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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

I have no idea how to handle this anymore...

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(sorry this is a lot longer than I meant it to be) 

My neighbor was previously putting her daughter in private school, but her ex's mom was paying, and now no longer is. She has known this since LAST YEAR, and never looked into where she was going to send her daughter or if she was going to homeschool. During the school year she asked a bunch of questions about how we do all our schooling, and I answered, showed her our stuff...and more questions started popping up that she asks now on a weekly basis...

We don't use a set "program", I pick and choose what is going to work best for us. She asks questions like, is this accredited, will colleges even accept this, what do you mean you can make your own diploma, how will colleges look at that, no one wants a GED"... looking waaay into high school even though she knows she wouldn't be homeschooling that long...

Then she goes back to the option of putting her in public school since she'll be working. The schools around here, K-3 is elementary, 4-5 is intermediary, 6-8 is middle school (give or take a year out of each depending on the school). Her daughter will be in 4th. She's freaking out because she is under the firm belief that her daughter will be going to the horrible school mine went to for a semester of 1st grade and is insistant on figuring out how to transfer her to the only good elementary school around her. I've told her a half a million times how...daily... along with the bit of information that she needs to be looking at the intermediary schools now anyway so worrying about a transfer is the least of her problems. Finally, I got so annoyed, I just looked up which intermediary school her daughter should be going to, ratings, and local opinion on it. It's not that bad. I won't send my daughter there, but it still doesn't sound that bad. (She's trying very hard to convince me to let my daughter go to school with hers....)

Then she flips back to homeschooling again. Again with the questions... She asks how much I'm paying for everything, I tell her, and she freaks out (it's close to $1,000 for both kids this year). I also explain that I pick and choose my own curriculum (for the bagillionth time) and she could essentially homeschool for free if she looked stuff up on her own. I even gave her a list of all different curriculum and free websites, and I don't think I should've even gone that far at this point.

Yesterday. She was on the homeschool side again, but then goes, "So if I do online school with her, I could just send her over here on the days I work, and on my off days we could go on field trips because I feel that is highly important." ...I can't begin to tell you how badly my insides curled up and wanted me to scream and cry on the spot, and not of joy.... Instead I just looked at her and told her as calmly as I could that if she was really leaning towards homeschooling she needed to go the library (ours is very homeschool friendly) and check out some books on homeschooling, start figuring out really quickly which way she feels she wants to go with it, and look stuff up online. I put in hours researching everything, and it took me months to figure out which curriculum was best for us. She quickly made an excuse to leave with an, "Okay, we'll chat more about this later."

I like my neighbor. She can be great. I dislike her daughter... I have been watching her over the school year last year, and a good chunk of this summer - even on days when shes home! Her daughter has lied and stole, and she will not believe a word we say, she'll side with her daughter. I get it. You want to believe your child is an angel...the one being bullied, not the one bullying. But when numerous adults and kids are telling you something opposite your kid is - who should you really believe?! Ugh.

Also, I don't want my entire year based on her work schedule. I don't want to have to figure out how to do school with her daughter when I'm still learning with my own kids, especially since this year I'm fully adding my little guy. She also works 12 hours on random days of the week, but most of the week. I don't want a 3rd child. Hubby and I agreed we were done at 2... Hubby is waiting for a date before he's medically retired, and we have no idea whats going to happen next, and I was really hoping that once he got a new job, that I'd be able to get one that was opposite of his schedule so we could tag team this whole schooling thing, and have more money to do more...having my neighbor's daughter in the equation creats "error" on the calculator.

I have told her all of that NUMBEROUS times (including that I don't like her daughter). I do not want to be responsible for her or her kid, in fact, I already want to wash my hands of the responsibility of them that magically appeared on my lap from last year. She just assumes that I'll be willing to homeschool her kid since I'm already schooling mine, and refuses to  listen to the answer "No." I honestly do not know what to do at this point with her. I've been nice and I've been blunt and nothing seems to be getting across.

