could essentially homeschool for free if she looked stuff up on her own. I even gave her a list of all different curriculum and free websites, and I don't think I should've even gone that far at this point.

Yesterday. She was on the homeschool side again, but then goes, "So if I do online school with her, I could just send her over here on the days I work, and on my off days we could go on field trips because I feel that is highly important." ...I can't begin to tell you how badly my insides curled up and wanted me to scream and cry on the spot, and not of joy.... Instead I just looked at her and told her as calmly as I could that if she was really leaning towards homeschooling she needed to go the library (ours is very homeschool friendly) and check out some books on homeschooling, start figuring out really quickly which way she feels she wants to go with it, and look stuff up online. I put in hours researching everything, and it took me months to figure out which curriculum was best for us. She quickly made an excuse to leave with an, "Okay, we'll chat more about this later."

I like my neighbor. She can be great. I dislike her daughter... I have been watching her over the school year last year, and a good chunk of this summer - even on days when shes home! Her daughter has lied and stole, and she will not believe a word we say, she'll side with her daughter. I get it. You want to believe your child is an angel...the one being bullied, not the one bullying. But when numerous adults and kids are telling you something opposite your kid is - who should you really believe?! Ugh.

Also, I don't want my entire year based on her work schedule. I don't want to have to figure out how to do school with her daughter when I'm still learning with my own kids, especially since this year I'm fully adding my little guy. She also works 12 hours on random days of the week, but most of the week. I don't want a 3rd child. Hubby and I agreed we were done at 2... Hubby is waiting for a date before he's medically retired, and we have no idea whats going to happen next, and I was really hoping that once he got a new job, that I'd be able to get one that was opposite of his schedule so we could tag team this whole schooling thing, and have more money to do more...having my neighbor's daughter in the equation creats "error" on the calculator.

I have told her all of that NUMBEROUS times (including that I don't like her daughter). I do not want to be responsible for her or her kid, in fact, I already want to wash my hands of the responsibility of them that magically appeared on my lap from last year. She just assumes that I'll be willing to homeschool her kid since I'm already schooling mine, and refuses to  listen to the answer "No." I honestly do not know what to do at this point with her. I've been nice and I've been blunt and nothing seems to be getting across.

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by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:00 AM
Replies (11-20):
No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:16 AM

 I have no idea if she'd go as far as to just drop her off. I also have bluntly told her that I will not have the time to school hers, and do not want a third child around all the time which is why we only have 2. I've even told her that I don't want her daughter next school year at all. Last school year I was fine with watching her after school for 2 hours, and offered to do it for free simply because I knew she couldn't afford it since her ex left and was taking no responsibility what so ever. Somehow it morphed into this summer, and she had agreed to pay since she has a more stable job...but I've yet to get paid...  Which is why next school year was a no go, and I told her that's exactly why.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I agree with the other post. You will have to just tell her that you can't.

Do you think she will just drop her kid off even when you say no? If so, I would consider getting in touch with CPS and ask them what your options are when someone leaves a child on your doorstep without you agreeing to care for them.

I have been taken advantage of in terms of caring for other people's kids, I've never had someone blatantly think I will school their kids, but I haven't started hsing yet, lol. I could see myself being in your situation though. We are too nice, we feel bad-for mom and the kid, we try to do our best to help. And then they think we will just always be there to help.

I think you have to be more blunt, "your kid doesn't fit into our plan, I will not have the time or ability to school her along with our two." Maybe flat out, "we chose not to have a third child for a reason, I am not going to raise a third child."

I'm sorry people act like this, I know how stressful it can be :(

 

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No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:17 AM

 lol. I've been trying. The treadmill keeps bringing me back for some reason...
Honestly though...i'm trying!!

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Run

 

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No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:20 AM

 Fortunatly, I don't have to worry about the phone calls. She dropped her phone at a swim meet and it no longer works...Unfortunatly, she's across the street and we're in a town house community... I have been trying to cut her out, and for awhile it was working, and somehow with school looming closer, she started closing in on me again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we have to move soon (should be finding out relatively soon).

Quoting Leissaintexas:

THis is an emotionally needy attention seeker that needs to be written off your list. I know you know this. The woman has absolutely no intentions of homeschooling. First off, she's too flaky. She seems to thrive on her personal drama and having "issues" with schooling is a good way to create that. Tell her that legally, you cannot school her daughter. Quit answering your phone. Go as far as to tell her you will not answer your phone. She is an energy-sucker.  She is draining you. I got tired just reading your post! She made me tired, I can imagine how you feel! You don't need toxic, dramatic people in your life, homeschooling is hard enough.

 

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No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:23 AM

 I honestly don't know if she'd leave her here... The irony - she claims to hate drama and wants to remove it from her life...and yet she creates the majority of it. Thank you though :) The only reason I'm worried about calling CPS, I know if I did, her daughter would be most likely given custody to her father, and thats an even worse situation. I'd feel horribly guilty for moving her from one iffy one to a worse one...

