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I am so offended...advice??

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Last week I wrote a post about believing my youngest is dyslexic.

I researched and researched for hours about it and how to teach her best, specifically in spelling-her reading is not so bad, but her writing and spelling are very hard to read.  I found a program that looked really good, but was close to $300, so I emailed the author just to see if she had any other options or ideas.  Here is what I wrote to her:

Hello Ms. van den Honert,
I was wondering if there are any used copies of Reading from Scratch or if you ever offer any discounts?  I am a new homeschooling mom with a 10 year old daughter with dyslexia.  Growing up, my brother had dyslexia and there wasn’t much they really did.  He now still has a hard time reading and writing, he barely finished high school with a lot of help from our mom, and he dropped out of college soon after starting.  I want better results for my daughter.  This program sounds amazing but since I am no longer working, spending over $200 is just not an option for us.  I wonder if you would even lend a copy out and we could write a review or something?  Or if you have any ideas for us to do this on our own at home, I am an education major so I have a lot of ideas, but none specifically for children with dyslexia.
Anything you can do to help, even just some ideas for at home, would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you for your time!

Debbie


I cannot believe the response I got from her, I am so offended and think this was way out of line..here is her response:

Dear Debbie,

The total price of the Reading from Scratch program is less than $300.  Other methods run into the thousands and don't teach the child to read well.  I strongly suggest that you send your daughter back to public school and get a job.  Your pay can cover the cost of RfS as well as a tutor for three lessons a week of 45 minutes each.  Or you might have a grandparent or nice neighbor, NEITHER DYSLECTIC, who could help out your little girl.  It should only take one school year to get her fixed up. 


Dorothy


So, since I am so offended, of course I am immediately typing an email back.  But I don't want to sound as rude as she did.  So here is what I want to say, can you tell me if you think I am too emotional or if this is a well deserved response?


Dear Dorothy,
I found your reply very rude and unprofessional.  I worked in the public school and my income would then only cover the program and a tutor, that's how poorly support staff is paid.  My daughter was in the public school for five years.  With every meeting and every concern we shared, not a single teacher in that five years suggested she may be dyslexic or need additional help.  
She can read, basically "on level" for her age.  I am more concerned with her education than to throw her back in the system where she was just pushed along.  She will get much better results with me looking out for her best interests than in a class of 25 children.  And I do like to spend time with my children, having her in school all day with an additional 45 minutes three times a week with a tutor would be a lot more "schooling" than one should need.
I am not dyslexic and have a degree in education, I have found some other programs and have educated myself and am fully confident that I can provide her with the skills necessary to be successful in life, even without any overpriced program written by greedy people.

Thank you for the time you took to respond, I would hope you are not so rude to your paying customers.

Some of it is harsh, but I am so offended and this is my immediate reaction.  I'm sure I will tone it down before I send it.  But really?  Is this how people do business??  Everyone else I have emailed or spoken with has been so much more polite!

ETA: I now want to also include something about "getting her fixed up"  I don't think my daughter needs fixing!  She is perfect the way she is, I just want to give her the skills to be able to write a letter without feeling bad she can't spell.  Some of the most important people to our society were dyslexic, we don't need to "fix" them.  I don't even want a program that thinks a special need should be "fixed."
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 1:01 PM
Replies (51-60):
kirbymom
by Sonja on Jul. 13, 2013 at 6:09 PM

Well, you did a great job. 

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I ended up going with a combination of the two...the second one first to quickly get my point across, and then the first one to emphasize being a concerned and caring parent...that is well qualified to teach my children :). I took out the 'on her level' part about not needing an overpriced program...And I ended with "As a side note, you may not want to refer to children with dyslexia as needing to be "fixed up." They may learn differently, but they certainly are not broken."

I was going to go with the shorter one only, but my mom encouraged me to back it up-where she is one to typically say "don't even give her any of your time"

Thank you :)


Quoting kirbymom:

 Are you kidding me? You're kidding, right? You thought you were rude back? 

  NO WAY IN THUNDER !!!  

You were way MORE polite than she was. I love your rewritten response! Quite effective. :)  And yes, you are certainly more qualified than anyone else to teach your children    You go girl! . 



sdgd21
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 12:35 AM
I agree! Oh wow ! I don't think I could have been that nice.:-/

Quoting dazguti:

Wow.  You are being MUCH kinder than I think I would be.  How insensitive and presumptuous of her.  I can't help in the "tone it down" department, because I wouldn't.  I'm glad you posted the name of the company.  We will never, ever consider using any of their products.

LostTheSlipper
by Bronze Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 7:18 PM

Hahahaha. What a .... never mind.

jak3739
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 7:43 AM

My daughter is dyslexic, too.  If you have some questions, please message me. Thanks.

Countess79
by Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 8:51 AM

I am gonna be really blunt with you!

Her response comes from the mindset of a person who isn't overly involved or invested into homeschooling. And so it wasn't done with the intention of being rude. She simply told you that if you can't afford to buy your daughter the curriculums or educational materials she needs then you might need to go back and get a job to pay for it!

