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Updated--OT: I need to vent..witout having my SO judged by people we know.

Posted by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:21 PM
  • 26 Replies

Long story short our just turned 5 yo failed her vision screening at the pediatrician last week.  I took her to the Optometrist and had a full screening done.  She is extremely farsighted.  My gut instinct said that I should get her checked by a pediatric Opthamologist.  I made an appointment thinking that it would be a few months away.  They had a cancelation for this week, so we are going in tomorrow.

Now to my vent.  My SO doesn't think that we should get our 5 yo glasses on the basis that she may outgrow this.  I don't think she will outgrow this and it will likely get worse.

I have been paying attention to things that I didn't really "notice" before.  She is complaining of headaches, that words are "fuzzy", she can't read on my iPhone, her writting is getting worse, her phonics grades are slipping if we aren't sitting there reading the answers to her....not doing the work, but reading it to her.

We are the type of parents that both need to be on the same page before we will make a decision about something unless we are in a life threatening situation.  I would like to see her get the glasses so that she can begin to flourish again.  We are talking about a 5 yo who is reading on a 3rd grade level at this point.  She is reading a junior edition of Little Women and loving it.  It pains me as her mom to see her struggle.

Does anyone have any suggestions that I can use to help get him on board?

BTW He does have glasses, but he is nearsighted and legally blind without his glasses.

Update:  We went to our appointment today and it took about 2 1/2 hours.  Daddy went with us.  The Opthamologist told us that our DD is on the upper end of moderate Hyperopia.  He thinks that if it isn't corrected soon it could lead to a lazy eye that won't be easily correctable the older she gets.  He says that she does accomodate pretty well now, but could certainly use the glasses.  Daddy is really considering this and I am going to do a little more digging to help my case.

I really don't want anyone thinking that he is this horrible person because he isn't.  We butt heads occasionally when it comes to the kids, but when it happens we are both trying to do what is in the best interest of our children.  We love them both dearly.

Thank you for ALL the support and encouragement!!!!

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think kids typically grow out of needing glasses..but I would ask the pediatric optometrist to be sure, then I would explain whatever that dr says to your DH. I would see if she will only need them for reading, then you can just let her have them for reading and schoolwork. I would talk to the optometrist to see if there are ways to strengthen her eyes...but I'm not sure there is anything you can do, if she needs glasses then she needs glasses. I feel like not getting them for her would be kind of neglectful, and certainly harmful to her as she won't thrive as much as she has been. She will become frustrated, and you will too. I figure if its something that can help them, then what's the harm?

Why does he really not want her to have them? Does he think she will then be dependent on them when she may have outgrown it without them? Does he not want to spend the money on something she may only need for a short term? Does he just not want her to need them and he's kind of in denial? I would talk to him to really try to figure out why he's against them and try to ask the dr all the questions you can.
rebeccasmly
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Getting the glasses may actually help improve her vision. It did with my son.
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coala
by Silver Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:53 PM

His biggest concern is that the muscles in the eyes become lazy and will no longer work to accomodate her current vision issues.  He is worried about this as his vision has become increasingly worse since he got glasses.  I think this is just because gentecially he was set up for this, not because of weak muscles.  We have debated this at length and I become more frustrated each time.  His other concern is "chaining" her to glasses.  Our 5 yo is rambunctious and full of energy and he is concerned that she may do something without thinking and break her glasses and possibly injure herself in the process.  Lastly he is concerned about teasing from the kids she hangs out with on the weekends.  She skates with mostly public schooled kids.  He is worried about the bullying that may come with it and then her self esteem will take a hit.  He was bullied as a kid about many many things and his glasses were one of those.  I have never been bullied, or that I what I perceived.  I have been picked on occasionally for being smart and blonde because well those just don't go together well.  I have asthma and I wear glasses as well....never picked on for either of those things.

He has valid concerns and he is going with me tomorrow, but I just want what is best for our child as does he.


Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I don't think kids typically grow out of needing glasses..but I would ask the pediatric optometrist to be sure, then I would explain whatever that dr says to your DH. I would see if she will only need them for reading, then you can just let her have them for reading and schoolwork. I would talk to the optometrist to see if there are ways to strengthen her eyes...but I'm not sure there is anything you can do, if she needs glasses then she needs glasses. I feel like not getting them for her would be kind of neglectful, and certainly harmful to her as she won't thrive as much as she has been. She will become frustrated, and you will too. I figure if its something that can help them, then what's the harm?

Why does he really not want her to have them? Does he think she will then be dependent on them when she may have outgrown it without them? Does he not want to spend the money on something she may only need for a short term? Does he just not want her to need them and he's kind of in denial? I would talk to him to really try to figure out why he's against them and try to ask the dr all the questions you can.



coala
by Silver Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:55 PM

I'm pretty sure it will help.  He and I both needed glasses before we were out of elementary school and it made a huge difference for both of us.  I apparently needed bifocals at the age of 10 (I don't remember this), but my mom had them make 2 different pairs of glasses for me in the same color, but with different colored bows.  One was for up close and the other for far away.  I just had to have 2 pairs in my back pack all the time.


Quoting rebeccasmly:

Getting the glasses may actually help improve her vision. It did with my son.