Quoting kmath:

Stop talking to her about it, if she brings it up change the subject.  Refuse to engage her on it at all.  You are not responsible for her kid, she is.  If she doesn't get that, she is an idiot.  Do you think she would leave her DD with you even after you have told her no multiple times?  I would call CPS or the cops if she does that.  I have a hard time dealing with drama mongers and she sounds like one.  Good luck dealing with her.

 

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oredeb
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

 next time you talk be sure to let her know again you are not homeschooling her daughter, you have your hands full with your own. You cant handle another child.  mamaedic has a good point about how legal it would be also!

a direct NO!

No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:26 AM

 We actually might be moving soon. Kinda keeping my fingers crossed. We should know hopefully within the next few months! (Is it sad that the whole family wants to move, mainly to get away from them, and the few issues with the house? We love our other neighbors, and we love all the programs we've become a part of, but not the drama that keeps blowing up on our doorstep...i even started leaving the house through the back door!)

Quoting swim-mom72:

 this really made me chuckle!! : )

 

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Run

 

 I agree with some of the other replies. You should STOP talking homeschool anything with her. Change the subject and if she does not get the hint, avoid her like the plague! There is no easy way out of this kind of realationship. She sounds toxic and selfish. You are just going to have to be forceful to the point of being rude. Or you could always move : )  lol

 

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kmath
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this

That makes it even harder if she would just get stuck in a worse situation.  I don't know what to tell you then.  Keep telling her no, over and over again.  That is all you can do.  Either that or run away every time she comes around.


Quoting No_Difference:

 I honestly don't know if she'd leave her here... The irony - she claims to hate drama and wants to remove it from her life...and yet she creates the majority of it. Thank you though :) The only reason I'm worried about calling CPS, I know if I did, her daughter would be most likely given custody to her father, and thats an even worse situation. I'd feel horribly guilty for moving her from one iffy one to a worse one...

Quoting kmath:

Stop talking to her about it, if she brings it up change the subject.  Refuse to engage her on it at all.  You are not responsible for her kid, she is.  If she doesn't get that, she is an idiot.  Do you think she would leave her DD with you even after you have told her no multiple times?  I would call CPS or the cops if she does that.  I have a hard time dealing with drama mongers and she sounds like one.  Good luck dealing with her.

 



debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

 I will pray you get to move or she comes to her senses.

Quoting No_Difference:

 We actually might be moving soon. Kinda keeping my fingers crossed. We should know hopefully within the next few months! (Is it sad that the whole family wants to move, mainly to get away from them, and the few issues with the house? We love our other neighbors, and we love all the programs we've become a part of, but not the drama that keeps blowing up on our doorstep...i even started leaving the house through the back door!)

Quoting swim-mom72:

 this really made me chuckle!! : )

 

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Run

 

 I agree with some of the other replies. You should STOP talking homeschool anything with her. Change the subject and if she does not get the hint, avoid her like the plague! There is no easy way out of this kind of realationship. She sounds toxic and selfish. You are just going to have to be forceful to the point of being rude. Or you could always move : )  lol

 

 

Boobah
by Nikki :) on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this
Man! I can't even imagine being a person like that. Lol! I hope you get to move. I guess either way it will be over Ina couple months, but she will still be your neighbor and I know how that feels. I cannot wait to move.
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No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:37 AM

 I avoid confrontation at all costs too, and this is has what has come from it for us so far... We're in WV. If I read everything correctly, provided she gave a copy of her and my (assuming I'd actually agree to homeschool her kid) diploma, and got approval from the county board of ed, then technically I could.  I don't want to...but unfortunatly I think that loop hole exists :/. I would never give up my diploma, and I would totally tell the board of ed that I do not want to, and I'm sure they'd have no problem backing me up...

(1) The instruction shall be in the home of the child or children or at some other place approved by the county board and for a time equal to the instructional term set forth in section forty-five, article five of this chapter. If the request for home instruction is denied by the county board, good and reasonable justification for the denial shall be furnished in writing to the applicant by the county board. The instruction shall be conducted by a person or persons who, in the judgment of the county superintendent and county board, are qualified to give instruction in subjects required to be taught in public elementary schools in the state. The person or persons providing the instruction, upon request of the county superintendent, shall furnish to the county board information and records as may be required, from time to time, with respect to attendance, instruction and progress of pupils enrolled between the entrance age and sixteen years receiving the instruction. The state board shall develop guidelines for the home schooling of special education students including alternative assessment measures to assure that satisfactory academic progress is achieved.

Approval option -- subdivision (1) – specifies that:

· the county board of education and the county superintendent approve the home instruction program, including the instructor and the place where the instruction takes place.

Quoting debramommyof4:

Since she is not willing to read the laws, and I don't remember what state you bare in, but some say if it is not the parent they have to pay and I think be an accredited teacher.

I would tell her either that you can not legally teach someone else's child because you are not a teacher or that if you do take on her dd then it will cost her about 2000 a month.I would only do this because somewhere out is true and she is going to cause your family issues. I have dealt with people who behaved similarly, and I don't do well with confrontion. So it has hurt my family.

Maybe that will scare her off.

Good luck.

 

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