On the other hand your reply to her WAS RUDE and vindictive because you didn't get what you wanted!


TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jul. 15, 2013 at 10:46 AM
Out of all the replies, and all the responses I have gotten in resin, you are the only person that thought I was more rude than her.

I get that she is not invested in homeschooling, but that doesn't give her the right to be flat out rude. Especially as a business person, her response was very unprofessional. She could have just as easily said "I'm sorry, we feel our product is reasonably priced and we don't offer discounts. I hope you can find a way to provide your daughter with the materials she needs." Telling me to put her back in school and to get a job, and that she should be fixed up in a year, was crossing the line.

The response I sent did not include the part about not needing an overpriced program written by greedy people, that was rude and I am better than that.


Quoting Countess79:

I am gonna be really blunt with you!

Her response comes from the mindset of a person who isn't overly involved or invested into homeschooling. And so it wasn't done with the intention of being rude. She simply told you that if you can't afford to buy your daughter the curriculums or educational materials she needs then you might need to go back and get a job to pay for it!

On the other hand your reply to her WAS RUDE and vindictive because you didn't get what you wanted!



Countess79
by Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Well yes she could have said it differently. But so could you! I didn't mean your first reply I meant your second one.. I also hadn't realized you hadn't already sent it.. SORRY HUN!
Quoting TJandKarasMom:

Out of all the replies, and all the responses I have gotten in resin, you are the only person that thought I was more rude than her.

I get that she is not invested in homeschooling, but that doesn't give her the right to be flat out rude. Especially as a business person, her response was very unprofessional. She could have just as easily said "I'm sorry, we feel our product is reasonably priced and we don't offer discounts. I hope you can find a way to provide your daughter with the materials she needs." Telling me to put her back in school and to get a job, and that she should be fixed up in a year, was crossing the line.

The response I sent did not include the part about not needing an overpriced program written by greedy people, that was rude and I am better than that.


Quoting Countess79:

I am gonna be really blunt with you!

Her response comes from the mindset of a person who isn't overly involved or invested into homeschooling. And so it wasn't done with the intention of being rude. She simply told you that if you can't afford to buy your daughter the curriculums or educational materials she needs then you might need to go back and get a job to pay for it!

On the other hand your reply to her WAS RUDE and vindictive because you didn't get what you wanted!



TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jul. 15, 2013 at 12:17 PM
1 mom liked this
This is what I ended up sending:

Dear Dorothy,
Unfortunately, due to your rude and unprofessional response, you will not be getting any of my future business should our budget change. And I will be sharing your opinion with all of the homeschoolers and teachers I am in contact with. A simple "I'm sorry, we do not offer discounts, we feel our product is very reasonably priced" would have sufficed.

Before deciding to stay home to educate my children, I worked in the public school and my income would basically cover the program and a tutor, that's how poorly support staff is paid. My daughter was in the public school for five years. With every meeting and every concern we shared, not a single teacher in that five years suggested she may be dyslexic or need additional help.
She can read, basically "on level" for her age. I am more concerned with her education than to throw her back in the system where she was just pushed along. She will get much better results with me looking out for her best interests than in a class of 25 children. And I do like to spend time with my children, having her in school all day with an additional 45 minutes three times a week with a tutor would be a lot more "schooling" than one should need.
I am not dyslexic and have a degree in education, I have found some other programs and have educated myself and am fully confident that I can provide her with the skills necessary to be successful in life.

As a side note, you may not want to refer to children with dyslexia as needing to be "fixed up." They may learn differently, but they certainly are not broken.


Debbie


Quoting Countess79:

Well yes she could have said it differently. But so could you! I didn't mean your first reply I meant your second one.. I also hadn't realized you hadn't already sent it..
SORRY HUN!
Quoting TJandKarasMom:

Out of all the replies, and all the responses I have gotten in resin, you are the only person that thought I was more rude than her.



I get that she is not invested in homeschooling, but that doesn't give her the right to be flat out rude. Especially as a business person, her response was very unprofessional. She could have just as easily said "I'm sorry, we feel our product is reasonably priced and we don't offer discounts. I hope you can find a way to provide your daughter with the materials she needs." Telling me to put her back in school and to get a job, and that she should be fixed up in a year, was crossing the line.



The response I sent did not include the part about not needing an overpriced program written by greedy people, that was rude and I am better than that.





Quoting Countess79:

I am gonna be really blunt with you!

Her response comes from the mindset of a person who isn't overly involved or invested into homeschooling. And so it wasn't done with the intention of being rude. She simply told you that if you can't afford to buy your daughter the curriculums or educational materials she needs then you might need to go back and get a job to pay for it!

On the other hand your reply to her WAS RUDE and vindictive because you didn't get what you wanted!





bether89
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:04 PM

 I think that the letter you sent was very well worded. 

tiredmomfor2
by **Lyndsay** on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Looks good to me Mama! I would personally add the part about her not needing 'fixed' as well. That woman sounds horribly rude!
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