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by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:00 AM
Replies (41-48):
celticdragon77
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 12:46 AM

I guess I was picturing someone just asking lots of questions and unsure of what to decide on. It is a big decision and I remember really struggling with the decision for a long time. So I kind of related on that level - maybe that colored how I was pictuing this scenario as I read it.

That, and it seemed odd that you seemed concerned about this lady pushing herself and her kid into your life. I have never met anyone like that and I am not really the type to put up with it.

Sorry, not much help am I... 

Quoting No_Difference:

 I don't mind the questions as long as I'm not repeatedly answering the same question almost every other day. To me, that is the equivalent (after about the 2nd/3rd time) of pretending to care, not really wanting the answers, or not liking the answer and hoping that I can magically change everything so she can get the answer she wants. I had previously told her when she first started asking about how we homeschool that she could sit in on a day or two. She said she'd come over on a certain day, and then make an excuse to not...so her loss at this point. I don't mind pointing her in the direction she needs to be looking things up, but I do mind doing the work for her. She doesn't go home and research anything about homeschooling, she expects me to do it for her and give her everything at this point. She isn't a "bad person" and I wouldn't mind being an actual friend to her, if the favor was returned. Instead I've gone past being walked over, to trampled over, and this is just the tip of the iceburg as of late. I honestly could never go to the extreme of calling CPS, but I have gone out the back door on numerous occasions because I don't want to deal with the drama that usually comes with answering the door. I have let her know I'm not a fan of her kid, which is another reason I won't homeschool her, and don't want to watch her next school year. I had given the final dead line of "I'll help you out to the end of this summer, but come the school year, find someone else and get yourself together." Those were exact words...and it still hasn't apparently sunken in. That's why I'm at a loss as to what to do... The next step for me is to blow up about every little thing that has happened and not only is it going to make my ill to do it, but I can forsee it turning into a hostile living environment in the neighborhood... I'm hoping we find out if we're going to move soon or not, because if we are, then I won't feel so bad about becoming that abrasive...  I don't like when people have me stringing along, and I try my hardest to not do it to others, and I really hope I'm not doing it to her! I haven't exactly been hiding any bluntness or iritation, but I have been trying not to get snippy or cause drama. 

Quoting celticdragon77:

Back when my oldest daughter was having issues at school, I wanted another option. I was working on a csa farm at the time - the owners were teachers at a local private school. We were talking about my childs situation and one of the ladys at the farm (overhearing the convo) mentioned homeschooling. I remember that I was so intrigued with the concept - that every time I saw her, I was asking questions. 

I would go home and research and yet talking to a real live homeschooler intriqued me more.

I didn't send my kids to her or go to her house or want her to homeschool my kids...

But I must have been annoying enough because after about 3 Fridays of this, she finally said "I come here to get away from my house, away from homeschooling..." I got the hint and shut up about the topic.  

You have to be firm and set very clear boundaries. It doesn't sound like you like the lady or her kid. Yet, it sounds like she thinks that her and her daughter made friends. So I would just be honest with her. I would rather someone just be straight up with me than secretly have a growing resentment towards me. It just makes fools out of everyone otherwise. You need to rip this bandaid off quickly. It will hurt and then blow over. 

Calling cps or sneaking out your back door... that seems extreme. I would never get to that point with someone. 

 


unsuspected
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 12:57 AM
No no no no no.
I have a working mom friend who assumes my home is a rotating childcare for her youngest because I'm already home and I have twins the same age so why not. .. I guess. Or else we just have really different ideas about playdates, but whatever.

As for your situation. You need to scream" NO". No, I will not homeschool your daughter. If YOU want to homeschool her, by definition, it would happen at YOUR home. This is MY home, MY homeschool for MY kids. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Or you could quote her a tuition cost that's comparable to what she can't afford for the private school. Of course, that fee is waived for your own children ... lol.