Lynette
by Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I was farsighted as a child.  Made life soooooo much better when I got my reading glasses.  I fell in love with reading.  My grades improved.  When I was in Junior High my eyes reversed themselves.  I became nearsighted.  I no longer need reading glasses but I need my glasses for distance now.  This is very common for children who start out farsighted.  You should have your SO attend the eye appointment with you.  He needs to talk to the optometrist to understand that this IS necessary.

Lynette
by Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 4:08 PM

 You know they talk a little about this in "Better Late Than Early" by, Raymound and Dorothy Moore(very popular homeschooling book).  But the author contends it is from pushing desk work and reading to young.  A way to get around that would to limit the amount of desk work and reading she does.  BUT still let her have her glasses.  It is a really good books and one I recommend often to new homeschoolers.


Quoting coala:

His biggest concern is that the muscles in the eyes become lazy and will no longer work to accomodate her current vision issues.  He is worried about this as his vision has become increasingly worse since he got glasses. 


 

Lynette-Homeschooling SAHM  of 4.  Living in WI. 


Come join me in LDS Homeschoolers

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jul. 15, 2013 at 4:26 PM
I have had glasses (or contacts) for 18 years-since I was 12, my prescription only got stronger once, and that was just last year. So I don't think it's certain that the muscles get more lazy and your vision gets worse, for some yes, but not for everyone.

Have you talked to dd about needing glasses? What does she think about wearing them? My thought is that if you make it like they are pretty and tell her she looks cute in them, she won't be self conscious about them...then if anyone does say anything to her about them, it won't bug her like it did your husband. It bothered me when kids made comments, even though it wasn't that bad, so I got contacts at 15. Now no one really knows I even have glasses.

They make children's glasses, with special lenses and some that are even "unbreakable" or at least they are very hard to break, so I would just make sure she has the kid ones. Or, if she only needs them to read and write, then when she is running around, she doesn't wear them.

I honestly think not getting the glasses will make her eyesight worse, but that's a real question for the dr. I'm glad he is going with you tomorrow, so you can both listen to the dr and make a good decision for your daughter. Let us know how it goes. And I have seen lots of little girls that look adorable in glasses! You can get really cute ones now, not the coke bottle ones we all remember ;)


Quoting coala:

His biggest concern is that the muscles in the eyes become lazy and will no longer work to accomodate her current vision issues.  He is worried about this as his vision has become increasingly worse since he got glasses.  I think this is just because gentecially he was set up for this, not because of weak muscles.  We have debated this at length and I become more frustrated each time.  His other concern is "chaining" her to glasses.  Our 5 yo is rambunctious and full of energy and he is concerned that she may do something without thinking and break her glasses and possibly injure herself in the process.  Lastly he is concerned about teasing from the kids she hangs out with on the weekends.  She skates with mostly public schooled kids.  He is worried about the bullying that may come with it and then her self esteem will take a hit.  He was bullied as a kid about many many things and his glasses were one of those.  I have never been bullied, or that I what I perceived.  I have been picked on occasionally for being smart and blonde because well those just don't go together well.  I have asthma and I wear glasses as well....never picked on for either of those things.

He has valid concerns and he is going with me tomorrow, but I just want what is best for our child as does he.



Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I don't think kids typically grow out of needing glasses..but I would ask the pediatric optometrist to be sure, then I would explain whatever that dr says to your DH. I would see if she will only need them for reading, then you can just let her have them for reading and schoolwork. I would talk to the optometrist to see if there are ways to strengthen her eyes...but I'm not sure there is anything you can do, if she needs glasses then she needs glasses. I feel like not getting them for her would be kind of neglectful, and certainly harmful to her as she won't thrive as much as she has been. She will become frustrated, and you will too. I figure if its something that can help them, then what's the harm?



Why does he really not want her to have them? Does he think she will then be dependent on them when she may have outgrown it without them? Does he not want to spend the money on something she may only need for a short term? Does he just not want her to need them and he's kind of in denial? I would talk to him to really try to figure out why he's against them and try to ask the dr all the questions you can.





usmom3
by BJ on Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:07 PM

 I would have him go with you to that Dr. appointment & have the Dr. tell him how this will not get better. For me this would be a nonnegotiable thing if her eyes are bad she needs glasses & the chance of it getting better are higher if she has them then if she doesn't have them.

Linus77
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:46 PM

My son, now 15, needed glasses when he was five.  The teacher complained that he refused to answer questions, rubbed his eyes all the time, had headaches.  Turns out he was far-sighted.  Got him some glasses, and his behavior improved dramatically.  We had them two or three years, and he just outgrew them.  He doesn't need them at all now.

It's NOT a big deal to get glasses now.  If she outgrows them, she outgrows them.  Right now is what is important.  It'll help.  He can't change the needs of his daughter because he doesn't like it. 

kailu1835
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:52 PM
My parents were of the opinion that I would outgrow my near sightedness and I endured a year of squinting, migraines, and unable to see the chalkboard. I went from a -3 to a -4 in one year. Please feel free to share this story with your dh You would be doing her a huge disservice by not fixing this now. Being fat sighted and will be effected worse because she will be unable to focus on her school work which could affect her grades adversely. It would not be wise to just make her suffer.
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