I'm sorry if I'm making to light of it, I'm just astounded that she would even assume something like that at all!
No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 7:40 AM

 Thank you though for even reading this long winded thing lol :)  I've never met anyone quite like her before either and never expected to have an adult (who's easily 10 years older than me) throw their responsibilities on me before like this. I'm just baffled. There are days I wish I didn't care two cents about what came out of my mouth so I could just put an end to it all...or a time machine would've been wonderful, because I can look back and see where this all started, and put an end to the beginning of the chaos lol.

Quoting celticdragon77:

I guess I was picturing someone just asking lots of questions and unsure of what to decide on. It is a big decision and I remember really struggling with the decision for a long time. So I kind of related on that level - maybe that colored how I was pictuing this scenario as I read it.

That, and it seemed odd that you seemed concerned about this lady pushing herself and her kid into your life. I have never met anyone like that and I am not really the type to put up with it.

Sorry, not much help am I... 

Quoting No_Difference:

 I don't mind the questions as long as I'm not repeatedly answering the same question almost every other day. To me, that is the equivalent (after about the 2nd/3rd time) of pretending to care, not really wanting the answers, or not liking the answer and hoping that I can magically change everything so she can get the answer she wants. I had previously told her when she first started asking about how we homeschool that she could sit in on a day or two. She said she'd come over on a certain day, and then make an excuse to not...so her loss at this point. I don't mind pointing her in the direction she needs to be looking things up, but I do mind doing the work for her. She doesn't go home and research anything about homeschooling, she expects me to do it for her and give her everything at this point. She isn't a "bad person" and I wouldn't mind being an actual friend to her, if the favor was returned. Instead I've gone past being walked over, to trampled over, and this is just the tip of the iceburg as of late. I honestly could never go to the extreme of calling CPS, but I have gone out the back door on numerous occasions because I don't want to deal with the drama that usually comes with answering the door. I have let her know I'm not a fan of her kid, which is another reason I won't homeschool her, and don't want to watch her next school year. I had given the final dead line of "I'll help you out to the end of this summer, but come the school year, find someone else and get yourself together." Those were exact words...and it still hasn't apparently sunken in. That's why I'm at a loss as to what to do... The next step for me is to blow up about every little thing that has happened and not only is it going to make my ill to do it, but I can forsee it turning into a hostile living environment in the neighborhood... I'm hoping we find out if we're going to move soon or not, because if we are, then I won't feel so bad about becoming that abrasive...  I don't like when people have me stringing along, and I try my hardest to not do it to others, and I really hope I'm not doing it to her! I haven't exactly been hiding any bluntness or iritation, but I have been trying not to get snippy or cause drama. 

Quoting celticdragon77:

Back when my oldest daughter was having issues at school, I wanted another option. I was working on a csa farm at the time - the owners were teachers at a local private school. We were talking about my childs situation and one of the ladys at the farm (overhearing the convo) mentioned homeschooling. I remember that I was so intrigued with the concept - that every time I saw her, I was asking questions. 

I would go home and research and yet talking to a real live homeschooler intriqued me more.

I didn't send my kids to her or go to her house or want her to homeschool my kids...

But I must have been annoying enough because after about 3 Fridays of this, she finally said "I come here to get away from my house, away from homeschooling..." I got the hint and shut up about the topic.  

You have to be firm and set very clear boundaries. It doesn't sound like you like the lady or her kid. Yet, it sounds like she thinks that her and her daughter made friends. So I would just be honest with her. I would rather someone just be straight up with me than secretly have a growing resentment towards me. It just makes fools out of everyone otherwise. You need to rip this bandaid off quickly. It will hurt and then blow over. 

Calling cps or sneaking out your back door... that seems extreme. I would never get to that point with someone. 

 


 

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No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 7:47 AM

 I'll have to keep that tutition cost in mind :)
My mind was seriously blown when she asked me that...and it wasn't really even asking, it was stating that it will happen that way. Regardless if she asked nicely, my answer is still a firm NO, but I don't think she would've heard it then either. I guess consistancy is key with kids...hopefully it is with adults too and it becomes loud and clear before I go all toddler tantrum with it.

Quoting unsuspected:

No no no no no.
I have a working mom friend who assumes my home is a rotating childcare for her youngest because I'm already home and I have twins the same age so why not. .. I guess. Or else we just have really different ideas about playdates, but whatever.

As for your situation. You need to scream" NO". No, I will not homeschool your daughter. If YOU want to homeschool her, by definition, it would happen at YOUR home. This is MY home, MY homeschool for MY kids. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Or you could quote her a tuition cost that's comparable to what she can't afford for the private school. Of course, that fee is waived for your own children ... lol.

I'm sorry if I'm making to light of it, I'm just astounded that she would even assume something like that at all!

 

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mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 12:09 PM

Wow! This lady sounds coo coo!

chlippr77
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Is it even legal in your state for you to homeschool someone else's child?  I'm pretty sure here, it has to be a parent or legal guardian; or a licensed educator. I'd just say, "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to help you in that way.  I can not potentially risk breaking the law to home educate your child.  I would never ask you to make that risk to do the same for my children.  I know you will understand.  I have give you all the information I can at this point, and I think you should look into other resources.  Also, I'm afraid I will not be able to watch your daughter.  That could disrupt our educational time and schedule.  This is also not a risk I am willing to take with my children's education.  I must put my kids first, as I know you would with your child.  I hope you understand, but I have no more help to offer at this point."  Then maybe hand her a list of other places she can look into for more information, and say, "I did gather these for you, so you can find more information on your own. Sorry I can't help any longer."  However it works out for you, I wish you the best of luck.

No_Difference
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:26 PM

Thank you :)  I love how you worded all of that too! I feel like I've been nice for too long and the nice-ness is running out and ineffective, and now with bluntness not working I was at a loss lol.
 There does appear to be a loop hole for someone other than the legal gaurdian to educate a homeschool child, but it has to be approved by the county. I don't think the county would be inclined to agree, especially if I disagree so I'm saved there at least.
I have given her all the information I can at this point if she is serious about homeschooling. Books to check out at the library, list of free resources, links to websites to learn more about it, lists to sites to find all the different curricula out there, links to websites to help decide your teaching style vs your child's learning style to find a good curriculum fit, and links to different online schools. Honestly, everything she needs is in her ball park but she's not doing a darn thing more, expecting me to do it all.

Quoting chlippr77:

Is it even legal in your state for you to homeschool someone else's child?  I'm pretty sure here, it has to be a parent or legal guardian; or a licensed educator. I'd just say, "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to help you in that way.  I can not potentially risk breaking the law to home educate your child.  I would never ask you to make that risk to do the same for my children.  I know you will understand.  I have give you all the information I can at this point, and I think you should look into other resources.  Also, I'm afraid I will not be able to watch your daughter.  That could disrupt our educational time and schedule.  This is also not a risk I am willing to take with my children's education.  I must put my kids first, as I know you would with your child.  I hope you understand, but I have no more help to offer at this point."  Then maybe hand her a list of other places she can look into for more information, and say, "I did gather these for you, so you can find more information on your own. Sorry I can't help any longer."  However it works out for you, I wish you the best of luck.

 

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101stwife
by Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:26 AM
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 I would tell her that you can not devote time to her daughter when you have your own children to educate. And in some states it is not even allowed to home school anyone else's child besides your own.

I hate that people think that just because you are home during the day you magically have all this time to watch their kid. I mean really, how do they think your child gets an education?

I would just very blunty say no, you can not do it and tell her that is the end of the conversation. I wouldn't watch her daughter anymore and tell her that she needs to make other arrangements. Stop answering her texts and phone calls. At some point she will get the hint. You have given her all of the tools that she needs to help herself. It is her choice what to do with those tools.

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